Ten minutes later, after Wiz had finished introducing all the magic items in her shop, everyone—apart from Shichen—sat down in awkward silence.
Satou Kazuma: "What's with this place, anyway?"
Darkness: "I think it's great!"
Yunyun (forced smile): "He‑he…"
Kazuma: "Great how? Every single thing in here has a side effect! Who would actually buy any of it? You'd have to be an idiot!"
Wiz (hurt): "R‑Really…? Is that…true?"
Kazuma: "Why did you even stock this stuff? They all have drawbacks. Do they ever sell?"
Wiz: "W‑Well… not many people buy them, I suppose…"
Kazuma: "Then why keep ordering more?"
Wiz: "B‑But I think they're pretty good items…"
Kazuma: "I get it now—Wiz-san, you're a business prodigy, huh? I'm amazed the shop hasn't gone under yet."
Wiz: "A prodigy?"
Kazuma (rolls eyes): "It's a compliment."
Wiz: "R‑Really? Thank you, Satou-san."
(Kazuma suddenly feels embarrassed.)
Megumin (smug laugh): "Why bother with items at all? My Explosion Magic solves everything! External tools are meaningless—the world yearns only for my explosions!"
Shichen (patting her head): "And what good is a spell you can cast only once per day?"
Megumin: "Isn't that what you are for? Last time you fired one and were totally fine. How much mana do you have, anyway?"
Shichen: "Well… why don't you guess?"
Megumin: "Tch—forget it. I already know you're amazing."
(Shichen keeps rubbing her head. Megumin pouts but doesn't pull away.)
Wiz (finally grasping the point): "So… the items I sell are basically useless?"
Aqua (shrugging): "Obviously! Even I know no one would buy them. A lich is still a lich—no business sense at all."
Wiz: "H‑How could that be…"
Aqua: "From now on, stop bringing in such worthless junk, got it?"
Wiz: "I‑I understand… Thank you, Aqua-sama."
Aqua: "I'm not helping you—I just want to buy useful gear myself. You'll give me a discount, right? Don't get any ideas."
Wiz: "Of course. Aqua-sama will always get a discount."
Aqua: "Good girl."
Kazuma (deadpan): "Why is her tsundere act straight out of a textbook?"
Shichen (smiling fondly at Aqua): "Because Aqua's actually very kind‑hearted."
Aqua (embarrassed, turns away): "…N‑No I'm not."
Wiz (curious): "Aqua-sama, just who are you? Why are you so powerful? Normal exorcism magic shouldn't work on me."
As a lich, Wiz's magical defense is extremely high; apart from enchanted weapons, nothing should harm her. Simply touching her usually inflicts abnormal status effects or drains mana and life—a bona‑fide legendary undead.
Aqua: "Huh? Didn't I mention it? I'm a goddess!"
Wiz (startled): "A goddess? Could Aqua-sama truly be a goddess?"
Aqua (hands on hips, chest out): "Absolutely, the genuine one!"
Wiz: "No wonder your exorcism worked on me… So Aqua-sama really is a goddess."
Aqua: "That's right! Since you seem discreet, I'll tell you—I'm Aqua, Goddess of Water, the very deity the Axis Church worships! Shouldn't a mere lich like you fall to your knees and revere me?"
(Wiz does not revere her; instead she backs away in fear.)
Aqua: "Hey! No need to be that scared. I know goddesses and the undead don't get along, but still!"
Wiz: "N‑No, it's just… The followers of the Axis Church are generally… um… eccentric. Most people avoid them if they can. That's common sense in this world, so when I heard you were their goddess, I, I just…"
Aqua: "What did you say—?!"
Wiz: "S‑Sorry!"
Aqua: "Looks like peaceful coexistence with a lich is impossible. I should just smite you."
Wiz: "H‑How could you…"
Shichen (intervening): "Now, now. It's not Wiz's fault, is it? Maybe blame your own followers instead?"
Aqua: "Impossible! How could I blame my believers?"
Shichen: "That's our Aqua for you."
Megumin (whispers to Yunyun): "Wait, are they saying Aqua's really that goddess?"
Yunyun (wide‑eyed): "No way…"
Aqua: "Shichen?" (seeking confirmation)
(Shichen and Kazuma exchange a look and nod.)
Shichen: "It's true. Aqua really is the Goddess of Water."
Megumin & Yunyun: "Huh—? Seriously?!"
Shichen: "No lie. She's the real thing."
Aqua (tilts chin, basking in their shock): "Heh‑heh‑heh!"
Megumin: "I always thought that was just bragging…"
Yunyun: "Same here…"
Megumin: "No wonder Aqua's so pretty and so strong."
Aqua: "Heh‑heh! So, how about joining the Axis Church and worshipping me? A goddess stands before you—I'll grant you my blessing!"
Megumin & Yunyun (in unison): "Yeah, no thanks."
Aqua: "Eh? Why not?" (instantly flustered)
Megumin: "A goddess is a goddess; a church is a church. Don't mix them up."
Yunyun (sheepish): "I… I feel the same way."
Aqua: "H‑How could you… Darkness, what about you?"
Darkness (looking away): "Sorry… I worship Eris-sama."
Aqua: "What?! What's so great about that padded‑bra nobody?"
Darkness (stern): "Aqua, even if you are my teammate and a goddess, I won't allow you to insult Eris."
Aqua (teary, dives into Shichen's arms): "Shichen, they're bullying me! Sob!"
Shichen (stroking her head): "There, there. Don't cry. We'll stay away from them."
Aqua: "Mm‑hm!" (nods vigorously against his chest)
Megumin: "I'm starting to doubt she's a goddess now."
Yunyun: "Me too…"
Shichen: "You two, stop teasing her."
Megumin: "Fine, fine. No wonder you spoil her so much—you've known all along she's a goddess." (pouting)
Shichen: "Don't act like I don't spoil you too."
Megumin: "Do you?"
Shichen: "Don't I?"
Megumin: "Hmph." (turns away)
Kazuma (can't take it anymore): "Uh, Shichen, could you quit flirting? Why are we here again?"
Shichen: "To make you stronger, of course."
Kazuma: "Huh? Stronger how? These items are useless."
Shichen: "The items are, but the skills aren't."
Kazuma: "What skills?"
Shichen: "Lich skills, naturally."
Kazuma: "Eh?"
Aqua (suddenly shouting): "What?! Shichen, you're not seriously planning to learn a lich's skills, are you?"
Shichen: "Sure I am. It's a rare opportunity—why waste it?"
Aqua: "Absolutely not!"
Shichen: "Why?"
Aqua: "I'm a goddess—how can I let you learn an undead's abilities? Everything a lich knows is shady at best! Besides, liches love damp, gloomy places—they're practically slimes' cousins!"
Wiz (offended): "T‑That's too harsh!"
Aqua (glaring): "Got a problem?"
Wiz: "N‑No…"
Aqua: "Hmph!"
Shichen: "It's fine. My heart belongs to you, doesn't it?" (ruffles her hair again)
Aqua: "Mmph…"
Shichen: "So, Wiz-san, would you teach us some lich skills?"
Wiz (smiles gently): "Of course."
Kazuma (excited): "Really? If I can learn lich skills, that's a fast track to power!"
Wiz: "Yes. After all, I… am still… on humanity's side." (her voice trails off, as though reminding herself)
Kazuma: "Then could you demonstrate the skills for us, Wiz-san?"
Wiz (hesitant, glancing at Aqua): "W‑Well… my skills need a live target…"
"Oh?"
~~~
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