After I was sure that he left, I decided to go and watch a movie. It's been a while since I have left home. I want to go home as well, but Mother and Father went to another country for some business matters. It's alright it can happen later. I smiled as I took a seat and began to watch the movie. After the movie, I decided to have lunch outside. An outdoor time alone never hurts. I looked at my hands and smiled sadly.
"After giving scars to my heart, why do you ask about the well being of my injured heart? "
I went home. After dinner, I was in the library reading some random stuff to pass time. I got lost in the book that I lost track of time. I looked at the time 12:30 am. It's late, I should be sleeping. I walked out of the room. I was about to leave but I heard music- the sound of a flute to be precise. I walked closer to listen clearly. This sound was familiar. I creaked the door open and peeked inside only to see Desmond playing the flute. I recognized that sound; A thousand Years.
This song is my favorite. I always listen to that song thinking how I'm gonna meet the love of my life and when I do I can't say it's something I have expected. Whenever I listen to this song it always makes me feel strange. But now, I feel heartbroken. I leaned on the wall and wrapped my arms around my waist. The melody invoked a feeling of heartbreak in my heart. I closed my eyes and comprehended the sound of the flute.
I sat on the ground and leaned my back on the wall. I closed my eyes. The harmony of the song fills me.
What kind of situation am I stuck in? I am loving someone who can't even love me back... but why?
I am trying so hard to win his love. How I am dying for my husband to look at me with affection and listen to the melodious sound of the flute played by my husband... hoping the lyrics might be directed to me.
I closed my eyes and remembered the day we met, how he smiled at me. How he kissed my hands. How he picked me up and took me home on our honeymoon. How he said those comfy things sometimes. I smiled at the memories that give me hope for the beautiful tomorrow that one day, He'll look at me with affection. I began to think about scenarios that will never gonna happen. I lost in my misconceptions again, forgetting about the harsh reality that we are meant for each other. Before I knew it, I fell asleep while listening to music.
My eyes flutter open, I look around and find myself in my room. I tried to shift but couldn't. I felt someone's grip on me. I was about to freak out but I turned around and saw Desmond. My whole face turns crimson. Desmond's one hand is on my waist pulling me close to him. While his other hand is under his cheek. He was sound asleep. I stare at his sleeping form for a while. I smiled to myself. I hesitantly put my hands over his. His hand is warm. I grinned like an idiot. His hands are so rough. I felt so warm in his embrace. I don't know why but I felt safe in his arms. Unlike his presence, when he is awake, that always fills me with terror. Not wanting to lose his warmth, I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.
****
It's been months since our marriage and it looks like I am not getting anywhere. Desmond's behavior is the same as always cold, rude and filled with mock. It seriously broke my heart. He opens his mouth only to ridicule me. Who knows how long I can hold this loveless marriage? I tried my best but it always ends up angering him, one way or another. I smiled at him, he scoffed. I tried to make some conversation but he scolds me in the end. I cried and he glared at me to shut me up. But, I am not going to lose hope. I'll try my best as long as I can. I will do my best to be loved by him. At least, I also deserve to be loved...
I was swinging in the garden. I wonder when Desmond's birthday? I sighed and began to hum. It's been six months since our marriage. It's almost June. The Summer season will start soon and Desmond didn't even allow me to wear summer clothes. I think he is closing all my ways to reach his heart on purpose. Why is he pushing me away? It's ridiculous, he just doesn't like me. I am not his type either. He doesn't love me. There's nothing more to this. Then why does he say he can't love me? He is pushing me into the abyss by these unclear talks of him.
I sighed and went inside. Today is Sunday and as always, he has locked himself in his studies. Sometimes I think that for him, the house consists of his studies and room. I went to the dining hall and saw no one.
"Where is Desmond?"I asked Savannah.
"He is in his studies." I smiled and went to his study room.
I forgot to knock. I pushed the door open. The moment I opened it, a vase crashed into me. I let out a cry. I looked in the direction where it came from. Desmond looked at me with wide eyes. He instantly regrets doing that. An instant regret is shown in his eyes. It's something he rarely shows-especially for me. He walked towards me.
"YOU IDIOT! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO KNOCK!?"