It’s prom season. Everyone is talking and excited about it. Their dresses. Their dates. The after-party.
I’ve never had a prom date beyond Maria so I don’t relate to the excitement. Speaking of my best friend, I need to call her. But I don’t. I won’t. Not right now. Maria Vega will give me another lecture on wasting my popularity.
A popularity I never asked for. Apparently, if vogue and other high class magazines repost your pictures, lots of people will take interest in you.
Photographers.
Modelling agencies.
Teen magazines.
Mum has people calling her work line. Daddy gets calls on his personal line.
It’s really creepy but Maria thinks not. In her humble opinion, I should jump on this bandwagon to fandom. I think I’ll pass. Or not. I don’t know.
Footsteps accompany mine as I shuffle to the exit and push the doors open. The warm air caresses my skin, I stretch out my arms and breathe it in. Leah jerks me in the direction of her car. I’m giggling as she drags me like an overused doll. I used to think I hated school but it was just the people there who made me think so. I love school. I love studying.
Having friends like Leah, Mira and Calum with a loving boyfriend like Ben makes learning different.
Leah unlocks her car for us to get in. We are having a sleepover at her place. Mira will be joining us later. It’s my first girls night out or anything. Maria doesn’t count because she is my best friend and we did almost everything together. Leah speeds out of the school, driving a little recklessly like she has a spare life tucked inside her bag in the backseat.
The breeze whips through my hair, sending it all over my face. I hit the button on my side of the car and the window rolls up.“You need to slow down.”
“Hmm,” is all Leah says, eyes focused on the road.
Leah changes gear, the car speeds up for another second then slows down to a normal pace. My heart hammers against my ribcage. I clutch my chest, refusing to let go of the seatbelt. She is insane.
“I’m going to tell Ben you tried to kill his girlfriend.”
She laughs. But for the rest of the ride to the store, she doesn’t pull any funny stunts. The car stops long enough for Mira to get inside. I turn to Leah and she shrugs. She told me we had to get sleepover stuff but she forgot to include that the stuff was a grown human.
My phone pings again with a message from one Jon Han on Instaagram. A professional photographer. Usually, I wouldn’t bother to reply. These days, I do more of blocking and deleting but Mira and Leah are going on and on about their plans for prom so I tap on this photographer’s message. Prom is a month away but you would think it was tomorrow with the number of plans they were making.
I reply to his message, mostly to keep myself busy and his response comes in almost immediately.
Okay. That’s not weird at all.
“Are you and Ben going to be available?” Mira asks.
Her head pokes between the front seats, she chews her gum really loud, making bubbles out of it. One day, I’ll put her gum in her hair.
“I don’t know.” I really don’t. Ben hasn’t asked me to prom and I have no interest in asking him. If he doesn’t ask me, then fine. He is my date. “Why?”
“Leah and I were thinking we could do something together as a group.” Her voice takes on a sad note and a sad smile slips to my lips. “For the last time.”
Graduation is one week after prom. Then this is all over. We will each go our separate ways. They want to tour Europe. Calum wants to keep on singing with the boys. And I just want to be with Ben. We will be here while they explore the world.
“Sure,” I say. Ben shouldn’t have a problem with that. Him and Calum are almost cool now. And it will be fun to celebrate as a group before we have to face life differently. I resume texting Jon but the phone is snatched by Mira. “Hey. Give it back.”
Mira holds the phone above her head and sticks out her tongue. Tell me why I shouldn’t put gum in her hair? I stretch my hand for the phone but she shrugs. A grin touches her lips as she starts reading out the texts on my screen and I sag against the seat. Mira is a bitch and so annoying. A bitch I actually like.
“Hi, I’m a photographer for Teen Vogue USA and what the hell…” Her eyes bulge, she darts me a look and I grimace. “Holy shit, Tessa! Why are you not panicking? Fuckity fuck.” Leah honks for us to keep it down, Mira mumbles an apology and continues reading. “How would you like to be on our cover for next month? Double fucking shit.”
“You have to stop screaming like that,” I say.
Mira has the same look Maria had on her face when I said none of these things interest me. She drops my phone to my lap and shakes her head slowly. If I agree to one picture, it might be the start of many more and I will be drawn into an unfamiliar world.
Pictures are not so much my thing but maybe they can teach me a few poses. Maria said they have instructors for that. I clench my hands on my knees and groan. I can’t believe I’m thinking about this. Like considering it. I haven’t even told Ben about it.
“Well...” Mira drawls out. Leah parks in front of her house and steps out. Me and Mira remain in the car. “Are you going to reply him? I think you should.”
“What if he’s a fake?”
She chuckles. “Right. He’s probably trying to scam you with a verified account. Great going, Tessa.” I roll my eyes and she rolls hers in return. She and Maria will make great friends. Sarcastic and loud. Mira fingers her blue hair. She dyes it every colour but the natural one. “Give it a shot. Reply him.”
“No.”
We get out of the car together. Mira seems to know her way around this place so I follow her lead. Her hands freeze on the door, she frowns. “Why not?”
“I need to hear from Ben first. Need to know what he thinks.” We always discuss before any of us take a huge step and replying to Jon seems like a huge one. Mira laughs so hard she snorts. Her gaze falls on me and her smile wears out when she realises I’m not kidding. I take a screenshot of the messages and send them to Ben. “He hasn’t seen my text.”
Mira does a double take, I push past her into Leah’s house and pause in the living room. The house smells like scented candles. The grey couches are arranged in the shape of a U. Leah comes out of the kitchen holding a jar of water and an empty glass.
“What are you two still discussing?” she asks as she lowers herself into one of the seats at the dining table.
Mira beats me to a reply. She starts with a sneer. “Well, Tessa here is waiting to hear from Benny boy before she decides what’s good for her future.” There is obvious disdain and emphasis on the word: Benny boy and it irks me. “Babe, her own future.”
I kick her foot under the table, she repays the favour and we kick each other for a while till Leah slams her cup on the table. “Enough.”
Her eyes narrow in warning but Mira still says, “Babe, she can’t decide her future without Ben.”
“Our future,” I correct. Her statement pricks me the wrong way. It gives off a ‘you can’t do anything for yourself’ vibe and I feel like I have to defend Ben and myself. “Ben and I are in a relationship and it involves two people. It’s no longer about me alone.”
It’ll be selfish of me to make this decision without telling him. He has never done anything without my knowledge. I don’t need to have an opinion on the matter before he tells me. It’s just how we work.
Mira facepalms and I feel worse. A little dumb.
“I swear it’s not as crazy as you think, Mira.”
My reply evokes the opposite reaction. Mira sags in her seat, her sighs so heavy and judgemental. I open my WattsApp to see if Ben has replied. He hasn’t. His last seen is 8:00 am. Josef has Ben working on some proposals and finding an apartment for them. I think he’s trying to expand and the apartment is a great way for the family to be close to Ben.
I look up to Leah for support or protection from her girlfriend but she’s focused on her glass of water. Ben won’t say no. That’s what they don’t understand. It’s enough for me to tell him about Jon. The rest of the decision is up to me. He’s like that comforting presence that only interferes when necessary.
“What if he says no, don’t do it?” Mira asks.
I pick on the button of my sleeve. Ben has never said no to anything I wanted, nor have I to his desires. “I’ll try to understand why.”
Tilting her chair back to get a better view of me, she crosses her arms on her chest. This feels like an interrogation and I don’t like it.
“What if he doesn’t give a good answer?” Her face lights up and she says, “What if he doesn’t even have a real reason for stopping you? Some guys can be that insecure.” Not my Ben. He is confident in me and himself. We are fine. “Aren’t you scared of losing yourself to this guy you’re not married to?”
Nose flaring, I turn to her girlfriend. “Leah, aren’t you going to say anything?”
Leah makes a show of putting on her headphones. Her fingers swipe across her tab and the muffled bass of a sound becomes mildly audible. “Nope. Staying out of this. You two, have fun.”
Mira grins. “Good choice babe.” She pinches my cheeks and I swat her hands. “So?”
I spin my phone on the table, using this time to think up a suitable reply. My phone pings with a text from Ben. There are no words, just smiley faces and heart emojis. I can never get used to his random texts and the flood of warmth that follows them.
Bracing my elbows on the table, I turn to Mira with the confidence that was missing earlier.
“I can’t lose myself if I already belong to him. Ben and I are soulmates. We belong to each other.” Her jaw unhinges. She stares blankly at me like I have lost my mind. For a fleeting second, I wonder if I made any sense. “So... I can’t lose myself if I’m part of him. And he’s really cool. He’s supportive. He will never say no without a good reason. With him, I can grow and be a better version of myself.”
“Aw,” Leah coos. Stupid. She was listening. She grins. “That’s really sweet, Tessa. He’s a keeper.”
“Yeah,” Mira grumbles.
I blush. “He is.” They are both staring at me like I’m the best item on a discount sale. I spread my hands on the table, growing a bit shy as I murmur, “I love him. There’s this completeness you get when you meet the right one… everything is just perfect and much better with them. Ben is the right one.”
Mira nods. Her gaze softens and she pats my back. “Yeah, I think I get it. You feel all mushy on the inside at the thought of them and around them.” Exactly. Mushy and tingly and happy and reassured and content and safe. “I feel it too with that chicken.”
Leah comes around the table to steal a kiss from Mira. “Love you too, chicken.” She pats her leg for Mira to sit and presses a kiss to her cheek. “I think this is a good one. And he has no reason to say no.”
“Yeah,” Mira agrees.
They grin at each other. I have to admit they are cute together. Mira is the storm. Leah is the calm.
In our case, Ben and I are the calm and the storm.