Chapter 44: Called it a new start.
Crying? I had done that enough. It was of no use, it only gave me throbbing headaches... heartache. Determined? I was determined that everything would be fine. My mother and aunt Ruth had given me a pep talk that was astounding. I was allowed to feel hurt but it did not mean I should mop around every chance, I got. During the first days, I found it extremely backbreaking to work till the evening. The only slaves who worked around that time were slaves that were serving punishment for whatever reason. Mine? My mistake was thinking, my 'love story' would be somewhat different. I had to watch William and his wife every Sunday, appear together and all loving with each other. I made sure that I kept my eyes on the pastor. I could feel him burning holes from afar. I wouldn't give into looking at him. If anything, I felt nothing but pity for William as for Lady Tracy, she was clearly capable of the worst and she scared me. I wouldn't want her hurting my child. If she wanted William to that extent then she could have him. It meant peace for me and my child. Liam had unknowingly ran to hug me and not knowing how to respond, I hugged him back. It reminded me of the thoughts that this wasn't his son either. Before I knew it, Lady Tracy had peeled Liam off me as if I had a nasty plague. I tried really hard not to be too bothered by it so I greeted her with a smile and she greeted me with a tight smile before I excused myself avoiding William's presence at all costs.
While working the late hours, I had even made a friend. Tiki, I thought his name was a little weird at first but he had saved me from enough backache. He did most of the work for me while I sat with my legs crossed. It was all out of sympathy. He had some really funny stories about his previous slave owners. Tiki seemed to have been through it all. He asked about the father of my child which just stirred up silence. Until he said 'it's alright, I know how that story goes..' from there we never spoke of it again. Tiki was from a different plantation but he was serving punishment for stealing alcohol. His Master happened to be friends with Master Joshua. The Gallagher plantations were much bigger so his master felt it was better for him to serve here. At the end of each day, Tiki had to walk back to his plantation, which was miles away. This punishment was beyond me. It made me feel bad that he was doing my work so I would often help wherever I could.
That is until one day when Master William had decided to drop by to see if I was serving my punishment. I was not expecting to see him at all until, he told me to go home. I told him, it was only past sunset and I still had a few more hours but he grabbed me roughly by my hand and pushed me towards the direction of the commune. From then on, I never saw Tiki again. When I did ask around, I was told that his punishment had been withdrawn and he was told to go back to his plantation. That left me alone yet again, with the Overseer and his whip. Not many slaves served punishment, they did their best to follow the rules by all means so that they would not be here in my position.
I was already within eight months and I had absolutely nothing prepared for this child. I would eventually figure it out. Hector said he would steal some clothes from his sister's child. There was a lot to be sad about but when I would feel my child making movements, it made me somewhat smile. I had someone to live for. My child was depending on me for every breath and much more. When I was so broken that I couldn't eat, my mother would remind me that my child needed it. For someone pregnant, I had lost so much weight. I realized how good, I had it when I lived in the house. I would cook and eat. I would eat their left overs but here at the commune... we ate like animals. There was never really much to ponder upon.
I was afraid of giving birth. It scared me to death. Aunt Ruth had promised to be there as someone who had helped many other women with delivery. Many slaves often died from child birth, it scared me that I would be doing this alone. Once upon a time... William had promised me that... he would be there. I immediately shook off my thoughts.
"Why is she out till this late?" I had a voice speak from afar. I couldn't quite see whom it was but I knew all too well that voice and it scared me stiff. I could see the shadows of the overseer and... Master Joshua with his cane. I had not once encountered him ever since his return from Australia. He intimidated me to the point that I felt if he asked me a question... I would not be able to lie.
Tiki had to kill a small snake while we worked. It scared me that I had to work here alone... and there happened to be many snakes that swelled around these parts. Insects did not bother me, my body was almost so full of mosquito bites. My appearance didn't really matter to me, I had absolutely no one to impress. I often thought of Elliot... how people still assumed we were married and a newly wedded couple. I did not know when my life had became such a rollercoaster. I had to force myself to erase the memories, I shared with William. My mother had even helped me burn his letters and... called it a new start for me. It wouldn't be a new start because I would be seeing him and his wife, all the time.
"Master William said she had to serve punishment.." The overseer replied. I was too caught up in my thoughts that I did not notice that he, Master Joshua had called me out front.
"Girly, come on?" He called, I was more afraid than relieved. Standing up and putting my digging tools aside, I struggled to keep my balance amongst all the dirt. Dusting myself so I'd look presentable.
"Oh, I remember you... Fredrick's little girl huh? Weren't you working for William?"
"Uh...I left, decided to work closer to my mother... Master Joshua." I said looking at my feet but I couldn't see my feet so I could only see my bulging stomach.
"I reckon, this is for the punished, what did you do? I thought you were quite an obedient girl..."
Why was he being nice to me? It scared me.
"I-i- don't know. I must have angered Master William unknowingly." I quickly added. "Master Joshua."
"I was not aware that you were expecting either... William is a good young man with a good heart. I'm a little bewildered that you would cause him to be this harsh. What exactly did you do? I need answers this minute?"
"I'm afraid, I do not know Master Joshua..."
He eyed me up and down before clicking his tongue and shaking his head. "Well off you go then." I was not sure if he meant I should go home or go back to work so I countered the second one and went back into the—
"OFF YOU GO HOME." He yelled rolling his eyes.
"Thank you Master Joshua."
"Do not thank me, of all the horrid things I have done on this earth and with the second chance, God has given me, I feel the least I can do is be kind of to my grandchild."
I faltered taking a step back—
"I'm sorry, Master Joshua." I said quickly without thinking. I was afraid, afraid because he knew. All this time, I had been afraid of what his reaction would be and never did I expect him to be this—
Was this a game? He was only making me comfortable so he could kill me and my baby in my sleep. That was it. He wanted to kill me when I least expected it. He is going to kill me. This is it, this man wants to kill me. He wants to give me a slow painful death.
"Please do not kill me. I'm so sorry Master Joshua. I learnt my lesson. I will never ever do it again. I will work hard on the field. I will work even harder. I make a good assert, Master Joshua. Please, I beg you, spare my life and my child's life. I will leave if you want me to. No one will know about this. I'm willing to leave. You can sell me off else where anywhere. In fact Master Joshua there was a man from the West who said he was willing to buy me. I'm sure he would be willing to pay a good enough amount for me Master. Please I beg you, please do not kill me. I make a good prostitute even, many would be willing to buy me off. You won't even have to kill me or punish me. I will never, I swear on my father's grave... I will stir off William. I will gladly leave. Please sell me, no one will know about my mixed child. I will even lie, I will even accept that I was out and about with Mr. Wilkins. Please don't kill my mother or torture my mother. She warned me many times. She told me to remove it. It's all my fault. I was going to, I swear. If you want me to, I will, please Master Joshua—"
Chuckling, he sighed. "You're such a character, stand up on your feet this minute... I'm old enough to oddly be aware that this pregnancy was not coincidental. Ofcourse, I managed to read my sons letters hidden under the mattress of the bunk bed on the ship." He sighed yet again. "Why would I kill you? I have no desire to lead the life I led before. I will soon die and I want to be in the lords good books."
I only swallowed noticing the tears that were streaming on my cheeks. I really felt close to death. Nothing, he would say could convince me.
"Off you go..." He said once more and this time, I ran. Just Incase he would take the opportunity of me having my back towards him to blow me up with his pistol. I ran and ran but nothing came. My heart was beating so fast, I could feel the sound drumming in my ear. I was expecting something. Anything but nothing came so I continued running...