CHAPTER 20. I TRUST YOU, BUT I STILL FEEL UNEASY
RYDER
The few days I spent away from the pack on my business trip was the worst days of my life. Or maybe not the worst, but they were just as bad.
I could barely get my thoughts together. I wasn't articulated enough and continuously zoned out. It's a good thing I still got the deal, regardless of how distracted I was. Back in my hotel room, I was always lost in my thoughts. The name 'Hara' reverberated in the walls of my heart. She was all I thought of, all I dreamt of. I was itchy to get back. I wanted to know what she's been up to. How she's doing. I was scared she might be having another complication with her unborn child. From what I lucked up from her thoughts, she's had a few complications in the past. I feared the constant rain and thunder might scare her at night. I hated that she was alone. I'd give anything to be with her, hold her, kiss her, fuck her. I'd kept Jason on her tail, and that was the only thing that had me a little bit assured. Seeing him now, I was elated. I needed to hear it all.
”Fuck off,“ Darius flipped him the bird, adjusting in his seat.
Jason laughed harder, coming to sit next to me, opposite Darius. “I swear I heard you asking about me a few seconds ago.“
“Yeah, I wanted to be sure you were gone for good.“ Darius said with a scoff.
“Really now? You sure you're not gonna miss me?”
“Not a chance, asshole. It'll be good riddance with you gone,“ Darius deadpanned.
“Woah, easy tiger. You don't have to get all aggressive. it's just a photoshoot, not the end of the world,“
“You should butt out, Jason. I feel sick talking to you,“
“Too bad, isn't it?“ Jason chuckled, leaning back in his seat. “Well, on the contrary, I feel thrilled talking to you. I love to see your face cringed with anger,“
“It's not anger. It's disgust. That's what I feel with you around,“
“If that was true, you wouldn't fuck the same pussy I did. Your dïck would get a stench of my disgusting cums,“ Jason had a smug smile as he taunted Darius.
“I never knew you were fucking that bitch. If I had an idea, I would never have fucked her,“
“You sure that wasn't your revenge?”
“Believe me, I'd rather die than fuck a pussy you already did,“
“I don't believe you. But it's cool. Really. I don't mind. We can always share,“
“I don't intend to share anything and anyone with you again,”
“Including Ryder?“
“Especially Ryder.“ Darius said firmly.
“Okay, guys. Timeout. That's enough,“ I said exasperatedly, hating the route their bickering just took.
Jason and Darius – those two have never gotten along quite well. During wars and meetings, they tolerate each other. But when it was just the both of them, they let hell loose.
It started years back after I was pronounced as the Alpha and Jason as my beta, while Darius became a warlord. I knew Darius felt bitter. He's always been my other half, despite our rivalry. We grew up together, trained together, preparing ourselves for the day we become Alpha and Beta. But we never saw the twist coming. Although I was cool with it, Darius never wholeheartedly accepted it.
A few years back, we hit a brothel, just the three of us. We were dead drunk and turned off our links to the pack. It was a human brothel and all we wanted was to fuck our hearts out. We booked private rooms and were offered enough pussies to last the night.
I don't know the details, but somehow Jason had winded up in Darius's room and fucked all the pussies he'd been given for the night.
Darius had woken up to him still fucking the last one. He'd gone wild and they'd brawled so badly, letting their wolf loose, biting and clawing at each other. It was a huge scandal. Jason was a mischievous ass and a bloody Casanova, who had no reputation to protect. Darius and I, on the other hand, were dragged to the mud. It was in their fights that I realized Darius had pent-up anger and he felt Jason had taken me away from him. It was the silliest thing I ever heard.
Right after that, Darius left the pack to go train fully as a warlord. I was no longer subjected to the torture of witnessing his fights with Jason. But now, he's back and they seem to be picking up right where they left off.
“You should tell your crazy Beta to butt out. He isn't part of this conversation,“ Darius snapped.
“Jason, butt out,“ I sighed, rubbing tiredly at my eyes.
“It's not my fault your friend is a sissy.“ Jason shrugged nonchalantly.
“Say the word 'sissy' again and I'll hurl you out of the window!“ Darius was on his feet, mad with rage.
Jason stood too, staring back at him with amusement dancing all over his face. Trust Jason to be an inconsiderate ass.
He opened his mouth to speak and I was fast to see he was about to say the 'sissy' word again.
“Shut the fuck up!“ I silenced him before he said the words. My gaze was back at Darius, “Get going. I'll link you the address for the photo shoot. Have Tiffany pick out your outfits,“
”Punk!“ He spat at Jason and headed out of the hall.
“Sissy,“ Jason finally let the words out, slumping back on his seat with a chuckle.
“Asshole,“ I backfired.
“Wait, now you're defending him?“ Jason let out a dramatic gasp. “I feel betrayed,“
“You're gonna feel worse if you don't start talking. How did it go with Hara?“
“Well, uh– hold on. Your shirt…“ He gestured at my outfit. “... you're not missing any buttons. That's new.“
I arched a brow questioningly, “What's new about it?“
“Tiffany's long nails would never let your buttons be. You're always looking like a hobo after your car quickies,“
“She didn't get to touch them,“
“Oh, wow. So you guys fucked with her hands tied up?“
“Not that…“
“Didn't fuck at all and just made out?“
“Not that either?“
“Gave you a head?“
”No…“
“You wanna tell me or would you rather I keep guessing?“
“We didn't do anything at all. We just talked and that was it.“
Jason was quiet and his eyes squinted as he stared at me.
“That was a very flimsy lie, Ryder. C'mon, I understand if you don't wanna discuss your quickies with me anymore. But you don't have to lie…”
“I'm damn serious, dude. Nothing happened. As much as I wanted it, and as much as she wanted it, we didn't do it.“
“How's that even possible?“ Jason shook his head in disbelief. “Tiffany has been your fuck-girl for ages. You'd never give up a chance to bang her ass. Now out of the blue, you're telling me you guys didn't do it?“
“Yes, we didn't. Tiffany was right there horny and sexy. I was hard for her, dude. I would have given the world just to have my dick inside her, even for just a second.“
“What the fuck stopped you?!“
“Hara!!“ I yelled out frustratedly. ”I got her name stuck in my head, my heart, and my mind. And just when I'd sprawled Tiffany on my thighs, I felt my heart clutch in guilt. I felt like I was cheating on Hara, man. It didn't feel right. I had to let Tiffany go,“
“I don't understand–“ Jason was short of words. “Hara hasn't even accepted the mate-bond yet.“
“I know that, and that's what pisses me off the most. She's yet to be mine but I seem to have already taken the fidelity oath. I can't even stare at random boobs anymore. It feels so wrong now,“
“I fear for you, Man. With the way you're going about this, I wouldn't be surprised if you get admitted into an asylum pretty soon,“
“This is no time for jokes, Jason.“
“No, I'm serious. You're all shades of crazy. Ever since Hara happened, you've been having these drastic changes that are beginning to freak me out,“
“I don't understand these changes myself. I just know, God, I just know that I need Hara. She's already my undoing and if I don't have her soon, I'll die,“
“Then your father would have our heads on the stakes. Nice one, Ryder,“ Jason scoffed.
“That's perfect. I get to go to hell with you all,“ I grinned, and he laughed. A little humor in our conversations is always spot-on.
”Is Tiffany okay?“ Jason chirped in calmly.
“She'll be fine. She's tough. Unlike some random brat I know. That reminds me. Where the hell is she?“
“Who, Ciara?“ I nodded. “Your Father sent her to go survey Ice pack, they're having the flood pretty bad. You know, as your future bride, she went in your place.“
“How thrilled she must have been. Delusional bitch!“ I muttered under my breath.
“She'll be back soon, so keep your fingers crossed,“
“You wanna talk about Hara or do I shove your head down your ass?“
“Sure,“ He laughed. “So the Cyrus guy did what you ordered. He convinced Hara into coming back to the bar.“
“When did she resume?“
“Today. You wanna go see her?“
“Nah, not yet. She'll freak out at the sight of me. I don't wanna risk that.“
“I've been watching her as you ordered. One time, she was taking shelter in a newspaper vendor store. I was with Cyrus, and that's when I sent him in to go talk to her.“
“You did great. Uh – have that Cyrus guy sacked. I'll pay him hugely for it,“
“Why would you want him out?“
“He's close to Hara. I tapped into his mind and he's got lingering feelings. It'd be suicide to keep him around her.“
“You tap into random people's minds now?“
“Only when it has to do with Hara.“
“Tapped into mine yet?“
“No. I don't have a reason to. Let me make something clear. I'm giving her space because I don't wanna scare her. But I'll be damned if I sit around and let another guy have her.“
“You're scary, man. Very,“ Jason said, and there were no jokes around it.
“Get ready. You'll be introducing yourself to her today. Be sure to do a good job at being my spy.“ I said dismissively.
Jason nodded and stood to his feet. He was leaving but turned around, and asked, “If you're so uneasy with having another guy around her, why are you sending me to her?“
Seconds passed and we were still staring at each other. My arms were folded around my chest. His hands were hidden in his pockets. He was waiting for a reply.
“Because I trust you, Jason.“ I finally said. I did trust him. But I was feeling a tad uneasy too with him being around her. Jason would never betray me, I knew that. Still, I was uneasy.
”Do you?“
“Yes. Shouldn't I?“
”You should. I'd never betray you.“ He vowed.
I hope so, Jason. I hope this is just me being paranoid. And there's nothing to worry about.