"Xanthos... h-hindi kita maintindihan. A-Ano ba'ng sinasabi mo?"
I held his hand with my trembling one. A sob escaped from my lips. I don't know what to feel right now. My whole body is trembling with emotions that are too much for my mind and heart to take.
"You're so gullible, Kiara. No wonder Cadence easily fooled you." He held my chin and gave me his coldest stare.
Pakiramdam ko hindi siya ang lalaking minahal ko. Hindi siya ang Xanthos na nakasama ko at nagpasaya sa 'kin... baka nananaginip lang ako ngayon.
He held my arm. "Cad is not the new chairman of NTC... it's me."
Mas lalong bumigat ang dibdib ko dahil sa sinabi n'ya. It feels like I need a break, my mind needs a break from all of this. Pakiramdam ko mas mabigat ang pakiramdam ko ngayon kaysa noong sinabi ni Mom na hindi n'ya 'ko anak.
Xanthos comforted me. He stayed with me and took care of me, I felt his love... it felt sincere. The words he said, the actions he did, the way he looked at me... all of it felt sincere that I never doubted those, not even once.
But why is he doing this? Bakit ngayon pa na patong patong ang iniisip ko?
"Y-You said you love me, it felt sincere... So why are you lying to me right now?" I don't even have the energy to say all of the things I really want to say.
This is draining me. Xanthos is draining all my remaining strength until nothing left.
Tumalim ang tingin ni Xanthos sa 'kin. Napaigik na lang ako nang humigpit ang hawak n'ya sa braso ko. Napadaing ako at sinubukang alisin ang pagkakahawak n'ya ro'n pero masyado siyang malakas kumpara sa 'kin.
"Do you even see yourself in the mirror? This face..." He held my jaw tightly. "...this face looks like a replica Kairo North. This face reminds me of your asshole father. What? I love you? Don't make me laugh," he said in a sarcastic manner.
"B-Bakit ba galit na galit ka kay Dad? What did he do to you to deserve that hatred from you? I-I will try to understand," I mumbled.
Napapikit ako nang mariin nang mas dumiin ang hawak n'ya sa braso ko na pakiramdam ko babaon na ang mga daliri n'ya ro'n.
"You don't have to understand, Kiara. Just let me use you because I'm telling you... your father deserves it. It's just a shame that your grandfather died early. I should have..." Bumigat ang paghinga ni Xanthos. Hindi rin nakawala sa paningin ko ang pamumula ng mga mata n'ya. Kitang kita ko ang matinding galit sa mga 'yon. "...I should have killed him myself. I should have tortured him to death. He doesn't deserve a peaceful death."
Hindi ko alam kung bakit mas lalo akong nanghina nang mapatingin ako sa mga mata n'ya. I never saw him this angry before. What weakens me more is the fact the anger and wrath in his eyes are matched with pain. Kitang kita ko sa mga mata n'ya ang sakit na itinatago n'ya sa 'kin.
What happened to him? What did my family do to him? I want to know... I want to understand him.
Binitiwan n'ya na ang braso ko. "Don't try to understand me because you will never understand unless you experience it yourself," he mumbled as his teeth gritted.
I held my arm and looked at him with tears pooling my eyes. Xanthos closed his eyes and clasped his chest as if he's having a hard time to breathe.
"A-Are you alright?" I asked, stuttering.
Lalapit na sana ako sa kanya ngunit agad n'ya 'kong tinulak palayo. Napadaing na lang ako nang mawalan ako ng balanse at napaupo sa sahig.
"You good, bro?"
Natigilan ako at napatingin sa pinto. Nakatayo ro'n si Xceron habang nakapamulsa.
"It seems like you finally showed your fangs to that North girl," Xceron coldly said and looked at me.
Muli akong tumingin kay Xanthos. Mukhang maayos na siya ngayon. Bahagya akong napaatras nang tumingin siya nang masama sa 'kin.
He squatted to meet my gaze. I gasped when he forcefully took my phone from me and put it in his pocket.
"Now, be a good girl, Kiara. You said before that you want me to be happy, right?" He caressed my hair. "I will only be happy if I see you and your father suffer and feel the worst pain possible... I'll include you since you're Kairo North's number one weakness."
Lumayo na siya sa 'kin saka lumabas ng kwarto, sumunod naman sa kanya si Xceron. Napasinghap ako nang isara nila ang pinto. Agad akong nagtungo ro'n at sinubukang buksan ang pinto pero naka-lock na 'yon.
Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa sahig at napayakap sa mga tuhod ko. I don't know what's happening anymore. This is too fast for my mind to process. I want to know why Xanthos is doing this... but my Dad, he's at the hospital right now. He needs me right now... I don't know what to do anymore.
Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? The people I love... why are they causing me pain? Why them, of all people?
I DIDN'T EVEN realize that I fell asleep while crying. Sa sahig na rin ako nakatulog dahil na rin wala akong lakas na magtungo sa kama kanina.
I sat on the bed with my shaking knees and closed my eyes. My chest still feels heavy.
Napatingin ako sa namuong pasa sa braso ko dahil sa pagkakahawak ni Xanthos kanina. Napabuntong hininga ako at marahang hinawakan 'yon... this just made me realize that everything happened isn't a dream... and I have to face it whether I like it or not.
Halos napatalon ako sa gulat nang bumukas ang pinto. Iniluwa no'n si Xanthos na may dalang plato. Lumapit siya sa 'kin at inabot 'yon.
"Eat," he said.
"W-Wala akong gana," sabi ko na lang saka napaiwas ng tingin.
I'm actually hungry right now... but I don't want to eat. I don't have the strength to do.
"Eat that if you still want to see your asshole father."
Natigilan ako sa sinabi n'ya. Napabuntonghininga na lang ako at nanginginig ang mga kamay na kinuha ang plato mula sa kanya.
Xanthos sat on the couch. I just bit the insides of my cheeks and avoided his gaze. Nagsimula na 'kong kumain. Medyo nahirapan pa ako dahil walang table pero hindi na lang ako nagsalita at tumuloy sa pagkain.
Nararamdaman kong nakatingin siya sa 'kin pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na tumingin din sa kanya.
What is he still doing here? Knowing his real agenda, it's now uncomfortable to be watched by him while eating. I can't read what he's thinking... But whatever he's thinking about me right now, I know it's not good.
Tumayo na ako at lumapit kay Xanthos matapos kong kumain saka inabot sa kanya ang plato. Napalunok na lang ako nang makitang hawak n'ya ang phone ko. Napabuntonghininga na lang ako at akmang babalik sa kama ko nang marinig ko siyang nagsalita.
"Hey, Kairo North."
My eyes widened when I heard Dad's name. I looked at him and it looks like he's talking to my Dad through video call. What the heck is he planning to do?
"Where's my daughter, Mr. Archante?! What did you do to my daughter?!"
I gasped when I heard Dad's voice on the phone. My heart beats faster. Is he alright? Gusto kong malaman kung anong kalagayan ni Dad ngayon.
"Chill, old man. I'm not even starting yet. By the way, I told you not to tell this to the police. I mean, I know you know what will happen to your precious daughter if you do that. I don't want distractions like them right now," Xanthos said and looked at me.
"D-Dad..."
"What do you want? I doubt you need money from me. So tell me what the hell do you need from us?!"
I bit my lower lip. I'm worried about Dad. Paano kung lumala ang pakiramdam n'ya? Sabi ni manang nasa ospital siya. Baka makasama 'to lalo sa kanya.
Xanthos held my hand and pulled me. He made me kneel on the floor in front of him.
"Now, be a good girl. Let's make your father lose his mind," Xanthos murmured and took something from his behind.
My eyes widened when I saw him holding a gun. I gasped when he shoved the tip of the gun inside my mouth. Mas lalong umakyat ang kaba ko nang itapat n'ya sa 'kin ang camera.
"Kairo North, should I pull the trigger? I'm dying to do it right now," Xanthos said in a cold tone.
"No! No, please! P-Please, Mr. Archante. I-I will do everything you want. Please don't hurt my daughter, p-please, I'm begging you. Tell me what you want, I'll do everything... Please let go of my daughter."
Muling nag-alpasan ang mga luha mula sa mga mata ko nang marinig ko ang nagpa-panic na boses ni Dad. I don't want him to see me in this situation. Ayokong palalain ang nararamdaman n'ya... pero mukhang iyon ang gustong mangyari ni Xanthos. Gusto n'yang makitang nagdurusa si Dad.
My body trembled more when he shoved the gun deeper. Xanthos smirked while staring at me.
"W-Why are you doing this to my daughter? Kung may kasalanan man ako... just punish me instead. H'wag mo ng idamay ang anak mo. N-Nagmamakaawa ako sa 'yo."
Xanthos sighed and finally pulled the gun out of my mouth. Sumandal siya sa backrest ng couch habang malamig pa ring nakatitig sa 'kin.
"How dare you forget me, Kairo North? Don't tell me you forgot about my mother too? You shouldn't forget her. You should remember her for the rest of your life and suffer more than she did," Xanthos said and pushed me away from him.
Muli n'yang itinapat ang camera n'ya sa kanya at siya na ngayon ang nakikita ni Dad.
"How dare you forget this face, asshole? This face should remind you of her... This face should remind you of Cerniah Dela Paz," mariing sabi ni Xanthos.
Nakita ko kung paano namuti ang mga daliri n'ya sa higpit ng pagkakahawak n'ya sa phone.
Cerniah... it's his mother. How is his mother related to my Dad?
"You... y-you're Cerniah's son?"
Kahit hindi ko nakikita si Dad, ramdam ko ang pagkagulat n'ya sa boses n'ya pa lang... Kung gano'n, kilala ni Dad ang nanay ni Xanthos.
Bumigat ang paghinga ni Xanthos. Napasinghap na lang ako nang nanggigigil na inihagis n'ya ang phone ko sa pader dahilan ng pagkabasag no'n.
"That asshole... I can't even look at his face for that long. Damn him! I will kill him, I will fucking kill him!"
My body trembled when Xanthos looked at me. I can see a strong emotion in his eyes. His eyes... it's full of hatred and pain. Pakiramdam ko nanunuot din sa pagkatao ko ang matinding galit sa mga mata n'ya.
"P-Please don't kill my Dad, Xanthos. J-Just kill me instead, please," I begged while tears are uncontrollably pooling my eyes, making everything I see blurry.
Xanthos held my arm and pulled me up. He looked at me with his intense eyes. My whole body weakened because of the intensity of his stare. His eyes alone are saying something that he can't. His eyes are full of wrath. Why didn't I realize it before? He doesn't love me, he can't love me because he's blinded by hatred towards my family... I'm so naive.
"This is not the right time to kill you. I'll kill you in front of your father. I will kill all his relatives until no one left. Then after that, I'll give him a punishment worse than death. That is what I'm living for, Kiara. Not you or your petty love can make me happy. Your family's downfall is the only thing I need to be happy."
Pagkasabi n'ya no'n, agad n'ya rin akong binitiwan at iniwan sa kwartong 'to. Napakagat na lang ako sa ibabang labi ko at napahagulgol ng iyak.
I don't know what to feel about him right now. I don't even want to focus on it. There's a lot of things running in my mind right now... Mom, Dad, Xanthos... I don't know how to handle all of it in my mind. This is just too much for me. Bakit sabay-sabay nangyayari ang lahat ng 'to sa 'kin?
* * *
"Hmm..." Napahawak ako sa sentido ko. Ang sakit ng ulo ko.
Kahit nanghihina ako, pinilit kong bumangon. Kagaya kahapon, mukhang nakatulog na naman ako habang naiyak... at kagaya kahapon, nagising ako na hinihiling na sana panaginip na lang ang nangyari kahit na alam kong imposible.
Natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa pinto. Agad akong napatayo nang mapansing nakabukas 'yon. Dali dali akong lumabas ng kwarto. Ngunit napatigil ako nang maabutan ko sina Xanthos at Xceron na nakaupo mula sa di kalayuan... ngunit mas lalo akong natigilan nang makita ang secretary ni Xanthos na si Denise... nakaupo siya sa kandungan ni Xanthos at nakayakap sa batok nito.
I clasped my chest when it felt heavy again. I tried to calm myself while looking at them. I never thought that their relationship is like this... Maybe I really trusted Xanthos too much.
I'm gullible and foolish indeed.
"Hey, that North girl woke up," Xceron said while looking at me.
Napatingin din sa 'kin sina Denise at Xanthos. Agad akong napaiwas ng tingin sa kanila.
"L-Let me go, Xanthos. I have to see my Dad. P-Please."
Xanthos didn't say anything. Nanatili siyang. Gusto ko siyang tingnan ngayon upang mabasa ang iniisip n'ya kahit papa'no. Napahawak na lang ako sa braso ko habang hindi pa rin makatingin sa kanya.
Natigilan ako nang mapansing naglalakad na si Xanthos papalapit sa 'kin. Napalunok ako at napatingin sa kanya nang nasa tapat ko na siya ngayon.
"Do you want to see your asshole father?" he asked and held my chin. He raised my chin and made me face him.
My whole body shivered when my eyes met his. His eyes... it looks different from before. The way he looks at me is different from before.
"If you really want to see you father that bad... Why don't you jump out of this yacht and swim all your way to him?" he said in a cold tone that I almost hugged myself.
Muling nanlabo ang paningin ko dahil sa mga luhang nagbabadyang kumawala mula sa mga mata ko. Nanginginig ang mga kamay na inalis ko ang pagkakahawak n'ya sa 'kin.
"W-Why are you being like this to me? H-Hindi... hindi mo ba talaga ako minahal?"
Nanatiling walang emosyon na nakatingin sa 'kin si Xanthos na tila ba hindi siya apektado na lumuluha ako sa harapan n'ya.
"You're really foolish, Kiara North... After all I did, you still managed to ask that stupid question... Well, I don't love you, Kiara. I didn't even like you, not even a second. You don't know how much I hated myself every time we kiss... You're Kairo North's daughter... I'll never love you."
His words are like daggers that shot my heart a hundred times. I never thought someone's words will hurt me like this. He's not even a family member... but the fact that I love him so much... makes his words more painful than any physical pain.
Napatungo na lang ako at bahagyang napaatras habang patuloy na lumuluha.
Nanginginig ang buong katawan na tumakbo ako palayo sa kanya at nagtungo sa railings ng yate. Hindi na ako nakapag-isip nang ayos. Agad akong sumampa ro'n.
"What the hell is she planning to do?" Narinig kong tanong ni Xceron.
Napapikit ako at agad na tumalon sa dagat... Desperada na 'ko, gagawin ko ang lahat kahit ang magpakalunod makaalis lang sa poder ni Xanthos.
I just can't take the pain anymore... I can't be with him anymore.