Walking alongside Christopher and Joy, I could not help but keep thinking about the messages sent by Raphael. Yes, Raphael, the 200 level student I met this morning sent it leaving a bitter taste at the tip of my tongue, and my heart racing.
I tried not to imagine that he liked my voice the instant we met. That sounds crazy and ridiculous as well. Maybe I need to talk with him since I never replied to his messages. Oh God, I hope that what I am thinking will not happen.
"Earth to Michael", Chris whispered to my ear, bringing me out of my trance as I held my chest feeling frightened already.
I frowned as I nudged him at his arm.
" Ow, what was that for?", he asked, feigning pain, as I rolled my eyes.
"Don't mind Chris. Did you have a crush on someone today?", Joy asked as she moved to my side with a happy face on.
I facepalmed myself, obviously shocked at her use of words.
" That is ridiculous. On my first day here? Please, I will pass", I stated frankly. The first and last time I had a crush was during my secondary school days, like 4- 6 months ago.
"Oh! Any problem? You went MIA, about two minutes ago", Joy said raising her hands in the air.
" Nothing to worry about. I have good news. I am now the Class Representative of the Pharmaceutical Department", I announced changing the topic.
"Congrats. All the best with your role. I also made it as the assistant of my department, all thanks to Christopher urging me to accept the nomination. Please be careful not to allow it to affect your studies", Joy explained
"I grab. Thanks, all the best as the assistant", I chipped it as she smiled.
" Umm Chris, are you not saying anything?", Joy asked, turning to face Chris who wore a complicated expression.
"Well congrats", Chris said dryly as I felt like slapping him.
" That was dry Chris", Joy said.
"Congratulations, let us pop champagne", Christopher almost screamed.
" You are crazy. It is just being a Class Representative, not that I am winning an award", I said as he moved to my side, hanging his hand on my shoulder.
Great, here we go again, I thought as his cologne smell crept to my nostrils.
*****
I opened the door to our room, after saying goodbye to Joy. It is a good thing they are coursemates, they are quite good talkers, I thought.
"You are hiding something, aren't you?" Chris questioned as I froze folding my palm around my phone firmly.
"And what is that?", I asked, moving to the table as I dropped my phone there.
" Hmm, I will figure it out soon. I will appreciate it if you try to tell me, that will help", Chris explained
I stared at the mirror, not wanting to think about it. The beep from my phone indicating a text message broke my thoughts as I picked my phone.
"Your voice keeps coming to my head. I hope you can reply to my messages. I will give you a call in the next 15 minutes" I read out none other than Raphael's messages.
My right hand shook slightly as I felt my body tensed. "He is attracted to you", my subconscious said, as beads of sweat appeared on my forehead. I kept staring at my phone screen, not until a hand grabbed it's my body trembled slightly.
I turned to look at Christopher who wore a shocked expression, on reading the message.
" What happened?", he asked as he furrowed his brows.
I stayed still on the chair, not knowing how to explain to him.
"So this guy, Raphael kept sending you messages on Whatsapp and messages. He likes your voice. Are you gay?", Chris asked
I breathe in and out, trying to calm down.
" I met this guy this morning while looking for my department hall. After directing the way to me, he asked for my number which I gave him. I received those messages, creeping me out totally", I explained as Chris heaved a sigh.
He moved to my front sitting on the table.
"The best thing you can do is to avoid him, and that includes blocking his number", he explained
As much as I wanted to be happy over his decision, blocking him is something my conscience won't allow.
" Hmmm, don't block him. I will figure something out", I mumbled as he gave out a hiss, standing up as he moved to the bathroom.
I could not do anything as my mind began to concur with blocking him. It is for the best or things might get complicated. I don't want any nightmare especially in my first week here.
The creaking sound of the bathroom door made me raise my head as Chris moved out, handing over my phone.
"I have deleted his number and blocked him via messages and WhatsApp.I'm sorry I had to do this. I hope you understand", Chris apologized squatting beside me.
" Thank you, I appreciate it. I think what you did was the best, just a little bit guilty", I explained
"It is ok. Don't think about it too much. Come to think of it, your voice sounds feminine. The idiot might have some colossal transformation on his brain", he said and I smiled faintly.
Holding my towel, I moved to the bathroom to take a cold shower. With each drop of water, my mind wandered back to my secondary school time, remembering some of Ethan's words.
"I like your feminine side when I am down and needed someone to console"
"Your palms are quite soft"
"Instead of holding my ear, why don't you place your palm on my face?"
"Will you give me a kiss and hug"
"I miss you"
Some of Ethan's words kept coming to my head, bringing assumptions to my brain. Ethan was flirty, probably seeing me as a girl. There is a high possibility he was attracted to me but just saw it as a normal feeling. Maybe I am just overthinking.
Raphael on the other hand met me today and was kind of mesmerized by my voice. Does that even make sense?
I know my voice sounds feminine when I speak especially in English but…
I dropped my thoughts, as I wrapped a towel firmly around my waist. Chris must be debating whether I am a boy or girl. Coming out like this might change some thoughts in him.
I moved out as Chris's gaze met mine. I stopped abruptly, as I put a towel around my neck.
"Like seriously? You are a lanky man. No six-packs, or abs, just a scrawny figure", Chris mocked as he started laughing, getting down from the bed, and moving towards me.
"Great speech Chris. This is just to prove that I am not a girl, because I'm pretty sure you might be assuming", I said, sneering, making my way to the wardrobe.
"Wait, how did you know what I was thinking?", he asked moving to my side
"The observing gene runs in my family", I teased
"Hmm, I thought about it. Your physical features, mostly facial, look like a girl. Yesterday, you took your bath in the bathroom, putting on your clothes. I tried to discard the thought that you are a girl while thinking about your dad. I mean your dad can't..", Chris kept rambling.
"I get it. I am effeminate, a boy that behaves like a girl. Been trying to behave like a normal teenage boy but I guess my body has another plan", I said, putting on light wear.
"Sorry for the body shaming, just a little bit stupid on my part", Chris apologized.
"It is okay. Apology accepted", I replied smiling as he smiled in return before moving to the bed with his phone.
******
I was done cooking rice and stew in the small kitchen, as I turned off the gas cooker.
"Michael, come and see something. I can't believe people can be like this.", Chris called out to me as I left the kitchen to see why he called.
I moved closer to him as he played a video that revealed two young men secretly kissing themselves. They were caught by older people who told them to continue kissing. When they did not obey, they kept receiving slaps, thereby forcing them to kiss each other.
I felt my body tremble, as my head hurt slightly. The slaps they were receiving if amounted can cause deafness. I gave him back his phone, trying to calm my nervous self.
"What do you think about this video, especially about the way the young men engaged in such acts and the way the public responded?", I asked, trying to sound well.
"To be honest, I think the men should not have committed such an act especially when the law of the country is against it. On the other hand, I don't think publicizing it is the best. Maybe they need help from their gay thinking", Chris explained as I heaved a sigh.
"Yeah, maybe they need help. I learned hormone fluctuations can cause that kind of feeling toward the same sex. While the public might see it as an abomination, God's word does not support it either. The main truth is that 'God gave us feelings not for us to give in to them, but to learn how to control them'. The men should have tried to control their sexual urges, it is only temporary", I explained.
"Hmm. So does that mean I should not judge those having feelings toward the same sex?", Chris questioned.
"As far as I know, don't judge others. We never knew what they went through before, during, or after developing those feelings. Some were raped by the same-sex while young thereby giving them those sexual cravings, causing them to long for it. Some experience it during their teenagerdom and might not be able to get over it until they pass their bloom of youth(when sexual desires are high). While others, being weak and protected by the same-sex get caught in that dilemma of developing those feelings", I explained, my body feeling less heavy, my heartbeat moving normally.
"Nice explanation, I guess it is due to your reading. As for me, I can never be gay", Chris commented, as I felt a little bit off.
We both ended our conversation as I made my way to the kitchen, the images of the two men coming to my head. The images stopped flashing, replacing the two men with Christopher and me. My heart almost hitched, as my eyes became blurry, sending me sitting on one of the chairs.
This is a catastrophe', I mused