I hardly concentrated throughout the rest of the lecture. My heart kept beating as if being hit with a hammer. My eyes kept twitching, making me feel a bitter feeling in my stomach. Something is wrong, I told myself.
The lecture finally ended as I quickly wrote the assignment placing my book in my backpack. As I made a step, a voice caused me to stop, as I turned.
"The Pharmaceutical mentor calls for you", my assistant informed me as I made my hand to my forehead, tension written all over my face.
" Sure, I will head there now. Thanks," I replied as I jogged down to the lecturer's building ignoring the stares from some of the passersby.
Hugging myself, I secretly cleaned my sweaty hands and dabbed a handkerchief on my face. I breathed in and out, before proceeding to knock on the door.
"Come in", the deep voice of Mr. Adekunle, the mentor for my course, prompted me to open the door.
Taking some quick steps to his front as he is busy writing something, I greeted him.
" Good Afternoon sir", I greeted, as Mr. Adekunle stopped Writing, looking up to look at me, as he leaned back on his chair.
"Afternoon Michael. Your Assistant informed me about you lagging with your duties as the Class Representative within the past two days. Would you like to be relieved of your duty", Mr. Adekunle stated, with his scrutinizing eyes on me.
I can't believe my assistant reported me to Mr. Adekunle. During those two days of taking care of Chris, his fever keeps going and coming, making me wake up in the middle of the night to cook for him, since he is bound to lose his appetite sometimes, and he doesn't eat stale food.
" I'm sorry sir. A friend of mine who happened to be my roommate is not feeling well, so I had to take care of him", I opened up as he sighs.
"Ok. Hope he is getting better.", he replied.
" Yes sir, he is feeling better now", I said, as a long silence took place.
For some reason, I saw a flash of Christopher opening my diary. I can't believe I forgot to keep it after writing yesternight, and for some unknown reason, I did not see it this morning, probably because I was rushing.
"Ok then, I need your help with these documents. I would have done it but since you are here, I believe you can join me right?", Mr. Adekunle asked, as I swallowed the lump of saliva down my throat.
" Sure sir, what am I expected to do?", I asked, rather nervously.
He explained how I will separate each document into different files. I must confess that the documents are important ones, as they contained some important stuff regarding the departments in the school.
Me Adekunle and I arranged the files as we kept talking rather socially. For a moment, I forgot some things and began imagining something else. The probability of Chris finding out about my secret in my diary. What if he is attracted to me? What could probably be his reaction when he figures the whole thing out?
*****
With a damp grey round neck on my body, I continued trekking down the school campus. I checked my time and it was almost 4 p.m. I kept trying Chris's number but he was not responding, making me feel these bitter impressions.
Finally getting home around 4:15 am, I saw Chris sitting on the chair, with his head downward.
"Chris, how are you?", I asked, managing not to stutter.
He stood up, turning to face me with my diary in his right hand, his face expressing anger.
" Why did you do this?", he asked rather calmly.
"Chris, I can explain. This, that, whatever is in that book just happened to me. I don't know why it did except for the fact that my hormone fluctuates?", I explained
" Liar. You made me fall for you, within the past few days. You conned me", he stated rather angrily.
I never wanted to be angry but why is he blaming me? He would be the first person to tell me he fell for me. I was not sure the same sex can develop feelings for me. I can't even imagine if the wrong person falls for me. What if the person demanding something? Like dating, or sex? It would be….
I felt a hand on my wrist as I squirmed at the tightness. I tried to use my other hand but he held it with those cold glares on me.
"Why didn't you tell me? Oh! I should have noticed, from Raphael's experience. You are charming", he stated sarcastically.
" Please stop this. You are hurting me", I said, trying to free myself.
"No, I am the one getting hurt here. I just developed a feeling toward you. A feeling I hate and which is contrary to society's view. Do you think I will forgive you easily?", he asked, holding me more tightly.
" I understand. The feeling is new, and I can help you with it", I said, hoping to convince him.
He pushed me, as I landed on the floor, tears brimming down my face. He squatted in front of me, as I felt my heartache.
"You know what, you are pathetic falling for a handsome person like me. I know you never wrote any fantasy in that book of yours, but I know what you want", Chris said, whose eyes stating something else.
" You want to be touched, or rather kiss, obsess, and give in to those sexual cravings of yours. You are nothing but a pretender", he stated, as I completely lost it.
I slapped him as his face turned to the other side. He faces me with a smirk dangling around his mouth. I was shocked, As I looked at him intently. He grabbed my cloth, as I squirmed. I can't scream now, people will get to know, and I can not explain all that is happening to me.
"Not bad. Acting like a lady in defense style. Maybe I can touch you, but you are too fake to be treated that way. I promise to make you pay", he said, as he removed his hand from my cloth.
I gasped for air, as I stood up.
" Chris, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to fall for me", I said.
He left the room and never came back that day. I called but his phone was switched off. He came home the next day but ignored me. He never prepared any food, neither did he taste out of my food. He comes to the hostel late in the night and leaves early in the morning.
I felt myself almost suffocating, as I almost see Chris everywhere I was. I tried to control my feeling toward him, as I crawled to my examination day. It was much of a hassle for me, but I was able to get through for the time being.
I never blamed myself for the feeling Chris developed for me. My diary only explained how I was deeply attracted to him and hoping he won't develop any feelings for me. I can't blame him either. He must probably be thinking he was gay. He is just sentimental over the second feeling and I hope he gets over it soon.
I feel so lonely without Chris's playful side in this room. Staring blankly at the mirror, I told myself something.
'I have to make Chris hear me out.