CHAPTER 39. DEJECTED
RYDER
I forced another shirt inside the small suitcase and it took up all the space. Pissed and fucking done with this packing shit, I kicked the suitcase off my bed. It shattered on the floor, my clothes with it.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I face-palm myself. Last night, I thought this would be easy. Having seen Hara and spending time with her, I thought leaving this morning wouldn't hurt so much.
But as dawn came, and I returned here, I realized just how pathetic all these were. Kissing her, and feeling her wetness through the duvet made me wanna stay back and do more of that.
I took a glance around my bedroom. Its exquisite design and how incredibly spacious it was made it one of a kind. But all my life, I could make a finger count of how many nights I've spent here. I've never been an Alpha who stayed home. I was more of an enforcer, always on the road, visiting packs and making sure they were sticking to rules.
I never had a reason to stay home. But right now, I do, and the idea of being on the roads isn't so appealing anymore. I wanted to stay. I fucking wanted to stay, goddammit!
“Hey,“ came a low voice. It was Jason. He picked up my suitcase and clothes, placing them on the bed, beside my remaining laid-out clothes.
“They wouldn't fit in,“ I said wearily.
“You still suck at packing,“ he scoffed out a chuckle, folding up the clothes and fixing them into the suitcase. And as always, he made them all fit in. He zipped up the suitcase.
“Yeah, I still suck at it,“ I admitted, lowering my head dejectedly.
“What's wrong?“ He asked, sitting next to me. Not too close for our arms to touch, but close enough to hear the deafening sound of my beating heart.
“I don't wanna leave, not again. I'm sick and tired of it.“ I said, pouring out my heart to the guy I'd beaten up just yesterday. How fuckin' convenient!
“You met Hara last night,“ It was more of an affirmation than a question. And there was that touch of aching in his voice. “How did it go between you two?“
“Weird, but in a good way. For some reason, she was rather…sweet,“
“How so?“
“She didn't fight me off. Nah, on the contrary, she surrendered to me. It was a damn lovely surrender. She practically begged me to fuck her,“
“She said that?!“ Jason gasped in disbelief, and I picked up on how exaggerated my words were.
“Nah, not literally. But her eyes said it all. She wanted it as badly as I did. And when I wanted to leave, she demanded that I stay till she falls asleep,“
“I guess that means she's into you now,“
“Guess so. I wouldn't wanna put off this mate-thing any longer than I already have. I'm dying to have her,“
“Why didn't you take her last night? If she was all you say she was, what stopped you from taking her?“
“She had another complication. And you know how hard my thrusts can get, how much of an untamed fucker I am. I might just leave her with more complications.“
“Is that all the reason?“ He asked, studying my facial expression. I think it was safe to say Jason already knew me too well. Can't seem to hide anything from him. I guess that's why we wind up in each other's space, after our fights.
“I don't wanna touch her until she accepts the mate bond. I wanna do things right, man. For the first time, I'm willing to stick to the traditional ways,“
He nodded. Went silent. This wasn't a good time to ask about whatever feelings he might have for Hara. I needed a favor.
“You're gonna watch her for me, right?“ I pitched in, looking away. Fuckin' asshole, that's what I am!
“Sure, why not?“ He smiled, but it was half-assed. Soon, he was back to being moody. “I hope nothing happened to your powers, and you return as the God-of-war you're known to be,“
I knew he meant that. He sounded so fucking sincere and my doubts about him were just when it has to do with Hara, not when it had to do with my safety.
“Honestly, Jason. Deep down, I don't wanna return as the God-of-war. I'll do anything to give up that life. I want something else now, something more soul-bonding and eternal than spilling blood and conquering the world,“
“Hara?“
“Yes, Hara. I wanna be her mate, her husband, her life, her reason to smile. I want her life to revolve around me and that isn't gonna happen if I'm always out there, fighting. She doesn't seem like a war-freak to me.“
Jason laughed, standing to his feet and stretching out a hand for a shake. “Congratulations, man. I think you found your kryptonite. The very same one you said you were good without,“
I was forced to laugh. He was hinting at my repeated mouthing off years ago. Every time the issue of finding a mate came up, I was always quick to remind them that I was better off without one. Having a kryptonite was a risk I couldn't take, that had always been my punch line.
I stood and took the handshake. ”Thanks, man. Although, I think is a bit too early,“
“And why's that?“
“Well,“ I let go of his hand, “Father thinks the moon Goddess disapproves of Hara and me. If that's actually the case, then I'm gonna have to make the hardest decision of my life. Letting Hara go or staying with her and watching the Moon Goddess bring more havoc to my people,“
This was the most frustrating part of all this. When I return, I'll have to make a decision. That fact scares the shit out of me.
“Ryder,“ Jay bowed. He just walked in, I guess. Hadn't noticed. “The elders are ready to leave,“
“Sure. I'll be down in a minute,“ He bowed again and left.
“Take it easy, man. And whatever you choose to do, we got your back.“ Jason said, patting my shoulder.
“Means a lot. See ya,“ I picked up my suitcase and headed out of the room.
I walked past Ciara's room and it was locked from the outside. Where had she gone? After her sudden disappearance last night, I haven't set my eyes on her. Not that I gave a shit, but something was unsettling about it.