" I couldn't process everything you are saying right now. I mean, that girl? The bomb incident, the man you fought on your condo even what? The cards I saw in your room? Who is she?"
Alam kong sunod sunod ang itatanong niya. Marami pa akong gustong sabihin sa kaniya dahil kahit papaano ay gumagaan ang loob ko.
I never expected that I could finally show him the things I kept alone. I don't want him to be involve but I couldn't help it but to tell him what's on my mind. Sa sobrang gulo ng isip ko iniisip ko tuloy na tapusin na agad ang lahat ng pinasok kong gulo.
Nahagip ng paningin ko ang kamay niya. Hindi ko alam ang nangyare sa kaniya matapos niyang umalis upang magpagaling. Alam kong sinisisi ako ng pamilya niya sa nangyare sa kaniya dahil katulad nila ay sinisisi ko rin ang sarili ko. He love being a doctor. Alam kong mas pipiliin niyang maging doktor kaysa piliin ako. I made those scars.
Hindi ko namalayang hawak hawak ko na pala ang kanang kamay niy habang hinahaplos ang malalim niyang sugat.
"Do you know that I am still thinking of this hand?"
I felt like I am melting because I remember again that day when we are still together.
*Flashback
"Why?"
I sat in front of him. We met in a resto because he wants to say something. I am still busy reviewing for my entry as a law student.
"You never step in the hospital. Nag iinit ang ulo ng Director sa kakahanap sa iyo. Look at yourself? You are changing."
Napapailing at seryosong sabi niya habang nakatitig sa akin. I don't know its been what after that day but I am convincing myself to get out from that field and go in a law school.
"Are you listening?"
"Wala ka na bang ibang sasabihin?"
Buryong buryo kong sabi na nakikita naman sa mga mata ko. This is maybe the first after a long time since I talk to him but still approaching me like nothing's wrong.
"Babe.."
Napahinga ako ng malalim bago blangkong tinitigan siya. I could hear my heart beat I never tried to go and hug him and tell him everything that is hard for me. To have the justice I want, I need to go near them. I already have the name list of them.
"I'm going," I said in a cold tone.
Just like I am seeing in a drama, he grab my hand to avoid me from going.
"Stoo it now. Hindi maganda ang lagay ng kapatid mo ngayon. He needs you."
One thing I am sure, he always care for my family.
I leave without telling something. Alam ko ang kalagayan ng kapatid ko pero hindi ko kakayanin ang lahat ng mag isa ngayon.
"Kailan mo balak sabihin sa amin ang mga plano mo? Kung hindi pa sasabihin ni Adams na nag aaral ka ng law ay hindi ko pa malalaman? Iniwan mo ang pagdodoktor para mag abogado? Why?"
Matapos ng unang klase ko ay nakita ko si Director na naghihintay ng paglabas ko. Siya ang tumayong guardian namin ni Calvin matapos mangyare ang lahat ng iyon. Sinubukan pa kameng kunin ng mga De Luna pero hindi ako makakapayag. They know how I am mad because of what they did.
"I am not a kid anymore. You don't need to know the reason."
"Adams know what are you doing. He may help you but always think first before doing something. Talk to us first before deciding. I know you are still mad but please talk to us. You know I couldn't let you get in danger.
I leave in his office without telling him why I want to be a lawyer.
"Amber, lets talk."
Hindi ko alam kung saan nalaman ni Rogen ang tinutuluyan ko. Alam kong nag aalala siya pero iba ng ang sitwasyon ngayon. Lumalayo ako dahil ayokong madamay sila pero sila pa yung gumagawa ng paraan para lumapit sa akin at mapahamak pa.
"I don't need you here. Hindi ko alam kung kanino mo nalaman ang tinjtuluyan ko pero please don't go near me again."
Ang akala ko okay na at hindi na siya muling lalapit pa ngunit nagkamali ako.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
Mahinang bulong ko habang tumitingin pa rin sa paligid. Matapos malaman ng hidden source ko na target nila ako ay palagi na akong nag iingat. Iniiwasan kong makipag usap sa mga kakilala ko na maaaring madamay sa nangyayaring ito.
"What re you doing?"
Hindi ko na alam ang sumunod pang pangyayare ng may biglang sumugod na mga lalaki sa parking lot ng mall na pupuntahan ko sana.
"Amber!"
I fought back and we did it well. I practice some martial arts and self defense while I am still studying college.
"Are you okay?!"
Kakaibang nahilo pa ako ng kaunti dahil sa puyat. Hindi pa ako natutulog simula noong isang araw kaya naman ngayon ito umaapekto. Pero tila biglang nabuhay ang isip at katawan ko dahil sa lalaking may dalang kutsilyo.
"Roge!"
Matagal bago na proseso ng utak ko bago tuluyang napasigaw dahil sa mabilis na paglapit nito sa direksyon namin.
*end of flashback
Natigilan lang ako ng hinuli niya ang kamay na humahaplos sa pilat niya.
"Don't blame yourself. Higit pa doon ang kaya kong gawin basta mailigtas ka-"
"Could you please stop caring like this?"
"Pati ba naman ang pagprotekta ko sa iyo ay hindi na rin pwede? Yoj reject- "
"Did I told you that I am rejecting you?"
Napapikit ako dahil sa ipinupunto niya. Kung aya niya akong protektahan dapat mas kaya niyang protektahan ang sarili niya. I couldn't loss him. I would rather shield my self just to protect him.
Natigilan ako ng maintindihan ko ang sinabi ko. Gulat pa siyang nakatingin sa akin habgn ipinoproseso ng paulit ulit ang sinabi ko.
"Did you think this is easy? I couldn't even choose what should I do! And-"
Uso ba sa aming dalawa na huwag patapusin ang nagsasalita?
He hug me tightly. I can still smell his scents. It lasted a second before he hold my hand.
"I don't want to asked you again. I'll wait until you became ready for now, I want you to wear this thing."
Its a ring. I couldn't talk and even move because of what I saw.
"I told you I am ready."
After he wear the ring to mine, he hug me like there's no tomorrow.