Carter's POV
The closer we get to this house the more I feel myself freak out. Why? Because I was seeing HIM again, and I had not seen HIM in two years. And now I'm regretting my fucking outfit choice. Of jeans and a sweatshirt. I should have dressed I don't know...better.
Sean parked the car and my body went into overdrive. My heart was racing and my hands were getting sweaty. Why was I nervous? I'm never nervous. FUCK. What is happening to me?
Sean and Addison jumped out of the car and met Dad and Pops, but Addi hung behind to walk with me.
"Are you okay?" She whispered to me and I nodded. She was the more observant one of the bunch. And one of the few people who genuinely cared about me. No one else in this damn family does.
I knew Sean hated that I was becoming alpha and not him. He felt he deserved it because he was blood...blood of both our dads. Not just one.
When he first told me that it hurt. Badly. I was 17 when I found out how my brother truly felt about me. And though we were in an argument and it was in the heat of the moment our relationship changed then. Though it wasn't like it was anything special before. That statement was all I needed to confirm what I already felt. I was wanted by my family. And no matter what I did to try and rectify the relationships...they always got worse.
Sean of course never apologized and I have never forgiven him. There is no need. Plus our fathers don't know but I don't think they would care about that anyway. If anything they'd find a way to take Sean's side and I'm left being the bad guy...again.
Even though it was years ago, it still sat in the back of my mind. It was an ever-present reminder that I was different. That I was a black man in a white family. That I was a Lycan surrounded by werewolves. That it was no longer just my dad and I.
I don't know.
Shit is sad, to say the least.
But that's why I love visiting the Mickayas and I loved Uncle Koa. He was mixed too and he could understand me in a way that my dads couldn't. And his family...they all looked like me. Not saying I didn't feel welcomed when I was with my own family. I didn't feel anything with my own family. Especially when my GG passed away. That's when I was left in a family full of strangers. GG is the only person who ever tried to get to know me.
My dad was amazing when it came to black culture and immersing me when I was younger. He learned all that he could, but it all stopped as I got older. Well, it stopped once we moved. He didn't try anymore. So GG took it upon herself to learn and then she taught me. It just wasn't...the same between us. No matter how badly I wanted it to be.
Before Dad could even knock on the door, it was swung open by a very excited Ezra.
"My man!" He yelled as walked further out. He wrapped his arms around me in a hug which I immediately returned.
Sloan may be Sean's best friend.
But Ezra was mine.
"Look at you and your hair." I pulled away to see that Ezra had shaved his head. A buzz cut. I was used to his thick curly mess.
"Shaved it once Sloan got here. Wanted to match him."
I will say I was jealous of their relationship. It was a relationship I wish I had with Sean. But there's no use in hoping for such things.
"Uncle Dieter. Uncle Crispin, good to see you as always. Come in come in." Ezra said quickly letting us in. They offered him a small smile and I tried to ignore the twinge of jealousy that tried to make an appearance.
Once inside the giant mansion of a home, a smell hit my nose. It was intense and overwhelming. But sweet and sensual. It almost smelled like vanilla coffee. But there was a hint of amber too. I don't know. But it made the whole house smell fantastic. It wasn't the usual Mickaya scent but I wouldn't put it past Uncle Tino cooking up something new.
We walked further into the house that I basically grew up in. Everything came flooding back. Every happy memory. Though there weren't a lot. There were still a few.
Just a few.
Ezra took me right to his room which is where I usually stay and he had the second bed already set up for me. I set my bag on the bed and I wanted to stretch out across it, but I knew once I did, I'd pass out. Seeing as I haven't fully
"I should warn you, Sloan invited a guest..." His name shouldn't make me as happy as it does. But it fucking does. And I hate it. I hate it so much.
I hate him so much for it.
"Okay..." I don't know why he thought to tell me about his guest. I couldn't give two shits about the people Sloan associated with.
'Yeah keep telling yourself that.' Tatty growled as he began to pace. He was on edge for some reason, but Tatty's natural state was the edge. Ever since I was a kid he made it his DUTY to protect me always.
I loved him for it.
"Apparently it's like his old boyfriend or something. He got here just before you guys did."
That made me still in place.
One, because Sloan was gay.
Two, because he had a boyfriend.
Why did that piss me off so much?
"He's gay?"
"Yeah, dude." Ezra laughed as if I were to know this information. But I don't know shit when it came to that guy. "Always has been. But apparently, this dude is serious. They were together for a year. Spent most of his graze with him."
"Doesn't that defeat the purpose of it?" I asked, and I inwardly groaned at letting the question slip from my mouth.
"Who fucking knows. All I do know is that he wants us to meet him." Ezra shrugged as he changed his clothes. I took the liberty to copy him and instead of a sweatshirt, I threw on a nice sweater. And quickly brushed down my waves. All of a sudden I have the extreme need to look presentable.
"Is it his mate?" The question slipped out a bit too easily and I wanted to punch myself in the face. I don't care. I don't care. I don't CARE.
"I don't know actually. I mean I assume so...or else we wouldn't be meeting him if it wasn't." Why don't I believe that? "Alright, you ready? Dinner time!" He slapped his hand on my shoulders and pushed me out of the room. Nerves coming in and filling my body yet again.
The closer we got to the dining room the stronger the smell got. Which made Tatty pace back and forth even more. As we walked in and saw our families mingling. Uncle Koa smiled at me, his hair pulled back into his signature bun. And Uncle Tino was in the kitchen finishing the food with...him.
And his guest.
But what caught me off guard was when we made eye contact and it felt like the world stopped moving. Everything slowed down. His light brown eyes poured into my every cell and caused my mind to short-circuit.
My breathing hitched as I looked over his strong and muscular body. Had he always been this attractive? Or was it the two years he was away that made him look so good? His sleeve was pulled up and showed off fresh tattoos. And his buzzcut...I thought I would hate it. But it suits him perfectly.
'Mate. Fucking mate.' Tatty growled as he basically pranced around in my head.
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
But as quickly as he looked at me, he looked away. Giving his attention to the guy next to him. Like the fact of us being mates wasn't a surprise to him. He just ignored me.
Fuck. That hurts.
"That's him. Z. His boyfriend." Ezra said as we walked further into the dining room and took a seat.
My eyes were glued to the kitchen and the closeness of the two of them. And then that fucking Z. He looked...just like me.
'Could you get any more conceited?' Tatty spoke up and I rolled my eyes at him.
'He looks just like me! Look!'
'He is just another light-skinned man with green eyes. You don't look alike. Plus he has dimples.'
'Shouldn't you be more upset? He brought someone!'
'Oh trust, I am very upset. But what am I to do?'
I looked harder and my goddess he was right. This guy was staring up at Sloan like he ruled the world. He was cute as hell. And what made it worse Sloan was staring back at him...smiling. And laughing. And leaning into him. He's never done that with me...
He also looked completely unfazed at the fact that his mate was right there. Me. I suppose that answers my question. But why didn't he do what all mates do? Stop what they are doing and run to the other person and hug me. Knowing Sloan I felt like that was something he would do.
It's because you're an unlovable asshole.
I winced at the harsh words that the voice spoke. The voice that has been there since I was a child and constantly reminded me of all the bad and shitty parts of myself.
"You doing okay kid?" Uncle Koa slapped my back and pulled me out of my thoughts. Which I was extremely happy about.
I loved UK. I remember the first time I met him, he accepted me with open arms. He taught me how to be a lycan and let me know that it was okay to be black. He introduced me to many members of his family and they welcomed me too. He was like the dad I had always wished for...the dad my dad used to be.
"Yeah, UK. I'm good." He gave me a hesitant smile, he could always read me. Too easily might I add. But he left it be and walked away. Knowing I wasn't going to share my deepest darkest secrets with him while everyone was around.
"Tonight, we should go out. Get some girls." Ezra leaned over and whispered in my ear. I nodded immediately without thinking about what I was agreeing to. Then it registered and I let out a deep breath.
Sex. Sex is good. I can have sex easily. Sex will rid these thoughts even if it is for a moment...I'd do it. I'd do anything for a moment of fucking peace.
Uncle Tino walked into the dining room as everyone took a seat. Pops sat by UK, the besties of course. And Dad sat back Uncle Tino.
Then the rest of the Mickayas joined and there were a lot of them. Flo, Ambrose, Delaney, and little Eli. Eli hurriedly ran to Ezra's side and sat beside him. Addi came and sat by me. Sean came out and was talking with Sloan and Z as they sat down across from me. But instead of Sloan in front of me like usual, Z took the spot.
"Whoa, that's Sloan's seat," Sean spoke up. I had never been so grateful to have him. But it wasn't for me, no it was because Sean was a creature of habit and not having his bestie sit by him would ruin his mood.
"It's fine. Z is a guest, I'll just sit here." Had his voice always sounded like that? So deep and magical?
Sloan always sat across from me. I remember someone else tried once, and he almost ripped the person to pieces. And the fact he was willingly giving him that seat...
Unlovable asshole, remember?
Flo looked over between us with an amused glean in her eye but stayed quiet. As Sloan sat down he had still yet to look at me. He always looked at me. Why the fuck wasn't he looking at me?
Maybe he finally realized how ugly you are.
"Hi, I'm Z, nice to meet you." I turned and looked at him and hated that he was attractive. And he seemed...decent.
"You a tiger?" I questioned. Not really care about getting to know him or being nice. He seemed unmoved by my question. Sloan slightly stiffened but I don't know if it was because of me or because of my dumb question. Probably both. Insecurity always seemed to leak out of me whether I liked it or not.
"You must be Carter." He leaned back in his chair and eyed me up. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I was slightly offended by how he said it.
"The one and only." I grabbed my drink and took a giant sip. Flicking my eyes to Sloan and he was still ignoring me.
But why do I even care?
'Cause he's your mate.'
'Yeah well, I don't want him to be.'
'Don't lie. You've been wanting him to dick you down for forever.'
'What the fuck Tatty! No, I haven't.'
'Sure whatever you say.'
I had to hold in my growl toward Tatty. He pissed me off. Only because he knew me so well and I couldn't get anything past him. He's been around since I was two years old. Why? I don't fucking know, but I ask myself this all the time.
Dinner started quickly after and bowls of authentic Italian were being passed around. It smelled heavenly but not as good as Sloan does these days. Once my plate was full I dived in. Taking bite after bite. I was starting to enjoy myself until Sloan started talking to Z.
In Italian.
"Sono contento che tu sia qui." (I'm happy you're here)
But what made it worse was that Z responded...in Italian.
"Sono felice che tu mi abbia invitato." (I'm happy you invited me)
"You know Italian?" Ezra asked almost impressed.
"Yeah. Teddy taught me while we spent some of our grazes together." I snorted loudly which caught the attention of everyone except Sloan.
"Something funny?" Sean asked and I wanted to crawl over the table and punch him. His face held his normal look of annoyance towards me.
"Yeah, he called Tiger, Teddy. What kind of nickname is that." I scoffed out and Sloan stiffened at my words. I could see I made him uncomfortable...yet again. I should apologize.
But you won't.
I don't.
Sean glared at me, and Addi just sighed in disappointment. Flo looked at her brother with a sympathetic look. And Z moved his hand to his back and began to rub it, making me drop my fork with a loud clatter.
"Sloan's favorite animal is a bear. So it's just something I called him." Z shrugged no longer looking at me but my mate. Who looked stiff and uncomfortable.
Because of me.
"So you guys are close then?" I asked as nonchalantly as I could. I could tell Z was slightly uncomfortable but I didn't care. Flo was looking at me like she wanted to kill me.
But again, I don't care.
"Yeah. I suppose so." I was annoyed that Z kept talking and not Sloan. He needed to talk to me. He needed to look at me.
"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Tiger." His jaw ticked at the name. He hated it when I called him that. But I couldn't stop myself. I liked calling him something no one else did. I'm stupid I know.
"Yes, Carter. We are close." He still wasn't looking at me. But his voice was rough and laced with annoyance. Not fun and light like how he talked to Z. But that's how all of this family talked to me. Except for Ezra. No matter what I did, I was somehow annoying the hell out of them. But I also didn't help the case. I didn't try to not be.
I just hate lies about me. So I made it true. Oh fucking well.
"Huh. Interesting. So you can speak. Just not to me. Thought these past two years were supposed to help you grow up."
I don't know why I said it. Maybe I'm just an idiot.
Asshole is more like it.
"Carter." Both Addi and Sean gritted toward me but I ignored them and kept pestering him.
"I don't know what you mean." His voice was low and still not looking at me.
"Thought the whole point of a graze was to be alone." I tried to keep my voice steady, but anyone who knew me would be able to hear that I was seething. So....no one. Maybe Ezra and UK.
"What's your point?" Z had moved his hand from his back and his head was hanging looking in his lap. Flo looked like she was ready to pounce on me. And Ezra stayed silent like he always did.
"Does there have to be one? I can't just ask a question, Tiger?"
"My name. Is Sloan." He gritted out his hands clenching. I should stop. I know I should. But I was getting a reaction out of him, finally getting his fucking attention. And that's all that matters.
"I don't give a fuck what your name is. Tiger." I dragged his name out with a smirk on my face. But he did something I didn't expect.
He slammed his strong hands on the table and stood up. It caught everyone's attention. But he still wasn't looking at me. I couldn't miss the thick anger that radiated from him and it circled me.
"Excuse me. I just need a minute." He turned on his feet and walked away, then all eyes were on me.
"Carter. You're a dick." Sean seethed at me.
I knew I was. I always was when it came to Sloan.
"Carter, you couldn't go one dinner..." My dad huffed out. His voice was laced with the usual disdain and disappointment he held towards me. Has been for years now. I actually don't remember the last time it was anything but. And do I want to? No, not really. It'll just make me a lot more depressed than I already am.
"What? I didn't do anything." I shrugged and began eating my food. Though on the inside I was beating myself up. So was Tatty. He was actually calling me every single name in the book.
"Fucking hell, you just don't know when to stop." He meant to have it under his voice but I heard it. I always did. Every single slick comment my dad said about me. Tears were begging to exit but I pushed the unwanted feelings down. Knowing that even if I did start crying no one would care.
"Go, apologize," Pops spoke, his deep voice shaking the table. But I stayed still, not even looking their way. I was a grown man. I can't make my own decisions. "Carter." He gritted out.
"Carter Jafir, go apologize now." I stopped mid-motion as my dad's alpha voice burned my ears. A voice I had become accustomed to...I still remember the first time he used it on me. All because I wanted to stay with him.
'Mean voice!'
The memory sat firmly in the forefront of my mind. Like it happened yesterday. Tatty whined softly as the memory tried to make its entrance. But I took a deep breath and sat my fork down. I plastered on my fake face, my 'I don't give a fuck what anyone says about me' face. And slowly stood up leaving the table. Not before seeing UK shooting me a sympathetic look. At least someone cared.
I followed his now strong scent and it led to his bedroom. A place I had never been before. A place I had avoided all the years of being here.
Fuck. Here goes nothing.