Maggie fidgeted. Did he pick up on that? I think he picked up on that. Maybe he really is getting smarter.
"So," Nick said, sounding nervous, "I've...got some ideas in my head. I don't know if I'm right or not. I mean, I think I am, but I'm bad at this, so I don't know."
"Maybe you're not as bad at it as you think you are," she suggested.
"Or maybe I'm less bad than I used to be, hopefully. Maggie...are you looking to...stay?"
Maggie swallowed. "Do you want me to stay?"
"I mean...If I go down to Earth and you stay up here, that's going to suck."
What?
"I get it, wanting to go explore the galaxy. I want to, too."
Maggie closed her eyes. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, ein, zwei, fuck! "Nick!" she snapped.
"Uh...yeah?"
She opened her eyes and glared at him. "You are such a fucking dumbass sometimes."
Nick started talking faster. "Well, I got this crazy idea that you wanted to stay with me, but I don't know if I'm just getting my hopes up or something..."
"Nick," Maggie said with exaggerated patience. "Small sentences."
"Right." They used this trick sometimes when their conversations went off the rails. "I want to be with you." He took a breath. "I mean, I don't know if—" She shut him up with a finger over his lips. She may have used more force than necessary.
"Small sentences," she reminded him. "Nick, I want to be with you too."
Nick took a breath, and seemed to stop and think before speaking again. "I don't know where I will be."
"Me either. I still want to be with you."
"Are you sure?"
"If you manage not to fuck up this conversation, pretty sure," Maggie said through clenched teeth.
"I am scared of fucking up this conversation."
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"That is wise."
"How do I not fuck it up?"
"Tell me what you want."
Nick froze.
"Too big?"
The question prodded him, and he nodded. "Too big."
"Then give me pieces."
Nick took a breath, and started talking in a rush. "I want you around. I want to see you every day. I want to not be alone. I want you to be happy. I want you to still like me. I want you to have fun. I want hugs and your smile and your brains and your sense of humor and your patience with me and..." He clammed up.
"That's a good start," Maggie told him, feeling some hope. "Could be better, though."
"What am I missing?"
Maggie stared at him in amazement. "Nick, you're a guy. Take a guess."
Nick looked confused, then shocked. "But...you're you."
"What does that mean?" Maggie asked in a carefully controlled tone.
"You're..." Nick stopped. His expression showed that he realized that he was on thin ice. "Small sentences," he reminded himself.
"Well?"
"You're...amazing. You make me happy. You're my best friend."
Maggie couldn't even tell what she was feeling at this point. "And?"
"You're important to me!"
"But?"
"I don't want to lose you!"
Maggie felt a surge of hope. "Does that mean you have me?"
"I don't... I mean..."
Her heart clenched again. "Small words."
Nick took a shaky breath. "You're too important to me. If you stopped being my friend, I don't think I could stand it."
"You're scared," she told him.
"Maggie, I've been in four relationships. None of them lasted longer than four months. The only one I didn't fuck up by hurting my partner was with an alien woman with the personality of a house cat who never cared for me in the slightest."
"Nick, you're going to hurt me sometimes. You are in the process of doing it right now. I am still your friend," she said loudly, to talk over the panic she saw in his face. She took a breath. "I will always be your friend, if you let me. No matter what."
"That's what Mary said. And Claire."
"Are you comparing me to those bitches?"
Nick blinked, looking surprised. Maggie got angrier when he didn't respond right away. She was about to yell at him when he asked, "Small sentences?"
Maggie took a deep breath. Small sentences. Right. Maybe baby talk will get through to him. She took an extra breath to get a firmer hold on her temper before responding.
"Nick, you are important to me. Way more important than you ever were to Mary or Claire. I don't want to lose you. In fact, I refuse to. If you break my heart, I will hate your guts, and I will still be your friend!"
Nick sobered. "Don't make promises you can't keep."
"I'm not. I'm deadly serious, Nick. Even if you are a dumbass and decide that we don't work as a couple. Even if you are clumsy as fuck breaking up with me. You'd never be intentionally cruel and I know that. If I can't travel the stars with my lover, then I'll do it with my best friend, for all the rest of my days. You're that important to me." She stepped closer and poked him in the chest. "But don't you dare give up on us without even trying!"
"I..." Nick staggered back, looking overwhelmed. "Maggie...right at this moment, I need my friend. Time out, please." He was breathing heavily. "Can I have a hug?"
She took a shaky breath. "Always." They stepped into each other's arms, and clung together, each needing solace for a different reason.
Maggie furiously blinked back tears. I worried that he wouldn't want my company. But I never thought that he wouldn't want my body.