“Miss Afar, the Chief Officer is calling you to his office.” our team leader said as he walked about, checking to see whether everyone was completing their jobs. I rose and straightened my skirt. It's short, and it appears like if I stroll, they will be able to view everything.
Others were staring at me since Adams called me more frequently. If it wasn't midday, I'd occasionally simply walk into the office and call me immediately. I'm worried because I am uncertain if I came out in soiled clothing one of the days that I went to his office, but I'm not confident. Nonetheless, I make every effort to be well-dressed when I leave his office. Sporadically he simply tells me to do “it”. Possibly, we'll attempt it again.
I ignored who was looking at me and went straight to his office. I don't know them, so I'm sure they won't make a big contribution to my life.
My stare was fierce as soon as his office door closed, since he appeared to be doing nothing. He didn't stop calling me. He should concentrate on what he is succeeding in.
Even though I was looking at him, he merely grinned. I'm used to everything we do, and I'm used to having him around. I feel it would be better not to say anything about how I feel about him because I have feet that are going away from people without me being conscious. Because of what has occurred to me in the past— I'm scared we'll end up hurting each other.
“Why do you call me all the time?! Do you have nothing else to do except call me every minute of the day?” I didn't leave behind his door. I just hung on to the handle, without raising my voice too loudly in case someone overheard us.
“Why? Is there a problem with that? I'm your boyfriend,” he continued, standing up and walking closer to me, but I let go of the handle because of what he said. My hand sagged and lost strength. It seemed as though his remarks had depleted all of my vitality. I lost all the blood in my body, particularly the blood in my face.
I averted my gaze and pulled his chest away from me as he moved his face near to mine. Even though I lacked strength, I attempted to keep his head away from me. I kept my mouth shut despite his astonished expression. I had no idea he assumed we were already in a relationship, while I was avoiding having to feel for him.
“W-what are you on about?”
I still don't turn my face forward because I'm afraid that if I do, I'll swallow the words that have been imprinted and carved in my brain. I'm frightened that if I give my heart to someone else again, they'll refine it after bleeding it.
“We are lovers, aren't we?” He held my waist, and no matter how much I pushed his chest, he never backed away.
I'm unable to respond or react. I don't want to upset him with my words, and I'm not sure how to convey them without hurting him. How could I tell him that the subject had never occurred to me?
He smelled my neck and pressed his lips against it. “When did it all start? Every time I see you, my heart beats quicker. I've never felt like this before. It appears frightening, yet it feels fantastic since it gives me a pleasant sensation in my heart. What is its name?”
He grabbed my hand in his and placed it on his chest, which now had a strong heartbeat. I bit the inside of my lower lip. I can't get caught up in what he's doing because I know one day he'll have to release go of my fingers, his heart will stop beating, and he'll stab me in the back. It's difficult to bet today because you don't know if it's worthwhile.
People always say that everything happens for a reason but … I hope, I know that reason.
I took my hand away from his and listened to my heartbeat. There's a widespread fear there. The past is resurfacing for me. But if I don't speak the truth now, there may come a day when I will be able to cause him much more misery.
"But … I don't feel the same way,” I said as I drew away, even though there was nothing to back down from. Because of what I stated, I felt his hold on me widen, and his face moves away from my neck. I swallowed many times, since I wanted to avoid saying anything to him that I would later regret.
I thought he would be hurt by what I said, but I was wrong. He smiled at me very broadly and seemed to have made an achievement. “It’s okay. I'll do everything so that you can feel how I feel for you.”
As I was stunned, he turned his back on me. But I also soon recovered and reacted to what he said. “, Please. Stop. I will never feel the way you feel for me,” I whispered as he turned away from me. I proceeded since he didn't look at me.
“If it's true that I can feel the same way you feel for me, why until now, I can't even admire for you?” I ask him. My heart has numerous gates and doors, and no one will be able to enter right away. Perhaps no one will be able to get in.
But it appeared to set him off, and he restrained his pained reaction. He turned around with a furious grimace on his face. It, too, vanished instantly, to be replaced by a sorrowful eye.
“Then why are you acting as if you don't want to be set aside when Samantha is with us? Why did you show me that you wanted to be at my side before? Why are you giving in to everything I want?” He was in front of me, not yelling, but every word he asked me pained me.
“Because I benefit from it. Come on. I need to deal with the issue with my body. You offer me threefold pay and all the pleasure I desire. You, too, are. It's something we both like. Everything is a game,” I shrugged, yet a few words would shatter my voice. I'm not sure where the falsehoods are or where the truth is in what I'm saying.
He began now, grinned cynically, and nodded as he grabbed his waist. “So you only use me.”
“We both use each other.” I point out.
“Get out.” was the last thing I heard him say before he stopped talking to me.