Sloan's POV
'You're doing great, Tiger.' Carter signed to me and his words were everything I needed to hear and more.
I think I underestimated just how hard learning sign is. But Carter and his crazy, amazing brain were able to learn almost every word within three days. I on the other hand took a lot longer than him, and am still learning. Some words I still don't know so Carter would tell me what they are. But we were now at a point where we could have actual conversations without the notepad.
It had been a few days since the night we had in the kitchen. When Carter dropped the bomb he found out that Crispin wasn't his biological dad...by Sean. Which made my anger toward Sean grow even more.
Who the hell does he think he is saying that to him? That wasn't his fucking place. Also, it pissed me off that Crispin and Dieter knew and kept their mouths shut. That made me wonder if my parents knew too... It just made me want to keep Carter tucked away in the corner of our world
"I feel like I'm doing terrible," Carter told me it would be easier for me to remember if I signed and talked at the same time, which is exactly what I am doing currently.
'A few days ago you could barely sign a sentence. Now we are having a full conversation.' Carter smiled gently at me and it warmed my heart. And made Loren purr deeply.
We were currently in his room, sitting on his childhood bed and if that doesn't show the progress between us, I don't know what does. He kept this place locked up and away from me, until last night. When he walked in here and said he wanted to show me his room. I was way too fucking happy to see where he spent his early days.
I could tell this place meant a lot to him, the way he showed me around the room. He had a soft smile on his face the whole time. I could tell this room held good memories. Happy, memories for him.
The sun was up and it was bright and beautiful out. It was now fully fall, and there was a soft breeze coming through the open window as we sat.
'I want to show you something.' Carter said, and he leaned over to the bedside table and opened the drawer. He pulled out what looked like to be a photo album and he held it firmly in his hand.
'This is one of the only things I have about my mom.' I sucked in a deep breath, and I waited in anticipation. Carter rarely ever gave information about himself unless I asked. So him telling me about this, especially his mom, is a big fucking deal.
And goddess did I feel special?
He handed me the album and I grabbed it softly, not wanting to damage it anyway, knowing how much it meant to him.
'It's filled with pictures of her. When she was younger and as an adult.'
We were sitting cross-legged on the bed, both of us facing each other. He turned around to his pillow and underneath was a frame. He slowly handed it to me and I succumbed to emotions. It was a picture of his mom, still in her hospital gown. She had a bright smile on her face as she looked down at Carter as if he was the best thing in the world.
Which he was.
"She's beautiful," I told him as I began to open the photo album and look through the pictures. "You look just like her too." I looked up at him as the words left my mouth and Carter beamed with happiness at the compliment.
She truly was a beauty and as I looked at the pictures I could see that she had quite the personality. Parts of which I am sure Carter got him from. Carter sat and watched while I strolled through the pictures. Taking it all in, making sure Carter knows and can see that I am enjoying myself. I want to know the ends and outs of who he is.
'She passed a few minutes after that picture was taken.' He signed and I put all my attention on him. 'Birthing complications and it was too late to fix them. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like had she not passed.' He sighed deeply, and there was sadness in his eyes yet again.
'But then I think of all the people I wouldn't have met. UK, Uncle Tino, Ezra.' He took a deep breath and he moved his eyes from mine right before signing. 'You.'
It made my heart jump and fuck did it make me feel good. I know he didn't say it technically, but even in saying that he saw me as someone important. Someone that he couldn't imagine not meeting. That in itself made me overwhelmingly happy. My face held a smirk as I waited for him to look back at me.
"Don't get nervous now, say it with your chest." I teased and Carter rolled his eyes at me.
'Shut up, Tiger. Before I take it back.' He signed quickly and I laughed at that.
"It's so nice to know you no longer hate me." I meant it in a fun way, but Carter's smile faltered only for a second.
'I don't hate you, Tiger. Never had.' Loren was now fully at attention with this revelation.
"Don't mess with me," I told him quickly, knowing my heart couldn't take it if he was. He doesn't hate me. He never had? What kind of alternate universe have I fucking stepped into? Carter rolled his eyes at me yet again and leaned back against the headboard.
'I'm not, I promise. You just annoyed the hell out of me.' I let out a deep chuckle and Carter laughed as well.
"I want to know why." Carter looked as if he was contemplating telling me. I didn't think he would. Especially after just showing me pictures of his mom. I knew Carter was prone to saying one personal thing a day, and I was completely okay with that. As long as it was something.
'Fine, but if I share, then you share.' He signed back, with a devious glint in his eyes. He had a plan, and I was scared to know what it was.
"Easy. Now, tell me Mr. Jafir, what did I do to annoy you so much?"
'It wasn't anything you did...it's more of how you look.'
"How do I look?" Worry filled my bones and stilted my breathing. Did he not like the way that I looked? Was I too big? Was I not big enough? Fuck, fuck, fuck, why did I ask this question again?
'Yeah, you're all big. Always have been, but got so much bigger after you shifted and it pissed me off. Plus your face was the icing on the cake.'
Great, he hates my face. FUCK! I can't change my face.
"And that's bad...?" I asked slowly, suddenly feeling self-conscious about how I looked.
'Yes,' My heart dropped. 'And no.'
I stared at him confused as hell. Unsure of what to think or even say at this moment. Was this his way of telling me he thought I was ugly? Fuck, I knew it.
'It was bad because it made me realize I was attracted to you, and I hated that I was so I took it out on you.'
TALK ABOUT FUCKING WHIPLASH! Goddamn.
'I like that you're big.' I noticed as I saw his cheeks slightly warm up and a giant smile slid across my face at his confession. My confidence came back, tenfold. And I was on fucking cloud 9. This whole time, I thought Carter hated me. But no. He had a fucking little boy crush on me which is why he was mean to me? Yeah, I've entered into a fucking alternate universe. And it was a universe where all my dreams were coming true.
"So you've been attracted to me for years?"
'Tiger, don't make this a big deal.' Carter huffed in annoyance.
"Oh no, this is a big deal. You've had a crush on me for years!" I was way too fucking excited for my good. I needed him to tell me everything.
'I did not!'
"You did! You just said you didn't like me 'cause you thought I was hot!" I know there was a ridiculously big smile on my face and I could feel my body buzzing with excitement from his praise.
'I didn't say you were hot.' He rolled his eyes but I could see he was amused at my reaction.
"Oh, so you don't think I'm hot?" Panic ran through Carter's eyes and he sat up, but only for a moment once he saw I was teasing him.
'Don't do that! I thought you were upset!' He leaned forward and slightly pushed my shoulder and I smiled at him again. The sparks from the small touch erupted through me. He didn't even realize it but we couldn't stop touching each other. Nor did I want to.
'It's your turn by the way.'
"Ask away, I'm an open book." I leaned back on my arms and I saw how Carter watched the movement. His eyes were firm on my arms. And now with the new information that he liked how big I am, I was going to remind him every day of just how big I am.
'Why did you keep trying? What made me so special to you?' There was an intensity in his gaze as we locked eyes again. I could see that he needed this more than it was about me. He needed to know that there was something about him that was valuable. And he wanted to see if I would tell him the truth.
"I don't know. What I do know is that I've been drawn to you ever since we were kids. That I thought you were the most beautiful man to walk the planet. That I always felt this need to protect you...from everything. I could always tell there was more to you than meets the eye. That deep inside someone was waiting to be discovered. And ultimately, I think that's what made you special to me. Because I was the only one that could see it, and I wanted to know why."
I don't know if he expected something more deep, or for me to say it was a specific moment that made him so special to me. But I couldn't lie to him, no matter how scared I was that my answer wouldn't be sufficient enough. I wanted him to know the truth. And the truth is, I don't know. I've always been drawn to him, it's unexplainable.
And I don't ever want to figure out the reason either.
'Thank you. For telling me the truth.' He signed back and I offered him a small smile.
We sat in silence for a little while. Letting the fall breeze coat us and we listened to the birds outside. Fuck...how long has it been since I've been outside? I heard a soft snap and I turned to Carter to see what he wanted to say.
'I want to see your tiger.'
'FUCK YES, FUCK YES!' Loren screamed and ran around in my head. This left me stunned seeing as he literally never cusses and he doesn't scream like a maniac.
'Tell him, yes! But only if he lets Theodore out. Five minutes.'
"I'll show you, but only if you let Theodore out to speak with Loren. He said he wants five minutes."
Carter's eyes went dull, and I assume he was arguing back and forth with Theo about the deal. I have no clue what happened between Theo and Loren, but it caused Loren distress. Carter rolled his eyes at whatever Theo must have said to him but continued for a moment longer. Loren was waiting in anticipation, hoping he said yes.
'He said okay.'
Loren growled deeply in excitement at the response. And I was surprised as well, I had very little faith that Theo would want to talk with Loren.
'Also, after maybe we can get some food? I'm tired of your cooking.' If it was any other time I'd be able to think of something clever to say back, but I was too focused on the fact that he asked me to get food. Is this a date? Is he asking me on a date?
Fuck, should I ask?
"Yeah, food is great. I'm tired of cooking too." I was able to choke out, still unaware of what this outing would be.
'There's this restaurant, it's been in the pack forever, steak place. Real good food. Maybe I can ask Aunt Rena about reservations?' There was a light in his eyes until the last bit.
I immediately could tell that his energy changed. he hasn't seen Rena or Danielle since we both came here. Which was almost a month ago...crazy how time flies. But I could see that he was worried, worried about how they would react to Carter and him being mute. Him not able to communicate with them in the way he wants.
"Don't worry about it. I will ask for you." I told him quickly, and I would also tell them that they need to learn to sign. ASAP. "I'm going to shower, and then I'll show you just how big I am." I teased one last time before getting off the bed to get ready. But of course,I didn't miss the look on his face, how it warmed up at the statement,
I can't wait to see how he'll look once he sees how big (and thick) I am.
Slow down, Tiger. Slow down.