I sat on the floor with my son for a long time, I only realized that hours had passed when my parents and Saul showed up and soon Nina's parents had also arrived, not believing that their daughter had taken her own life, at first they wanted to blame me for what their daughter had done, but my father soon tried to put them in their place.
The worst part is that I knew I was partly to blame for Nina's death, I did not love her and this determined her life forever. Nina may have wanted to kill herself because she knew that our life as a couple would be hell until one of us died, so she chose this path.
- Son, hand over Valentine to me, you have to take care of the wake.
I didn't want to give the boy up, now he only had me and nobody else, I may have destroyed his mother's life but I promised him that he would not stay as me, so I have to take care of him even though this seems absurd to me.
- No, Valentine stays with me, he needs me, my son belongs with me.
Everyone looked at me as if I was crazy, but I wasn't crazy, I just didn't want to be away from the boy, he couldn't suffer because I know that if he is at the mercy of suffering and pain he will be like me, and I don't want that. I got up from the floor together with my son, still unable to hold him but knowing that he would only have me from now on.
- Caetano, I want you to arrange a wake and burial for Nina, something intimate and private, let the others in the family know that we are in official mourning, as is expected for this type of situation.
- You damned bastard, what are you going to tell the family? Nina killed herself because of you, you wretch!
I understood Valentine's anger but I am still the Don of this family so what I say is still law.
- Valentine, if you want, I will tell the family how you sold your daughter for power! Don't be silly, Nina knew what she was getting into when she married me, she expected something from me that she would never get and she killed herself because she couldn't stand the idea of living with me. I did not kill Nina, I may have contributed to it in some way, but I did not put the gun in her hand, I was not the one who shot her in the head, and don't come along now as a concerned father because you are not, even your wife and you have always been stingy and selfish, making Nina your image and likeness. It is better that everyone knows that she was killed with a shot in the head by an attempt on her life than to know that she killed herself, you will keep quiet if you don't want to know me in the worst possible way. Be rational, the longer we wait to carry out the procedures the more suspicions we will raise, the presence of the police in these cases is always bad.
Everyone was scared except my father and Caetano, they knew I wasn't joking. My son slept calmly in my arms because maybe he understood that I was the only one left to take care of him.
- Son, since you don't want to give him to me, let me teach you how to catch him!
My mother cradled Valentine in my arms while she smiled in that maternal way that only Dona Bettina could. In the midst of all this horror, my mother managed to be attentive and affectionate to me even though I made no effort to be a good son to her.
After I commissioned Caetano to take care of the wake and funeral while I organized everything to move out of my apartment, after what had happened there was no condition to stay in that place, I thought about a new house or even the mansion where I was so happy with Cecilia.
- You and I will have to leave this place, we will live in a place far from here but very special for me.
My son began to stir on my lap, opening his eyes to me, and I noticed how much he looked like me even as he frowned while watching me.
- Don't you frown at me, boy! I am your father and you owe me respect, I know you are like this because we are not very close yet but I am quite authoritarian and quite strict but don't worry, I will try to be more understanding with you, I will be different only with you and nobody else.
He smiled while watching my soldiers packing my things for the move, the mansion was the place where I was truly happy but I didn't know how to recognize it, it's funny how we only appreciate it when we lose. Now I understand the emptiness I have felt since the day I threw Cecilia out of my life, she somehow stirred something inside me that I thought had died a long time ago.
Nina's parents had already left realizing that they would have nothing more from me and there was no reason to stay. Their daughter's body was already being prepared for the wake, leaving only me, my parents and Saul. They looked at me like I was crazy, but I have never been as mentally well as I am now, seeing things clearly that I didn't see or didn't want to see.
- Stop looking at me like that! Let's be practical, Nina was unhappy and took her own life, I am now a widower with a small boy to raise so I need to take care of him, instead of getting all surprised looks, you can at least fulfill your simple obligation to support Don.
- Man, don't you have a heart? Your wife just took her own life and you are calm as if nothing happened? The mother of your child killed herself in front of you and you don't even seem to care.
Nina suffered beside me not knowing how to deal with rejection, I know that I am guilty for her death in parts but I never promised her a love that I could not give.
- You know I really have no heart, yet I am aware of the things that have happened here today as well as the share of blame I have but I am alive with a boy who depends on me. I need to be logical and practical, you know how I am so I just want the expected support like Don from the family.
- Bettina and Saul, please leave, I need to talk to Dario in private!
My mother and brother left, leaving only my father, me and the boy alone. I'm sure he wanted to give me some kind of lecture as usual, but contrary to what I thought, he took my son on his lap against my wishes, rocking the boy lovingly.
- He looks a lot like you when he was little, his mother didn't love me, on the contrary after what I did she lived in the automatic doing everything but being unhappy in her function as the Don's wife, she found out she was pregnant yet her mother was still unhappy, I was crazy about her but during that time her mother hated me after all we had always been friends and I took advantage of that to abuse her, I was the monster that took Bettina away from the love of her life but I couldn't bear the thought of not having her by my side. I am telling you this story so that you will know that your mother when you were born could not bear the idea of having a child by me, she rejected you the first months.
That information was too much for me, I never imagined that she didn't want me because the memories I have of her were always of care, love and affection.
- She hated you, I remember what Bettina said to this day, she asked to take you away from her because she hated the boy that had been born from her for being a piece of me. It was understandable everything she felt, you didn't deserve her love but it wasn't your fault, but you ended up being the target of her disdain and hatred for me, during your first six months of life, Bettina didn't take care of you as a good mother does, she only fulfilled the function of breastfeeding you, that's all, but I noticed her desolate face every time she needed to do that. Your grandmothers were the ones who changed your diapers and nurtured you, and no matter how hard she tried to make your mother understand the sacred role God gave her, Bettina didn't want to accept you as her son. One day you cried a lot, no one would make you stop, Bettina refused to go see you, I tried to calm you down but somehow you wanted your mother and not me, when Bettina came into your room you kept waiting for her to pick you up but she didn't do that she just stood there watching you cry, I left you in your crib and left the room locking your mother inside, I know it was a cruel action however there were many things that deserved my attention I could not stay there waiting until she had initiative, I took a trip a day later returning only after a month but before I gave orders that your mother was fed and treated well but that she continued locked with you in that room. When I returned and unlocked the door I found you and her lying together on the bed while she stroked your blond hair and kissed your cheek tenderly, trapped in that room she could learn to love you. You must be wondering why I told you this, I told you this story so that you could understand that in times of adversity we find the true meaning of love, there is no doubt that you lost this capacity after you killed Florencia but there are other ways to love. I made mistakes with your mother several times but she was able to forgive me and live with our cursed past in her own way, I truly hope that you can forgive yourself for your mistakes and can learn to live with your past as your mother and I did. I imagine your son will help you with that, about the support you commented a few minutes ago know that you will always have it in me. I believe you will change your attitudes from now on!
My father took Valentine in my arms again and left in the direction of the exit, but before he said what I didn't imagine he would say.
- I am sorry for what happened, but not for what Nina did but for the girl that she kept in the mansion, I know that she is dead and I am also aware that I was in love with her even though I didn't assume it. Son, life is full of many choices that can change the course and paths we follow forever, unfortunately you chose wrong to marry Nina and abandon that girl in the brothel but you need to deal with the choices you made as difficult as they may be, I know that I pressured you to get married, have a family and get rid of that girl but I never imagined that this would change the course of your life forever. I hope that one day you can forgive me for what I did, it was not my intention, I just wanted you to find your heart again but everything happened in the opposite way than I imagined. I ask you to forgive me, my son.
I just kept quiet, because I had nothing to say, my day had been very difficult and now I had to face my new reality of a widowed man, of a father and of someone more bitter with life than before.