I just gasped because it looked like he really want me to come with him.
"When I ride there, you won't bother me on any rides?" I saw that he seemed to be thinking and then smiled.
"Just one after that." I rolled my eyes at him then averted my gaze. "Okay," he added.
"Ok," I agreed with him. He immediately lined up to buy a ticket while I was just waiting. I make a sign of the cross while looking at the Ferries wheel.
As I am looking at the fast spin of the Ferris wheel I feel like I'm going to be sick. I felt dizzy and my knees were shaking. What if I'm on top? Maybe souls will leave me. I might vomit at the top and spread on down.
When Jr. returned, he was already carrying two tickets. He was still waving it in the air while showing it to me. When he approached me, he took me to the queue of Ferris wheel riders. While queuing, the nervousness in my chest could not be removed. I feel like I'm just getting cold and sweaty right now. Until the one before us is finished and we are the next.
Jr. handed over the ticket and ushered us inside. As it slowly rotated to accommodate the others I could no longer relax. I stared steadily at my chin as my feet were sweaty and itchy.
"Hey, relax," he said to me.
"I am relaxed," I said while not looking at him and just looking down.
“Don't look down so you don't get dizzy. Look into the distance so that you will not feel vomiting.”
"Don't tell me what to do, my life is in danger now because of you." He suddenly laughed out loud and I could feel the gradual speed of the Ferris wheel.
"Danger right away?" I know that Jr. is just comforting me so I don't get nervous. But he failed because while I could feel my heart beating fast I felt like I was running out of air in my body.
"Hey!" he shouted so I immediately looked at him. "Shout so you don't faint," he said.
"Waaaaaah!" I cried out loud every time the cycle went down because I felt like my soul was falling as well. When I lift, I feel my soul being pulled.
I don’t know how many rounds or how many minutes we were up. Until the cycle slowed down and slowly stopped and at a higher altitude we were actually positioned.
It's like I want to jump to get down right away. I have a different feeling and I don’t want to spread from here on high.
When we were lowered I ran fast. I don't care about Jr. I just looked for a place to hide and that's where I poured the earlier warning come out.
"Bluhhhhh" I just vomited and even though I think I ate this morning that I haven't eaten yet, it came out of my mouth.
"Oh!" He handed me bottled water as one hand rested on my back.
I looked at him first before grabbing the water and vomiting again. What the fuck, all the horseradish in the dish I eat this afternoon as well as the spinach in the porridge this morning came out.
When I became ok, I immediately stood up and punched him in the chest.
“Ouch, why did you punch me? I care for you and get you water.” He says laughing.
“Don't feel concerned because you are a reason for everything. You found out something funny there,” I said then punched him softly again.
“I'm sorry. I just want us to have fun,” he said then signed peace. I am really annoyed because I felt like my eyes were still spinning. Even my stomach is sour and does not want to calm down.
"I hate you." I am walking to leave him when he suddenly hugged me from behind. I am shocked by what he did so I stopped. Lots of people around and it's embarrassing. But my heart, the way its beats, and even the flesh inside me want to party.
"I'm sorry." There was a melody softly he said while still hugging me.
"Get out of there, you're embarrassed." I looked at the passers-by who stared at us.
"Forgive me first."
"Yes, get out of there." He turned away from me and immediately stood in front of me. He parted the hair that covered my face. I feel my cheeks heat up.
"Are you ok now?" I stared at him but in my heart, I really couldn't stand him. "Hey, how are you?" he added while embracing.
"Yeah, I'm ok."
He took me by the hand and we walked out of the fair. I thought we were going home but we didn't go to the motor park. While walking I noticed a chapel not far away. I seem to know where we’re going and I wasn’t even wrong.
"What are we going to do here?" I asked in surprise as I looked around.
"Light a candle, don't say you don't know that?" I frowned at his question. The truth is I know that at every festival someone actually lights a candle in the chapel as a thank you to the Patron. Others even bring flowers. But only them because I don’t do that work and I have never done it. First time in my whole life and Jr is still really with me.
I have a lot of first experiences because of him. The first kiss just isn't there yet.
Jr. bought a candle and gave me five. His forehead furrowed when he saw that I hesitated to reach for the candle
"Why?" he asked.
"Nothing," I just replied then took the candle in his hand and went along with him.
I diverted my gaze on him when I saw him seriously bent over.
Is he praying?
What is he praying for?
He was also relaxed for a few minutes until he raised his face and signed the cross then looked at me.
"You're done?" he asked so I nodded even though I didn't really pray because I was just looking at him. That's why I hesitated to pick up the candle earlier because it would be wasted on me. He smiled at me and invited me to leave.
"Come on," I nodded and we walked as we held hands.
“Jr.,” I softly called his name as we walked.
"Hmph!" I didn’t know what to say because I was honestly embarrassed to ask him.
It's not that I'm not godly or I don't pray. But it’s really rare seeing a man pray. Maybe I just pray when there is a need and when life is hard. ‘That type is the thickness of my face because I don’t remember God even once. Except when I’m in danger.
"Hey, why?" he asked when he noticed that I am quiet. The truth is just really curious about what men usually pray for.
It is normal for women to pray when they are emotional, and it is also normal for women to pray even if the problem is not that serious. They are the type who pray because they want to ask for something, they want to be thankful for something, and even when it comes to their thesis, work, and home, they always cling to God. It just makes me feel guilty that I’m not like that.
So I wanted to know what Jr. prayed for. They say that men are not emotional but when they pray it really penetrates the heart and their prayer is seven times more powerful than the woman's prayer.
"What did you ask God for earlier?" I ask.
He looked at me and then smiled.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" I repeat. What is it that he is just bowing down?
“I didn't ask for anything that is why I prayed, I prayed to thank God for all the guidance He has given me. Because even in those times when my life was so complicated and I felt I had no hope He was there to remind me that He will not leave me. Especially when Ade dies.”
“Until now is that still your prayer? Hasn't Ade been gone for a long time and you have been able to move on for a long time somehow?”
He smiled at me and then held my head as if praying so I patted his hand.
"Insane."
"It's a prayer to make you conscious," he laughed then took my hand again.
"Just answer me."
“You know, Mia. It doesn’t matter how long or recently it happened. The important is that you don’t forget to thank Him at all. If you need to thank God every day for the past guides that have been given to you, do it. Because of each thanks, you will always remember that He was the only one there for you. And always be there by your side no matter what happens. Every call you make to Him is a reminder that you have no right to give in to His trials. Because His plan is more meaningful than your plan. Every call you make is a reminder that you once went through a severe trial and you were able to cope because of Him. So there’s nothing you can’t stand as long as you’re with Him.”
I keep quiet about what he said because I feel like I’m bad at these ‘times’. I feel bad because I only call on God when I need Him. But when I am happy I do not know Him and am no longer able to call. It's just a word that I fear God but not in my heart. My faith is only up to the mouth but not to the heart. Just to say that I am praying.
It's like my calling on God is just plasticity to say that I called. But faith is not that strong. I am no longer able to talk to Him truly. ‘That real conversation that comes right from the heart. I don’t know if I’m the only one like this.
"You're still young, Mia," I came back to reality when Jr. spoke. “You still have a lot of trials to go through. If only now you were stubborn to call to Him. The test He will give you to remind you that you need Him and that He loves you is more severe. It is also what people do not understand that they think God does not love them because He is giving them a hard test. What they don't know is that God just wants them to be close to Him. Because God knows that man does not call on Him earnestly when there is no hardship. Except for people that make it even if they are happy.”
“Jr.,” I didn’t know what to say. I shrank suddenly and was ashamed of myself.
"Don't worry God still loves you and that's what you always remember."