51: Reassurance
When Fu Peibai woke up, she felt disoriented for a moment. She did not know where she was. A faint herbal scent drifted through the air.
She braced herself against the bed and sat up, letting out a muffled cough. The sound of her coughing traveled outside the room, and soon someone pushed open the door and entered. It was A-Fu.
A-Fu lit the candlestick and came to the bedside. She asked with concern, "Little Bai, is there anywhere you feel uncomfortable?"
Fu Peibai shook her head. Aside from some tightness in her chest, the rest of her body felt fine.
She suddenly recalled her last memories before losing consciousness. Scene after scene flooded into her mind. Her fingers involuntarily gripped the edge of the bed tightly as she asked in a hoarse voice, "The, the Peak Master?"
"The Peak Master went to handle some matters. I will tell her you are awake later. You rest for now. I will go find Miss A-Ruo to examine you."
Fu Peibai nodded in a daze and lay back down. After A-Fu left the room, Yun Ruoling arrived before long. Without saying much, she carefully took Fu Peibai's pulse.
"Little Bai, your body has been acting strangely lately. Have you noticed anything yourself?"
"Yes. Some time ago, there were two energies in my body, one cold and one hot, alternating and clashing with each other. It was extremely tormenting. But when I woke up this morning, my body suddenly changed. It was as if all my meridians had been opened up. That cold energy completely disappeared. My whole body felt clear and refreshed. My hearing and vision became sharp. I felt endless internal energy surging from my dantian. It was very strange."
Yun Ruoling thought for a moment and asked, "Before you coughed up blood and fainted yesterday, did your body feel any discomfort?"
Fu Peibai concentrated and tried to recall. Then she spoke. "Indeed, something was strange. At that time, a scorching energy suddenly surged up from within my body. It felt like it had burned into my brain. There was another voice constantly urging me, screaming at me to fight someone. My body was in a state of heat and agitation that I could not control. I wanted to release it, to let it burst out. Then I challenged that person to a fight. Only when I was fighting did I feel relief in both body and mind."
She paused, her gaze becoming distant. "I... I remember that in the final moment, my sword was about to strike that person's neck. Although I pulled back at the last instant, I remember there was a voice in my mind, frantically shouting, chop down, strike down, yes, just like that, just like that, kill him..."
After Fu Peibai finished speaking, the memories that had been hazy suddenly became clear. She looked at her hands in disbelief, her voice trembling. "A-Ruo, I, what is wrong with me? I feel like another person is living inside my body. Cruel, bloodthirsty, and aggressive. What exactly is happening to me..."
She looked up at Yun Ruoling, her face full of panic.
Yun Ruoling pressed her shoulder and comforted her. "Little Bai, calm down. Your body is indeed abnormal right now. I do not know the exact cause. But from what you describe, the eruption of hot energy in your body seems to be related to your emotions. Before I find a way to resolve this for you, try to keep your emotions stable. In particular, do not get angry. Do not let hostile thoughts arise. Do not let it control you. Do you understand?"
Fu Peibai nodded woodenly and clenched her fists tightly.
"I will prescribe some medicine to calm your heart and nourish your spirit. You rest for a while."
"Alright."
The room returned to silence. She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling beams, feeling somewhat lost and confused.
Everything before her eyes seemed unreal, even herself. She had lived for seventeen years, yet now she felt like a stranger to herself.
She lay on the bed, her thoughts drifting. The door opened again. As a faint, cool fragrance drifted in, she immediately sat up and looked at the person entering.
Lu Yanran walked slowly to the bedside. Her expression was faint, and her tone was as calm and undisturbed as always. "Is your body any better?"
Yet these few short words sounded like heaven to Fu Peibai. Perhaps her expression was too blank, because Lu Yanran frowned and asked, "Is there still somewhere you feel uncomfortable?"
Fu Peibai suddenly came back to her senses and whispered, "No, nothing uncomfortable."
After she spoke, silence fell between them. Counting carefully, the two of them had not spoken for some time.
Fu Peibai felt a sour ache in her heart, and even her nose stung. She silently chastised herself, yet she could not help but speak. "Peak Master..."
Her voice had a gender-neutral quality, neither sharp nor thin, nor particularly deep. It was clear like a young man's. Now, with a slight nasal quality, her voice sounded muffled, and she drew out the tone at the end. She sounded exactly like a child acting spoiled and aggrieved.
The two looked at each other in the dim candlelight. Outside the room, a bolt of white lightning cut through the night sky. A dull clap of thunder exploded with a rumble, and a torrential rain began to fall. The noisy sound of a summer thunderstorm filled the air outside.
Lu Yanran's brows and eyes were slender, shaped like peach blossoms. Her pupils were like pale brown glass, and when she looked at people, she always gave off a cold, distant feeling.
Fu Peibai gazed unreservedly at the other woman's face. Her heart felt full to bursting, and some emotion was on the verge of breaking through the surface.
Lu Yanran sighed softly. Her cold brows and eyes softened as she asked gently, "What is wrong?"
Fu Peibai was completely undone by these three short words. All the discomfort, suppression, grievance, and longing from this period rushed into her heart. Her eyes grew red, and tears nearly fell.
Her mind became muddled. She did not know what she wanted to say, nor what she should say. The corners of her mouth drooped, and she kept murmuring, "Peak Master, Peak Master..."
Lu Yanran looked at her, and the corner of her mouth suddenly curled into a smile. "Fu Peibai, how old are you this year?"
"I will be eighteen at the end of the year."
"Do you know who you look like right now?"
"Like who?"
"An eight-year-old Huo Jiaran."
Fu Peibai detected the teasing in her words. She sniffed, feeling somewhat embarrassed, and did not respond for a moment.
"Alright. Is there really nowhere else that feels uncomfortable?"
"No." Although she only replied with two short words, in her heart she thought that seeing you makes everything better.
Lu Yanran's expression turned serious. "A-Ruo has already told me about your condition. Stay at Chaoquan Peak to rest and recover for a few days before returning to Cangqiong. I will inform Father. Also, remember A-Ruo's instructions. Keep your emotions stable. When facing situations or people, remain calm and detached."
Fu Peibai's eyelids twitched when she heard the word "body." She thought her identity as a woman had been discovered. Only after Lu Yanran finished speaking did she breathe a sigh of relief. She nodded in agreement.
Seeing that what needed to be said had been said, Lu Yanran showed signs of leaving. Fu Peibai was naturally reluctant. She hastily spoke up. "Peak Master!"
Lu Yanran turned to look at her and asked patiently, "What is it?"
"I... I am afraid."
Lu Yanran glanced at the lightning and thunder outside the window, then looked at Fu Peibai. She raised an eyebrow slightly. "Afraid of thunder?"
Fu Peibai waved her hands in embarrassment. "No, no. I am afraid..." Her throat tightened, and her tone grew heavy and slow. "I am afraid of myself."
Lu Yanran walked back to the bedside and looked at her with slightly lowered eyes. "Why?"
Fu Peibai hung her head. Her hands gripped the bedding tightly as she spoke with some difficulty. "Peak Master, you now know about my condition. I am afraid I will not be able to control myself. I am afraid I will turn into a monster consumed by my own cultivation."
The room remained quiet for a long while. Fu Peibai lifted her head and met those eyes, still and deep as water. She saw Lu Yanran's thin lips part slightly, and a soft, pleasant voice emerged.
"You will not. You will not become that kind of person."
The woman's voice was not loud, nor did it have much fluctuation in tone. Yet it carried an invisible sense of certainty.
Fu Peibai felt a tremor in her heart. Her hands slowly released the bedding. She gazed at the woman she had fallen for, her eyes glistening.
"Good and evil are two sides of the same whole. One rises as the other falls. This is true for all people. You can restrain your evil thoughts, and you can control yourself. Fu Peibai, I believe in you."
Fu Peibai suddenly opened her eyes wide. She was wrapped in a feeling of wild joy.
I believe in you. I believe in you. Just three words, yet to her they contained immeasurably powerful strength. She was so happy she could hardly contain herself. Even her fingertips trembled. She knew well why the other woman's few words made her feel such joy. It was as if heaven had bestowed a tremendous grace upon her.
After a long while, she finally calmed down from her surging emotions. In that instant just now, she suddenly understood something. The moon in the sky is bright and pure precisely because it hangs forever high above. The moon will not come to her, but she will always be illuminated by its light.
That is enough. This is already enough.
She laughed aloud. Her smile was bold and free. The brilliant radiance on her face was like a bright star that even the thunderstorm outside the window could not dim.
Lu Yanran stared at her in confusion, her tone somewhat helpless. "Your body has recovered, but has your head become muddled again?"
The cloud of worry between Fu Peibai's brows suddenly vanished, and she returned to her usual bright self. "No. Peak Master, I am fine. I just suddenly thought through some things and felt enlightened, that is all."
"Oh? What things?"
"I will tell the Peak Master another time when there is a chance."
Lu Yanran did not press further about her perfunctory answer. She left behind an instruction to rest well, then went out the door. Standing outside was a tall man. It was Xing Guang.
Lu Yanran's expression turned cold and grave. As she walked toward the Bamboo Grove Cottage, she questioned Xing Guang, who followed behind her. "Did you not go down the mountain to search for the Medical Sage? Why have you turned back?"
Xing Guang spoke in a deep voice. "The Sect Master has come."
Lu Yanran's footsteps paused. She spoke urgently. "Take me there."
Soon, the two arrived at a hidden cave halfway up Chaoquan Peak. After passing through a long, rugged corridor, they reached a hollow cavern deep within.
Standing in the center was a person wrapped entirely in black robes.
Lu Yanran stepped forward two paces and lowered her head. "I greet the Sect Master."
The black-robed figure immediately turned around. A thin, withered arm rose high. With a crisp "snap" that echoed through the cavern, Lu Yanran's head was slightly turned to the side. A cut was scratched onto one of her cheeks by sharp fingernails. Yet strangely, beneath this cut, no blood beads seeped out. Instead, another layer of fair, delicate skin was revealed.
She had been slapped fiercely like this, yet her expression did not change. She only lowered her head and eyes, remaining motionless.
The black-robed figure threw aside the heavy robe onto the ground, revealing a head of flowing white hair beneath. It was a woman. She was small and thin, with withered joints. She clearly had the body of an old woman in her declining years, yet her face still appeared as that of a young woman. Her skin was delicate, her brows like willow leaves, her eyes like phoenix eyes. She was beautiful. But her face and body were so incongruous that the entire person appeared extremely strange.
At this moment, the woman glared with cold fury. Her voice was filled with anger as she shouted at Lu Yanran, "Seventeen, how did you promise me last time?! Yet what have you done now?!"