Thor's POV
Eric is driving me crazy.
Kane is driving me crazy.
My mate is driving me crazy.
All my men are driving me crazy.
Or maybe the problem is just me?
I don't know which it is. What I know for a fact is that something is seriously wrong with me and I can't quite place my hand on what it is yet.
I just feel... disconnected.
I'm feeling as if I've been disconnected from an integral part of myself. Something so important that I feel useless without.
'Something!... Something!... Something!...' I continually repeat the word to myself wonderingly as I pace around in frustration.
'What the fuck is this important something I'm disconnected from that my brain can't grasp anymore!?...
What!?...
What is it!?...
What the fuck is it!?...'
I continually ask myself but no answer comes to me. I search my brain for the answer. I feel this SOMETHING is very close but still, I can't reach it. My brain feels to me like a difficult puzzle that I can't solve no matter how hard I try.
I growl out loudly in frustration then, sweeping everything on a desk nearby to the floor. The noise of the computer and every other thing that was on the desk crashing to the floor make Henrik and Ivar rush back into the room
"General!?"
"Is everything okay!?"
They ask, looking with concern from me to the mess on the floor. I sent them out of my sight some minutes ago but now they're back to continue breathing down my neck and giving me that strange look.
It's the same strange look I saw on Eric's face before he ran off to god knows where. The look that further gave me confirmation that something is definitely wrong with me.
I need Eric. My best friend knows me the most, even more than I know myself. I need him right now to help me figure out myself like how he did when I witnessed the death of our parents. I need him to help me figure out this difficult puzzle– this SOMETHING, before it drives me crazy but the idiot is nowhere to be found.
"Eric back yet?" I ask no one in particular
"No General!"
"No sir, he's not!"
They both reply at the same time.
"Fucking dickhead!" I swear and kick the computer that still looks intact so hard it hits the opposite wall. The force instantly shatters its screen.
I take a deep breath to calm myself
"Where's Bear?" I ask again.
"Standing guard by the door, General," Henrik replies to me this time and I nod.
"Yes, someone has to stand guard... It's important that someone stand guard... It's safe actually... Eric is the only one missing now among the five of us... Ran off without telling me anything... That fucking bastard!... Can you believe that dick head!... Uhhhh, I feel like putting my head through a wall right now... Oh fucking hell, I want to kill Eric!..."
I stop talking when I realize I'm beginning to ramble like a crazed man and the strange look on my men's face has softened to the one of concern. Just what the fuck is the matter with them!?
Back then when Eric and I just arrived in Denmark. We watched my uncle handpick three boys about our age out of many that were lined up to train together with us. We watched them train earlier and I wondered why he picked them since they weren't the strongest out of the lot nor the best at hand-to-hand combat
I later found out the reason as we grow from boys to men... These men are fiercely loyal. Though we're not equal in status, they became my friends.
Eric, Henrik, Ivar, and Bear won't hesitate even for a moment to die for me and I'll always do whatever it takes to make sure I don't ever put them in that kind of situation.
I found solace in them before but now, I wonder why they can't give me comfort. As I pace in agitation for what I don't understand, Henrik and Ivar stay out of my way but watch me intently. I see on their faces that they wish there was something they could do to help me calm whatever demons I'm battling within me. I also wish for their help so badly but it seems there's nothing they can do for me this time.
Ash... My mate. My Luna. My Queen... The woman that I've grown to love within these few days. She's in the best position to calm me down. Her essence would have been like a soothing balm to my restless mind. It would have helped me figure out that which appears too difficult for me to understand but...
There's something about her that confuses me a great deal. I'm not sure– I don't know how that can be but she seems different. It seems as if the Ash I know is different from the one I see today.
I've come to terms with the fact that
my mate is still in her blooming stage. I've accepted that she's a work in progress because of how she was raised to be clueless about who she really is...
Then I met her this morning and she's suddenly fully matured... Her essence– there's even something different about her essence. It still smells as wonderful as ever but too strong. Kinda forceful and overwhelming. It drew me in but wasn't soothing enough and doesn't linger in the air around me like it always does when we part. There's something else that I noticed; she's now soft, gentle as if she's lost her spunk.
I don't know if my imagination is playing tricks on me. I don't know if I noticed all these changes in her because of my disconnected and jumbled-up state of mind... Hell! I don't fucking know anything. I'm not sure about anything anymore. I'm just going crazy.
I stop pacing and sit on a sofa inside the office. Since the arena belongs to Silver Moon Pack, all the staff using this office have been asked to close for the day so we can make use of the place in the meantime.
"I need a drink. Go get me one..." I say as I lean back into the deep couch with my eyes closed
"But General, you don't drink! I don't think you should have one, especially not at this moment" Henrik replies with concern but concern is not what I need right now. I need something that will help calm me down till I fall asleep. Maybe everything will be back to normal when I wake up.
"I don't drink before but I do now so get to it and please don't make me ask the second time!"
"Yes, General," He replies and left. Even though my eyes are closed when I made the command, he knew from my tone of voice that I meant business
"General, maybe we should start going to the mansion. You didn't have much sleep last night, maybe all you need is rest?" Ivar suggest
"Yes I know but that will be after I have that drink," I reply. I smell his ploy to keep me away from the drink I asked for.
"Hey, man!..." My eyes fly open when I hear Eric's voice.
"About time," I say, scowling at him.
"What happened here?..." He asks, looking from me to Ivar and the mess of computers and other stuff on the floor.
"Are you okay?" He frowns, his gaze now fully focus on me.
"Yes Eric, I feel like Christmas, couldn't you tell?" I reply sarcastically.
"I'm sorry I came late but what happened to your eyes.? Didn't you guys notice his eyes?" He worriedly asks Ivar
"Yeah. We thought it was because he was restless. We didn't tell him about it because we did not want him to worry. We were waiting for your arrival"
"When did you notice... "
"Excuse me." I interrupt him "I assume you guys are discussing my eyes here, not some five-year-olds?... What the fuck happened to them?"
"We need to get you to bed right now. I'm sure it will be back to normal if you take a rest..."
"Shut the fuck up right now Eric and tell me what is the matter with my eyes!" I glower at him
Eric sighs deeply before replying to my question.
"They're one part wolf and one part feral... I'm afraid you might be going feral, Thor!"