Chapter 36: Dear Panashe pt2.
Dear Panashe
Often, I consign to oblivion of how privileged, I am. The life, I was born into. That of a silver spoon, flamboyant house, a fantastic boarding school, an exaggerated life style. Although, I try to live a normal calm life far from the Gallagher's in Marlborough... being a Gallagher is something, I can never runaway from. My family has a history of cruelty, I have always known that. From every single name calling, I got in boarding school till this very same day. My brother's did not help either, they had left their fair share of atrocities at the school by time, I had arrived. I suppose, at first people were afraid of me until they realized how different and soft; I was and still am. They could easily step foot on me and take advantage.
I'm only human and it constantly slips my mind that not everyone goes to bed full or free from restlessness as to what they will eat the day after tomorrow. I am grateful when I meet people who bring me down to earth. Sharing the cabin with three caveman is the worst. It feels like boarding school all over again. I have to deal with them being drunk always and of course, their feeble minded conversing. Gerald almost assaulted one of the women here. I have never been more embarrassed, I was glad to have came right on time. My father and Milton simply laughed it off. Blaming it on her choice of clothing. I would rather be stuck with three lions in a den than with the three musketeers as I usually call them. They cause trouble everywhere they go. They feel like the world and everyone owes them everything. My father went down to meet the Captain, he was upset and kept yelling 'do you have any idea who I am?' repeatedly when I finally came through and questioned what was the hassle all about.
The Captain respectfully explained that my petty brother's and father had been complaining about how slow the ship had been going. He couldn't go any faster than that, besides it was right on track. It usually takes around twenty-nine days to reach Australia. My father wouldn't have it. I understood his frustration but this was all his idea. He wanted to go to Australia but could not stand the time, he had to sit out at sea. I suppose, he had done everything entertaining including making a fool of the servants on here. Now he was turned off. I suggested a good book for him to read that I had personally been enjoying over the past week. He threw it into the ocean without any hesitation. My brother's laughed along as they walked away... I have never hated my family more than I do at this very moment.
A man walked up to me right after with the opening line. "If anyone else had any idea they would be spending twenty-nine days with the Gallagher's, I doubt anyone would have boarded in the first place."
I did not blame him, either.
We talked for a while and I learnt that he was a year older than myself, has a lovely wife and two kids. He did not know anything about me or my being related to the Gallagher's so this was my opportunity to lie and live the life I want in a stranger's eyes. I explained to him that, I had a son when I was quite young and the mother left. I met and married the love of my life and we're currently expecting our bundle of joy. He never asked of the race because he just assumed White although feeling flamboyant, I added that. My wife is that of melanin beauty. He was purely astounded, he whispered to me... 'how did you do it?' I just shrugged and replied. 'I love whomever I want.'
Being hypocritical, I'm such a coward. I wish, I really wish I could say that in real life or be that brave.
The man seemed to be in love with his wife even the way he described her or the awfully sweet things he mentioned. I felt bad, I couldn't exactly tell him... I had married a woman who resembled the Gallagher's discourteous character. I learnt that his name was Archie Richardson, he seemed to be off the bottom of the food chain. He had no title to his name. No 'sir' 'master' 'earl' 'barony' 'viscount'—
Just Archie Richardson.
I introduced myself as William, just William and the closest poor related last name I could think of. It was hard to think of because I'm often associated with Elites so I did not want to come off as flamboyant. I then remembered Hector's last name is Neil. I settled for William Neil. I did not like deceiving the somewhat honest genuine friend, I have ever had but he already hated the Gallaghers and had some profound opinion on them. I did not want to be associated with them.
We talked about our reasons for going to Australia. His reason was more valid than mine. I then remembered how you had said 'isn't Australia where they send English convicts'
I suppose it wasn't always that way over the past years. English convicts were sent to America. However, in 1783 the American War of Independence ended. America refused to accept any more convicts so England had to find somewhere else to send their prisoners. Transportation to New South Wales was the solution. It was once a point of shame that to be sent to Australia but as the years have gone by. Job opportunities are arising.
There has been a huge labour shortage. People on farms needed labourers to clear the land, plant crops and take care of animals. The expanding settlement as of now means that convict labour isn't as sufficient. Employers are forced to increase the wages they offered to workers in order to compete for their labour. Archie was going there for that sore reason. He wants to provide for his family and I perfectly admire that. He explained that he had used all his savings to be able to board on this ship. Putting all his eggs in one basket, not knowing if he will ever return. If he will ever be able to find a job once he arrives, not knowing where he will stay either. It made me realize, how good of a life, I had. The only thing, I complained about was being related to dimwits but he has a family to take care of... they're relying on him.
I did not mention that my reason for going to Australia was to help my father pick out land and maybe pass by his other plantations in Southern Rhodesia, Africa. It would surely come off as swashbuckling. Instead, I said I was an explorer... like Marco Polo. That still did not explain, how I had so much money to explore. He didn't question anything else.
I want to ask of a favor my love. You will absolutely hate me for it. Forgive me, for putting you through this but the sooner you see this letter please do it on my behalf. I left money in my safe back in Marlborough in my study. You know the pin, we practiced multiple times before I left or before the feud between us happened. Please, visit Tracey, whatever it maybe. Please tolerate her for the time being and sneak in and take a few thousands. I'd really appreciate if you went and gave it to a lady called Majory Richardson. Isn't it a coincidence that she works at Mr. Wilkins shop. You will be sure to find her there. Just give her out of my goodwill. I know, she could really use it at this very moment. It broke my heart when Archie told me, his kids sometimes did not eat for more than three days. They even polish shoes outside of Shops for a couple of pennies. With this money, tell Majory it's a gift from her husband's very good friend. I want the boys to start going to school. I will pay all expenses and I expect nothing in return. I just want to see them better themselves.
In our society, poverty continues without education. The food chain remains unshaken and that saddens me.
Well nothing productive has happened besides that. I miss you dearly with my heart and soul. You mean the world to me and you make me want to be better. You bring out the best in me. I will never stop loving you. It is highly unlikely. How is our child doing? I will be home soon to sort everything out. Just trust me my love, I know you have and I have done nothing but disappoint you. I apologize, I hope when you read this.. you smile. I hope when you read this, you can feel the love that I feel for you. I hope this warms your heart as much just hearing your name warms mine.
I love you dearly.
Ps. I want to add that, I'm glad we're over the Master William phase. I'm your Will now but... shameless to say. It really brought me to the brink of ecstasy whenever you called 'Master William' during our intimate moments. I'm quite embarrassed, does that make me just as vile as my brothers and father? I do not know but it eats me up. I trust you, I'm not putting my claim on you but please Panashe, keep everything of mine closed, till I return. I act like a caveman when it comes to you but, I do not care. I do not want any male specie touching or having what's only meant to be my ecstasy, our own little heaven.
Again, I love you.
Your sexually deprived
father of your child.
William
—
Panashe found a smile plastered on her face. Almost shy from all the vulgarness, William unashamedly displayed. What if someone was to read this? She loved how sincere and good hearted he is. Panashe couldn't deny that calling him Master William during their most intimate moments brought her to a brink as well. She unashamedly liked him having control over her body and dominating her. It did not make him as sadistic as his father or brothers. She did as she was told. She trusted William. It would be hard to see Lady Tracy carrying William's child as well but she wanted to stand by William's love no matter how many obstacles came along.
She believed in his love for her.
Chapter37: Called it soliciting.
"Sir, a shlong?" I questioned the man who sat in front of me, eyeing me from head to toe.
"Yes, a shlong." He repeated.
"You mentioned working here for a few, I presume that Gallagher boy must have taught you a few things... I quite like experienced girls. The criers, make my head hurt." He paused, scratching his scruffy beard for a bit. I could have sworn this man was Master Joshua's age group. "Tracy mentioned you left for a bit to be of help at the Gallagher plot, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if I bought you. Mhm—"
It all suddenly made sense.
I felt very uncomfortable.
"Do a little twirl, will ya girly?" He said using his hand to signal movement. My throat felt dry and my palms sweaty. Could this man not tell that I was pregnant. I had merely came here to do what William had requested of me not to be a potential sell. You might be wondering how I ended up here in William's dining room with this stranger who happened to be Lady Tracy's client. I had visited in hopes of telling Lady Tracy that I heavily missed her and Liam... also that I had came to visit. It was not exactly a lie that I missed little Liam, I can't say the same for Lady Tracy. Unfortunately she said Liam had went to visit his grandparents for a bit. She had quickly excused herself to get something for this man. She mentioned it be a custom made wedding outfit.
The man cleared his throat when I did not follow his orders. I felt afraid. Maybe I was overthinking... "Have you ever been to the west?" He questioned.
"The West.."
"America!"
"No-sir!"
"If I buy you... then you could come with me there. With my other girls."
"Your other girls?"
"Yes, I have four girlies back in Virginia."
I kept quiet.
"I really like you. You're quiet, I can tell that your skin is very smooth and I like smooth skin... licking smooth skin." I felt a crawl up my spine that made me want to regurgitate everything I had eaten earlier. "I love that you keep your hair nice and short. Above all... such a remarkable figure you have there. What's your name?"
"P-Pan-anashe.." I said a little to quickly trying to keep the bile on my throat down.
"Nice... very unique.."
"I'm expecting..." I said a little too quickly this made him chuckle.
"So what?"
"I can not—"
"I only leave for the West in six months but I'm willing to stay.. till you give birth to that rat then we can be off. I will surely offer Gallagher a price he can't refuse. Judging from the fact that you're pregnant. My dear... you're well acquainted to a shlong and mine wants to ravage you." He sighed looking at me intently. "You have this innocent face... it strikes me as unadulterated. I assume Gallagher Junior must have had his fair share but I'm alright with that. I was never a habitué of virgins."
"Pah— your name is quite difficult. I will call you Penny. So tell me Penny... how many have you been with? No need to be all shy. I take good care of my girlies. I will take good care of you too. America is a dream, fast paced than the plots down here in England."
"One." I replied. In my head, I would never ever count Elliot. I did not want to think of it either. I had to reply because if he complained about me to Lady Tracy, I'd be in so much tumult.
"I doubt I believe any of that." He chuckled. "Any man with his naked eye would take you to bed the minute you walked by. Admit you have a few... I don't judge. Like I said... I like my girlies experienced."
"Mr. Wesley, I think these are the one's. I apologize it took me a while to find them." Lady Tracy interrupted and I was thankful. My shoulders shrugged in relief. I just wanted him to be gone but he did not seem keen on moving from his position.
"Tracy dear, a quick question?" I should have noticed from his accent that it was rather odd. I assumed it was about his tailor made outfit but I was absolutely wrong.
"Ofcourse Mr. Wesley."
"How much are the girlies in England?"
I suddenly loathed the word girlies.
"Uh—" she paused. "I'm not quite sure... we haven't had a market in a while. I assume they're cheaper than strong built male negroes."
"I do not care for the male negroes, I want this girly standing behind you. I want to take her with me to the West. I haven't been captivated in such a long time and I'm not leaving until Gallagher lets me."
"Well you're in luck... Mr. Wes. She is pregnant so that might be a little costly."
I couldn't believe they were merely discussing me, upfront with no shame as if I was some material for Lady Tracy's tailoring.
"You can keep the rat. I do not like the noise."
"Of course well... my husband bought her from his father a few months back. She good with cleaning, cooking and so much more. When he returns you may have a word with him. She temporarily went back to the Gallagher plot to help out."
"Mhm... be it she can not cook or perform any chores. I suppose all I need of her to open her legs."
Lady Tracy gasped as if it was taboo. "Mr. Wes...."
"Oh Tracy, don't pretend your husband hasn't been busy with her. You would be a fool to think he willingly let a negro of that beauty walk around the house without deflowering her instantly and doing much more."
At this moment, I knew maybe I should not have came here. Maybe I should have stayed and read Williams third letter. Maybe I should have, should have done anything even see Elliot or feed the chickens or—
Anything but here.
"Never! William loves me. That is where you're wrong. William has spent every other night with me like a starved man. There would be no way he would... for goodness sake Mr. Wes. William absolutely loathes negroes. He is soft and has a kind heart. He would never be as vile as other men. William is not like... all you the rest.." She spat.
The man, I had now known as Mr. Wesley chuckled as he took gladly put on his straw hat on top of his head.
"Oh Tracy dear..." He shook his head lightly. "I suppose, I will be off to the Netherlands for a while but I will gladly return in time to speak with your husband of this beauty. I'm astounded.."
"I wouldn't exactly call her that..." Lady Tracy, replied crossing her arms.
"No need to bring out the green eyed monster. I'm not your husband!"
"Later my sweet Penny." He bid me goodbye.
"Mr. Wes you joke quite a lot... oh you Americans!" Lady Tracy said, her voice fading as they headed out. I did not know if that was a good time to be sneaking around but I was sure she would be back soon and I couldn't. My hands were shaking, my heart was hyperventilating, my palms sweaty, my teeth cluttering whenever I tried to speak and—
I couldn't do it.
I decided another day.
Maybe when Liam is around.