We all leave the ball room slowly. I take Shana and walk out to my car. She has been quiet since everything began. I know many people were looking at her and blaming her for me rejecting Seleste. I will let the pack know I planned and made every decision on my own. I chose Shana. She did not target me. She is really a nice person and does not deserve the hate of the pack. They are really upset that they lot their true luna. I finally understand what everyone was trying to tell me. Truthfully, I’m at a lost right now. I don’t know what to do moving forward. I do know that I can’t hold Shana to our agreement. She deserves to find her mate and not all the drama that will come my way over the next few years.
As we pull in front of her home, I realize that neither one of us has said anything the whole drive here. I guess we were both deep in thought. I need to apologize to Shana. She trusted me to do the right thing, and I screwed everything up.
“Shana, look, I’m sorry about how that went. I have no excuse for the things that happened tonight. I want to say that I thought I was doing the right thing, but truthfully, my pride and jealousy were driving me. I’ll admit that I was jealous of the respect Seleste received from the pack. Regardless of how I felt or believed, I should not have dragged you in the middle of all of this. I hope you can forgive me. I will make it clear to the pack that you did not know that I was planning to reject my mate or try to drive her out of the pack.”
Shana just looked at me with a sad smile. I don’t think she knows how to process the things that happened tonight.
“Trevor, I think we both got caught up in the moment and emotions of everything. I think I got caught up in the feeling of being important and all the attention. I should have backed up when I realized you had really rejected your mate. I realized after that night at the club that you were not with me because you wanted me. You were with me because you thought you didn’t want her. You were trying to prove something to yourself. I saw that, but I didn’t stop the process when I should have. I’m not mad at you Trevor. In a sense, we both were wrong. I believe everything happened the way that it was supposed to happen and we will all grow from this experience. You and I were never right for each other. Bye Trevor. I do hope that things will work out for you.”
“Thanks Shana. I hope you get your happy ending in all of this. You deserve it. In a couple months, my parents will be hosting a mate ball. I hope that your true mate will be there,”
Shana gave me another sad smile, got out of my car, and walked into her house without looking back. I really am sorry for dragging her into my mess. She is right; we were not right for each other. Everything that my friends said before about me needing a strong partner who would challenge me was true.
When I arrived home, my dad was waiting for me and asked me to come to his office.
‘Son, I’m not going to keep you long. It’s late and we all need to get to sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day. We need to come up with a plan to keep our pack together and strong. We don’t want to lose our elite warriors.”
“I know, dad. I made this mess, so I will fix it. I will apologize to the pack. You always taught me that a leader should never be afraid to admit when they are wrong. I was wrong and I will own up to it.”
“That’s a good start son,” my father says, “but it is going to take more than you admitting you will wrong. The pack will want to know that we have a plan for the continuation of the pack leadership. I have arranged for you to go through alpha training with the royal pack. You will be there for two years. You will live at the academy but will be able to visit us regularly.”
“I think that is a good idea, dad. I obviously need more training. Living at the academy will give me a chance to focus on training and give me time to reflect on what lead me down the wrong path so that I won’t make the same mistakes twice. Me being away from the pack for a time will be good for all of us.”
“Well, you took that a lot better than I thought you would. I had a full speech ready to convince you that this was a good thing. I am glad that you are showing this level of maturity. I will remain as Alpha for the two years you are in training. Beta Vareen and Gamma True will also remain in their positions, but they will train Ben and Seleste for the roles. We will allow them to run the pack several days a month so that you all will be able to step into your roles smoothly after the two years.”
“Dad, please don’t misunderstand me when I ask you this, but how is that going to work with Seleste, traveling all the time? Will she be able to be a full time Gamma with her obligations to council?” I ask.
“That is a legitimate question. Honestly, I don’t how that will affect the pack at this point, but I do know that the previous protectors served as Gamma to our pack, including Seleste’s grandmother. I trust it will work out.”
“I never realized that all the previous Protectors were a part of our pack.”
“Their identities were always kept quiet until they came into their powers. The previous Protector was usually around long after the new Protector came into their powers, so at times, we had two special wolves in our pack at one time. The transition with Seleste has been different since her grandmother passed away before Seleste came into her powers.”
“Seleste will have powers as well. Wow, dad, I really have a lot to learn.”
“Yes, son, she does and yes, you do still have a lot to learn. Seleste actually started manifesting some of her powers at the party. That’s one of the reasons the warriors all were lined up to dance with her. She was able to see that a few of them will find their mates in the next month. The warriors were so excited about that, most of them left their links open and shared it with most of the pack. It is a good thing we were already planning to have a mate ball or half of the warriors would have been leaving us to go seek their mates.”
“I really screwed this mate thing up. Now I will never experience the excitement that the warriors are all willing to travel around to find. I had it right here, and I was stupid enough to throw it away. My wolf will never know that completeness now.”
“Well, son, I would like to tell you that everything will be ok. I don’t know that it will, but I can tell you that by Tamaska breaking the bound, you will be free to take a chosen mate when you are ready. As an alpha, you will need an heir. Fortunately, we live a long time, so you have plenty of time. You can wait until you are truly ready.”
“I don’t know that I will ever be ready, but I will do what needs to be done when the time comes. For now, I want to focus on being a better person.”
“That’s good son. You are maturing as we speak. Now, I’m going to get a little sleep. We will have the pack meeting after breakfast in the morning. Try to get some rest,”
“Good night dad.”
I went up to my room. Needless to say, I could not sleep. I kept seeing Seleste’s face when I told the pack that she was a danger to the pack. That almost hurt her more than the rejection. I don’t know what I’ll ever be able to do to make amends with her. I may have broken our friendship beyond repair, but I will try to make it up to her.
“Convel, how are you doing? I know this has been hardest for you.”
“I’m good. I got a chance to speak with Seleste tonight when you were being an idiot. She told me that her and Tamaska still care about me and they are sorry that we are not mates anymore. They know I didn’t want the rejection and tried to stop you.”
“What do you mean you spoke with Seleste?”
“I saw her look inside you and see me. I spoke, and she heard me. Her and I were talking to each other when you were being an ass. Luckily, she missed most of the nasty things you said because she was focused on me. I did tell her you never had sex with Shana. She was happy about that, but too much damage was done for her to take us back. I accept that and I hope she finds her happily ever after.”
“I do too Convel. As much as it will hurt to see her with someone else, I will be happy for her. She really deserves to be happy. I wish I could have seen that sooner.”
“She doesn’t hate you; you know. She may never forget what you did, but she doesn’t hate you. She was sad that things happened the way they did.”
“I don’t know what really came over me. I wish I had done things differently. I know it took a lot for me to wake up, but now, I’m at a lost. I messed everything up. I guess I am finally feeling the pain and emptiness of the rejection. I know it was always there, but my anger masked it. I don’t have my anger to cover it anymore.”
Convel and I ended our conversation, and I just rested in my bed. I didn’t even try to go to sleep. I knew it wouldn’t come. I’m truly feeling empty right now. I realize that I have lost the other half of my soul. Seeing Ben and the twins with their true mates made me see what I was missing. Everything was so natural with them. All through the party, you could see how much they love each other. They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. They just had to be touching most of the time. There was a joy in them I have never seen n them before. Ben was right when he said that I will never understand what that kind of love looks like. I had it and I threw it all away. I will be lucky if Seleste doesn’t hate me forever. I was her mate. I was supposed to love and cherish her, but instead, I insulted her and paraded another female in front of her. Although I didn’t have sex with Shana, I allowed her to touch me intimately, knowing my mate would feel the pain. No one should do that to their mate, but I did. I don’t know how to get past this. I just pray to the moon goddess that I can overcome this and become the alpha I should have been.
I did something I have not done in a long time. As I laid there on my bed; I cried. I cried for my lost future with my true mate. I cried for my pack losing their true luna. I cried for the pain I caused my mate. Tomorrow, I start making amends and working on being better.