Alessia’s POV
I'm just here at my bed, with nothing else to do, but I know I'm hungry and don't want to go out. When Blade came out, he didn't come back or if he came back, I haven't heard from him because I was at the tub, soaked until my fingers and toes are wrinkled. I feel lifeless. I don't know why I went to this point but I know this is my choice, to lower myself and not raise myself again.
I just rolled on the bed because I have nothing else to do and I plan on staying up until I fall asleep. I don't know but I sort of feel like crying but I restrained myself and ask what's the use? Even if I cry, I don't have any opposed for what I have done, because the damage has been long done and I knew that if I don't make a way for what I want to happen, like making my feelings clear, I'll stay like this.
Staying like this is okay because I chose not to ruin something they treasure.
I messed up my hair.
"ARRRRGHHHH"
Then I slapped myself. I look like a mad man, but even though I know it's wrong, why do I feel like I'm trying to get Blade back? But I thought again what Dred said. I should make this easy for me. Just act normally as if nothing had happened.
I sat down and sort of visualized myself, my messy hair, and my lifeless life. I started to stand up to tell my main maid that I wanted food. I combed my hair and I was so lazy. I really felt so heavy. But I would like to take my next step. I will not choose to be like this for the rest of day feeling lifeless.
"Auntie Edna." I shouted as I went downstairs. I was wearing shorts and a simple shirt. I also put my hair in a high ponytail.
I was already down when she approached me, and she had an apron. Maybe my timing was perfect because she’s already cooking, which is great because I can smell the food and then I felt so hungry.
"I was already wondering of asking you to cook for me, and I guess my timing was perfect. I’m so hungry auntie. "
“Yes ma'am, Sir also cooked and it was on the table but, I received a message that I should cook another portion for you because you might not like to eat the food he prepared.” Edna told me
Of all the people I have met, he is the most thoughtful, but what’s the use of implying these now? We’re not even together. So why? He’s making this harder for me, and I don’t like this. Then, I was searching for him wondering if he’s inside the mansion, but I didn't ask. There was no reason to ask.
"Ma’am? Should I continue cooking? " She asked me
"Yes, please." I smiled at her
And she seemed to frown as if she didn’t like the idea of cooking, as if she was used to Blade’s cooks our food, and he's right. I shouldn't give maids special treatments because they’ll be like that; they think we're too easy for them to manipulate, but I know not all maids are like that.
While waiting for the food to be cooked, I just laid down on the sofa and thought of going out. Dred was the first thing to enter my brain, but I knew Blade would get angry, but what the heck. It’s not like it matters to him, so I scrolled through my contacts and called Dred’s number, but it said that I should leave a message after the beep, so I sent a message.
"Are you free today? Let’s have a drink with Karla and Clarize. " Then ended the call.
I was texting Karla and Clarize. It's been ages since I saw them and luckily they agreed, and I was waiting for Dred's response. Then Edna called me and said that my food was ready, so I went to the kitchen and saw what Blade had prepared, covered with cloth and there was a note that said "I'm sorry."
I didn’t bother of checking what is inside and I feel sorry because I can’t accept it and sorry for having the decision to cut your ties to me. I don’t know, I felt sorry for not eating the meal he made, but I'm too lifeless to make efforts.
I just ate silently, having mixed thoughts, then I received a message from Dred telling me.
“I'm away for some business. I'm sorry I can't join you and for not answering your call as well.”
That made me frown, but that’s okay, it will be a girl’s night out themed and I’m ready to drink, but not for the sake of not having Blade. I just didn’t want to drown in my thoughts alone. I’ve been dreadful and lost for words.
When I finished eating, I put what I had used in the sink and glanced at Blade's food and the sorry note that was on top of the cloth and felt an ache, but I just dined, and I don't really have the habit of using things from people I resent the most.
And I resent him now. For no apparent reason, just resenting him. I went upstairs and just waited for about 7 pm because we would meet, and I entered the closet room, remembering what happened here and how I wanted him to touch me again.
I sat in front of the mirror and realized that I was imagining how he would touch and kiss me while I stayed seated.
I was crying for feeling something that wasn’t there visually, and eventually I was moaning as I started to imagine things like how he touched me, and I tried holding myself and found out that I was wet down there.
And I tried gliding my fingers through my vulva and that made me moan more, but I stopped myself. This isn’t right. But as I continue to hold myself and cover my mouth so as not to let go of my moan, because please I knew I am thinking of Blade, but this isn’t right at all. And I started crying this somehow felt right but I knew what I was thinking and doing was wrong, but on the other hand, I wanted him.
To touch me again.
But I cleared my thoughts and called Karla and Clarize to meet me as soon as possible. This loneliness is making me crazy.