“No, but I just thought it wouldn't be bad to let you go while I'm waiting. A lot can happen while I'm inside, Mia. You suddenly realize that the wind will blow differently on you. It will unfair if you're going to restrain yourself just because you promised to wait, aren’t you?”
"Are you saying I can't wait for you?" I can't blame him if he can't trust me because I didn't follow what he said. But splitting me doesn't seem to be right.
“It seems like that already. From what I've seen before, it's unlikely that will happen.” I was shaken by what he said and then smiled bitterly.
“Our situation is different from our situation. You were there for me during those times when I didn't know what to do. So I can't afford to throw away the ones we're together with right away just because he's already here if that's what you're thinking.”
"What if your life gets messed up again and I'm no longer by your side but him?" I am silent on his question because I did not know the answer. I only know one. I can't let him go just like that.
“I understand, Dy if you get angry because of what you saw. But do you really have to come to this decision?”
"Mia," he called softly to me while holding my hand. “All I want is for us both to be calm while I'm inside. Be free, and I will have nothing to think about while I am inside.”
“Dy, we can still be while you're inside. I will visit you.”
“Do you think I'll let you visit? It wasn’t easy for me to get in there. Drugs are the reason, Mia, and I don't want to heat you up there especially since no one really knows when I enter. There are still those in positions we do not know. It may be difficult to do anything else when you visit.”
“But is that reason enough for us to separate? Dy, I'm just out here waiting for you.”
"You told him that before." He sighed. “My decision is also for you. Just in case something changes out here while I'm gone, you won't have a hard time deciding because you didn't promise me anything.”
I want to fight him but it looks like his decision is complete. Another thing I understood was what he wanted to convey.
“I want to feel safe inside. I don't want to hold anything from you because I'll just think about it every day. Every day I wonder if anyone is really waiting for me or if you are really waiting. What if something doesn’t please me nicely, the boss, and I can’t get out right away or maybe not get out at all. How are you waiting for me?”
"I still can't accept your decision."
“Don't make us both feel bad. Just imagine if we really were even though I was still five years inside, we would still be when I came out.”
I want to cry because of his decision. I knew in myself that I loved him. I knew Dylan was a big loss in my life. Not because of the finances he could give but because of being himself. I don't even know how to continue without him.
I was surprised when he handed me something.
"What is this?" I asked in surprise when he handed me an envelope with the contents. Even though I haven't opened it yet, I know it's full of money.
"For starters, I really saved that for you."
"You need it more," I said then returned the money to him.
"Where will I use that, I'll give it away inside?"
"Dy."
“Take it and you need that more for your start. When I go inside you will no longer be handling the item.”
"Why?"
“Because I wanted to and I also told Uncle Pao. As long as you don't have me, you can't sell anything."
I raised my head so that my tears would not fall.
“Dylan, I will wait for you. Not even as your girlfriend but at least as a friend.”
"I know, just remember, don't rush into a decision." I nodded and he approached me and then hugged me.
"You really are an animal, this is probably the most painful thing you made me cry." I punched his chest lightly.
"It's ok, it's crying for your own good," he said then tightened his hug on me. "I love you so much, Mia, you know that."
My sobs got louder because of what he said.
"I love you so much too, Dy, be careful inside."
Thank you for everything Dylan. I want to disobey him but I can't because of his right. I will not promise anything. Because the last time I promised I also didn’t keep my promise and I knew how it hurts. I don’t want to hurt you because you didn’t do anything bad to me.
Thanks for freeing me. But I hope you don't forget that no matter what happens, I'm just here. Friend or girlfriend, I will still be waiting for you.
"Be good, ok?" I only nodded because all I could do was cry while hugging him.