Chapter Twenty - One
Mike's fingers traced my arm as we laid on his bed. We had done the deed. I have done the deed. Was I guilty? Yes, a little. Was I scared? Yes, a lot. Was I worried? A hell lot. But did I regret my decision? No. Not at all. Not even a little.
I didi not understand. Why I didn't I feel regret? Was something wrong with me? Perhaps, I knew why. Maybe I knew the excat reason why I didn't feel any regret. It was because it was MY decision to do it. Nobody forced me to do it. It was completely my choice and I took it. Maybe it's because I can take ownership of the things I do, or maybe not? I don't know. But one thing was for sure that I was happy.
This was my first experience, so there was a lot of pain, blood, discomfort, ache and wetness. It was a mess. However it was a mess that I wished to be part of again. I knew about sex and what happens on the first time, but it was way different then I thought it would. Reading and experiencing are two very different thing.
Things you see, feel and experience are not at all what you read in books and magzines. It was one thing to read in magzine and imagine how would it feel and completely other, to actually feel it. The intensity goes off the chart when you actually feel it.
One things that I was greatful for, was that this happened between us without any planning. Because if we did plan all of this, then I would get plenty of time for me to imagine things. And if that happened then, certainly, I would have some sort of idea or expectation that might have gotten ruined in the process. And even I know that having expectations only leads to disappointment.
Perhaps, this was why my first time did not suck as much as I had read and heard from other girls. Most often then not, they descibe their experience as an uncomfortable, messy, painful mess. It was not like that it did not happened to me, but at least it did not feel like it, at least to me.
A tug pulled on my arm pulled me out of the haze of my thoughts. I turned to face Mike. "Hey ... what are you thinking?" He asked, his voice still husky. It had been this way since he trapped me in between his arms on the counter. I shook my head as I traced his chest with my finger. "Nothing." I whispered.
"Are you still in pain?" He asked me. I gave him a shy smile before shaking my head. "No. It just a aches a little." I told him. He let out a humm. "That's good. It'll take some time to adjust but you will get used to it." He told me. With that said, he stayed on the bed for a second or two before he stood up.
"We should take you back to your dorm, it's getting dark." He commented. I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. Indeed. The time was around five - thirty pm. Soon, it would get too dark. Not to mention the fact, Shirley would get home in a hour or two. So, I stood up as well.
To be very frank, I had not realised that we have spent so much time together. With him, the time moved faster than it normally does. It was weird. To leave, I started to get dressed up. I picked my clothes and put them on slowly. Mike did the same with his clothes and we both got ready.
After everything we've done, both of us had taken showers seprataley. I cleaned off myself of everything and made sure that there were no signs that I had sex or even lost my virginity. No one can know. Except for us, I had told him that, when we were in the moment and he had said yes, but I did not know if he had heard it or paid attention to it. He was busy kissing me.
I would tell him again tomorrow, just to be sure. Even though I was in one of my wild phase where I decide everything for the time being was okay but it did not mean, that I had a complete death wish. If my family found out about it then I was done for. And I could not let that happen. No, not at any cost.
"Ready?" I heard Mike ask from behind me. I turned around, checked myself in the bathroom mirror and then got out of the house with him.
We drove to my dormroom and Mike parked the car in the parking lot before helping me out.
"See you tomorrow?" I asked him. He nodded and kissed me once before driving off. Going back to his house. I exhaled loudly. Feeling the air, letting it fill my lungs. Today was amazing. Everything had been the way, it should be. I closed my eyes for a second before heading to my room.
I reached the room in few minute and then opened the door. I froze where I stood for a second.
Shirley stared back at me with a blank look. A sight I had never seen. Blank was not Shirley's expression, it was usually the bubbly one but sometimes she had others. However, not having one was an unusal sight.
I stepped inside my room and closed the door behind me. I put on a forced smile and tried to act my usual self.
"Hey, how are you so early? Did your manager let you off early?" I questioned her. Shirley did not reply. She kept on staring me with that same expressionless face. "No, chit chatting about your hot new customers?" I tried again. Trying to get any reaction out of her, however I got none. Her face was still very blank and there was no sign of amusement.
Now, I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. My heart began picking up speed. I was hoping that it was not going where I think it was going. I knew what was happening. I got the sense of it. Without ever saying it out loud, I knew where this was going. It was going into the same direction that I had tried to avoid for a very long time.
She knew.
"So, the anonymous guy you are dating is Mike?"
A bomb dropped over my head.
God No.