We watched a movie but I honestly didn't understand what I was watching. I remember the first time Dylan and I met at church. This is the time when I am very down because of what is happening to my family. It was a time when a series of shocks came into our lives after my dad had an accident.
I was crying as I walked out of the church when I saw Dylan there with his friends. I was immediately distracted by the package he handed to a man. I'm not a fool to not know what that is. I was even scared when he approached me because I thought he was going to do something bad to me but he handed me a handkerchief and left immediately. Then I noticed that even when I was outside the church, my tears were still flowing.
Since then I have always seen him there until he introduced himself to me. We became friends and soon he proposed to me. Dylan actually knows why I accepted him then. Because he is generous with money and somehow he helps me.
But eventually, I also fell in love with him because he was always there to listen to my grievances in life. He listens without judgment and helps without recompense. He almost knows the story of my life but he never tires of listening to me especially when I want to emote. Even though it just comes out of my mouth over and over and sometimes all I do is cry, he still sympathizes with me.
Dylan didn’t force me or offer to sell because I voluntarily presented. Because I'm ashamed of what he just gave me. At first, he refused because he was afraid for my safety. Firstly because I am a woman and secondly she is not always there by my side to always watch over me. But I became persistent and said that was the only way I knew to help my family and him.
He can't just always give and I can't always ask. Sooner, he agreed. For a long time that I did this, he also trusted me to hold some. Something I have never seen or felt in others even in my Family. Someone to trust me as fully as I am and in my ability. Even in the wrong way I greatly appreciated it because someone trusted me.
My only complaint to Dyan is that when he bad mood or goes down the effect of drugs on him or he wants to sleep, he is hot-headed. At first, I didn't know everything which is why he sometimes hurt me. Sometimes I even end up in a big fight because I'm not used to being physically hurt so we beat each other even if I lose.
But when I learn that it only happens when he's in a mad mood I did not talk nor come with him, I was the one who adjusted. It's just a small thing because when he's ok, we're ok too. I just don't really accompany his bad mood like he doesn't accompany me too when I am not feeling ok.
Dylan was tender in the way he knew. Attentive and has a broad understanding. He also has a lot of advice and words of wisdom that will really impress you.
"Aren't you going to sleep yet?" I leaned my head on his shoulder.
"Later."
"Go to sleep and don't wait for me." I didn't answer him because I knew he couldn't really sleep now. I just closed my eyes as I leaned against him.
I WOKE UP EARLY and was surprised because I was already lying in bed. TSS! Maybe I actually fell asleep last night while leaning on Dylan. He didn't wake me up either and just carried me to the bed.
I got up to look for him but he seemed to have left. When I looked at my cellphone I saw the message from him.
‘Don’t forget to pass by Diks, I will pick you up later and we will go to Uncle Pao. There is money on the table for you to buy breakfast and take a taxi home.'
I didn't reply and I just fixed it to get ready for leaving.
When I finished. I decided to go home first. And I caught Mama combing papa. I just looked at them and did not greet them then go upstairs. Janel knocked on my door and asked if I would eat. But I still did not answer so she went down immediately and when she returned she brought coffee and bread.
I handed her the ten thousand that Dylan gave me and I also kept the one I got so that in case of an emergency I could grab something.
"Mia," Janel said so I looked at her who started crying again. “You don't have to take everything. If you are having a hard time, you can stop.” I grabbed her head and ruffled her hair.
"Small sacrifice, Janel, and I hope you don't follow me."
"I'm sorry, Mia, I can't do anything to help you."
“Just follow mama and papa. It's enough that only me is the headache. Is that ok?” She nodded at me. "I'll just rest and I'll go somewhere later."
I slumped my back on the bed as I looked around my room.
I looked at the displays in the room one by one and I just sighed. I smiled with a heavy heart as I gazed at the decorations my readers had given me back then. It seems like my readers have been confusing me lately but now they might not recognize me if I meet them.
I left them in the air and it hurt me. But it hurts more if I let them expect to be able to make them happy if I myself am too heavy for what I am going through. I haven't lost my passion for writing, I think it's in my blood. What I lost was the emotion I could give to readers. Because I write to be happy and to let go of my emotions.
So how can I do that now when I have been swallowed up by sadness, negativity, and pain and I feel numb. What emotion can I give to my story and how can I still run it. Above all what kind of story would I give them?
At noon I dressed and put on the t-shirt and ripped jeans that Dylan had given me that I had rushed to my laundry earlier. I just laughed as I looked at myself in the mirror.
You are different Mia, from the simple dress you always wore then now you literally look like a bystander.
My cellphone rang and I saw Dylan texting that he was downstairs so I peeked out the window and he waved at me.
When I came down I looked for them but there seemed to be no one. It's ok if I leave because I know no one will find me.
When I opened the door I was surprised by what I saw. Suddenly my chest throbbed and I felt my knees soften because someone was standing in front of me.
He looked at me from head to toe so I averted my gaze so he wouldn’t notice that I was shocked to see him.
"Mia," he mentioned my name.
"Jr!" Janel shouted, bringing my attention back.