"You're officially mine starting tonight."
Tiningnan ko si Maverick mula sa reflection sa salamin ng kwarto nito. Nakaupo ito sa dulo ng kama habang umiinom ng alak. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagsusuklay ng buhok. Kakatapos lang naming maligo nang magkasama. He let me borrowed his shirt and boxer again. It was like I was back in the island again.
"And then what?"
Nakita ko siyang umayos ng upo. "What do you mean?"
"Ano ang kasunod na mangyayari kung sakaling umoo ako? Endless dates? Knowing stages? Unlimited sex? And then what? You'll dump me right after kapag nagsawa ka na. Bakit pa natin paaabutin sa ganiyan kung pwede naman nating tapusin na ang lahat ng ito ngayon din."
Inubos nito ang laman ng baso at inilapag sa side table. Tumayo si Maverick at hinila ako patayo. We stood face to face to each other. The light coming from his lamp shade casted a shadow on his strained face.
"What is it this time, Femella?" His voice is hard and the restrained anger is boring on me.
"Sinasabi ko lang ang mga posibilidad. I knew you were never the type of a person to believe in love."
"But so do you so what's the problem?"
"I'm having a change of heart, Mav and I'm afraid you can't handle someone like me who wants something more than you could give to me."
Saglit na natigilan ito bago kinuha ang mga kamay ko at dinala sa mga labi nito. He kissed my finger one by one.
"Alam ko pero hindi lang ikaw ang nakakaramdam ng mga pagbabago Femella. I'm starting to feel something for you. I don't know if it's close to love or is it already love. All I'm certain is it's driving me crazy. Thinking about you drives me crazy. Kissing you, making in love with you is getting me crazy. So please, will you take this chance with me? Let's explore this. Hindi ko alam kung saan ito patutungo. Let's just cross the bridge when we get there, shall we?"
I can't take my eyes off him. Nalulunod ako sa mga binitawan nitong salita. Binawi ko ang mga kamay at dumistansiya.
"I can't cross the bridge with you when that time comes. There might never be an existing bridge by then." Sinalubong ko ang nalilitong mata nito.
"Pero bakit ka pa pumunta dito? Isn't it to accept my proposal? Kulang pa ba ang natanggap mong pera mula sa akin? I told you, I am willing to spend all my money for you even if you don't ask me to."
Umiling ako, nasasaktan ako sa sakit na naririnig ko sa boses niya.
"That's not the reason. You don't know me yet, Mav."
"Believe me when I say that I do. I had you investigated."
Pagak akong tumawa. "I'm not surprised. That's the first option a sane person would do."
Iginala ko ang tingin sa magarang kwarto nito. A hanging picture of him on his college graduation caught my attention.
"Do you know why I enter the club?"
"Kailangan mo ng pera para mabuhay ka. You have a goal. You want your life back."
Nangilid ang mga luha ko. "That's not it. Hindi kailanman kawalan sa akin ang pera. I can live without it. Unlike my parents and the rest of my clan, money is never my motivation to live. Kaya kong mabuhay sa kakarampot na pera. I didn't even get sad when all of our properties were sold. I was never after your money to live. Kailangan ko ito para mabawi ko ang isang tao. Kailangan kong mahanap ang taong dahilan kung bakit ko nagawa ang lahat ng ito. I have to both fulfill a promise I made in a grave and pay a debt. My uncle promised to send me someone to help me kaya tinanggihan ko ang lahat ng lalaking nagpakita ng interes sa akin including you. Pero hindi siya dumating and you have been so persistent. The raid happened which is never in my plan and so one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were flying off together."
"Why are you telling me this?"
I looked to him and my knuckles curled to keep them to myself.
"I want you to understand me first before hating on me."
Doon na niya ako sinubukang yakapin pero umiwas ako. Umupo ako sa pwesto niya kanina sa kama at nakikiusap ang mga matang tiningnan ko siya.
"I'm not hating on you."
"Hear me out first then we'll see if you'll still say that afterwards."
Kinuha nito ang silya sa harapan ng salamin at umupo.
"Okay. I'm hearing you out."
Humugot ako nang napakalalim na hininga at nagsimulang magpaliwanag.
"You had me investigated so you probably know what happened eight years ago. My parents killed themselves and to make the matters worst, I saw them both do it." Nanginig ang mga labi ko sa sinabi at isa-isang tumulo ang mga luha. "Wala akong magawa. I just stood there, eyes wide open while they're doing it. Pinilit nila akong masaksihan ang lahat to make a point. Hindi rin ako makalabas ng silid nila. It was locked from outside and unless someone will come in, hindi ako makakalabas. They took the pill and while they lay there almost breathless, they made me promise to get my sister back. Imagine the trauma I felt back then witnessing my parents killed themselves before my very eyes. Hinawakan nila ako gamit ang malalamig at namamawis nilang kamay at paulit-ulit na ipinaalala sa akin ang kailangan kong gawin. Hanggang sa huling hininga nila, they still chose to be selfish."
Tatayo sana si Maverick para lumapit sa akin pero pinigilan ko siya.
"Don't. Let me finish first."
Tinuyo ko ang mukha at nagpatuloy. "So for the past eight years, I looked for the culprit to find my sister. I have no single clue. No idea about the motive, the face of the abductor and how do I do it. For years, my life were spent looking for unknown, searching for someone God knows what happened to her. Ginawa ko ang lahat. Hinanap ko ang mga kamag-anakan ko para humingi ng tulong. Na-contact ko si Tito at sinabi niya sa akin na pumasok ng club. He will sent someone to help me there."
Lumuhod sa harap ko sa Maverick at pinahid ang mga luha ko. He looked at me lovingly. "Hahanapin natin ang kapatid mo. I'll help you in any way I can, Fem. Don't you worry. I'm here for you."
Binaklas ko ang kaniyang kamay at tumayo. "Will you? Kahit na ang pagtulong na hihingiin ko sa iyo ay magiging labag sa kalooban mo?"
"What do you mean?" Matigas na tanong nito.
I closed my eyes and breathed to rack up for courage. Ibinalik ko ang tingin kay Maverick na nag-iba na ang timpla ng mukha. "You have always been my target from the start, Mav. Half of the eight years were used up finding all the information about you."
Natahimik kami pareho pagkatapos kong pakawalan ang mga salita. Pinanatili ko ang mata sa carpeted na sahig. Natakot ako bigla sa mababasa sa mukha nito.
"Why?" He murmured after a while.
"For your connection."
"What connection?"
"El Draconem."
Ibinalibag nito ang silya sa sahig na lumikha nang malakas na tunog. Napaigtad ako sa gulat pero binalewala ko ito. I have to survive this encounter even if the pain in his eyes is killing me deep inside.
"Fuck, Femella!"
Kinagat ko ang mga labi at hinayaang tumulo ang mga luha. Inisang-hakbang niya lang ang pagitan namin at mariin akong hinawakan sa baba. Mabilis akong pumikit. I can't help to see the hatred in them.
"Why? Why!" galit na sigaw nito. His anger vibrating through his body to mine.
"Maniwala ka man o hindi. I didn't pursue the plan after seeing you happy with your life."
"But you are pursuing me now, aren't you?" mapang-uyam nitong tanong.
Tumango ako nang mahina. "Yes, I am. Wala na kasi akong makitang iba pang magandang paraan. I thought I can do it myself without using anyone but I'm wrong. Wala akong kapangyarihan at koneksiyon. Abot-kamay ko na ang kapatid ko, Maverick. Abot-kamay ko na siya. I'm so desperate right now so please help me. Please...."
Nakapikit pa rin ang mga matang napahikbi ako. Inabot ko ang kaniyang kamay na nasa baba ko pero iniiwas niya ito sa akin. Muntik na akong bumulalas ng iyak pero pinili kong gawing mahina ang pag-iyak ko hanggang kaya ko.
"Why?" His voice is lined with bitterness and anger.
Tumikhim ako para alisin ang bara sa lalamunan. "Makapangyarihan ka. Your connection with the organization is all I need to get my sister, Mav."
"If you really know me then you know I don't want to do anything with that fucking group. They killed my father. They have the blood in their hands. Consider this conversation over. Get out."
I shivered at his cold icy demeanor. Nagmulat ako ng mga mata. Maverick is slumped in the floor with his head down and hands on his knees.
Nanghina ako at napaupo na rin sa sahig. Is this it? Suko na ba ako?
"No, Mav. As the son of your father. You have the responsibility to help me."
Marahas na nag-angat ito ng tingin sa akin at nagngangalit na kumuyom ang mga kamao.
"Get out, Fem. Ikaw ang huling taong gusto kong saktan sa kabila ng mga nalaman ko. Go now while I can still hold it."
"Wala akong pakialam kahit saktan mo pa ako. I've experienced far worse things than that, Mav. Go ahead. Slap me, punch me and after that hear me."
Bigla nitong sinuntok ang dingding ng ilang beses habang sumisigaw. I sat there wide-eyed but I never dared avert my eyes. I winced at the sight of his bleeding hands and blooded walls.
Walang ingay na nagpunta ako sa banyo at naghanap ng first-aid kit. Iniwasan kong tingnan ang sarili sa salamin. I know I looked the worst. Nakasalampak pa rin ito ng upo sa sahig paglabas ko. Umupo ako sa tabi nito para gamutin ang mga sugat niya pero itinulak niya palayo ang kamay ko.
"Don't come near me. I told you to get out, right?"
Nasaktan man sa ginawi niya pero hindi ako nagpadaig.
"If you don't want me touching you then please... gamutin mo ang sarili mo."
"It's just a scratch. I went through much more than this."
"Are you talking about that car accident you had eight years ago?"
Dagli ang pagtaas ng tingin niya sa akin. "Yeah.."
Tumayo ako at bumalik ng upo sa kama. "Can I start now?"
Hindi ito kumibo kaya nagpatuloy na ako.
"When I say that you have the responsibility of helping me, Mav. I mean it. The abduction of my sister happened during the time of your father by one of his trusted official."
Wala pa rin akong nakuha na sagot mula dito. Hindi ko rin makita nang maayos ang mukha nito dahil natatakpan ng braso nitong nakapatong sa nakataas nitong tuhod ang mukha nito. Maya-maya pa ay tumayo ang lalaki. His jaws hardened, eyes glinting with anger, and a thinned lips out of concealed disgust.
"I don't care, Femella. I'm not my father and I am in no way connected to that goddamn organization. Just the mention of it beats the hell out of me. Kung ano man ang mga nangyari noon na may kinalaman sa organisasyon ng ama ko, labas na ako doon. I don't have the knowledge or the participation of it so why the hell are you going to involve me on this? It's pure bullshit, Femella. I sympathize with your family and with what happened to your sister but I can't do more. I can't help you."
Kahit inaasahan ko na ang kaniyang pagtanggi pero nagdulot pa rin ito ng pait at sakit sa akin. Do I really think Maverick will let himself be used?
If that's his final decision then I have no choice but to use my last trump card.
"Okay. Then how about a bargain?"
He turned to me waiting for my words.
Nagtaas ako ng tingin at sinalubong ang nagbabaga nitong mata sa galit.
"Help me Maverick Fuentebella and I'll tell you about your non-existent past."