My heart thumps rapidly with excitement as Eric sheds light on another part of my mind that has been in total darkness for the past two days. I was wrong. I made a huge mistake. That important part of my memory that I locked away didn't push me over the edge. Something else did.
Despite my promise to remain calm, I can't help the anger building up in me all over again. Although I was already aware he would be sharing incomplete information with me, I refused to accept the word 'something' again. Isn't not knowing exactly what the 'something' is the reason I went feral in the first place?
He needs to be specific with me this time. Something is a thing that is unspecified or unknown. I'm not going to start wondering about this 'something' shit all over again. I want to know a bit more about the 'something' that frustrated me to the extent it made me go feral.
I cover my anger and frustration with a smile since I know he would immediately stop talking to me the moment my emotions become known to him.
"Quick question; You just said 'something'. What is that though? You can't leave me with that when I've been wondering about that same word for the past two days. You have to give me more, man."
He smiles
"Okay. What about 'someone'? That should be good enough."
'Someone' and 'something' what's the difference?
"Male or female?" I ask
"I know what you're doing, Thor. You're trying to narrow the search down so it will be easier for you to figure out. I can't tell you the gender of the person, I'm sorry."
"Alright. Is the person a human or a shifter?" I press on
"C'mon, man!" He objects, throwing his hands up in mock frustration.
"Okay, okay, I hear you... So someone is making me forget some part of me that is very important to us all? That someone is what's making me feral and not the memories I blocked off?" I repeated my new-found knowledge to him.
"Yeah..." He replies, nodding in affirmation.
"I'd like to know, how did this someone manage to make me forget? Will you be able to tell me that at least?"
"Yeah... It's with the sorcery..."
My eyes first widened out of shock then narrowed at him.
"Huh– what did you say!? Someone used sorcery on me!?" My eyes bore into his as I ask but he doesn't answer. Not even a nod this time, only his eyes remain watchful. I guess alert to the first sign of madness that might peek through me.
I wish to keep my emotions in check but I can't at this point.
"Who is crazy enough to do that to me? Who is the person!? Who the fuck is it, Eric!?" I growl, drawing the attention of the others walking behind us.
Eric sighs in exasperation
"You promised me you'll not stress unnecessarily over this issue, remember? You promised me you would not go crazy. Don't make me regret telling you, Thor!"
I stop in my tracks
"Well, I'm sorry but I don't give a damn about the stupid promise anymore. I just want to know who the fuck is crazy enough to use sorcery on me!?"
I feel rage surge up inside me like turbulent sea waves. Someone used sorcery on me!? Why!? For what purpose!? I want to know and he must tell me!
I can see from his facial expression that he's hurt by my behavior. His cold eyes that are boring into mine are full of regret. He's already regretting opening up to me but I don't care.
Being feral is a serious sickness. It destroys a shifter's rational human side, leaving the cruel, unrestrained animal side to take over. This is why there's a need for balance for us to be able to relate with others in a society that doesn't only belong to the shifters.
The gift of reason differentiates humanity from the beasts. Right now, I can feel my beast side taking over my rationality.
'Fuck whatever promise I made!' I begin to think. 'It's only one question, why can't he tell me what I want to know? If he cares for my well-being half as much as he claims, he'll tell me who the hell is driving me crazy so I can kill the person. He would not shield and protect the person from my wrath...
I'm angry with Eric himself. I should force the answer out of him. I should challenge him to a duel. He can't take me in a fight, he would have no choice but to tell me what I want to know after he loses.
While the crazy thoughts of challenging my best friend to a fight run through my mind, the little rationality I have left pricks my conscience. Eric and I have come a long way, since when we were in diapers. He isn't just my friend, he's my brother. We're bound by blood and swore to always be there for each other.
He wouldn't hesitate to die for me and so would I not hesitate to die for him. No matter what the situation may be, how can I let the thought of challenging him to a duel ever cross my mind!? How can I break my promise barely minutes after l gave him my word!?
I immediately turned away from him after realizing my mistake. I know I owe him an apology for my outburst, and also for breaking my promise but instead of apologizing, I resume walking. I'm still angry and conflicted.
I hear his footsteps coming behind me
"Thor... Are you okay?" He asks but I don't reply. Apart from the shame of breaking my promise, I'm afraid something would happen that would make me challenge him for real if I don't calm myself before looking at him.
He sighs
"I don't know the kind of war you're fighting in your head at the moment– just think about your sanity. Remember what we talked about earlier, even though you don't understand anything anymore, I'm here for you. Please understand that I can't tell you what you desperately want to know because of what the seer told me..."
"The seer is fucking wrong this time, Eric!" Despite trying so hard to calm my emotions, I couldn't stop myself from growling out loud again in frustration. I stop walking yet again and start pacing on the spot
"He'd always been right but not in this situation! He was wrong about my mate!..." I pause to run my hand through my disheveled hair out of frustration.
My voice is a bit calmer when I continue...
"Please understand that, although I'm feral, I am not entirely crazy, I perfectly know what I'm talking about! I was with her! I saw the way she behaved! I saw the fear in her eyes and the way she cringed away from me after seeing my feral state! So how can you tell me I'm wrong when I'm sure of what I'm talking about!? You're my brother, how can you make me feel like I'm crazy!?"
"What?— No, man, c'mon!... I'm not trying to make you feel like you're crazy! The fact that I say the seer is right doesn't mean I don't believe your words..."
"Don't you dare patronize me! You said the seer is right. Now you're saying you believe me! Do I look like an idiot to you!?..."
"No, Thor! What I'm saying is, that this issue is complicated and you trying to make sense out of it will only worsen your condition. That is why I pleaded for you to leave everything to me! Don't think about it anymore, please! You just concentrate on getting better. Everything will be clear in a month, please!"
There's a long silence as we look at each other after his final words. Knowing him, I know he won't lie to me. He might evade the truth but he won't lie. If that's truly the case then the issue is indeed complicated.
"Like I said at the beginning of this conversation, I'm not going to leave you completely in the dark so I'll tell you the few facts that are safe for you to know...
The seer has never been wrong and in this situation, everything he said about your mate is the truth. I have never come across a stronger she-wolf than your mate, man!...
That being said, It's important to me for you to know that I believe all your observations about her. I'm not playing. I wouldn't dare play with you like that. Not with your emotions. Please, believe me.
Lastly, I can't tell you about the person that made you go feral with sorcery. I wish I could believe me, just that, the seer said what you're going through has been predestined to happen and it has to run its course for you and your mate to live a longer life.
That is my reason for all these secrets. If we don't obey the seer and rush off to kill the bitch that's doing this to you. If you die in the process then it will all be for nothing. Then I will never be able to forgive myself.
So think man! You are the chosen one for House War-Cloud. If we go against the seer's warning and you die then that is the end of House War-Cloud, do you understand?"