I AM LOOKING at the flowers that mama had put in my room. They are like children crying at the same time because they are hungry and thirsty. I also cried for them because I couldn't feed them. I accompanied the crying flower. I think I cried even louder for them. I wanted to burst to release all the sadness and pain I feel right now.
Today is the day of Jr.’s leaving the country so I feel sad. I want to stop him from leaving, but what right do I have to do that. He has already made up his mind and not someone like me can stop him. He will leave me. After all the happiness and sadness we shared he will left me alone. I am now alone.
"Mia," Janel called to me at the same time as a soft knock stopped me from crying. I fix myself and opened the door, and saw her standing there. I did not talk. She look at me with a sad face too.
"Yes?"
"Jr. is outside, he wants to say goodbye to you." I smirked and bow. "Mia?"
"Tell him I am not here, you didn't notice I left."
"But Mia -----"
"Please, I don't want to him leaving." I held her hand so she wouldn't force me. "Please." She nodded at me in response.
"Ok. Are you okay?"
"Yes, I am, just tell him I am not here."
"Ok."
I closed the room again and went to the window. Just a moment and I saw Jr. there walking out of the gate. When I saw he stopped and I hid behind the curtain just as he looked up towards my room. I know that he knows I am here.
I look at him while staring at my window and I can’t help but sigh again. Is he really leaving? Will he really leave me? I will be really alone now?
I wanted to open the window and shout at him and beg for him not to leave me. I wanted to go downstairs and hug him, and tell him to stay. But I won't do it because I don't want him to blame me one day for stopping him. Even if it hurts, I will let him leave. For him to be happy even though, it means sadness for me.
I saw him turn around as he stepped out of the gate, as well as he boarded the taxi.
And as the taxi left. My tears started to fall one after another.
He was gone and he really left me.
I felt my door open and Janel entered so I immediately wiped away the tears.
"Mia, Jr wants to give it to you."
She handed me a mug with a cute teddy bear inside and a flower with a note.
'Wait for me, I promise I'll be back.
Jr,'
‘I will wait until you come back because you promised you will come back to me. No matter how long it is, I will not give up. I love you and I will prove it.'
----
IT's BEEN A MONTH since Jr. left and I haven't heard anything from him. Since then, he has had no social media account. I tried to find him on Facebook just in case but still nothing. I also don't have his number or address.
Their house is already inhabited by someone else, they say they are relatives who have become caretakers.
I didn't even ask his friends if they had any news about Jr. because I didn't want them to think I am chasing their friend. If he returns to the Philippines, he will stay in this place as well.
Maybe he’s happy now because he never even thought to catch up with me, even call or write. He was still reassured that while I was here he kept crying because I miss him so much. Especially now that I am sad for many reasons.
The difficulty of this is, that you don't know who to call to make you happy because the person who caused you to cry and be sad now is the person who made you so happy then.
Who do you ask for help if the person you used to be with is no longer with you? The person who made you laugh then is the one who made you sad now.
It’s been a month, but I feel like I’m getting old waiting for him.
But you know what is more painful to wait?
Not counting the days.
But the question that------
Are you really waiting for something or am I just waiting for nothing?
And with those two questions, you will only hurt yourself more if you try to find the right answer. Because you yourself don't even know what you should answer or what the right answer is. All you know is you are waiting.
Whether someone will return or not.
Even if you look stupid as long as you know that in the end, you will be happy even without certainty.
Sometimes it's better to gamble even if you're not sure if you'll win the match you bet on. Rather than just accepting the word ‘no more’ ‘done’ ‘enough’.
It is easier to blame other people than to admit to yourself that you have mistakenly trusted him and relied on what he said. Even if you fail at the wait you wanted, you will still blame him later because he promised he would come back to you. Even the truth is you are the one who likes to wait for him.
In my case, to this day I still hope that Jr. will come back to me one day and I believe he will keep the promise he made to me.
But otherwise, I wouldn’t blame him for why he didn’t come back to me because I knew I was the one who took the initiative to wait for him. Because I love him and it doesn't seem like that will ever change.
I looked up at the sky while talking to the moon and stars. I feel at this point that I can talk to him. There is only one moon and only one star we can see. No matter where we stand, we are on the same Earth and we see only one galaxy at night.
‘I’m just here Jr., waiting for you to come back no matter how long it takes.’
=END OF SEASON ONE=