Esperanza, who had been pulling out books with her toes hooked on the bookshelf, suddenly jerked her head back.
"Why do you keep staring?"
"You can feel that?"
"Usually."
"How far can you tell? Even when you're outside my field of vision?"
"If I'm outside your field of vision, then you can't see me either. If we're at a distance where we can see each other, I can roughly tell. ...Don't satisfy strange curiosities. You'll naturally know once your memory returns."
"How passionate."
Esperanza, who had jumped down to the floor holding two notebooks, retorted.
"Because it's very important to me. Though you seem to not care either way."
That's what's really annoying. When she glared at him, Cider smiled broadly.
"How many times in my life do you think there have been occasions where I couldn't remember something that others remembered?"
She was at a loss for words. He had suddenly lost three years of memory—there was no way he could be fine with it.
"Of course, I'd probably be fine even if I never recover my memory. But I'd probably have to be on edge for quite a while, wondering if each person I meet remembers something I don't know. That's not pleasant."
It was a tolerable level of inconvenience, but it would be better if his memory returned.
"So don't hate me too much, and instead, why don't you tell me something."
"What?"
"Anything. What I was originally like, what we usually did together, things like that. That would be more helpful than photos."
Esperanza placed the notebooks she had brought out on the table and settled into the single-seat armchair where Cider usually sat.
"Not much different from now. I lounge around over there, do my work. You do research in there, then come out and have tea together. You arbitrarily break the records I worked hard to set."
"Records?"
"Games. Since it would be annoying to lose even to you who lost your memory, this is banned for now."
"Ah..."
He could almost picture her holding a game console with a thoroughly displeased expression and shaking it. And the image of kissing those sulking cheeks countless times.
'This definitely isn't imagination.'
"I think my memory might be coming back a little."
"Really?"
As Esperanza jumped up from her seat in delight, Cider tilted his head.
"Or maybe not."
"What's so ambiguous about it?"
Esperanza, who had slumped back down, grumbled. Her lips were pursed in exactly the same way he had imagined, so Cider unconsciously burst into a short laugh.
"Anyway, continue."
"There's not much else. Then when it's time, you go in and sleep. I go to the royal palace for shooting lessons, you do your work. Sometimes we go out and have fun together."
"More specifically?"
"Like the story of your friend chasing after me after I won the shooting bet hosted by Lady Perth? Or the story of us driving around in a steam carriage at dawn and being chased by a policeman? The story of your machine malfunctioning and knocking over Galliston?"
"My machine couldn't have malfunctioned."
"I saw you pull the lever."
"See?"
It shouldn't be something to be proud of. But that was also a very Cider-like reaction, so it made her laugh.
"And then?"
"Hmm, at Glailly House we'd go on picnics together, you'd draw and I'd watch. We'd play around holed up in the research lab. Sometimes we'd operate your inventions together."
"Was it good?"
At the unexpected question, Esperanza's eyes widened, but she soon nodded without hesitation.
"It's good. Good enough to have no regrets."
Cider's eyes narrowed. As if he could see through the parts Esperanza was hiding.
"Keep telling me."
"Does it seem like you're remembering something?"
"Well..."
He trailed off while tapping the armrest with his fingertips. Since it didn't seem like he would give an answer even if she waited, Esperanza started talking again.
"Ah, before we got married, you got really angry at me and went off to Dunbarton alone without saying anything."
"I did such a thing? Why on earth?"
"That's a secret."
Esperanza, who pressed her lips with her index finger and smiled mischievously, searched her memory.
"At that time, um, I went to Sterling with Cordelia and Annie. I did go to find you, but I didn't know you'd be right there. You had been in Talmine but moved to Sterling after urgently receiving a new commission to resolve it."
Leaving out all the dungeons and the reason for his anger made Cider seem a bit petty, but it couldn't be helped. Esperanza rested her chin on the armrest and fell into thought.
"You were holed up in some military officer's house fixing some machine, and I had business in Sterling so I was looking into that."
"You couldn't meet?"
"Couldn't even see each other's faces. Even though we were close by, we just exchanged letters, and after you saw the doodle I scribbled next to a letter, you drew a picture and sent it to me."
That picture was still in Esperanza's drawer. Though it was just something sketched on letter paper, it was Esperanza's favorite drawing.
Cold fingertips brushed against Esperanza's cheek as she smiled while recalling the memory. The hand that had been tucking her hair behind her ear stopped abruptly. But it didn't withdraw. Before she knew it, they were close enough for their noses to touch. It was so familiar she hadn't been conscious of it.
"...Why?"
Even though his memory hadn't returned, even though he had been suspicious until just recently, why? Cider lightly tapped Esperanza's lips with his thumb.
"Will this bring back my memory? What do you think?"
"You're like a con man seducing an innocent woman right now."
"I don't know if I'm a con man, but even if I were, you're not innocent."
Before she knew it, her toes had gathered together and were pressing against the carpet. She hurriedly hid her feet under her skirt hem.
Of course, Esperanza wasn't innocent.
"Are you doing this to recover your memory?"
"Hardly. I'm not that desperate for memory."
"...If this doesn't bring back your memory either, what happens to me?"
"Then we can just keep it as a good memory."
"Who says it'll be a good memory..."
Esperanza, who had been grumbling with her lips pursed in a circle, stood up with a resolute expression. When their lips lightly touched, Cider's eyes widened.
It was definitely a sensation he remembered. Because he knew, he couldn't wait any longer. The kiss that had started as breathless exploration instantly deepened.
Neither of them closed their eyes. Esperanza's body was somehow already over the armrest and on Cider's lap. Large hands wrapped around the back of her head and pulled her close. There was no conversation or laughter. There was no leisure for such things.
A shiver ran down her spine. The body temperature exploring inside her mouth was exactly the same, not one small habit different. As if saying that even the him who had lost his memory was the same person. Esperanza relaxed her body that had stiffened with tension.
Trembling fingertips scraped down over his shirt. During this, their lips never separated once. It felt like the sound of her heart pounding against his firm chest could be heard completely.
They didn't close their eyes until the end. As if they wouldn't miss a single word of what each other's eyes were saying. Their lips slowly separated. Their panting breath slowly found its own pace.
"What are you thinking?"
"I feel like I'm having an affair with another man."
Cider burst into hollow laughter. Esperanza turned her head to avoid his gaze and slyly asked:
"Has your memory... returned?"
"No."
As expected. Though she had anticipated it, it was disappointing. Cider smiled broadly.
"It wasn't without effect though."
"What do you mean?"
"Well... for now, we should focus on solving the demonstration problem first."
As he wiped her lips with his fingertips and stood up, Esperanza said nonchalantly:
"I'll figure something out. If I kidnap Galliston, they'll have to cancel it."
"I appreciate the sentiment, my lady. But there's no need to go that far."
"I can't just leave my husband to be embarrassed by such a thing."
Cider tilted his head. Esperanza added while combing through her disheveled hair with her hands:
"You don't know. What kinds of things I can do for that person."
"That's... enviable."
He wanted to know.
Eventually, Cider smiled and asked in a subtle tone:
"Won't you try trusting me once?"
"What are you planning to do? It better be a better answer than kidnapping Galliston."
"You can see and evaluate that yourself."
He didn't tell her until the end what he was planning to do. Instead, he made Esperanza very flustered by interrogating her about the identity of the strange animal bones in the research lab.
❀⋆｡°✿☆❀✿°｡⋆❀
The next day, Esperanza briefly left to meet friends. Though she glanced worriedly at Cider, she didn't cancel her appointment. Saying she also needed to deflect rumors about Count Avondale suddenly collapsing on the street.
Perhaps he was just uncomfortable. Maybe she shouldn't have kissed him.