This chapter has emotional triggers, if you are not feeling well today or have any kind of problem with chapters that deal with this subject, please don't read it!
I had already read two of the five books that Cecilia had lent me, I would arrive sharp for our book meeting. I was happy to have a friend to share my good and bad moments with, I know it will be a while before Friday arrives but I will make sure to tell her about Mr. Dario, my friend deserves to know the truth about the wedding because I am sure Mr. Dario will not tell her.
As my mother asked me put the meat to roast and made the Italian pasta the way she taught me, showered getting well dressed as she asked before going to the mansion. I was waiting for her or my brother's arrival sitting in the living room also waiting for the surprise visit that mama mentioned yesterday, I heard a knock on the door imagining that it would be my brother who surely forgot the key as usual but unfortunately it was not.
- Blondie, you look beautiful!
It was hard not to cry when I saw that monster in front of me, he was all dressed up and wearing the perfume I hated so much, that aroma was present in the air making me sick, Caetano was looking at me from top to bottom as if he was savoring every part of my body. I wanted to die at that moment but I knew that sooner or later he would come after me.
- Aren't you going to invite me in, blondie?
I let him in, Caetano didn't look drugged yet I'm very afraid of him and it wouldn't be wise to make him nervous. I sat on the couch holding the hem of my dress very tightly while Caetano kept looking at me with that look I hated, he sat in an armchair facing me holding his privates in a very depraved manner.
- Blondie, I know I took my time but I'm going to do the right thing! Mr. Dario has given his blessing now that he is Don, we can finally be together.
I left him talking without saying anything, before Caetano had been secretly hurting me, now with the new Don's blessing he could do his evil deeds without any shame.
- You know I've already planned everything, blondie. You must see the house I bought for us, it's really beautiful, I know I forced you to take birth control but you can stop from now on, I want to have many children, a large family as it should be.
I remember when he gave me my first course of birth control saying that I couldn't get pregnant before it was time because everyone would know that I was no longer a virgin and would be dirty in front of the family.
For a long time I have had no control over my life, Caetano does and undoes me as he sees fit as if I were nothing. He stood up and sat down next to me, holding my trembling hands as I stared at the floor, trying to think of something else, but it was impossible.
- I miss you so much, blondie, I know your brother will be a while and your mommy is too busy cooking dinner for the parents of Don's future wife so we have some time to be together!
- No, please, I don't want to be with you!
He lifted my face and dried my tears with his thumb, smiling as he did so.
- Blondie, you can't deny me, now that I'm going to be your husband, more than ever you have to obey me!
I knew my feeling wasn't wrong, Caetano had achieved what he wanted so much to keep me tied to him for the rest of my life. He began to lift my dress, kissing my neck, but I wanted to vomit in disgust at that horrible being touching me.
He calmly removed my panties as if in no hurry to do harm to me, I was already in a state of shock without having any notion of anything else as at other times is as if my soul left my body and only my shell was there to serve the disgusting desires of Caetano Pacino.
He took me to my room doing what he wanted to me as always but this time there was no more pain, sadness, guilt or any other feeling just a great emptiness inside me like a hole that was opening bigger and bigger and that swallowed all the hope, joy, faith and love I could have. There was only emptiness and nothing else!
- I love you, blondie, I know we'll be happy together!
Caetano stroked my hair while kissing my face, he got out of bed wearing his beautiful Italian suit, I stared at the ceiling, clutching the sheets tightly.
- I'll wait for you in the living room, dinner smells good from here, I knew your mama would ask me to make roast beef, I asked her to because it's my favorite food, I'm sure you'll be a good wife and mother, blondie, don't be late, your brother will be here soon!
I waited for him to leave so I could go to the bathroom looking at my reflection of a naked, dirty and used woman, because deep down that's what I am, when suddenly I saw the image of Nathaniel crying behind me.
- Why did you let me die, Luana? I loved you so much, but I died because of you!
- I know, Nathaniel, but I will solve this, my love, I swear I will, it's my fault, but I already know how to pay for what I have done. You will see!
I took all the insomnia pills and other depression pills I was taking and swallowed them all at once, seeing my love's beautiful smile. He was happy that now I was doing the right thing.
- Did you see, Nathaniel? Now you can rest in peace, my beautiful love, forgive me for everything, I love you!
My soul was leaving this world, but I was leaving happy because I would not suffer or feel pain, I would pay for my sins by leaving this cruel and hopeless world. The previous things had already passed, there would only be light and peace for me, at last there would be rest from this life so suffered.
Cecilia
- You are quieter today, what was my toy?
After everything I saw I realized how dangerous Dario is, he wouldn't think twice before taking my life, he is a heartless monster, incapable of loving anyone. As much as my heart still loves this man, staying by his side would be my death sentence there is nothing I can do but try to escape him.
- Is it you, sir, I'm just tired!
We were lying on the bed after another session of the rough and savage sex we had a few hours ago, my arms were purple from Dario's squeezing of them and my face was burning from the various slaps I had received. I looked at his hands observing the thick gold ring, he is engaged to be married but has not made a point of telling me. Dario Albertini doesn't have an ounce of consideration for me sharing his bed, I always knew this would happen one day but it hurts so much to know that I mean nothing to him.
- I understand, I just don't like to see her so quiet but I already know how to solve this!
He took a beautiful burgundy velvet box showing a jewel, it looked like a kind of choker but what really caught my attention was the small padlock that served as a beam along with two small keys.
- I know you're curious to know what it is, my toy! Come on, ask me.
- I know it's a jewel, but I don't know why the bundle is a padlock.
Dario smiled, coming toward me and positioned himself behind me, placing the choker around my neck and closing it with the padlock; unlike Lucrezia, who loved to win jewelry, he preferred books a thousand times over.
- This padlock is to lock your collar, my toy, this is not a simple piece of jewelry, as I am your owner it is only natural that you wear a collar so that you always remember when you look at it that I am your sole owner and master.
Pretending and disguising the feelings were fantastic skills that only I had. I let my most beautiful smile appear on my lips as if I were happy to have won this Greek gift, but deep down I wanted to scream, cry, and kick him for feeling that he owns me even though he is marrying another woman.
- I am glad to see that you like your collar, the keys stay with me, my beautiful toy! This is the first one I intend to give you of the many I have already ordered to adorn your beautiful neck. You've been a good girl doing everything the way I like, accepting everything willingly, always so docile and obedient, with you I'm myself without having to pretend or lie, do you understand that?
I shook my head and received his affection, I was nothing more than a dog for Dario. No wonder he put a collar on me to engrave it firmly in my mind that I'm his pet and that he can do whatever he wants with me because that's what I'm for. This gesture and damn gift only gives me more strength to run away from this life, to start over, away from all this madness.