"What happened to both of them? And one more question, who's that guy?" I consecutively asked Haisely.
We are already here inside the Emergency Room where Kennedy is. She was not the one who got hospitalized but the man who was holding her hand right now. Ni-hindi ko nga alam ang pangalan ng lalaking nadisgrasya kaya naman ay ang baba lang ng boses ko.
Octav was beside me and just like, he was not familiar with that certain guy.
"Hindi ko rin alam, Sav." sagot sa akin ni Haisely at saka napairap nang bumaling ng tingin kay Kennedy. "Ang akala ko nga rin ay siya ang na-hospital ngunit hindi naman pala. I don't even know that guy," she told me.
"Hindi mo naman kasi ako pinatapos nang sasabihin ko, Haisely." ani Kennedy na naglalakad na pala papunta sa direksyon namin.
I took a glanced at the boy and there he smiled at me. Ngunit sa ngiting iyon ay napasimangot naman siya nang makaramdam yata ng sakit sa katawan.
"Don't look at her, baby."
Napatingin ako kay Octav at inirapan ko ito.
Seloso ampotek!
"I was about to tell you that I'm in the hospital because my friend got an accident. Ngunit anong ginawa mo, pinutol mo ang tawag at dali-daling tinext ako kung nasaan ako," Kennedy explained.
Haisely grabbed both of our hands, so I needed to let go Octav's hand that was wrapped on my waist. Nagpatialon na lang ako kay Haisely dahil sa kaniyang ginawa.
Nakatanggap ng batok si Kennedy kay Haisely na kaagad namang sumimangot sa kaniya.
"Friend? Talaga lang ba, Kennedy?" Haisely scolded her as if she was Kennedy's mother.
"Mayroon bang friends lang na naghahawakan ng kamay at ang lagkit ng tinginan?" Haisely asked her again.
Kennedy took a deep breath before speaking and looked at Haisely, "I was just about to tell you about this but I have no timing." Kennedy said and looked at me.
"We have mutual feelings towards each other," maikli niyang sambit saka napairap. "Does it answer you questions?" tanong ni Kennedy kaya napailing na lang kaming pareho ni Haisely.
"How did you two knew each other?" tanong na naman ngayon ni Haisely sa kaniya.
"He was Ralph's friend, I mean he was friend of Ralph's friend. Ayon reto-reto," sambit niya sa amin kaya napangiti ako nang hindi ko inaasahan.
"You mean, nireto ka ni Ralph sa mga kakilala niyang lalaki?" I clarified her statement.
"Yah, we already knew each other two months ago. Hindi ko naman sa inyo masabi-sabi dahil baka mausog," sambit niya sa amin kaya napatango na lang ako.
But it seems like Haisely wasn't still satisfied of what Kennedy told us.
"Alangan namang kayo na lang ay may love life hindi ba? At saka 'wag kayong mag-alala dahil kinikilatis ko pa ang ugali niya," Kennedy said when no one tends to say a word between the three of us.
Nagkaayos na rin kami sa simpleng alitan dahil sa lalaking iyon. And to be honest, I am glad that Kennedy finally has a man to lean on. Kasi 'di ba, kaming pareho ni Haisely ay mayroon nang lalaking iniirog.
Pumunta rin kami kaagad ni Octav sa bahay nila para kumain ng dinner. We left Kennedy and Haisley there. Nandoon naman si Azi na kasama ni Haisely kaya ligtas sila roon.
"How's your day?" tanong sa akin ni Octav habang kumakain kami ng dinner na kaniyang niluto.
"It was tiring as usual," I said and maintain to still smiled at him.
"Ganiyan talaga sa lahat ng kurso," he softly said and gently touched my arms. "But don't worry because all of your sleepless nights will be worth it, my Engineer." malambing niyang dagdag.
He got my hand and kissed the back of it that made me smiled and made my heart fluttered. Nagpatuloy na lang din kami sa pagkain hanggang sa matapos siya sa kaniyang kinakain. But as I eat my food because I'm too slow in eating my food, I can feel his daring eyes plastered on me.
I can't stop myself from looking at him, and when our eyes met my feelings was right. He was staring at me.
"Hey," tawag ko sa kaniya at inosente niya naman akong tinaasan ng kilay.
"What?" he asked raising his both eyebrows at me.
"Stop staring. Baka matunaw ako," I scolded that made him laughed.
"Paanong hindi ka matutunaw, eh ang hot mo." sambit niya saka bahagya pang natawa. I looked at him intently and raised my right brows, "What?" natatawa niya pa ring tanong.
"I can't focus on what I was eating because of your stares. Stop it, Octav." sambit ko sa kaniya pero tinawanan niya lang ako.
Sinamaan ko na siya ngayon ng tingin kaya naman ay tumigil na siya at tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo. He massaged my shoulder that made me closed my eyes.
Ang sarap noon sa pakiramdam kaya naman kahit kumakain pa ako ay napapikit ako.
"You liked it?" he asked, still massaging my shoulders.
Tiningala ko siya at tumango ako saka dinampian ng halik ang palad niyang nakapatong sa aking balikat.
"I love it, mahal." I said and smiled at him.
Tumigil na siya sa kaniyang pagmasahe at saka umupo sa katabi ko. "Do you want me to massage you?" malambing niyang tanong kaya kaagad akong tumango.
"Can you? Later?" tanong ko sa kaniya at kaagad naman siyang tumango.
Kaya naman nang matapos akong kumain ay pumunta kami sa sala. He was at my back while I was sitting on the floor for him to massage me on my shoulders. Ang sarap no'n sa pakiramdam kaya kahit na gustuhin ko mang hindi makatulog ay pumikit na lang ako.
This would be the best therapy after a long day facing my papers and desk in school.
Nang tumagal pa ang pinapanood naming pelikula sa netflix ay hindi ko napigilang makatulog. My sleep was only interrupted when I felt someone trying to lift my body.
I slowly opened my eyes and smiled when I saw his face. "You're handsome, mahal." malambing kong tugon sa kaniya.
"Hindi mo na kailangang ipaalala." tugon niya sa akin pabalik kaya ngumiti na lang ako habang ang kalahati ng aking mga mata ay gusto pang matulog.
"I loved the way you massaged my shoulders." I complimented and cupped his face. "I love you," I gently told him.
"Let's go to my bedroom. Malamig dito sa sahig," tugon niya sa akin kaya dahan-dahan pa akong bumangon sa oagkakaupo roon.
Kaya ganoon nga ang nangyari sa aming dalawa. I slept inside his room because his parents wasn't there in their house. Paunti-unti ay nasasanay na akong matulog na katabi siya kapag nag-a-out of town ang parents niya. I don't know on what did he say to his younger brother.
Dahil kung sa kapatid ko rin ito mangyayari ay isusumbong ko panigurado. But his younger brother was still silnet about us sleeping together. Pinaalam niya na rin naman ako kay Tita na rito ako matutulog at ayos naman iyon kay Tita.
But of course he lied that I am sleeping in separate bedroom.
"Feeling ko mag-asawa na tayong dalawa at ang sarap no*n sa feeling." nakangiti niyang sabi habang ako ay pagod na humilata sa kama. "I'll massage your hand, can I?" he asked me even though I was really nearly closing my eyes.
"K," tipid kong sagot sa kaniya.
Akala ko ay purong pagmamasahe ang gagawin niya pero ramdam ko ang sunod-sunod niyang paghalik sa likod ng kamay ko. He was still sitting on the edge of the bed and I can't help myself but to open my eyes and looked at him.
Binungad niya naman ako ng kaniyang matamis na mga ngiti.
"I'm tired. I'm sorry, mahal."pagpapaumanhin ko ngunit ngumiti lang siya sa akin.
"I understand, babe. Go on and sleep already. Maaga ka pa bukas," malambing niyang sabi habang minamasahe pa rin ang kamay ko.
"Good night, Octav." I boredly said and closed my eyes.
Sa mga sumunod na araw ay hindi ko inaasahan na lilitaw ang balita tungkol sa aming dalawa. Our classmates were talking about us. Kung ano ba raw kami, hanggang sa pinatawag ako ng Dean ng Engineering.
Tangina naman kasi!
Nakakailang mura na ako simula nang pagpasok ko sa classroom namin kanina dahil kung makatingin sa akin ang iba kong kaklasw ay para akong nakamatay ng tao. They were all accusing me because of the nrws between me and Octav.
Napapatanong na nga ako sa sarili ko kung ano ba ang masama sa bagay na mayroon kami ni Octav?
We wete just loving each other. At wala nang magagawa roon ang propesyon niya.
"Is it true that you have a relationship with Octavius Reggie? Your one of your teacher in Mechanical Engineering?" the Dean strictly asked me.
Napayuko ako at saka nagsalita, kabadong-kabado pa. Huminga ako nang malalim at sinubukang mag-isip nang mabuti kung ano ba ang tama kong sabihin. Do I have to be honest with them?
But surely, Octav will lost his career being onr of the professor here in the university. At ayaw kong ako ang maging dahilan nang pagkawala niya ng lisensya sa pagtuturo. Kahit naman na ilang buwan simula ngayon ay aalis na siya rito para sumakay ng barko.
"We don't have any relationship po."
At the end, I lied. I don't want the reason for him to lost his career in just one mistake.
"Matalik ko lang po siyang kaibigan at kung ano man po ang sinasabi n'yo ay hindi ko po alam. We're just r-really a good friend. We're just friends," I said and contained myself not to broke my voice while saying those painful words.
But half of me was right, I smiled at myself. Wala naman kaming pinagkasunduan kung kami ba talaga o hindi.
We're more than friends but less than lovers.
We don't have any label on what relationship we have.
"Okay, that's good then." the Dean said.
Lumabas din kaagad ako ng opisina niya at naglakad na labis ang iniisip kung ano ba ang kahahantungan nito. I pretty sure that they were surely investigate regarding this issue.
It was strictly not allowed for a professor not to have an intimate relationship with their students.
But here I am, inlove with him.
Pero kung paano kung lahat ng iyon ay hindi naman pala totoo at naghahanap din siya ng kalinga habang nagtuturo rito sa unubersidad ng Bicol?
"What happened?"
My clouded mind with my thoughts was interrupted when Jimrey suddenly took a seat beside me.
"The Dean asked me if Octav and I have an intimate relationship and I answered him honestly." I said and smiled at him.
"So, what's the reason of being sad if you just spilled a real answer?" tanong niya kaya napangiti muli ako nang mapait.
"Because it was a painful truth, Jim. That we don't have any relationship except from being friends and him being my Professor." sambit ko na kaniyang kinagulat.
"What?" naguguluhan niyang tanong kaya umiling na lang ako.
"I'm sorry, I have to go. This day is tiring even though it was just starting. I don't want to talk about it," tugon ko sa kaniya at dumukdok sa desk ko.
Hindi pumasok si Octav oahit may klase kami sa araw na iyon at sa ganoon pa lang ay kinutuban na ako. What if they pulled Octav's license being professor?
Tangina naman kasi!
Bakit sa lahat ng p'wedeng magustuhan ko ay ang Professor ko pa?!
It was the unusual day for me because I didn't saw him. Hanggang sa lumipas ang dalawang Linggo ay wala akong narimig mula sa kaniya. He was silent and he was not also attending with our classes.
Nakakapanibago at gusto kong sisihin ang sarili ko. I badly wanted to text him but I couldn't.
Nag-aalala ako para sa kaniya. And so, at the end of another week, I already texted him and tried to call him and so he immediately answered my call.
"Uhm." I was out of words!
Fuck! How can I start a conversation with him?!
"Hey, Sav?" tawag niya sa akin sa kabilang linya.
Nasa CR ako at mag-isa lang dito dahil ayaw konh may makarinig na iba sa pag-uusapan naming dalawa.
"H-how are you? Why are you not attending our classes?" tanong ko sa kaniya at napahinga nang malalim.
"I'm sorry I didn't inform you, baby." malambing niyang tugon.
Simpleng mga salita lang 'yon ngunit parang gusto ko nang umiyak. I'm already missing him even though it was just weeks the last day we seen each other.
Baby... Ang gandang pakingaan kapag galing sa kaniya. It flutters me so much.
"May inaasikaso lang akong mga papeles ko, mahal. Ikaw? Kumusta ka?" he asked me back.
Tumulo na ang mata ko at kaagad ko iyong pinigilan sa pamamagitan ng paghinga nang malalim. "Papers for what? For midterm finals?" tanong ko.
I laughed at my stupidity. Malayo pa ang finala at imposibleng iyon ang inaasikaso niya. I just hate that thought that he was already preparing his papers.
Tangina ang sakit pala talaga kapag aalis ang taong nakasanayan mo. At pakiramdam ko ay ako ang dahilan noon dahil sa issue naming dalawa na nagkalat sa Engineering Department.
I heard him sighed on the other phone. Luminga ako sa CR at humawak sa handle ng pinto para kumuha roon ng lakas.
I thought I was ready for this, but I was wrong.
"I am preparing for my one year training," sambit niya sa kabilang linya kaya napatingala ako sa kisame ng CR.
Ganitong-ganito ang pakiramdam ko noon sa tuwing aalis si Mama upang pumunta ng ibang bansa para magtrabaho. He was still here but it seems like I was missing him already.
Pakiramdam ko ay babalik ako sa pagiging sad girl ko noong panahon na hindi pa kamu magkakilala. It hurts the fact the he was nearly living me.
Tatlong araw pa ang lumipas bago ang takdang araw para kami ay mag-usap. I prepared myself not to be emotional in front of him.
"Hey," he called me immediately the moment I stepped inside the restaurant.
Isa iyon mamahaling restaurant at kakaunti lang ang tao. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay isa nga talaga niya akong estudyante.
"How are you, mahal?" malambing niyang bungad sa akin nang umupo ako sa tapat niya.
"I should be the one who should ask you that," I said. "Tell me, did you lost your license as a professor because of our issue?" tanong ko sa kaniya ngunit umiling siya.
"No, it was not your fault." sagot niya at hinaplos pa ang kamay ko ngunit inilayo ko iyon sa kaniya.
Napailijg ako at umiwas ng tingin. Tangina!
"I already told them that we don't have any relationship yet they pulled your license as a Professor?!" inis kong tanong sa kaniya at gusto nang umiyak.
Sinubukan niyang muli na hawakan ang kamay ko ngunit katulad kanina ay binawi ko rin iyon mula sa kaniya.
"You love me right?" he gently asked me but I couldn't answer him. "Answer me honestly, Sav. Do you love me?"
"Yes, I love you, Octav. But I don't want you to loss your license as a professional. Tangina, ponaghirapan mo 'yon at ayaw kong ako ang maging dahilan ng pagbagsak mo," mahina kong tugon sa kaniya.
"Ako ang nagsabi ng totoo sa kanila. I told them that I was courting you and pursued your even though you don't want it. Sav," tawag niya sa akin nang tuloy-tuloy ang pag-iling ko sa mga sinasabi niya.
"Sav, I'd rather loss my license as a Professor in that prestigious university than losing the girl I truly love."