Sloans POV
I lay in my bed trying to focus and breathe for the first time since he walked into this house. I knew from the moment I smelled his bright orange citrus scent that he was my mate. I had felt it as soon as he pulled into the driveway and Loren started prancing ridiculously. The urge to run to him and grab him was too great, elevated by the newfound revelation. But I fought against it.
I thought ignoring him and focusing on Z would make our interaction less painful but I was fucking wrong. Z knew who he was, I had told him on occasion of who he was to me. And I thought him being here would help. But it made things worse. So much worse. Loren was pissed and fighting me.
I forced my eyes down and to not look at his beautiful face. Goddess, he looked so much better than he had before. I didn't think that was possible. I was grateful that Z sat in my usual seat across from Carter. But Sean almost messed it up with his comment.
I'm pathetic.
I stormed off and now I'm in my bed fighting tears. Tears because I feel the rejection coming. The man I had wanted for years was going to push me out of his life forever. I mean it's not like I was ever in his life in the first place. At least then I could pretend. Now...I can't.
There was a soft knock on my door and his scent flooded into my room. My chest tightened and Loren whined at what was to come. He was here to do it. I thought maybe he would wait until after dinner but...it makes more sense for him to do it now.
I pushed myself off the bed and moved unnaturally slow to try and prolong the inevitable. I put my hand on the knob, I turned and I pulled the door open.
There he stood. His arms were crossed and he had his usual look of annoyance on his face. As he always did when he looked at me. I didn't even know if he realized he looked at me like that. Was I that bad? Was I the worst option to have as a mate?
I towered over him. I was 6'5 on a good day, and he was 6'2. And I loved our height difference I really did. His eyes slowly moved up to look at me, the green eyes leaving a trail of heat. I loved it. I wanted to bask in it. But I know I'll never get the chance.
But fuck, he looked so beautiful. He always did.
I waited silently. I kept my hand on the doorknob to keep myself grounded and from grabbing him. I wasn't going to talk first. If he wanted to end things then he needed to do it.
"I'm here to say..."
Here it is...
"That I'm..."
Fuck, just get it out already.
"I'm sorry for being a dick."
Wait what.
Carter has never apologized for anything ever. I don't think he has in his entire life. Especially not to me. So hearing this was strange. I was short-circuiting making sure that what he said was real and true...that I wasn't imagining an apology from him.
"Oh." The word slipped out, but there was nothing else I could think to say. He's never done this before.
"Okay." He took a step back and it took everything in me not to grab him and pull him to me. He took a deep breath and relaxed just for a second. "Well, you think you can come back to dinner? I promise I'll leave you and your boyfriend alone."
He said boyfriend with such disdain that for a moment I thought he could be jealous. But no. This is Carter we're talking about. Carter is never jealous. Especially when it comes to me.
I just shrugged. Not really in the mood to be around Z at the moment. Knowing that I was overwhelmingly happy that he apologized and I shouldn't be. It wasn't anything but I couldn't help but think that it was. And Z would notice that. But then having to sit across Carter again...I can't do it.
My mind was a jumbled mess and it was too much.
"Oh come on, Tiger. Everyone is going to be pissed at me if you don't come back. The whole dinner thing is for you anyways."
I know I should but I don't think I could handle sitting with him across from me. No matter how badly I may want him. He'll never see me that way. And there's someone downstairs who does and who will. Though, I shouldn't be thinking about that when my mate is in front of me. Goddess, I'm an asshole. I keep going back and forth.
He sighed seeing as I was still silent and I could see him getting frustrated.
"I'll...I'll stay up here. I won't go back down. Don't think anyone would miss me anyways." He said the last sentence under his breath but I heard him ever so clearly. I always heard him. And I wanted to ask what he meant but I knew he wouldn't tell me. He would probably cuss me out if I tried.
"Just go, dude. Or don't. But you don't have to worry about me." Carter backed away and retreated down the hall. But instead of going down the stairs, he headed toward Ezra's room. Was he really not coming back down?
After a few minutes of contemplation, I decided to go back down and join everyone. Z looked at me with a big smile and so did the rest of the family.
"Did he apologize?" Sean asked as I sat down and stared at the now-empty chair across from me. There was still a shit ton of food on the plate.
"Yeah, he actually did," I said, still surprised it happened. I turned to Flo and she gave me a confused look. I mouthed a quick 'later' and began to eat. Uncle Dieter and Uncle Crispin gave a slight nod of approval and apologized for his behavior again.
No one seemed to ask where Carter was. Other than my pops, who kept looking towards the staircase and Carter's chair. Or they didn't notice. But I did. His empty chair was taunting me. And the silence was deafening.
Was he not coming down?
****
The rest of dinner was filled with laughs and I shared stories of my graze. But no matter how many minutes ticked by I still couldn't get used to Carter not being here. It felt unnatural. He was supposed to be here with us talking. But he wasn't.
I was in my room playing our conversation by the door over and over. But it all felt so weird. I don't know what to make of it.
Z had walked out of the shower and just had a towel hanging lowly on his firm hips as he looked over at me. Lust burning in his eye.
"You okay?" He asked as he walked forward and leaned against my bed. I just nodded as I watched. He climbed on the bed and before I knew it was straddling me. His towel rides up his slender thighs. I instinctively went and grabbed them. Loren was fighting me but I didn't care.
I need a distraction. And Z was great at giving them to me.
He slowly leaned down and his lips attached to mine. His lips were soft and gentle. It was always soft and gentle between us. Nothing more. Nothing less. Z wiggled on my dick and I could feel myself start to get hard from the friction. But from what I can tell, he was already hard. His dick rubbed against my stomach as he lay on top of me.
I know I shouldn't. I should stop. But I can't.
I need to feel something other than pain. Even if it's just for a moment.
He slowly started to move against me to bring some friction. I pulled his towel off him quickly and cupped his tight ass in my hands. The ass I'm about to impale.
I hate to say we have a routine...but we do. Sex was always the same with us. Not that it was a bad thing but I knew what to expect from him.
I would squeeze his ass and he would let out a loud moan. And push himself to me. And I did, and he does.
Next, he is going to my hand and suck my fingers. Which he does immediately. Then he is going to position them to enter his hole to prep him. Which I do.
It doesn't take long for Z to get ready for me. He's used to my size at this point. And he doesn't like it when I take too long. I pull my fingers from him and pull my dick out of my sweats and sit on it perfectly. Taking all of me.
This is how sex was with us. I stayed clothed. He was naked. Being fully naked felt too intimate. Too real.
At first, he was weirded out by it, but it grew on him. Now he doesn't protest as much anymore. But I also think it's because he knows once Carter rejects me I'd have no reason to not be naked around him.
He rides me like he does every time. Slow and steady. While grabbing his dick and stroking himself. He didn't like it when I did much. I'd try and he would tell me to stop. He called himself a 'power bottom' whatever that fucking means.
Z didn't like rough. Or aggressiveness. He didn't like trying new things or positions. Which I didn't know until after we had gotten kind of serious. At first, he was willing to try everything and we did, but the newness faded and he no longer wanted to try things anymore.
He rode me in long and drawn-out circles. My hands were stiff on his hips making sure not to break his stride. Then he leaned forward and rested his hand on my chest and started bouncing up and down as he usually did. This was when I was able to feel something.
Z was moaning wildly like he always does. But I stayed silent most time. Not because it wasn't good but because what was there to say? It wasn't crazy enough for me to want to moan. The most I gave that I was close was when I closed my eyes and my mouth parted open.
His strokes around his dick began to speed up and I could see and feel he was close to cuming. His hole was twitching around me and within seconds he came on himself. And over his chest. And then I did a moment after.
But it wasn't toe curling, mind numbering, vision blurring. No, it was never like that. To be honest those orgasms seem to only be fantasy. It was something I'd never experienced and something I'd probably never will.
Z got off of me slowly grabbed the towel he had and cleaned himself. As he got dressed I put my dick back in my sweats and went under the blanket.
Z joined and kissed my cheek before he turned his back to me and muttered a quick good night. He knew I didn't like cuddling. Wasn't something I did. And wasn't something I'd ever do.
I couldn't fucking sleep. I tossed and turned and tried everything but my mind was racing. Thought of Carter and his perfect face were burning in it. It always happens every time I have sex. I felt guilty and dirty.
Loren hated it too. That's why every time I did he retreated. He was never present for anything Z and I did together. And I don't think he will be.
Z was snoring loudly as I slipped from the bed. I opened the door and listened to voices but it was dead quiet. Or at least I thought. I heard a soft 'damnit' muttered out and I had to follow and investigate.
I walked down the hallway and one of the bathroom lights was on and the door was cracked. I'm thankful I didn't barge in because as I looked in the crack I saw Carter. Shirtless. With pajama pants hanging low on his hips.
But what really caught my attention was what he was staring at in the mirror.
His face was blotchy red, and tears were streaming as he slowly touched his stomach. And fuck, his stomach...was covered in black bruising. It was fresh and deep. He ran his finger over it and groaned in pain. His other hand squeezed the counter to steady himself.
How the fuck did he get those?
"What the fuck?" He sounded so defeated...I had never heard him so weak before. "What is this!" He whispered yelling as he looked at himself in the mirror yet again.
My mind was racing with things that could have happened but then it all stopped. It stopped when I remembered what my Dad told me about him and pops.
'When I was your age, I slept with someone after I found your father...and it hurt him. badly. Physically and emotionally. He was bruised for days and there was nothing I could do but watch him suffer for my actions.'
I fucking did that...
I hurt Carter.