I really really needed to talk to somebody. Anyone at all else, I would actually run mad.
I soon found my self on the way to see a therapist and a friend of mine.
I entered inside the building and the first thing that caught my attention was the song, Xanny by Billie Eilish which was playing in the background.
I really did not like Billie Eilish, I just disliked everything about her and I also had this special hatred for Xanny.
It was one of my worst songs and never in my sixteen years on this miserable earth had I thought I would find peace in listening to Billie's whisper branded Xanny but surprisingly, I felt this kind of calm while listening to the song playing in the background.
I was carried away listening to the song for a split second before I recovered and headed for Anita's office.
I briefly knocked and entered after I was permitted. Anita was sitting across a guy who I assumed was having a therapy session with her.
"Alya? How are you doing?"
Terrible! I wanted to scream out but I didn't.
"I don't know", I shrugged taking a seat.
Anita turned to the man who was there.
"Our session is over. See you tomorrow", she said with a smile. The man thanked her before leaving.
"What's wrong?" Anita asked.
"I... I don't actually know", I said.
"Don't tell me you just disrupted my session without any reason cause I still have a couple of people waiting to see me", she said.
I kept mute for a while playing with the crystal ball on the shelf. I remembered putting that there a long time ago.
"I think I have feelings for this guy..."
"That's totally normal", she said interrupting me.
"I know. I just don't want them..."
"Because of what Kelvin did?"
"No... I guess. Forget Kelvin. This particular guy is dating one of my best friends and I just feel terrible"
"You don't have to. It isn't your fault... Well it is"
"That's not comforting"
"I know but I seriously thought you learnt how to control your feelings. It took so long but you eventually got past it. And now this just sounds freaking messed up"
"So what should I do?"
"I'm a therapist not a freaking love doctor..."
"I know" I said interrupting her.
"I'll think about it but before that, does the boy like you?"
"I don't think that's possible..."
"Okay. It's better if you stay away from all this. Provided that the guy doesn't like you, rather, he loves your best friend who he was dating before you even came into the picture, staying away from the whole mess would be the best. Believe me, it ain't worth it"
I kept quiet thinking about what she said. I wasn't planning on doing anything either so this was reasonable enough.
***
I got home and headed straight for my room. I had a five minute call with Auti before I got to the room.
I had managed to convince him to come over without Aisha. I lay face down on my bed as I awaited the arrival of Auti Shakes. I was semi-conscious when I heard my tablet's message notification.
Wow. Maybe it was in my head but he got here a lot quicker than I expected. Too lazy to sit up and properly glance at my tablet, I swiped a 'yes'.
I was still laying face down when I heard a knock on my door.
"Come in", I grumbled managing to sit up.
I was still battling with sleep when he walked in.
"Auti thank God you're here. You are an absolute darling I would not know what to do without you..."
I paused when I looked up and instead of Auti I saw the last person I would had expected to see in a lifetime now standing in front of me.
"Kelvin?" I called in shock.
He put on a small smile.
"Hi", he said.
As I stared at him memories long forgotten resurfaced. I can't believe I actually liked this guy at some point.
"How..." I started at serious loss for words. "How are you here? Why are you here? How did you even find out where I live?"
I really regretted not checking my tablet. Laziness has caused a lot of things to go wrong.
"Before you freak out, I totally told those guys at the gate who I was. I am so sorry if I wasn't the one you were expecting..."
"Leave", I interrupted him.
"Please hear me out..."
"I'm telling you to freaking leave this house!" I yelled.
"Alya, I am really sorry", he said.
"Heard. Anything else? No right? So you can leave now. I have a headache", I said.
He looked at me warily.
"I won't leave now. Not until I answer your questions", he said. I kept mute.
"I saw you at the place I went for therapy. You walked past me. I think you were too distracted to notice me. I was supposed to go in next but you went in instead.
"Seeing you made me feel really horrible for everything I did and I am already paying for it. I decided to follow you and let you know how really sorry I am", he said.
"You know, my life's been one hell of a mess since you left..."
"Good for you! So why are you telling me this pitiful tale?" I asked interrupting him.
"I know you are the least interested in what I have to say and I am not telling you all this so you can take me back or anything. I just wanted to make sure no one is holding a grudge against me. I want to be at peace with everyone and I'm trying to make it up to everyone I have ever hurt before I leave"
"Where are you going?" I asked getting slightly concerned, slightly.
"I had a relapse of leukemia. It was too late by the time I found out. The doctor said I have only three months left", he said with a sad smile.
I felt a dull ache somewhere in my chest.
I recalled everything he did to me. How he was already dating one of my friends, Veronica, when he asked me out. I, oblivious of the fact, accepted.
I recalled doubting him and asking if he was dating someone and he denied, almost swore.
Then he caused a serious rift between me and Veronica and all my other friends. He made all his guy friends believe I was the one throwing myself at him.
Even Veronica believed it. He made me loose the only friends I ever had. Everybody I thought cared made fun of me. Soon Veronica left.
Then he started dating one of my hugest enemies giving her a chance to keep rubbing their relationship in my face.
She would keep sending me updates about their relationship and how much they felt for each other. I tried to ignore them but I couldn't bear it at a point.
I fell down a flight of stairs one day after walking in on the both of them making out.
I damaged three fucking ribs and he never cared to check how I was doing. The doctors said it wasn't a big deal. Of course they would, it wasn't them that found it difficult to breathe.
I spent a few weeks in the hospital on the verge of loosing my mind before I started taking therapy sessions.
And now he is going to die in a few months time. Was it worth keeping a grudge? I had a small mental battle for a while before I made up my mind.
Before I could give it a second thought, I pulled him into a hug. He seemed taken aback by my action.
"I forgive you", I said against his chest.
"Thanks", he muttered hugging me back.
****
After a while of chatting, I walked him out. When we were a small distance from the gate I stopped.
"I guess this is goodbye", I said with a smile. He only nodded.
"One last hug?" I asked and he happily took me into a hug. I was going to feel bad after his death. Just a little bit though.
When we broke the hug, I gave him a smile which he returned. We turned around to see Ifeanyi rooted to a spot.
He was basically staring/glaring at us. Before I could even call out his name, he left.
For a millisecond, the thought that he might have been jealous to see the both of us crossed my mind but that was just me getting way ahead of myself.
That wasn't possible at all. I just concluded that he was being weird. I waved Kelvin one more goodbye before returning to the house.
I locked my door once in my room and plopped down on my bed. I took in a long breath and closed my eyes letting the tears fall down my face.