Over the days that Jr. and I were together we got to know each other better. I have habits that only can I show to him, and bring out without judgment. When I'm sad or hurt for no reason I run to Jr. to cry. Even if I cried out loud, he just let me until I'm well again.
When I'm happy, Jr. is the first to see my wide smile. Sometimes we even spend the night talking about happy moments. Even when I'm just blabbering on as little girls do, he doesn't get tired of listening to me over and over again.
I can say that Jr. and I already know each other very well and he can already read what's on my mind based on my actions and I think even if I haven't spoken yet.
We also have a lot of moments that Jr. does that only we know and secretly laugh at. We were just wasting our time all day together. My family is also happy to see us. Sometimes mama told me to go to Jr.'s house.
The closeness we have has also been rumored in our area. Some raised eyebrows because of our age gap as well. But there are also those who are excited. Others ask if we are a couple and say they are happy for us. But we don't admit anything because we really don't have time to explain to them what the real relationship we have. What matters to us is that we are happy to be together and talk even when ‘our relationship has no label.'
What's the use of labels if you are not appreciated and you are not understood? It's just a word that you have but he doesn't make you feel your value.
We don't even have a label but it doesn't matter to me. To Jr. and me that even though it was clear that we are not a real couple, he didn’t lack to care and guide me. He is always there whenever I need sympathy and talk.
I understood that there were things in the real world that you thought were already there and would never change. But when the sun goes down for another tomorrow, you will be surprised that the situation has changed without you realizing it.
It's like mama's orchids that I thought would never bloom but are now full of fruit. It's like my habit that I thought for the rest of my life the flower would be annoying elves in my eyes. But now they are like cute babies giggling and clapping.
I didn’t know that the day would come when this would happen to me. To divert my vision from things I thought would remain unsightly in my vision. Back then, I was always consumed by the negative but since Jr came into my life my perspective has changed. I am glad I met him and hopefully, he will continue to be there for me.
He always makes me laugh when I'm sad. He understands how I feel. I don't have to open my mouth because he is the one who takes the initiative to find out what I want. I can't even say what I want but he has done it or in other words, he has given me what I need.
Most of all he makes me feel that I am important to him. Maybe right now that's all that's important to me, to feel that I'm important. I never thought that someone would make me feel that I am important and just always there for me. In other words, Jr. is my everything, even in writing, he was there to give me an idea of the plot.
LOUD knocks wake me following mama's loud shout. I quickly got out of bed because something bad seemed to have happened. My heartbeat also suddenly increased for no apparent reason. When I opened the door mama was standing in front while chasing her breath.
"Why?" I asked nervously when I saw the concern and nervousness on her face. She was also pale and sweaty. "Mom, what happened?" I added as I started to get nervous out loud.
"Mila, Jr.'s mother had a heart attack." My eyes widened because of what mama said so I couldn't answer right away. “She hit her head because she was in the bathroom so she was taken to the hospital. Clark went to them to get what Jr. asked for. But no one answered so he went in and that's what he saw.” I was stunned for a moment by what mom said.
Maybe what will happen to her, what will happen to Jr also?
“Mia,”
"Where is aunt Mila, Ma, which hospital did take her, and does Jr. already know?" I worry too much about Jr. right now. I know how much he loves his mama that is why he stayed here in the Philippines.
‘I hope nothing bad happens to Aunt Mila because Jr. will definitely be hurt a lot.’
"In Lorenzo and Jr. is also there because he brought his mother."
I did wait for mama. I immediately grabbed my bag and jacket to cover with the clothes I was wearing and quickly went down the stairs.
If Jr. had a cellphone I could easily call her to say ask how's her mother.
‘My God, please save Aunt Mila.’
I just secretly prayed while inside the cab.
"Please hurry up a little," I asked for the driver's favor.
I took a taxi to get to the hospital quickly, unfortunately, there was an accident and it was doubly unlucky because we were stuck in traffic. I hope I just rode a motorbike. But I'm not comfortable riding another motor if Jr. isn't driving.
If the hospital wasn't so far away, I would have gone down earlier to just walk. Because while I was waiting, the beat of my chest is faster. A lot is on my mind right now.
I think about Jr.’s concern for his mom and what he’s doing now to calm himself down. He is now alone in the hospital and has no sympathy and worry about his mother. So I don’t know what he’s doing now. While I was thinking that I didn't even know what to do.
After getting out of traffic, I quickly got to the hospital. I immediately searched the receptionist for Jr.’s mom’s name. But the nurse who was there said that Mila Jacinto was not recorded there, which surprised me. I even told the nurse to double-check and maybe she just missed it. But a few times she was still the same. None of their records is named Mila Jacinto.
Because of despair and I no longer knew where I would look for them. I just sat on the side first. I looked around to find them and just in case they were just here. Until I saw Clark crouching as he walked and steady shake.
"Clark!" I called and immediately stood up. When he heard me he immediately looked up. He approached me immediately when he saw me so I met him. Tiredness and sadness were evident on his face. There was also a trace of redness in his eyes that was obviously from tears.
"Where is Jr?" I ask.
I heard his deep sigh and his hesitation to answer my question. Suddenly I immediately felt nervous because of his actions. I didn't have a good idea of what he was showing but I just put it aside and thought that maybe I was just overthinking.
"Clark," I said to him while holding his shoulder.
"Mia," he mentioned my name and I could already see the tears in his eyes as if they would fall at any moment.
"Where is Aunt Mila?"
“Mia, don't be get shocked but aunt Mila is already in the morgue. She was dead on arrival when we arrived here.”
My knees softened at what he said and I didn’t know what I would react to. I sat on the side while holding onto my chest not nervous but as if tightening. I still struggle to understand what Clark said.
‘JR’s mom is gone, Aunt Mila is gone.’
My mind became more confused because of the different scenes.
How will Jr. accept that his mom has left him?
Recovering from the shock I asked Clark where the morgue was. He pointed it out to me and I immediately went to find Jr. to help. Clark also said goodbye to go home to report what happened to take care of their house. It is said that Jr. planned to put his mother's wake only at home.
Just a short distance away I saw Jr. outside the morgue while sitting and crouching. I did not call him and I quickly approached him.
"J," I said his name at the same time sitting next to him on the chair. He just turned to me for a moment but immediately bowed. I also noticed the redness in his eyes.
I could see the shrug of his shoulder and a weak sob sign that he was crying.
"Mom's gone, Mia." His voice growled. "She left me," he added and continued to cry.
I don’t know how I can calm him down and sympathize now. I don’t know how I can alleviate the pain he feels. I don't know what he's going through as long as I know now that he's hurting. There is no equivalent pain to losing a mother.
Even with mama that we always fight and we are not on good terms, I also can not cope when she leaves us. Especially me because even though she doesn’t understand me she still doesn’t leave me and she still continues to support me.
What's more, Jr. that so loved by his mom and always supports everything he does. His mother never left him and tried to take care of him.
So I don’t know how to alleviate the pain he has now. I don't know how I can help him. I can’t say ‘it’s ok because I know it will never be ok to lose a loved one especially if a mother has been with you since you were born.
"I'm just here Jr., no matter what happens I will sympathize with you." That's the only word I can say because that's all I can stand.
I held his hand tightly to let him know that no matter what happened I was with him. No matter what happens I will not leave his side and I will stay with him.