After bidding farewell to mother and father, I and Desmond sat in the car and left. I wiped my tears and looked out of the window. My whole being is filled with terror. The dread is eating me up. I shivered at the thought of what might happen to me. On the other hand, I am so perplexed. Why is Desmond making things that complicated? He can finally be freed from this marriage. He didn't even show a single shed of sorrow. I need to know. Putting my fright aside, I took a deep breath and began to say,
"Why... Do you let me go in the first place? If you want to humiliate me, you should have done this using other ways. Not, by doing all this... Not by degrading me in everyone's eyes... What do you want? Can't you liberate me from this hell? I gave you a chance to throw away a person weak as me out of your life, you should have let our divorce happen and part our ways rather than starting another fire of hate and heartbreak. " I spoke in a low broken voice. This is probably the longest sentence I have told him. I felt his gaze on me. I shut my eyes, not wanting to feel that look, which made me so ashamed in front of everyone, not wanting to feel the tingling sensation of his touch which gave me immense dread in me.
"This will be a lesson for you. That you can't leave me, unless I said so and yeah, I can't extricate you.", that was his only reply.
"But, the con-" He cut me off by saying,
"You'll be abided by my rules, not the contract." He said sternly. My eyes are still shut.
"You hate me. Please let me go.." I whispered. He stopped the car and slammed his hand on the steering. I squeak in terror.
"Damn it, Ester, I don't hate you!" He yelled. "You do!" I shouted. "You have hated me since the moment we met, since the moment I agreed to marry you. You wanted to push me out of your life and when It's happening then why are not letting me go."
"Because I can't! I can't let you go, damnit!" He said in an anguish tone, shaking his head, letting out shallow breaths to calm himself. I narrowed my eyes at him and leaned in, "You know why?" I asked in a low voice, he turned his head to me as I continued, "Because you love seeing me desperate, subjugated and miserable. You love my tears." I humiliated him.
The rest of the drive was silent. We reached home and I got out and went to, once again; our room. Savannah greeted me, I passed a soft smile and left for my room. I looked out of the window as I leaned on the wall.
Why are you doing this to me? I don't get it. He gets the property. Why is he still bounding himself in this marriage? I asked to annul this marriage, so why isn't he letting me go? Does he like terrorizing me that much? Or perhaps he still wants to show his dominance. What is it that he couldn't get enough of me? Was it My Terror? My subjugation? My love? Well, love is something I can never expect from him.
He doesn't love me. I just can't understand him. What he'll gain by this marriage?
My thoughts were interrupted as he entered the room. I glanced at him for a second and then looked out of the window. I hugged my sides tightly and shut my eyes. I felt him walking toward me. Please go away. Please go away. Please go away. Please leave.
"Open your eyes" he ordered. I inhaled deeply and slowly opened my eyes and met his gaze. My blue eyes show a mixed emotion distraught with fear, heartbreak and distress.
He put his hand on the window frame and leaned a little.
"If I recall correctly, You refuse to carry out my order.." His voice is almost threatening.
That's why I don't want to come home. My blood turned cold. My whole being went numb. My grip on my sides became firm. My body shivered when he put his other hand on my shoulder. I decided to break the stare as I looked away. He is still the same cold and ruthless Desmond. His hand traveled down to my hand as he said,
"Shall I punish you like last time?" My body trembled at his touch. My mind is clouded by his fright. A soft pant was released by my lips. I shook my head 'no'. He held my hand. My whole body quivered. My heart stopped. But, what startled me was that he held my hands affectionately. His thumb is rubbing circles around my palm.
"Did it hurt?" He asked. The sound of hurt is lingering in his voice. But, I am far too scared. Who knows what he'll do. He did the same last time as well. When I gave in; in his fake affection, He let out all his hatred.
"A lot..." My voice came out like a whisper. I looked down."You hurt me." I said, staring into his eyes and averted my gaze again. He pulled my hand close to him as he kissed my palm. I quickly pulled my hand away from him. I will never fall for his trap. His heart has nothing but loath for me. His form is filled with regret- too much to my astonishment. He narrowed his eyes on me.
"Don't..." I whispered, putting my hands close to my chest. Telling him not to touch me.
"Ester I-"
"Not my hands." I said. He gave me a bewildered look and asked, "For what?"
"Don't hit my hands."