Athena Ramirez
Fear is the most normal emotion any human would feel when they're in certain position or situations and right now the type of fear that coursed through my veins are the ones that she had buried deep inside of her. The fear that had lurk at the curtain of the fantasy she had just started enjoying and accepting but now it seems that fear has come to realization. I couldn't help but swallow as I try to steal a glance at Eros..
He was emitting a cold vibe that screamed he didn't want to be anywhere around her and that also screamed what she didn't noticed before when he had walked up to her and told her they had to leave. The look of regret was evident in his face now, The car finally pulls up five minutes after Eros calls the driver. The five minutes that seems like eternity because of the uncomfortable silence, I feel embarrassed by the way he rushed us out of there. Like I’m a child who threw a fit in a grocery store and had to be yanked out so I wouldn't embarrass him. The driver opens the door up for us. I get in first while Eros stands waiting for me. I’m surprised he does something so gentlemanly, considering his clearly agitated state. He gets in after me, and we pull away from the curb.
We sit in the limo, drowning in silence. None of us uttering a word to eachother, there’s no laughing or playful banter. It’s completely different than the ride to the restaurant. It’s as if a different person is now in the car with me. Someone cold and distant. Someone I really don’t know at all. Something is seriously wrong. He was fine until he went to the toilet. Did he get a phone call when he was in the bathroom? Was it business related? I want him to tell me what’s going on. He’s hiding something.
Suddenly the silence seems to be some kind of torture and I just had to ask him straight hope.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him and I won’t just settle for ‘nothing’. It’s tearing me apart that he won’t just tell me what’s happening. I thought we had made enough progress...
“Nothing,” he says but there’s a bitter tinge to his voice.
This is driving me crazy. One minute I had mentally prepared myself for our date tonight and Now, I don’t know if things between us are heating up or cooling down. If this doesn’t work out, I’ll have to quit my job and move away. I’ll have to start all over. What about troy what's going to happen to him, and the bills and school and the mortgage payment for the studio apartment she took.
Oh Lord!
“Please, Just talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.” I’m not trying to sound like I’m begging or anything, but desperation creeps into my voice. He’s totally shutting me out, and I don’t know what to say to get through to him.
“It’s really nothing, okay?” he says, staring out of the window.
I’m getting more and more upset with him. Is it too much to want to know what the hell is going on? One moment everything was perfect, and the next, he has become this cold stranger. My mind goes into overdrive. Maybe he went to the restroom because he was having second thoughts about me. Or he suddenly realized he didn’t actually like me, after all. Maybe this is what all the women in his life get when he is done with them. Maybe it was all in my head. I was always just another notch on his bedpost.
This last thought hurts, and the pain motivates me to keep pressing him.
“Can you please tell me what the hell is going on before I lose my damn mind in this car with you?"I suddenly screamed scaring the out of myself and him. He paused to look at me and then Eros ignores me. He just stares out the window, avoiding my gaze. Like this is just some fling he’s had, and he desperately wants me to go away. This is bullshit, and I want to call him out on it. I want to tell him he’s being a complete asshole, and I don’t deserve this shit. Not from him. Not from anybody. Maybe I just shouldn’t care. Maybe I should turn cold and distant like he is. But I do care.. Plus, the way he spoke to me really bothers me. I turn my head to look out the window, puzzled and hurt. I just want to get back to the hotel and not have to deal with any of this.
I feel his hand on my leg, and whirl my head around to look at him.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “It’s a long story, and one I have never shared with anybody. It has to do with my father.”
This issue, whatever it is, is clearly personal and painful. I want to place my hand on his to comfort him, but I don’t because my feelings are still hurt. I don’t want him to feel like I’m pressuring him, but I do want to know. I want to know what his father has to do with me. “Will you tell me?”
Eros winces, then looks out the window, like he can’t face me. “When I was little, I looked up to my father. He ran his own business like I do now. It was nowhere near as big as mine, but it was a respectable size. We were happy, so freaking happy. Everybody looked up and envied the Ramazzotti's family until"He suddenly stops wincing..
"Until what?"I say suddenly nervous
"Untill he had an affair with his secretary and when my mom confronted him, he simply ran off with her and their child"He shakes his head bitterly at the memory.
“What my father did was awful. It tore my mom apart. It tore our family apart. When people found out, they treated my mother like a joke. Like it was somehow her fault. And they treated him like a joke. He was that cliché fucking businessman chasing skirts at the office and banging his secretary. Ever since then, I’ve had my rule about not dating people who work with me. I refuse to follow in his footsteps.”
"Shit"I cursed out, my hands shaking like a leaf, I took a deep breath, as I try to process it all.
So that's why he was so adamant in hiring someone that looked unattractive, he had a personal and deep issue with the same tryst he was trying to avoid to happen that he's doing with me. I had pushed him and he had opened up and am stunned. I'm not really sure what else to say to him.
I might not be him but I do know losing family Is terrible, that safe Haven you thought would last forever disappeared, was destroyed within the blink of an eye.. suddenly his confession made everything more clear.
"Why are you torturing yourself, you're not your father Eros"I say softly as I try not to let tears slip down my eyes..
“I'm not torturing yourself, I avoided things and situations like the one we're in because I never wanted to repeat the sins of my father.”He says his voice heavy with emotions.
I’m not really sure how he expects me to take this. It feels like a knife to the back. I don’t really know what to do. It’s easily the most hurtful thing I have ever heard in my life. And possibly, the most heartbreaking.
“Fuck, this sucks so bad. I don’t know what to do with these feelings I’m having.”I
If Eros is suddenly feeling guilty about their affair, or was it even a relationship or fling then she has no choice but to join in this cold breakfast that's about to be served on her. At least she should be thankful he's not relieving her of her duties...
He could soon enough!
Which means she needs to search for other job opportunity elsewhere, As confusing and painful as it may be, as angry she might be she needed to sit up. She too might have been carried away by all the sex and glamours but she must not be stupid too. After everything that happened between the two of them she had slightly wished it wasn't just something physical on Eros part, I had wished he had felt something for me.. “The last thing I want to be is a memory of burden and regret on you. Remember the night you caught me naked with just a towel on, I told you not to go against your own rules and principles for me didn't I?I said try to build up my own cold exterior too.
"But you still insisted on keeping me by your side which am thankful for. I dare not complain, you're the boss and have always respected you so do not uproot your principles for my sake, I beg of you.” I say sarcastically, and scoot myself away from him. I stare out the window, picturing how the night could have gone had he not freaked out like this. We could be sharing dessert right now, or getting ready to leave. We could be headed for a stroll, or just headed back to the hotel to screw each other’s brains out.
Instead, we’re sitting here in this icy silence. So now, for the first time since we got here, I feel homesick. I feel ready to go home. But we still have two more days here. Two more God-awful days. Neither of us speak for the rest of the ride back to the hotel. When we get there, we walk inside and ride the elevator together in silence. I stare at the lighted floor numbers. What is left to say? Obviously, he’s made up his mind and I’m not going to beg.
I can feel him staring at me. His gaze is boring into me. I try to ignore it and focus on the elevator passing each floor.
I have never felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed in my life. I hate every second of the ride. My skin which always craved his touch suddenly mourned it but also wants out of here. I don’t want to be standing next to him any longer. I don't want to be in close proximity with him or I might just end up begging him to take me back.
Hurry up, I silently urge. We’re almost there, then I can be away from him.
Just one more floor.
Evading his look, I pull my cardkey out of my purse. As soon as we reach our floor, I step out of the elevator and go to our suite. I shove the key into the slot as fast as I can and open the door. I get inside, dash across to my bedroom, and close it quickly.
I lean against the door feeling so hurt, so angry. He fed me up with his tale of desires with his bullshit about being his. He made a fool of me. Tonight, he actually made me think we could be together. That he might actually be falling for me. If he has such a big problem being with me, he should have never let things get this far. He should never have allowed this to start in the first place. I hear his footsteps move to his bedroom and his door shut.
“Fuck this,” I mutter.
How could he? He led me to believe tonight was an actual date. That he really wanted to be with me, but here we are, further apart than ever. For the first time since we’ve arrived in we are sleeping in separate bedrooms. Unsteadily, because I am so devastated, I walk to the bathroom. In the mirror, my eyes looked crazed. Blankly, I remove my makeup and get out of my designer shoes, I had bought them with his card and was so in love with it. I had such high hopes when I picked it out to wear tonight. Now I hate it. I’ll never be able to look at it again and not remember tonight’s humiliation and hurt.
I take off my stockings and suspenders then nearly sob with the memory of how he ate me out this evening. God, how stupid I’ve been. I climb into the big bed. The bed I shared with him the night before. I turn my head and I swear I can smell him. His cologne, his skin. It’s too much. I don’t think I can sleep here tonight. I grab a pillow, pull the blanket off, and make my way over to the couch. I’ll sleep here. Far away from any reminders of him.
I punch the pillow a few times and lie my head on it. For an expensive hotel suite, the couch is awful to sleep on. I guess nobody ever thought someone would try to sleep on it. I know it has a pull-out bed, but I’m not going to put the work into getting it pulled out and situated. I’m too mentally exhausted. I know that I won’t be able to sleep tonight.
I think back to the first day he hired me. I remember thinking to myself that I was going to have a hard time keeping my hands off him. For two freaking years, I did just that. Then, I come on this trip with him and almost every single one of my fantasies came true. I was so close to what I thought might be a fairytale romance. Maybe that’s the problem. They are fairytales for a reason. Girls eat them up because they want it so bad, but in reality, there are no prince charmings. Just bosses that use you and throw you to the curb without explanation.
I grab my phone and called Troy. The students were allowed an ipad with them for educational purposes and also for calls, the phone ringed and no one picked and I checked the time and realized the time difference here in Singapore and Canada..
Poor troy must be asleep by now, and so I called my best friend.I need someone to talk to. She might be sleeping, but maybe she’ll wake up.
I dial her number. It rings and then goes to voicemail. I don’t want to worry her, so I leave a generic sounding message. “Hey, just checking in. From Singapore I still can’t believe I’m here. Anyways. I’ll try again later. Miss you.”
I hang up the phone. I have no one to talk to. I’m hurt all over again, and I feel even more lonely. I punch the pillow again and try to go to sleep, but it’s impossible. The tears are threatening to take over and drown me.
“No,” I snarl. “I’m not going to cry.”
Because more than anything, I don’t want to cry. Crying is a sign of weakness. I’m just tired and need sleep. Maybe if I can sleep on it, I’ll wake up and won’t have feelings for Eros anymore. Maybe I won’t even remember his name.