Athena Ramirez
"It's all one sided. I never meant anything to him. Nothing but a vessel for his excretion"I say wincing at how cruel and harsh my words her... I feel both humiliated and embarrassed talking about the experience .
“No, we aren’t together,” I say with a heavy sigh.
He frowns. ‘Why not?”
“It’s a long and pathetic story.”
“It can’t be worse than the lecture I should be listening to.”
I suppose it can’t hurt to talk to him. For some weird reason, he seems to be on my side. “First of all, thank you for trying to help me.” I wrinkle my nose. “By pretending to hit on me.”
He nods to acknowledge my gratitude.
“As you guessed, I’ve been secretly lusting after Eros since I started working for him now. Finally after 2 years of lusting and crushing on him, never would I ever imagine he would take notice of me but he did and it all started during this trip. I don't know if it's a fortunate event or one of regret now but we kinda started sleeping together. Dinners, everything couples do , We went to a beach, and he asked me out on a real date last night, and I thought we were getting on really well. So he takes me to this really nice restaurant, and then in the middle of it, he wants to leave. So, we leave and when I force him to tell me why he was being such a dick, he told me this awful story about—”
I realize I’m rambling and stop before I tell magnus too much. As mad as I am with him, what he told me about his father is an intensely personal secret and he told me in confidence and Eros may have betrayed me by fucking someone else, but I won’t betray him. I skip over that part.
“Anyway,’ I continue, staring down at my drink. “He basically told me it’s hard for him to be with me. I told him if he doesn’t know what he wants, then I can’t do this. So we haven’t spoken since then. This morning I went to take a walk and I come back to the suite and there’s a hooker leaving his room.” I say the word “hooker” way too loud, and it makes me cringe with shame. I look around to make sure no one heard me.
Magnus chuckles.
“Its not funny Magnus. He didn't even wait. He had a hooker in his bed?” I ask. “I don’t really see what’s so funny. My heart is broken. I’m sitting at a bar, day drinking with a guy who almost got his shit rocked for pretending to hit on me. There’s no humor in any of this.”
“You really love this man, don’t you?” he asks quietly.
I nod my head.
He looks at me and really studies my face. His eyes are so green and piercing they make me feel nervous and uncomfortable. Like an insect struggling on a pin.
“Well, you need to give him a chance,” he states casually. Like it is the most natural thing in the world for me to simply gloss about last night’s fiasco and forget about the hooker.
I stare at him in shock. “You do realize I said he just fucked a whore, right?”
He laughs again.
“I’m glad you find it hilarious, because my heart feels like it’s been shredded to ribbons,” I snap.
“You need to let that go,” He says with a shrug of his massive shoulders. “You said you weren’t together. So technically he didn’t cheat on you. Sometimes when a man is scared of something that he knows is good for him he turns to what’s familiar instead.”
I shake my head with disgust. “Just trust a man to stick up for another.”
“Come on. I’m on your side. The thing about turning to what is familiar is that it never works. What have you got to lose? You love the guy. Give him a real chance and let him prove his love for you. If he fails, you can be miserable then.”
“Love for me? Have you heard a word I’ve said? He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t even want to be with me. He won’t tell me anything. To get the story about his dad was like squeezing blood out of stone.” I wave my hand around my face. “He’s put this wall up between us. I can’t get through, no matter what.”
“Trust me, that man loves you,” He says stubbornly. “I could tell when he called me out when he thought I was hitting on you. I saw it in his eyes.”
I think about how Eros acted when Magnus hit on me. Magnus could be right. Eros’s reaction that day was more than just jealousy. It could have been love, too. It makes me smile, and I’m starting to feel a little better about everything. Also, the alcohol is making my head buzz. “I don’t know how to get him to open up to me. I know you say that he loves me because of how he acted. But maybe that’s not love. Maybe that’s just lust and possession. A kind of crazy.”
“Isn’t love just a happier version of insanity?” he asks and takes a drink. The ice cubes in his drink clink together as he tips his glass back. He sets it on the counter and looks at me. “If you want to know the truth, you have to confront him. You owe it to yourself to be brave.”
“I wish it was that easy,”
“Best form of defense is attack. So go in, all guns blazing.”
“You know, you’re kind of easy to talk to. Like one of my girlfriends.”
He laughs. “It’s my charms. isn’t it?”
I smile, I really like him. He made me feel a little better, a minute ago I felt so disgusted about myself and now I felt a little better now.
He grins. "Better now?"He asks
"Yes"I say a tear slipping from my face as we both laugh at that.
Magnus motions to the bartender. “Another round for the lovely lady and me, please.”
The bartender mixes us up some more drinks. I know I shouldn’t drink anymore. The first ones are starting to hit me hard. That last sentence came out all slurred, but I figure I’ll stop after this one. I’m sure I can handle one more without anything bad happening. I’ve finished all my work, all I have to do is crawl upstairs, and go to bed. Alone.
As I sit there morosely sipping my drink, Magnus regales me about his life. His story is fascinating, and he’s a good storyteller, but I can’t stop thinking about Eros I’m disappointed that he never even tried to call me. When I look at my phone I see that it is turned off. I turn it back on, but there are no texts or voice messages.
Suddenly, the alcohol hits me hard, and it’s all too much.
“Are you okay?” Magnus asks me.
I shake my head. I’m trying hard not to cry. That’s the last thing I want to do in front of him. In front of anyone, really.
Magnus offers me a gentle look, at odds with his hulking stature. “What you need to do is finish your drink, go upstairs, and knock on his door. Tell him you want to talk to him, and that you aren’t going to leave until he, as you Americans would say, damn well talks to you.” He pauses and raises his eyebrows. “But he has to really talk. It can’t just be just you talking about feelings. You both need to be involved h
It’s good advice. And he’s being friendly. Like legitimately friendly. Not how guys are when they want to get in your pants, or because they think you have great tits. He’s being a good human being, and I love that.
“Thank you for talking to me,” I say. “I know I’ve said that already, but seriously. You’ve helped me feel better. I’ve really needed this. I’m in a foreign country, and it feels like I’m all alone.”
“You are welcome. And don’t worry, little Athena Eros will come around. You’ll see. He can run, but he can never hide from his love for you.”
I smile gratefully at him. I do feel a little better. But I know I won’t feel totally better until I am able to get Eros to sit down and actually talk to me. And if I can’t, then that’s on him. That will be his own problem.
I finish my drink and set the empty glass down on the table....
Magnus has ignited the hope that had been extinguished let's just hope it remains lit..