Maybe Castor was just too carried away with helping me. I know him, he likes to joke around. I'm sure he's not serious about it.
Nakarating na kami sa bahay, agad na lumabas ng kotse ko si Castor at pinagbuksan ako ng pinto. Inilahad niya ang kamay at iginiya ako palabas ng kotse saka inabot sa 'kin ang susi ng kotse ko.
“Thank you kanina. Without you, maybe I'm still stucked in that awkward and unpleasant situation with them. Halos hindi na ako makahinga nang ayos. Ang sakit nila sa mata,” I said and raised my eyebrow. Castor chuckled while shaking his head.
“Bitter queen,” he murmured while still laughing. I glared at him and punched his chest.
“I'm not bitter 'no, ang sakit talaga nila sa mata. Nanibago nga ako kay Jaze, hindi siya gano'ng ka-clingy kay Zakarius noon. I wanna puke,” I said as my forehead furrows. I'm so pissed. Maybe Castor was right, I'm a bitter queen. Damn them, damn Zakarius.
“Sus, sige na, hindi ka na bitter. Sige, una na 'ko. Mag-lock ka ng pinto ha,” bilin niya saka bahagyang ginulo ang buhok ko. I slapped his hand and glared at him.
“For your information, my house has a tight security system,” I boasted while raising my eyebrow.
Until now, I don't know why Cadence and Zakarius managed to get inside my house, paano kaya nila nalulusutan ang security system ng bahay ko?
Bakit ko ba sila naiisip? I'm just giving myself an excuse to think about Zakarius. Fuck it.
“Paano ka uuwi, Castor? Where's your car?”
“Ahm, I left it at the restaurant. Balikan ko na lang,” natatawang sabi niya at napakamot pa sa batok niya.
It seems like Castor has a cute side too. Bakit basta na lang niya iniwan ang kotse niya sa restaurant? Ganoon ba siya ka-determinado na tulungan akong makawala kina Zakarius at Jaze?
“I'll take my leave. Next time, text or call me whenever you need help, I'm just one call away, vixen. I won't let you become a third wheel again, my Angel Mendoza doesn't deserve that,” he said and gently pinched my cheek. I just smiled and smacked his chest. Damn this man.
“Fine, thank you. You're really a good friend,” I said and smiled at him.
For some unknown reason, his smile vanished. He just sighed and gave me a bitter smile afterwards and tapped my shoulder.
“It will be better if I'll be more than just a friend to you,” he murmured and scratched his nape. My forehead creased.
“What?” I asked. I didn't hear what he just said, ang hina ng boses niya.
“Sabi ko, ang guwapo ko. Sige na, aalis na 'ko. Bye.” He kissed my temple then immediately turned his back and walk away.
Napahawak na lang ako sa sentido ko na dinampian niya ng halik. Nawiwili yata siyang halikan ako rito. Well, that's not a big deal for me, ilang beses na nga kaming naghalikan, kaso sa palabas naman 'yon.
Napailing na lang ako at pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Agad akong dumiretso sa kuwarto ko para maligo at magpalit ng pantulog.
I'll just distract myself by watching movies or anime, I don't want to give myself time to think about Zakarius. I'll distract myself in any ways possible.
Magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong hindi ko siya nami-miss... I miss him so much, I want to hug him again, nuzzle on his neck... I want to feel his kisses and simple gestures again, I want to see his soft side again... I miss him so much that my heart can't take it anymore.
I bit my lower lip and took a deep breath. Nararamdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng sulok ng mga mata ko. I want to burst into tears, but I have a shooting tomorrow... and I'm so tired of crying because of him.
I woke up from my thoughts when my phone rang. Natigilan ako nang makita ang pangalan ni Jaze sa caller ID. I nibbled my bottom lip while staring at my phone. I sighed, closed my eyes tightly, and finally answered her call.
“Hello, Jaze,” I said, I tried to sound cheerful as I can.
“Angel, are you dating that actor? I'm so happy for you! Bakit hindi mo man lang sinabi sa 'kin?” may bahid ng pagtatampo sa boses niya.
“Ahm, o-our status is complicated. I can't say that we're dating... but I can't also say that we're not,” I murmured.
Sorry, Castor. I need your help again.
“Is that so? It seems really complicated. If I were you, hindi ko na siya pakakawalan. Minsan lang ang ganiyang opportunity. Saka diba siya 'yong naka-date mo noon na nag-iisang nakatagal sa ugali mo? He's the one, Angel, don't let him go,” she said and chuckled on the other line. I just smiled awkwardly and scratched my nape.
“Castor not bad, he's really the best option among the rest. Pero ayaw kong magsalita ng tapos,” sabi ko na lang at tiningnan ang sarili ko sa salamin saka tumayo at lumabas ng silid ko. Nagtungo ako sa kusina habang nakatapat pa rin sa tainga ko ang phone ko.
“Well, okay. Sayang lang kasi, baka maagaw pa siya ng iba sa 'yo. Mahirap na, marami ang mang-aagaw sa panahon ngayon.”
I froze with her remark. I licked my lower lip and sighed. I don't know if she's pertaining to me or not... pero natamaan ako, pakiramdam ko para sa akin ang sinabi niya.
“Hmm, okay. Sige, kakain muna ako ng fruits. Let's talk again tomorrow, bye.”
Hindi ko na siya hinintay na sumagot at agad ng binaba ang tawag. I closed my eyes tightly and stroked my long hair with my fingers. I suddenly felt uneasy and tensed, I don't know why.
Napailing na lang ako at kumuha mg fruits sa ref. I need to calm down and stop thinking about it, wala 'yong maidudulot na maganda sa 'kin. I'll just shrug it off.
Just like what Castor said, I should remain cool and unbothered because I'm Angel Mendoza.
I just checked my twitter account. I just rolled my eyes when I saw the trending tweet, it's about Castor and I. Lumabas na naman ang fans club kuno naming dalawa. Kumalat sa internet ang pictures namin sa restaurant kanina.
I just shook my head and continued eating my fruits. Natigilan na lang ako nang makarinig ako ng mga yabag. Agad akong napatayo at napalingon sa pinanggalingan ng yabag. Natulos ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang makita siya.
“What are you doing here, Zakarius?!”
He remained standing there, he's a few meters away from me. He's just staring at me with no emotion in his eyes. My forehead furrowed.
I tried to act cool and pretent like his presence doesn't bother me. But to be honest, my heart is beating so fast, I can also feel something in my stomach. These butterflies always react when they feel Zakarius' presence. Tila ba kilalang kilala na nila si Zak at kusa silang nagwawala sa tiyan ko kapag nararamdaman ang presensya niya.
“W-what the hell are you doing here?” I asked. I bit the insides of my cheeks because I stuttered. My plan to act cool is obviously failed, hindi mapakali ang sistema ko ng dahil sa kanya kaya kahit anong pilit kong kumalma ay hindi ko magawa.
“I'm here to get my things,” he said in a cold tone.
I cleared my throat and nodded. What the fuck am I expecting? Of course he's just here to get his things... not because of me. Fuck my heart for hoping like a fool, damn it.
Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya. I stared at him as if his presence means nothing to me, I straightened my back, trying to show that I'm not affected by him. But damn, I want to hug him, to kiss him, to smell him... I want us to cuddle just like before. Damn, I miss him so much that just by seeing him like this feels like a fucking torture. Baka hindi ako makatiis at sugurin ko siya ng yakap.
Calm down, Angel. Don't do something stupid.
“Okay, nasaan ba ang mga gamit mo? Ako na ang kukuha,” I said as my eyebrow shot up. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him with equal intensity.
“I'll get it myself,” he mumbled and hastily left me here in the kitchen. My mouth agape in shock. Agad ko siyang sinundan nang magtungo siya sa silid ko.
He took his bag under my bed. I bit my lower lip as I watch him. Bakit nagagawa niyang umakto ng normal at basta na lang kuhanin ang mga gamit niya? Wala na ba talaga siyang pakialam sa mga naging alaala namin dito? Bakit parang hindi man lang siya natigilan? Bakit parang wala lang sa kanya? Bakit parang hindi man lang siya naaapektuhan?
Kinuha niya ang isa pang bag na katabi ng closet ko. Hindi niya ako binalingan ng tingin, akmang aalis na siya nang matigilan at napatingin sa direksyon ko. Tila natulos naman ako sa kinatatayuan ko at nanatiling nakatitig sa kanya.
“What?” I asked and raised my eyebrow, trying to look unaffected.
My lips parted when he threw one of his bag on the floor. My forehead creased and looked at him with disbelief. What is he up to? Tino-toyo na naman ba siya?
Zakarius turned his intense gaze away from me. He took a deep breath, his Adam's apple moved sexily. He licked his lower lip... He seems tensed, it seems like he's just trying to calm himself down or something. Ngayon ko na lang yata ulit siya nakitang nag-react nang ganito simula nang bumalik si Jaze. Ngayon na lang yata nagkaroon ulit ng emosyon sa mukha niya.
“That bag is heavy, I'll come back tomorrow to take it,” he murmured and turned his raking gaze at me. My forehead furrowed, I looked at him as if what he said was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
“Why don't you just take them both para hindi ka na babalik tomorrow? You're just making your life harder, Zakarius,” I said and rolled my eyes at him.
Fine, I want him to come again tomorrow, but how can I move on from my love for him if I'm so marupok? I shouldn't let my guard down.
Zakarius' forehead creased. He didn't say anything and just left me here in my room without saying anything. Napaawang na lang ang labi ko habang sinusundan siya ng tingin.
What the fuck is wrong with him?
* * *
“My dear Angel!”
Napairap na lang ako nang si Castor agad ang sumalubong sa akin sa set. Nandito kami sa may parang forest something, halos dito gaganapin ang halos lahat ng scenes. Maarte ako but I'm used to this kind of role. Dati nga ay nagpagulong-gulong ako sa putikan, sa maruming tubig, at kung saan-saan pa.
“You look so fresh, Angel. Baka maakit sa 'yo si direk. Stay by my side, mahirap na,” Castor whispered to my ear. I punched his chest and glared at him.
Ito ang unang beses na makaka-trabaho ko si Zakarius. I spent my time last night searching about how he works as a director. Base sa mga nabasa kong reviews sa mga artista rin na gaya ko, he's a strict director, wala raw araw na hindi ito nagagalit sa shooting, but he's very professional and an outstanding director.
Now I'm nervous. Hindi pa ako kinabahan nang ganito sa mga batikang direktor na nakatrabaho ko noon. I want to show him that I'm a good actress, I want to show what I've got. I can do this, I'm Angel Mendoza.
“Mukhang kabado ka, anghel. H'wag kang kabahan, bubuhatin kita sa bawat eksena,” tila nagyayabang na sabi nito. Muli akong napairap at sinuntok ang dibdib niya.
Nagpalit na ako ng damit, simpleng damit lang ang suot ko dahil ipapakita muna sa shooting ngayon ang pagt-training ko para maging assassin, this movie is all about my revenge. I became an assassin because my whole family was annihilated by some rich group at ako lang ang nabuhay. Meron pang mga back story, pero tinatamad akong alalahanin... But I'm certain that this movie will surely be a tough one.
Natigilan ako nang makita ko si Zakarius na abala sa pakikipag-usap sa cameraman, Assistant Director, at sa DP pagkalabas ko sa tent. He looks hot right now, his face screams authority and dominance.
I just shook my head and gently slapped my face. What the hell am I thinking right now?
Stop it, Angel. Be professional and don't be intimidated by his presence.
I took a deep breath to prepare myself. I'm nervous as hell right now. Ngayon lang yata ako kinabahan nang ganito sa shooting.
“Angel.”
Napatingin ako kay Castor na hindi ko namalayang katabi ko na pala. He smiled at me and pinched my cheek, I don't know why he always does that.
“Oy, ang sweet!”
Agad kong nilingon si Cassian nang kantiyawan kami nito. Naki-tili rin naman ang iba at tinukso kami ni Castor. Napairap na lang ako at tiningnan nang masama si Cassian.
I froze when Castor leaned forward, he grabbed my arm gently, and whispered on my ears. I just stay still and listened to him.
“Malay mo magselos si direk,” bulong niya saka natawa. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at hinampas siya.
“Bakit naman siya magseselos?” I asked as my eyebrow shot up. He just chuckled while nodding.
“You have a point there. Bakit nga naman siya magseselos eh hindi ka nga pala niya pinili?” nang-aasar na tanong niya. Sinuntok ko ang dibdib niya, natatawang hinawakan na lang niya ang kamay kong sumuntok sa kanya.
“Let's start!”
Natigilan kami at napalingon kay Zakarius, he's looking at us with no emotion in his eyes. I just avoided his gaze, bakit ba siya nakatingin?
Magsisimula na ang shooting, magsisimula ang scene sa natakbo ako habang papunta sa bahay para iligtas ang pamilya ko sa bingit ng kamatayan, base sa script.
“Quiet on set,” Zakarius commanded. I took a deep breath and prepare myself... Boses pa lang niya kinakabahan na ako.
“Sound?” the Assistant Director asked.
“Set!”
“Roll sound,” the AD said.
“Rolling!” the production assistant shouted.
“Roll camera.”
“Camera speed,” the first assistant camera said.
“Scene 1, roll 1, take 1!” the second Assistant camera shouted.
“...and action!” Zakarius shouted and stroked his hair using his hand like a shampoo model. Damn him.
I inhaled deeply and started running. Nag-dry run na kami kanina, pero nakakakaba ngayon dahil nanonood na si Zakarius. Why am I so bothered? Kailangan kong kumalma kung gusto kong maganda ang kalabasan nito.
Tumakbo ako papunta sa pababang parte kung saan magpapagulong-gulong ako ngunit napangiwi na lang ako, hindi swabe ang galaw ko ro'n. Imposibleng hindi 'yon mapapansin ni Zak.
“Cut!”
I bit my lower lip amd closed my eyes tightly when Zakarius shouted, sabi na nga ba. Lumapit sa 'kin si Chan at tinulungan akong tumayo.
Hindi naman nagsalita si Zak, pinagsabihan lang ako ng AD. I just nodded, trying to absorb what the AD just said. I can't focus for heaven's sake!
Naka-ilang take na kami, nakatitig lang si Zakarius sa 'kin at AD na halos ang nagsasabi ng cut.
I bit my lower lip and took a deep breath, pang-ilang take na 'to. Magsisimula na sana ulit kami nang muling magsalita si Zakarius.
“Wait.” Zakarius looked at me. “What are you doing, Angel? Stay focused. Baka abutin tayo ng ilang oras sa scene lang na 'to,” Zakarius said in an authoritative voice.
“Sorry, direk,” sabi ko na lang at napaiwas ng tingin sa kanya.
This is all your fault! You're distracting me!
“Chill ka lang, you seem bothered,” sabi ni Castor nang lumapit siya sa 'kin. Pinunasan niya ng towel ang mukha ko.
“Let's start!”
Natigilan kaming pareho ni Castor nang agad na sumigaw si Zak. I sighed and slightly pushed Castor. He just chuckled and pinched my nose.
“Show him what you've got, h'wag kang kabahan sa presensya niya.” Pagkasabi no'n, umalis din agad si Castor.
“Action!”
Nagsimula ulit akong tumakbo. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mawalan ako ng balanse at tuluyang nadapa. Napangiwi na lang ako at agad na tiningnan ang tuhod ko, buti na lang walang sugat.
“Cut!”
I looked at Zakarius. He seems mad, really mad. He inhaled deeply and massaged his temple. He licked his lower lip and looked at me intensely.
“What the hell are you doing? I'm expecting more than this, Ms. Mendoza. You're disappointing me. I guess you're just good in romance shit genres, huh.” He turned his gaze away from me and looked at the staffs. “Everyone, 20 minutes break!” he commanded and immediately turned his back and left.
I bit my lower lip to stop myself from bursting into tears. Hindi ito ang unang beses na napagalitan ako ng direktor, yung iba ay mas masakit pa ang nasabi lalo na noong baguhan ako... Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ang bigat sa dibdib ng kay Zakarius.
Lumapit sa 'kin si Castor at binalutan ng towel ang likod ko saka binuhat ako. Hindi na lang ako nag-protesta at hinayaan siya.
Fuck you, Zakarius!
* * *
“I hope you rot in hell, assh-le,” I murmured while staring at myself in the mirror, doing my skin care routine.
Hanggang ngayon dinadamdam ko pa rin ang pagpapahiya sa 'kin ni Zakarius kanina sa shooting. Ang kapal talaga ng mukha niya.
“Fuck him! Fuck him! Bwisit! Bwisit talaga!”
Naiinis na binitiwan ko ang skin care product na hawak ko. Pati sa pagpapaganda, hindi ako makapag-focus.
Tumayo na lang ako at nagtungo sa kama at umupo ro'n. Paano kaya ako makakatulog nang hindi iniisip ang lalaking 'yon?
Natigilan ako nang marinig kong bumukas ang pinto sa kuwarto ko. Agad akong napatayo at napatingin do'n. Gano'n na lang ang gulat ko nang makitang si Zak ang pumasok... pasuray-suray siyang maglakad.
What the fuck? Is he drunk?!
“What the hell are you doing here again?!” I asked and put my hand on my waist.
Zakarius didn't say anything. Naglakad siya papalapit sa 'kin at walang sabi-sabing niyakap ang baywang ko saka isinubsob ang mukha sa leeg ko.
I inhaled his scent, napangiwi na lang ako dahil ang lakas ng amoy ng alak sa kanya. What the hell? Nahanap na niya si Jaze, bakit pa siya nagwa-walwal?!
“L-let me go,” I murmured and tried to push him away but he just hugged me tighter.
“I-I'm sorry if I embarrassed you like that earlier, my angel,” he mumbled and planted kisses on my neck. I inhaled deeply and tried to push him again.
“I don't mind, you're just doing your job. Let me go!” I tried to push him again... but damn, I'm so weak.
My heart is beating like crazy in my ribcage right now. Damn, I missed this so much. I missed him hugging me like this and nuzzling on my neck. I missed him so much that I badly want kiss him and claim him... without thinking about Jaze.
“I missed you so much, my angel,” bulong niya saka inalis ang pagkakasubsob sa leeg ko.
He stared at me as if I'm something he's longing for, his blue eyes glistened with unknown emotion I couldn't discern. I avoided his gaze and pushed his chest but he held my back and pulled me closer to him.
I gasped in shock when he crushed his lips on mine without any warning. Tila nawala sa isip ko ang lahat ng bagay nang maramdaman ko ang labi niya sa akin.
Bumagsak ang likod ko sa kama. He positioned on top of me while still kissing me with much passion and hunger. When our lips touched, I realized that my heart is so weak when it comes to him... Fuck.
Natigilan ako nang bigla siyang bumagsak sa ibabaw ko. I blinked twice and looked at him... Mabigat na ang paghinga niya at mukhang tuluyan na siyang bumigay dahil sa kalasingan.
I bit my lower lip and sighed. Marahan ko siyang itinulak at pinahiga siya sa tabi ko. I scratched my nape and covered him with my comforter. He's now sleeping peacefully like a baby... what soft guy.
I stared at him and gently stroked his hair with my hand. Paano ko ba mapipigilan ang sarili ko na maging marupok pagdating sa kanya? Bakit niya ba ako pinapahirapan at pinapaasa nang ganito.
I leaned over him, closed my eyes, and gently kissed his soft lips. Kahit ngayon lang, I just want to kiss him one last time... and I promise that this is going to be the last one, for real.
“I knew it.”
I froze when I heard that familiar voice. Agad akong lumayo kay Zakarius at napalingon sa pinanggalingan ng boses. Agad na nanginig ang buong katawan ko nang makita siya na nakatayo sa pintuan habang nakatitig nang masama sa 'kin. Namumula ang mga mata niya at nagbabadya ng kumawala ang mga luha mula sa mga mata niya.
“J-Jaze.”