Carter's POV
It's cold as hell.
I mean it's only fifty degrees but it's still cold. I had a beanie on and sweats but I was still shaking as we walked to the woods that surrounded the territory. I don't know why I asked to see his tiger, I guess I just let my curiosity get the best of me. But now I was more excited if anything. I was ready to see if these tigers are as big as they say...or bigger.
And now that the cat out the bag, about how I felt about him growing up I have a feeling Sloan is going to remind me on a daily basis just how big he is. And if that doesn't turn me on I don't know what will. Which is crazy, and weird to say. I never thought I'd say 'turn me on' when it came to Sloan. But here I am.
'I can't believe you sold me out for a date with your mate.' Tatty spoke up and I could hear the annoyance in his voice.
I practically begged him to give Loren five minutes. But Tatty was resilient in his no. But then I pulled 'If you love me you'd do this for me' and he immediately said yes. It was like taking candy from a baby.
'It's not a date.'
'You're doing an activity, and then getting food after. I think this qualifies as a date.' Fuck...he was right.
'I didn't know I was asking him on a date!'
Now I was nervous for a completely different reason. Did Sloan think this was a date? I look pretty shitty for a date. We are both wearing sweats. But he hadn't mentioned anything about it. Maybe he thought that it was a hangout. Something to do to get out of the house?
'This is Sloan we are talking about.'
FUCK! He's right again. Sloan probably thinks we are on a date...
"I think this is far enough." He spoke pulling me from my rapid thoughts. I looked at him and his face held a heavy smile.
He looked more than thrilled to be showing me a part of himself and I was happy to see him so happy. Even though it was freezing out, all he wore were sweatpants and a fitted long-sleeve shirt. One thing I've learned about Sloan is that he is a lot warmer than most wolves. Any time we cuddle it feels like I'm wrapped up in a heated blanket.
I stood there staring at him, my eyes drifted to his hair. We both needed haircuts, but his curls were finally making an appearance again. He had a curl like Uncle Tino, which is the only resemblance he held towards him. He definitely was his father's son in looks, but Uncle Tinos in personality.
"Are you okay?" My eyes flicked to his and he looked concerned. But I smiled back quickly and gave him a nod.
'Yeah, I was just looking at your hair.'
"Oh yeah, its a fucking mess." He ran his hand through his hair and all of a sudden I had the urge to do the same. "I need to cut it off."
'You don't like your curls?' I don't know why but as I asked, I got an image of what our kids would look like in the future. They'd have thick and curly hair and have his hazel eyes, but my skin color...
Fuck why did I just go there?
"Nah, I feel like they make me look like a kid." He just shrugged and without warning ripped his shirt off. My eyes went wide with surprise as I stood there and saw his naked chest on display. The tattoos that decorated his arm did something to me. Made me feel like...I don't even know.
I quickly turned around and Sloan let out an amused chuckle as I tried to calm down my racing heart. I was overwhelmed with this hot and heavy feeling called desire. Not just any desire, but desire for him. Sloan fucking Mickaya.
I heard the cracking of bone and I heard the rustling of the dirt beneath us. After a few more seconds it was silent. Then I heard a deep huff. Fuck, here goes nothing. I slowly turned around and there stood the biggest cat I've ever seen.
Sloan's tiger had muscles bulging from his four strong legs. His head was almost as big as my chest, and his height...he was almost looking me in the eyes. His bright orange color only shined brighter as the sun hit his coat. And the black was so deep and eenigmatic I let my eyes trail over his body, and I noticed that his eyes were brighter in this form. His tiger was beautiful.
'Can I pet you?' I signed with him, and I waited for him to do something. Knowing he couldn't respond.
Instead, he took a small step further and he rubbed his head against me. A laugh flew out way too easily and I ran my hand up and down his head. His fur was just as soft and thick as it looked. It was long too, as I ran my fingers through it the fur made them disappear almost instantly.
As I continued to explore his tiger body, I could hear his deep and loud purses. His eyes were closed and he stood perfectly still as I ran my hands all over him. Then I realized that this is the most I've touched him...ever. And I didn't hate it. Not one bit. Now I can't help but wonder what his skin would feel like. A soft shiver left my lips and Sloan looked over me and even in this form, he was still worried about me.
He laid down and curled himself into a semi-circle and I thought this was his way of telling me to lie down with him. So I did. I stepped in between his giant legs and I leaned against his big belly and heat engulfed me. I didn't think it was possible, but he was way warmer like this. I was facing towards him so that I could sign and he could see me. But I was very tempted to fall asleep just like this.
It was peaceful like this, outside with him. Though it was cold, the sun was out and the air was clear. And for once I didn't have a care in the world. I felt...at peace. Perhaps Tatty was right. Maybe it wasn't my silence that brought me peace but Sloan. But was I able to accept that just yet?
I don't know.
I believe that Sloan wouldn't hurt me and that he cares about me. But I thought the same about Crispin, and four years later everything changed. He changed. What if Sloan does the same? I don't think I'd be able to live another day if he did. As much as I hate to admit it, he's weaseled his way into my heart just like I knew he fucking would. Which is why I spent all those years fighting him, keeping him from me.
'Things are shit with my parents.' I found myself signing to him. Even in all of my fear and resistance, there was this pull to tell him everything. That if he knew, he'd fight for me, with me, in a way no one has before. Also, it helped that he couldn't talk back.
'They weren't always but it feels like it. It all started when Dieter left after he visited my dad for the first time. Well, it started a little bit before that. He would ship me off to Aunt Rena's almost every weekend and that was already hard. My dad and I usually spent our weekends together, our family days.'
I could feel the heavy emotions flooding back, and everything in me was screaming at me to shut up. But the way that Sloan looked at me, even in this form, showed me that everything was going to be okay. He wasn't going to judge me or find fault in me. No, he would listen and understand me.
'I remember being so happy to see Dieter after we had first met. But then I realized I wasn't a part of the plans they had. Then when he left my dad--Crispin--was never the same. He got into this deep depression and he completely forgot about me. He was so wrapped up in his shit that I didn't even matter anymore. All he could think of was Dieter.'
'Around this time he began to use his alpha voice on me. Mean voice is what I call it. That's when I realized things changed between us. He'd use that stupid tone on me all the time, and it was never for anything serious. Sure I threw tantrums but it was because I felt that he was trying his best to get away from me. Which...he was.'
My eyes began to water, and I could feel tears slip down my cheeks. But I had no urge to wipe them away. Knowing that Sloan has seen me at my worst many times and he still hadn't left me.
'When he was depressed...it got so bad that he didn't leave the bed. It was night, and I hadn't seen him, hadn't eaten, hadn't used the bathroom. I was all alone with just Tatty to help me. Both of us are too young to even know what the right thing to do is.'
'I went upstairs and Tatty being the brave lycan he is, told me he'd protect me from Crispin if he used his mean voice again. When I get to the room to check on him, the first thing he does is yell at me. Mean voice. He tells me to leave, to get out. So I do. And all I knew was that my dad was happy with Dieter so Tatty and I decided to go find him.'
I think that's why I hate the cold so much. It reminds me of that night...even now just talking about it, I felt like I was right back in that space.
'So I walked my little four-year-old body right outside. It was freezing, I'm pretty sure I had my shoes on the wrong feet and I walked. I walked outside for what seemed like hours, freezing my ass off. I ended up pissing myself and sitting on the ground in defeat, crying no longer knowing where I was.'
Sloan let out a loud whine and moved his giant paw to cover my legs. I gave him a soft smile but I continued, needing to get this out. I need to tell not just anyone. Him.
'I don't quite know how long I sat there for. Could have been hours. But then a fucking angel appeared. My Aunt Rena found me, and I've never been so grateful for her in my entire life. I remember her being pissed, so fucking mad at Crispin and Dieter.' I laughed lightly and my heart filled with love at the mention of my Aunt Rena.
I loved that woman with all my heart. I should probably tell her that more often.
'So I stayed with her, for weeks. I barely heard from Dieter and Crispin unless Aunt Rena blew up their phones. Even then they only talked with me for a few moments before hanging up. It wasn't until my birthday came around that I realized just how insignificant I was to them. They didn't call, or even text. For days. They completely forgot about me.'
A sob escaped my mouth as I recalled the memory. I hadn't realized just how hard I was crying until now.
'Crispin never missed a birthday. He would always let me stay up until twelve and we would eat cake and mac and cheese to celebrate. And it was then I realized just how much things changed. Long story short, Aunt Rena got so upset that she flew with Aunt Danielle to the territory and basically had to force my parents to take me back. Then I found out Crispin was pregnant and shit got even more worse for me.'
I felt a heaviness in my chest, there was so much of my past that I was running from, and wanting to be free of. But I realized I can't be free until I face the shit within myself. But I do know I am nowhere near ready to face my family. Part of me never wants to.
'I'm sorry I didn't mean to traum dump.' I told him quickly, finally wiping my tears away. Sloan let out a deep snarl, and I knew that was him telling me to stop apologizing.
'I just wanted you to know there was more. More than just Sean being an asshole that made me leave.'
And it was then I realized, that I didn't want Sloan to see me as this weak little kid. That I cared about his opinion of me, always has. I needed him to know that even though I ran there was reason behind it. Not because I couldn't take care of myself, I've done that for years now. I wanted him to know that even if I was weak at the moment, I wasn't. I was still strong and capable. Capable of caring for him, and being the rock for him if he needed me to be. I can be that for him.
Sloan lifted his paw and made a motion as if he wanted me to lay down in between his legs. I thought about it, but then I realized I'd be lying on very cold ground and I opted against it. Instead, I ran my hands up his white fur chest just for a moment and then stood up.
'I'm not laying on the ground, it's too cold.' Sloan gave an annoyed huff and it looked like he tried to roll his eyes at me.
'Come on, kitty cat. Don't we have reservations?' I teased and he bumped his giant head into my arm and a small chuckle flew past my lips. I was thankful for Sloan. He was able to reach out to Aunt Rena about the reservations and she immediately made them. No questions asked.
Then guilt flooded me a bit. She didn't deserve my silence and isolation. She'd been there for me every step of the way, even if she couldn't physically be there, she was still there. Always texting, always calling, always there. I needed to see her.
I turned around to give Sloan the privacy to change back, though I wanted to take just a little peek. But I don't.
"Alright, you can turn around, lightning. I'm all dressed."
I felt slightly disappointed at the statement but I pushed that down deep inside. I turned and Sloan was standing pretty close to me already. He had his arms wide open and I basically ran and collided our bodies. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and held him close to me. Feeling my body relax and feel the safest I've ever felt in my life.
"Thank you for sharing that with me." His voice made his chest vibrate and against me and it was oddly comforting. "It means a lot that you trust me so much, lightning. And I don't take that for granted."
Sloan was always so free with his words that it scared me. I wish that I could be free with mine in the same way. Because he deserved it. He deserved to be told sweet things because that's what he is. He is sweet, and he is funny, and he is kind, and he is patient.
'Lightening?' I asked him and Sloan smiled at me. We both pulled away, but I didn't get too far. He grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers together. Something he's never done before. The sparks were swirling in my arm and my brain short-circuited. But I didn't pull away.
"Yeah, from our favorite movie. Duh." A laugh slipped out of me, which seemed to happen a lot when it came to Sloan. "Should we change? Isn't the restaurant super fancy?"
Ahh shit. This is a date.
'Maybe change into jeans and a sweater? I still have to wear a hat because of my hair.' Sloan nodded in agreement as we walked back to my truck, which I let Sloan drive.
I never let anyone drive my truck. And I asked Sloan if he wanted to. Fuck, I was already in deep.
"Tomorrow, we are finding a shop and getting our haircut. We can't live like this anymore!"
I don't know...but I think I could.
As long as he was next to me.
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HEHEHEHEHEH Guys this was so cute to write. I was literally blushing writing this. You all are probably wondering :
'Danny, why haven't they kissed?'
Well, they will. I promised at the beginning there will be a shit ton of smut and I stand by it. But also you have to remember Carter used sex as a means of escape not...pleasure. And Sloan isn't used to having the freedom that sex can bring. Plus the sexual desire he has for Carter is very new.
So they both are in a very different place when it comes to sex. And just navigating each other in general. After YEARS of resistance.
Patience my loves, patience.
It'll be worth the wait I promise.