BEN
Sometimes, when something bad happens to you, you don’t tell people so they don’t pity you or offer pitiful looks. Gracie keeps doing that. She’s so overprotective and watchful of me like she’s afraid I’ll break down any second.
I’m okay.
“Can you stop?” I grumble out. She’s on my bed pretending to read a novel. The hand holding the book lowers. “I don’t like it.”
“You don’t like what?”
“How you’re staring at me,” I whisper.
“I wasn’t staring.” Sure, she was. Lifting herself up to plant a kiss on my lips, she tries to hold me in place but I move away because I don’t feel like it. I have no idea why I am annoyed but I want to leave this place right now. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No.”
Pushing my legs over the bed, I tense slightly when her arms circle my waist. She rests her head on my shoulder and the annoyance flickers. I want to hug her but my fingernails sink into the bed instead.
Seconds pass with none of us saying a word. Her arms tighten around me, her breath punctuates the air. The house is quiet, everyone is downstairs.
“Benny, what did I do?” She pokes my cheek in a playful gesture but I don’t want to play. “Benjamin.”
“What?” I snap.
A tide of loss sweeps over me when she releases me. She pats a spot in the middle of the bed.
“Okay, come here. Time to talk.”
Ah. She’s so bossy but I kind of like it. I grumble all the way up to crossing my legs. Gracie rolls her eyes. She’s tolerant of me probably because of what I told her. That’s the problem. I don’t want the way she treats me to change. I am not a fragile porcelain doll.
Our knees touch, she pulls my hands into her lap. “Okay.” She pouts and I lean forward to kiss her but she slaps me. I wince and she sticks out her tongue. Fair enough. “I was staring but it wasn’t deliberate. Are you mad?”
“No. I just don’t want you to pity me.”
“I don’t pity you,” she says. “I’m just amazed.”
Pride shadows her face, she wraps her arms around herself. Her intense gaze makes me conscious and I tug on the loose thread sticking out from the knee of her jeans. I know what she means but I ask, “By what?”
“How you handled everything. I am so proud of you and I just don’t know...” The confidence her words brought shatters when her brown eyes brim with tears. I hoist her to my laps before the tears roll down and she wipes her eyes. “I want to hurt her.”
Me too.
I have thought of hurting her so many times. The first time I fought back was when she returned from her internship. I hit her. The second time, I bit her. There was no third time or a mention of what transpired. But she stopped coming to my room.
Those attempts weren’t enough to quench the anger burning in the pit of my soul. I have imagined myself walking over to her room in the dead of the night to place a pillow over her face. To watch her fight with the same helplessness I did all those years.
Sometimes, I am scared. I worry that she will see through my bad boy facade and come for me again. Leaving the house helped to overcome some of those fears but the little boy inside of me remembers sometimes. The best part about being with Gracie is she makes me forget. When I am with Gracie, I think only of her. I want things to return to how they were.
Gracie’s fingers on the side of my face draws me back to the present. I have her. I should not bother so much about a mini-devil who molests children.
“Don’t bother.” She shakes her head in disapproval but I need her to listen to me. Mum thinks it’s important I don’t keep quiet about this issue but I think it’s too long ago to talk about it. How will Josef feel? He might act so tough but she is his daughter. “Hurting her won’t make you feel better. It won’t take away the hurt or pain. It’s not worth it.”
“Maybe.” Her tongue seeks entry into my mouth and I let her. She kisses me slowly till I lose my train of thoughts. Her warm breath tickles my face, she grinds on my crotch and a mewl escapes me. “But you shouldn’t let her go free, Benny.” Logic battles with lust. It is hard to think straight when the girl you love is kissing you. “What if she does it to someone else? Who says she hasn’t been doing it?”
Gracie has a point. Theresa used to work with kids. Wait. I don’t want to think about it but numerous thoughts infiltrate my mind. Who knows how many of those poor kids she molested? The number of kids who must have been silenced. Jolts of guilt stab right through my heart. I’m not a bad person for wanting to keep silent about this. I just want to be done with this topic and look forward to our future.
“Gracie...”
“Think about it, okay?” Her lips are on my neck, she tugs on my shirt and I lift my arms for her to pull it off. “Please.” Without warning, she takes off her shirt and brings my hand to her chest. I am the only one she’s comfortable being half-naked with. I trace the polka dots on her bra, she giggles when I circle the outline of her nipples. “What are you doing?”
Desire clouds her eyes, her voice comes out husky. I unhook her bra and toss it across the room. She sucks in a sharp breath when my tongue darts out to make a swipe across her beady nipple. Her fingers lower to the buckle of my belt. She’s hesitant to undo it, so I help her. It encourages her to take off her jeans. She returns to straddling me, arms on my shoulders but this time, none of us do anything.
Shyness creeps up on both of us. She’s in only her panties and I’m in my boxers. I can see how her vitiligo extends from her stomach and spreads to her inner thighs. It’s her super power. I give her breasts another gentle squeeze and she captures my lips.
Our kiss is feverish with a sense of urgency. Her hands roam my chest, she bounces on my erection. I chuckle when she twists my nipples. It’s ticklish. She reaches into my boxers and frees my dick. Both of us stare at my prick, at the thin sheen of precum covering the tip. The pad of her forefinger circles it and I hiss as she rubs the precum all over my crown.
“Gracie,” I croak out.
“You don’t like it,” she whispers, teeth stuck in her lower lip and eyes wide with fear and confusion.
“I love it.”
Her lips break into a shy smile. She does it again, her gaze darting between my face and erection.
“Do you want me to put it in my mouth?”
My dick does a jerk of agreement but I don’t say yes. As virgins, we haven’t discussed sex. I am not sure we are ready. I know she’s the only one I want to have sex with. I think it’s the same case for her.
“It depends. Do you want to?”
Slapping my chest, Gracie replies, “That’s not an answer.” My breath lodges in my throat when she disengages from me long enough to pull off her panties. My dick hardens even more. “Benny.” I lift my eyes to her pretty face. Taking off her panties must have gotten rid of her shyness. “I’m wet.”
Cum trickles out of my dick, just enough to show we approve her words. Her pubis is hairless except for a thin strip of brown hair covering her slits. I have never seen her completely naked. I love this.
Gracie swipes a finger over my dick and inserts it into her mouth. “It’s salty.” As it should be. “But I like it.” I make a face at her and she kisses my nose. She has swallowed my sperm just that once. I tasted her too but it feels like we are about to enter foreign, uncharted territories. Uncertainty flickers across her face and she licks her lips. I’m nervous too. “Benny, I want to give you a blowjob. Do you want me to?”
In response to her request, I pull off my boxers. More cum sputter out. It’s harder to keep my dick in check. I am not sure I’ll last that long. I push my index finger inside her. She’s wet. My chest puffs like a cave man and she snickers. It’s satisfying to know I can make her wet without doing so much.
“I think so,” I whisper in reply without giving her a chance to do anything. Lowering her to the bed, my wet fingers caress her areolas and Gracie shudders.
Her head falls back. I flick a finger over her clit and she bites down on her lips to keep from screaming. The naughty part of me wants her to scream so I quicken my pace, moving my fingers in short, fast strokes. Moans and whimpers tumble out of her lips. She writhes and wiggles under me. I retract my fingers so she can get into a comfortable position.
My lips hover over her nose, I place a wet kiss on her forehead and another on her lips. Swallowing her moans, I add another finger inside her tightness. My dick bounces against her stomach, leaving a wet trail on her belly button. We will rather be inside her warmth but I’m not sure she would want that now.
Gracie cups my balls. I lose my self-control for a moment and poke her entrance with the tip. My lips are not effective in containing her moans. I pull out right before the tightness of her vagina sucks me in.
She groans, hitting me lightly on the chest.
“I don’t have a condom,” I explain.
Her eyes roam my room. There’s a drawer by the bed with a lamp on top but nothing inside. I didn’t plan this. I imagined our first time to be somewhere more private, I don’t know where but not here.
“Okay.” The column of her throat bobs, her eyes lower and she draws circles on my stomach. “Umm. You can do it on my stomach. Or in my mouth.”
“But it’s your first time.” Some virgins bleed and it will be a horrible idea to put my penis into her mouth after having sex. “What if there’s blood?”
Her mouth opens and closes. She shrugs.
Someone is naughty.
I kiss her again, slowly at first, then faster to leave both of us breathless. I pepper kisses all over her. From her forehead to her nose to her lips, down to the space between her breasts. Her nails dig into my back hard enough to leave a mark and my kisses grow fervent. I take turns between her firm nipples and she massages my balls with tender uncertainty.
We are both far too gone to care about the loud moans slipping from her mouth. My head lowers between her legs and her back arches. She mutters something unintelligible at the first swipe of my tongue on her wetness. Mild pain spreads through my scalp at the pull of my hair but I don’t stop.
Slurping sounds echo as I lap on her wetness. My name slips from her mouth, edging me to bring her close to the brink of pleasure. Her first time has to be perfect. I look up to her once before sliding into her heat.
We freeze.
She’s too tight, like a glove over my dick. I wipe the bead of sweat coating her forehead. She encourages me to go on and I pull out to push back in gently.
A wave of pleasure hits me, the urge to move faster and more consistently sweeps over me. Bliss rocks my whole body. I watch her face as I thrust again. Her face scrunches but she doesn’t let me withdraw.
“Gracie.” If she’s hurting, then it’s not worth it.
“Please.” Her eyes are on mine. “Don’t stop.”
Seconds later, her face relaxes but my strokes are gentler. She chides me by jutting her hips forward to force me to quicken my pace. Her nails dig into my shoulders and I hasten my thrusts. I am close, too close but I don’t want to do it without her. Her eyes roll to the back of her head as I continue pumping into her. She locks her legs around my waist, restricting my movements to short, gentle strokes.
“Gracie...”
“I’m close,” she breathes. Her eyes lock on mine, the love shining in them spreads over me and my heart flutters. I love this girl so much. “Benny!”
Her body stiffens under me, her mouth parts to let out another moan and I explode inside her. The aftermath of our orgasm rocks us. I fall down beside her and she moves closer to hug my sweaty body.
Sperm drips from my deflated dick and she catches it with her finger before dipping it into her mouth. It is not supposed to be cute but my insides explode with contentment. Her matted hair sticks to her sweaty forehead, she’s a sexy vision with her lips glistening with my cum. I rub my nose against hers.
“So you like cum.”
“Your cum,” she corrects. She takes another swipe at my oozing penis. Without breaking eye contact, she licks the finger clean and my dick twitches into a semi. “Next time, you have to do it in my mouth.”
Tucking her leg between mine, she rests her head on my chest. We don’t talk about the fact I came inside her. In that moment, all that matters is Gracie and Benny and the new level of closeness we attained.