CHAPTER 11
The days went quickly and now it's Saturday. It is the day where I and Christoph would meet. I heaved a sigh. This is it Henzy no need to back out. You will hear the truth. The truth that you've been wanting to hear. That truth that you’ve been avoiding because of your cowardness. I need to accept and face it. I need to heal from the wound of my past.
Lunchtime ang napagusapan namin na magkita kami. He let me choose the place where I wanted to meet him and I decided to choose Wylonathyl’s café. The café where I always go whenever I want peace. ’Yon din ang café kung saan na-abutan ko si Reeve na nag-aaral. My favorite place. I just want to hear him out peacefully and that place would be a perfect one for our talk.
“Are you ready?” Renaissa asked looking at me while I am combing my hair in front of the mirror. She’s been here early in the morning. Nakasanayan na niyang pumunta dito every weekend to check on me. I forgot to tell her that I am going to meet Christoph today.
I sighed. “I am. I needed this.” Kung ano man ang malalaman ko mamaya lubusan ko ‘yong tatanggapin ng buo. Hearing the truth means hurting me I am glad to face that. After all, I need this.
“I am glad that you finally open your heart and mind Henzy. You can now love at peace without haunting by the past,” she seriously stated. Renaissa had been always my accompany since then. She knows how my heart hurt at those times when he left me hanging.
My family wasn’t there to comfort me. I wasn’t the type of daughter who shares my love issues with them. I just told them that we broke up, that the feeling is mutual but they never knew the real reason behind it. Kasi ako hindi ko rin alam ang rason kung bakit niya nagawa sa akin.
Renaissa and my friends were there to comfort me to cheer me up. They are like my family those dark times. Having them by my side is the most beautiful thing that happens to me. They were the star that shines brightly on the sky during my dark times.
I am thankful and contented for having them in my life. I don’t need more friends, Renaissa, Zenneth, Althea, and Hannah is enough for me. Losing them will be the death of me. Sadly, we lose one.
“I don’t think I can love now. When I still have issues in love,” I mutter. Lumapit siya sa akin at kinuha ang suklay sa table. She let me face the mirror and started combing my black straight hair.
“Someone will come and change the doubts in your heart. Someone that will love you more than Christoph. Someone that will feel you special Henzy. In his arms, you will feel those feelings. That someone will change your perspective in love,” nakangiting saad niya sa akin habang patuloy pa rin siya sa pagsusuklay ng aking buhok.
Someone that would make me feel special huh? If time will come that you will enter in my life don’t hurt me that way he hurts me.
“I hope he will not hurt me the way Christoph hurts me. I don’t want to feel that again because honestly, it sucks,” I sadly smile at her. Hininto niya ang pagsusuklay sa akin, sinakop niya ang aking buhok at nilagay sa kaliwang bahagi ng aking leeg.
She didn’t utter a word she just smiles at me as she let my hair fall on the left side. How funny how my past relationship affects my future in loving someone. Hindi ko minsan inisip na dadating ako sa puntong takot akong magmahal.
Renaissa watched me preparing for myself. I’m wearing a long sleeve maroon drape blouse for my top, partnered with an off white satin ankle pants for the bottom. To complete my outfit I just wear a simple black heels for about two inches.
I let my long hair flow to highlight my heart necklace. Renaissa put some color on my almond shape eyes. It was just nude eye-shadow and pink lipstick on my lips because she knows I’m not into the red color. I don’t why but red reminds of me blood and I don’t like it. She also put cheek tints on my cheeks to complete the look on my face.
Ayaw ko sanang mag make-up kaso mapilit si Renaissa and nasa mood daw siya ngayon mag make-up kaya ako ang napagdiskitahan niya. It was just lunch together with my ex! Baka isipin niya na pinaghandaan ko talaga ito! Christoph knows me as a simple person. She knows how I dress up simply and just put a lipstick on my lips. Ang itsura ko ngayon ay taliwas sa pagkakilala niy sa akin dati.
Bakit ko iniisip ang pagkakilala niya sa akin dati? Ghad! Henzy you’re overthinking! People change okay? Ganoon naman siguro ang ma-iisip niya pag nagkita kami mamaya. Just let him think that you change for three years.
I looked at myself in the big mirror in front of me. My eyes drifted on the necklace that I am wearing. The color of the necklace is rose gold and the pendant was a heart shape and in the middle of the heart was a heartbeat. The boy I met in the hospital few years ago gave me this necklace. Hindi ko to ginamit noon dahil masyadong malaki sa leeg ko ngayon ko lang ‘to na suot dahil nahagilap ko siya sa drawer kanina.
I think this necklace was customized. I try finding this one in any piece of a jewelry shop but it failed me. I just remember him saying this to me. “That heart pendant symbolizes life and love for everyone but me, it symbolizes you, and the heartbeat in the middle of it symbolizes your patient someday. It means you are the doctor and you will make their hearts beat again.”
The meaning he gave to that necklace was so meaningful to me. Hindi mo akalain na ma-iisip ’yon ng isang bata. It was simple but it is meaningful.
“Hindi mo pa ba nakikita ang batang nagbigay niyan sayo?” ani ni Renaissa. Hinahawakan ko pa rin ang kwintas. Napabaling ang aking tingin sa picture frame na nakapatong sa bedside table ko.
“No, hindi ko na siya nakita after his nanny dies,” I replied to her still looking at the frame. It was me and the boy I met in the hospital. Naka-akbay siya sa akin habang pinipisil ang pisngi ko. Samantalang ako naman ay hindi naka tingin ng maayos camera at halos maiyak na dahil sa sakit na dulot ng kaniyang pag pisil.
“What was his name again?” I felt Renaissa standing beside me and looked at the picture I was looking. Kinuha niya ito sa bedside table at pinatitigang mabuti.
“Ky. Ky, lang ang naalala ko na pangalan niya. I don’t remember his family name.”
“He’s familiar Henzy,” Renaissa utter as she looked closely at the picture.
My phone beeped and I saw Reeve text on the screen.
Reeve:
Where are you?
Neve
Why?
Why is he asking me where I am. This past few days palagi kaming magkasama ni Reeve palagi ko siyang sinusundan kung saan siya pupunta. He didn’t mind though unlike dati na na-iinis siya sa akin kapag sinusundan ko siya pero ngayon parang okay na sa kaniya. Sudden change of mood. This days palagi siyang nag te-text sa akin.
Reeve:
Just asking.
Neve :
I have an important agenda for today.
I bid my goodbye to Renaissa. I don’t have a car with me dahil hindi ako pumayag sa kagustuhan nila mommy na magdala ng sasakyan dito so I ended up commuting. Hindi naman na ta-traffic dito kapag ganitong oras, the traffic would start around five to six in the afternoon kaya kong nasa malayo kang lugar hassle umuwi.
The scent of caramel coffee enters my nostrils as I open the door of the café. The ambiance was still the same just like the last time I came here. Hinagilap ng mga mata ko kung nandito na ba ang taong ime-meet up ko.
There I saw Christoph at the corner of this café sitting. Nakasilip siya sa glass wall ng café na ito at parang hindi siya mapakali. I directly went to where he was sitting, he seemingly didn’t notice that I am here and approaching him.
Wow! What a coincidence! Pareho pa talagang magka-kulay ang sout naming dalawa. Everyone here would think that we are a couple when the truth is not.
I seated at the chair in front of him. Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang kaniyang paglundag sa upuan dahil sa biglaan kong pag-upo. Hindi ako nagpakita ng anong emosyon sa mukha ko. I am here for his words.
His eyes surveyed me first, probably admiring that we wear the same color. He’s wearing a button-down maroon polo shirt. He inserted it into his black ankle pants. I sighed, its good that we don’t wear the same color sa baba.
“Hi,” he awkwardly smiles. I let my lips curved into a small smile to acknowledge his presence. Ayaw kong mag mukhang maldita kahit ang mukha ko ngayon ay sumisigaw ng kamalditahan.
“I don’t want to prolong this Christoph. Start explaining.”
Ngayon ko lang din napansin ang pagkain sa harap niya. Isang slice ng cake at isang malaking mocha cookie crumble frapuccino. “Ayaw mo munang kumain?” tanong niya dahil napansin niya siguro ang pagtingin ko sa pagkain na nakahapag sa lamesa.
Umiling ako sa kaniya. Tapos na akong kumain sa apartment Renaissa cooked food for me.
“Just start Christoph,”pagpupumilit ko sa kaniya. Bumuntong hinihinga siya at umayos ng upo. He closed his eyes and breath deeply. As he opened his eyes he looked straightly at my eyes. For a moment I saw pain and regrets passing. Pero agad naman iyong nawala at binalik niya sa normal ang kaniyang sarili.
“I’m sorry.” Pamimula niya. Nararamdaman ko ang sinsiredad sa boses ng kaniyang pananalita.
“I know what I did was unforgettable and unforgivable because it leaves a scar to your heart. A scar that can no longer be deleted. Sugat na natamo ko sayo na uukit sa puso’t isipan mo habang-buhay.” He looked pain as he was stating his statement.
“If only I can go back in time if only the time machine was invented. Babalik ako at itatama ang lahat.”
Sadly the time machine wasn’t invented and will never be existing. What we did in the past its either good or bad will leave a lesson to us… A lesson that will be carved in our hearts and make them as an inspiration as we grow continuously.
“That day…that day Henzy is the most painful one for me because that day..is the day that I will le-leave you without saying my proper goodbye to you. I know what I did was wrong so here I am saying sorry to you kahit pa ulit-ulit mapatawad mo lang ako,” his voice croaked as he is saying those words to me. Nararamdaman ko ang sakit sa bawat bigkas niya.
Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya hindi ko gustong makita ang lalaking minsan kong minahal na nasasaktan ngayon. Pero bakit niya na gawa sa akin ’yon ma-iintindihan ko naman kung sinabi niya lang ang totoong rason.
“Why Christoph? Why?” tanong ko sa kaniya hindi pa rin makatingin.
“That day was my engagement party with Gwyn. Alam mo naman diba na tutol ang pamilya ko sa relasyon nating dalawa. My parents prepare an engagement party without me knowing. Sila mom, dad, and parents ni Gwyn ang may alam lang no’n. I thought it was just a simple dinner together with Gwyn’s family that’s why I agreed. You remember?”
Nandito ako ngayon sa condo ni Christoph dadalawin ko siya dahil ilang araw na kaming hindi nagkikita. I miss him so much, I miss his hugs, kisses and his presence. Its been three days since the last time that I saw him. I don’t want to be a clingy girlfriend so I decided to visit him sa condo niya.
Pagkarating ko sa tapat ng unit niya pinindot ko ang doorbell kahit alam ko na ang passcode nito. Even when I am his girlfriend he still has his privacy pressing the door. Pero naka ilang ulit na ako ng pindot hindi pa rin ako pinagbubuksan ng pinto ni Christoph. Wala ba siya? It’s Saturday kaya walang pasok at sa pagkaka-alam ko wala na siyang hahabulin a deadlines dahil kakatapos lang ng finals niya.
Nang hindi pa rin niya ako pinagbuksan ako na ang nagbukas nito gamit ang spare key na binigay niya sa akin. Agad na bumungad sa akin ang tahimik at malinis na silid pumanhik ako sa kaniyang kusina para ilagay ang mga dala kong pagkain. Tama nga ang nasa-isip ko na hindi pa siya nakakain dahil kahit sinaing wala siya.
Nagsaing muna ako bago pumanhik sa kaniyang kwarto para tingnan kung nandoon ba siya. Christoph apartment has the 2nd floor just like in my apartment. When I first came here I asked her why is he moving out to think that they own hotels and condo’s here in General Santos. Pero pinili niyag manirahan sa isang apartment lamang. He just answer me that he wants freedom cause his parents are controlling him in every move.
Umakyat ako sa taas at kumatok ng dalawang beses. “Christoph,”tawag ko sa kaniya at ng hindi niya ako sinagot ay agad ko na pinihit ang seradura ng kaniyang pinto laking gulat ko ng hindi ito naka lock.
Naabutan ko siyang nakadapa sa kaniyang kama ang kaniyang buhok ay tumatabon sa kaniyang pikit na mata. Ang kanang kamay niya ay yakap-yakap ang unan pati ang mga binti niya ay nakadagan ito sa unan. Nakaawang ang bibig nito at naririnig ko ang mahihinang hilik niya. I smiled how cute.
Kaya naman pala hindi niya ako naririnig dahil himbing na himbing siya pagtulog. Lumapit ako sa kaniya at hinawi ang buhok niya na tumatabon sa kaniyang maamong mukha. He’s still handsome even when he’s asleep. Gumalaw-galaw siya at naimulat niya ang kaniyang mga mata.
“Wake up sleepyhead.” Imbis na bumangon siya ay yinapos niya ang aking bewang dahilan ng pagkakadagan ko sa kaniya.
“You’re the good in my morning,” medyo namamaos niyang saad sa akin sabay halik sa labi ko. Kumunot ang noo ko ng malasahan ang alak doon.
“Did you drink last night?”
“Yup babe celebration dahil nairaos ng block naming ang finals.” Okay, hindi niya man lang sinabi sa akin kagabi na uminom pala sila.
“Get up na I bought you foods,” mapaklang ngiti kong sabi. Hindi ko pinahalata sa kaniya ang pagkadismaya ko. Umalis ako sa pagkakadagan sa kaniya para makatayo siya at makapag-ayos.
Dumeretso siya kaniyang banyo at ‘di nagtagal naririnig ko na ang shower na rumaragasa. Ako naman ay inayos ang higaan niya. Kanina pa ring ng ring ang kaniyang phone pero hindi ko ito pinapansin. Hindi ko ugaling makialam ng cellphone niya dahil pinagkakatiwalaan ko siya kaso ayaw ata tantanan si Christoph at patuloy pa rin ito sapag ri-ring.
Nang sasagutin ko na sana ay agad naman itong nawala kasabay nito ang paglabas ni Christoph sa banyo.
“You’re phone keeps on ringing.” Naka-damit na siya pagkalabas niya sa banyo. He just simply wear a gray t-shirt and board shorts. Nilahad ko sa kaniya ang cellphone niya na panay sa ka ri-ring kanina.
“It was mom,” kalmadong saad niya. Mabuti na lang at hindi ko nasagot ang tawag kanina.
“We have a dinner tonight together with Gwyn’s family my mom said,” ani niya sa akin at deretsong tiningnan ako sa mga mata.
“I don’t want to go you’re here. I want to spend time with you.”
“Ano ka ba mas important ‘yan Christoph unahin mo muna and besides we can spend time together in the next days.” Kahit ang totoo ay nakakaramdam ako ng inggit kay Gwyn. Alam kong wala siyang kasalanan ditto dahil biktima rin siya pero hindi ko maiwasang tanungin siya kung bakit wala siyang ginagawa na paraan para ma itigil sila gayong alam niya naman na ako ang mahal ni Christoph.
That day we spend time together until six pm in the evening. We enjoy and cherish every moment that we have. Until he went to his family dinner, little did I know that it was the last time I could see him.
“So it turns out that it was your engagement party huh,” mapaklang saad ko sa kaniya.
“Gusto kong tumakas noon Henzy dahil hindi ko alam na may ganoon… Hindi ko gusto si Gwyn noon, kahit si Gwyn ay hindi alam ang nangyayari. I fight with my parents dahil alam nilang may girlfriend ako pero hindi nila ‘yon renispeto. I want to come to you at that time, I want you beside me kaso hindi.. hindi ako makatakas dahil may mga guwardiyang nagmamasid sa akin.. That day I was engaged to the woman I don’t love and what worst was it is your friend. Pinalipas ko ang ilang araw Henzy sinubukan kong tumatakas sa mga gwardiyang nagbabantay sa akin at pinilit na pumunta sayo pero hindi ko pala alam na pati ikaw ay pinababantayan rin ng pamilya ko.”
Kung kanina ay hindi ako maka tingin sa kaniya ngayon ay halos magkasulobong ang kilay ko sa gulat. His parents are the worst they will do everything to ruined us, to ruin everything. They must celebrate their victory cause they get what they want. Hindi ko napansin ‘yong mga panahon na ‘yon na may sumusunod sa akin dahil ang puso ko ay nagluluksa.
“Yes Henzy you’re life is at stake at that time. Isang lapit ko sayo ay mapapahamak ka. I confronted them I asked them why? Bakit nila ‘yon nagawa sa akin sa atin pero ito lang ang nakuha kong sagot sa kanila. They want me to marry Gwyn as soon as possible para tantanan ka nila. Pero hindi ako pumayag but thet let me choose you’re safety or Gwyn and I’m sorry… I’m sorry that..that I choose Gwyn over you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t fight my love for you.. I’m sorry that I left you hanging. But believe me I did that to protect you even if it hurts me.”
My heat hurts upon hearing Christoph’s words. May namumong kung ano sa aking dibdib at hindi ko namalayan na may namumuong tubig na lumalabas sa aking mga mata habang nakikinig ako sa kaniya. What I heard right now is too much information for me. All this time.. all this time I thought he just left me because he’s tired on me. I thought I was the one who is suffering..Pero mas nagdurusa siya kesa sa akin. Sarili ko lang ang iniisip ko noon, hindi ko alam na nasasaktan din pala siya.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Christoph hindi ko alam.” Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko at nakatingin sa taas para pigilan ang mga luhang patuloy sa pag-agos.
“No, I’m sorry it was my fault. My love for you wasn’t enough to fight. I was coward at that time,” mahinang bulong niya tama lag para marinig ko.
Hindi pa rin tumitigil ang mga luhang lumalandas sa aking mga mata. Huminga ako ng malalim at pinakalma ang sarili ko. May tanong ako sa kaniya na siya lamang ang makakasagot.
“How is she?”
Nakita ko nanaman ang sakit na dumapo sa kaniya mga mata. May kinuha siyang kung ano sa bag niya at nilapag iyon sa lamesa namin.
It was an invitation… A wedding invitation to be exact.
“We’re getting married.” Pain crossed again in his eyes as he says those words.