Chapter Thirty-One
I wanted to avoid Mike at all costs today. I did not want to see his good-looking face, the one that had got me swooning whenever I came across him in the past. In fact, I so wanted to stay away from him that I went as far as avoiding all the places where we could potentially meet. Even if that meant I had to avoid going to the cafeteria.
However, it seemed like God wanted to see me suffer.
Even though I avoided every place where we could see each other, I still saw him. To make the matter worse, all of his friends were with him. Today, after Shirley and I had attended the class together, I told Shirley that I was going to go to the library. Therefore, as I was going to the library I saw Mike walking toward me alongside his friends. My heart leapt out and I halted in my steps.
Out of all the places, the library was the last and the most unexpected place where I thought I could find him. During our time together, never once did I see him going or coming back from the library. It was just so ... not him. He did not come across as somebody who would focus on studies or such. But, I've been wrong about his whole personality before. So, what was this in comparison to that?
The moment I glanced at him, his gaze met mine, as did his friends. Their surprised expressions matched mine. However, unlike me, they continued walking. For a second, I saw him looking at me and I froze. Abruptly, a wave of nostalgia hit me. I was reminded of my memories. One that did not even happen that long ago.
All I could do was stare at them as their walking figure's faces went from surprise to a mocking smirk that was like a sharp knife digging into my heart. One of Mike's friends whispered something into his ears before they both began snickering. I could do nothing as I watched them approach me. While I stood frozen in fear, shock, hurt and pain.
At last, when all of them were literally crossing me, I saw one of the friends rack his eyes over my whole figure and let out a whistle, second winked at me. I did not get a chance to see what Mike and his other friends did because they passed from my side and disappeared behind me.
The moment they finally passed, and I exhaled deeply, did I realise that I was holding my breath. I gulped in a few breaths and normalised my breathing. I glanced behind me to see if they were still there but they had disappeared. Long gone. God ... what happened to me just now?
Did I actually just freeze? What the hell happened? It was like I was compelled by a binding spell. I could not feel my limbs or hear my thoughts when they passed me. It was like I had gone numb from the fear.
All of sudden, I realised that I was just standing in my place like some dummy. I jerked, and subtly tried to glance around to see if anybody noticed. Apart from one person who was giving me looks, I saw that nobody was looking at me differently. Feeling myself shaking, I tried to calm myself by taking deep breaths. I did not know if that helped or not. But after that, I bowed my head to go inside the library.
Suddenly, not feeling like going to the library, I spun around in my heels and marched back to my dormitory.
In a few minutes, I was in my room and on my chair. I could not remember the last time I froze in fear like this. Wait ... I actually do remember. I remember being in fear when my father was walking toward me with a big wooden stick. He had seen me talking to a boy and was going to teach me some manners. I remembered feeling so scared that I peed my pants way before he even struck me once. The scars remained, even now.
Today's fear was similar, except it was intense in a different way. Nobody was going to beat me today with a big wooden stick but the fear was very similar to that one.
The door opened and Shirley entered our room. Her hands filled with two big plastic cups of coffee while from her mouth was dangling a big doughnut. She walked inside and put all of her stuff on the table and handed me my cup of coffee.
Letting out a sigh, I put the cap back on the table. "I can't have coffee," I told her. Wishing so badly, that it was not true.
"It's decaf. You can have it." She commented and pulled out a doughnut for me. Taking the donut from her hand, I took a bite. It was delicious.
Shirley pulled out a chair and sat down. She took a big sip from her coffee and rolled her eyes as if she found heaven. I could not disagree with that. This doughnut was heavenly.
Watching her like this, I let out a smile. For a moment forgetting what happened in the library. She looked so ... herself. Like old times. Eating big donuts, slumped in her chair like a seal and not caring about anything.
"Why didn't you report him?" I asked Shirley out of nowhere. She jerked in her chair before straightening a little. Her carefree expression turned into a serious one in just a mere second.
I felt guilty. I should have let her enjoy her time and should have let her eat in peace. I always weigh her down from my dramatic life. Sometimes, I needed to learn to shut my goddamn mouth.
"What? What do you mean?" Shirley questioned me. Now that I had already asked her this question, I thought that I should ask her.
"Why did you not complain, Mike? To the police or the principal? He should have gone to jail or at least should have been rusticated from school for doing some shit like that. And who knows, how many girls, he had done the same too?" I questioned. This question was going on and on in my mind. Why would a girl like Shirley, The badass girl I have seen in my life, not go out for justice when she's wronged? Especially when it's visibly clear that she was in the right and Mike was in the wrong?
Shirley gave me a thoughtful look before she took a sip from her coffee again. I took another bite of my donut.
"What do you think I did not complain about him?" She questioned me back instead of answering me. Her question put me in an enigma. I did not know why she did not complain. From the time I had known her, she never came across to me as a coward. Therefore, I could not come up with an answer.
I shrugged. Not finding an answer to the question. "I don't know. You tell me." I told her.
"A drunk girl against a sober guy. A well-liked person against a wild girl. An orphan against a parent's kid. Who do you think they would have believed?" She questioned. Her face blank, her voice toneless, her words cynical. Her answer made me realise that I completely forgot what the difference was between his and her situation.
I took a sip from my decaf coffee and put it back down on the table.
"I understand what you are saying. But -"
"But?"
"But - you are Shirley. You never let anyone put you down unfairly. You never let anyone push you around, much less when you have been wrong. How could you not do something about it? I get where you are coming from. But, you being you. You should have done something about it." I argued. It was unbelievable that Shirley would back down on things like this.
Shirley's lips lifted in a smile and she shook her head. Looking sad, even though she was smiling.
"We all have our weak moments Viri. You are not the only one who goes through them." She commented. Her barb stung but I did not say something in return. She was right. All this time, I had been putting my difficulties before hers. I let myself forget that she had her own problems. Once she never shared with me.
"So, that's it. You did not do anything? Did you ever confront Mike about this? Did you ever try to give him a piece of your mind?" I probed her. Surely, she would have said something.
"Yeah? What do you think would have happened if I confronted him? He would straight out deny it. Not to mention, if I take this to principle then my whole career would be in jeopardy. If he is proven wrong then his family would get him out of the trouble. While on the other hand, if I'm proven guilty, not only would my career be jeopardised but also, I would lose my scholarship, I would have nowhere to live, would not get a full education and also I would be fired from my job." She vented out, getting angry as she went on. Her whole face transformed into rage.
"I have nothing to gain from this but everything to lose. On the other hand, he has very little to lose if anything and everything to gain. This whole ordeal would add to his popularity and his friends would high-five him for how he managed to ruin my reputation." She barked. Shirley closed her eyes and took three or four deep breaths to calm herself down. It was as if she had completely forgotten that she was talking to me.
After a few seconds, Shirley opened her eyes. A deep fire burning inside those eyes. A hint of helplessness for not being able to do anything about this. She had bottled all these emotions for a long time, it was clear. She had not told me. She was suffering all this time alone, not letting me see that it was eating her from inside.
She swallowed hard. "And above all of these, I had to look after my safety. Mike deals with drug dealers daily. One that will accept a person as payment if they had not received an amount. If they could pick me up from a party then what is the guarantee that they would not do it when I am outside. For work or anything." She said, shaking her head. "I don't have someone to look after me. So, I have to be the one to do it. Getting into these would only lead this further. There's a high chance that I would not get out of it alive." Shirley said.
I sucked in a breath when I heard her say it. Shame hit me and so did guilt. How come I had never seen this before? I doubted her when she was suffering so much. Her last sentence sliced me deep. She could not have come out of this alive. That was how dangerous Mike was. And I ...
"Why did he need to sell ... someone to pay his debt? Isn't he well off on his own? He threw a party in his house and just moved out of the house and is currently living alone at such a young age. How come he is running out of money?" I asked. Not particularly to her but to myself. I was just wondering. It was a valid question.
"Which house party? The one we went in together?" Shirley asked me out of nowhere. Not knowing where this was going, I nodded my head.
She shook her head and let out a chuckle. "That was not his house. Nor was the party his. It was one of his friends'. They are rich. They usually ask him to do random, weird things for him to entertain them. In return, they hand him over some money." Shirley told me.
My mouth hung open. She could not be serious.
Seeing my face, Shirley let out a laugh. Not genuine but at my stupidity. Shaking her head, she spoke. "And that house he lives in? Do you know why he lives where he does?" She questioned me.
I shook my head a no. When I was struck with another realisation. "You knew where he lives outside school?" I asked her. Shirley nodded, unamused. But, he told me that he had just moved there a week ago or so.
My head hung down and I gripped my hair in a tight grip. That bloody fucker had me a fool. He lied to me.
"He lives there because he did not want anyone to notice his dealers coming or going all day and night. He can't do that if he lives in a dorm room." Shirley told me. "Not that he could afford to live in a dormitory. He has two assault charges and he could not afford a room here. Knowing his history, he would not be let in a dormitory plus he is completely broke." Shirley said.
"And how would he smuggle his drugs in here? Oh, well, he could do that. He is very slick with things like that." Shirley mentioned. My mind was running at the speed of light. I sat there stunned when Shirley told me that she was going to take a shower and left me alone to deal with the truth all along. Letting me sort out my own thoughts.