Gwen’s POV
It’s been four hours.
Four hours since Stefan disappeared into the infirmary with Mari in his arms. I’ve spent most of that time wearing down a path in the living room carpet. My eyes keep darting to the hallway leading to the infirmary.
Nobody has been allowed into the room since Levi had his leg set three hours ago. He left to recover in his room. Since then, only three people have been in the infirmary–Stefan, Mari, and the healer.
A few times, I’ve almost convinced myself to go ahead and take a look. She is my twin sister, he is my mate. I should get to check on them.
But the memory of Stefan’s threatening glare back in the forest is enough to keep me from doing it. If he looks at me like that ever again…
I turn away from the hallway. Maybe I should get out of this house. Take a walk, a drive, anything. Because if I have to stay here one more minute and wonder what’s going on with them, I’ll go crazy.
I take the stairs two at a time. In our bedroom, I open one of the bedside drawers and look for a familiar set of keys. The one with my car keys which he took from me the night we met.
Once I have them, I put on a pair of boots and leave the room. I’m headed for the door connecting to the garage from the kitchen when Hanna’s voice stops me.
“Going somewhere?”
I turn to her and hold up the keys. “Taking a drive.”
She shakes her head as she walks into the kitchen. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. After that attack–”
“They got all of them, didn’t they?” That’s how much I’ve gathered from their conversations. They were attacked by seven werewolves, three of them vampire-fed. None of them got out alive. “I doubt they’ll be able to plan another attack so soon.”
“Regardless,” she says, “we can’t take the risk.”
“Did Stefan ask not to allow me to leave?”
“What?”
“Did he?”
“No…”
“So I can go.”
I try to keep the hurt out of my voice. When he thinks there is a security threat, he never lets me leave the compound. And any other day, he never takes chances–he always asks Hanna to accompany me.
But now, after such a bold attack? He is so preoccupied with tending to her that he probably couldn’t tell whether I got back from the forest alive or not. If he saw me leave through the infirmary windows, I doubt he would bat an eye.
I do my best to tamp down my bitterness. It doesn’t work.
“Gwen, please…”
I let Hanna’s words fade as I open the door and enter the garage. My little old car is at the farthest end. When I get to it, so does she.
“If you insist, I can’t let you go alone.”
“I really, really need some alone time.”
The determination on her face turns into understanding. “At least let me follow you in another car. I’ll keep my distance.”
“Okay. That’s okay.”
She nods and leaves to get the keys. I get into my car and settle in the driver’s seat. I haven’t been inside it since that night I fled from Connor. I wrap my fingers around the wheel and savour the feeling. I lean back in my seat and close my eyes for a moment.
And then it hits me.
This. This old, battered, within-an-inch-of-its-lifespan car. This is the only thing that’s truly mine, in this entire world.
***
I drive and drive. I only stop when I need to refuel, and that’s when I realise how long I’ve been on the road.
Yet, it feels like I could keep driving. Maybe I should have kept driving that night, instead of going by the club. If I had, my life would have taken an entirely different path.
By now, I would have settled in some small, unknown town hundreds of miles away from my old life.
But then it occurs to me that he would have probably found me anyway. Unless…
Unless my sister found him first.
If we never met at Joseph’s bar, and if that night, I had gone far enough… She probably would have come looking for him before he could run into me. They would be mated, and I would never exist in their lives.
I was past this kind of thinking. Feeling like I was an intruder, an outsider. Like a glitch in their system. And all it took was him shutting me out while he held her like she is the most precious thing to him for all of those feelings to flood back.
How many more times will I have to go through this? How much longer can I ignore the truth we all know, but which we have pushed to the side because we thought it doesn’t matter anymore?
Today has shown that it matters. It matters how all this began…and I would be a fool to believe otherwise.
***
Hanna keeps her promise to stay at a distance until we get back to the house. As we leave the garage, she informs me that Mari is out of the infirmary and resting in her room.
That’s why I go upstairs expecting to find him in our room. Instead, I run into the housekeeper leaving with some clothes in hand. His clothes.
“What’s…why…where are you taking those?”
She bows her head–I sense it’s more an effort to avoid my eyes than it is a sign of respect. “Alpha Stefan wants a change of clothes.”
I try to make sense of that.
She must figure I want further explanation when I don’t step aside to let her go by.
She clears her throat. “He is taking care of your sister in the guest room, and has chosen to take a shower there.”
Just when I thought I was done taking blows for the day.
I nod stiffly and step aside. She hurries past me, head still deeply bowed. As if it embarrassed her so much to be the one to tell me that. I’m embarrassed for myself, too.
I step inside the room and close the door. When I lean back against the panel and stare across the room, I see nothing. I feel nothing. That drive must have worked way too well.
I eventually get off my back and head into the bathroom. I strip and step into the shower, standing directly under the full blast of the water.
The water doesn’t just wash my tears away.
It also washes away any shreds of lingering hope. It takes with it the hurt, the bitterness. And leaves behind a strong resolution.
My fresh start is long overdue.