CHAPTER 10
Pagdating ng ambulansya agad na sinakay si aling Linda sa stretcher. Pinagtulungan siya ng dalawang rescuer at agad ring nilagay sa kaniya ang oxygen for her to breath better.
"Maraming salamat ate Henzy," umiiyak niyang saad sa akin. Hinawakan niya pa ang aking kamay at pinagsilop.
"Walang anuman. Samahan mo na si aling Linda at sabihan mo na mag pagaling siya," nakangiti kong sabi sa kaniya.
Sumakay na siya at di nag tagal umalis na rin ang ambulansya.
Ganito pala sa feeling na may tao kang na-iligtas. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Kinakabahan na masaya na ano. Halo halo lahat ng emosyon ang meron sa akin ngayon.
Ganito rin ba ang pakiramdam ng mga doctor kapag may na isalba sila na pasyente?
Are they happy because their patient live? Siguro sa mga determinadong doctor na maisalba ang buhay ng pasyente masaya sila. Pero para sa mga doctor naman na habol lang ang pera I doubt.
"I'll take you home," Reeve spoke.
I smiled at him. I still can't believe that I made aling Linda live. I know CPR is the basic first aid to save lives. And I know everyone can do it, but it was the satisfying thing that I made.
When I am compressing her chest earlier the only thing I hope for is to bring back her normal breath.
Even when my surrounding are panicking by the sudden situation I didn't doubt to help her. I felt relieved when I saw her opening her eyes.
Ang kaninang taong nag kukumpulan ay bumalik na sa dating gawain. Kung wala kami roon ni Reeve will aling Linda live? Kasi imbis na tumawag sila sa ambulansya kanina mas pinili pa nila ang maki saw-saw sa kung anong nangyayari.
Tahimik lang kami ni Reeve na naglakakad pauwi sa apartment ko. May mga estudyante rin kaming nadadaanan na siguro ay papunta rin sa kung saan kami nanggaling ni Reeve kanina.
"You'll be a great nurse," Reeve suddenly spoke in between our silence.
"Really?" I stopped walking and looked at him. Napahinto rin siya dahil sa bigla kong paghinto.
"Yeah," he lazily nodded. Then we started walking again.
I suddenly have the guts to open up about my passion in life to him. "You know, I really want to become a doctor," I stated.
Hindi siya umimik sa sinabi ko kaya
nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagsasalita.
"When I'm young I always saw my parents in the hospital. Wearing a lab coat and stethoscope hanging on their neck. A different kind of ballpen in the mini pocket of their gown."
Palagi akong pumupunta sa hospital no'ng bata pa ako. I always admire the doctors and nurses wearing their uniform. I adore them for taking care of their patients plastered with a smile on their faces.
"I was in Grade school at that time when my parents would bring me to the hospital because of my tantrums dahil palagi akong iniiwan sa bahay, but I always end up in their office. Bawal akong lumabas o gumala man lang sa loob ng hospital. But one time I got bored wondering inside their office." I stopped talking when I remember something.
Kung ano ang nag udyok sa akin kung bakit pagiging doctor ang gusto kong kunin na trabaho. I know ever since being a doctor is my dream job however the memories that suddenly flashed in my head was one of my reason why I wanted to pursue it.
"Upo muna tayo," pang-aaya ni Reeve sa akin ng may nakita siyang bakanteng bench na mauupuan.
"You want to hear my story huh." Pangboboyo ko sa kaniya.
"Yes, I want to hear it." Deretsong sabi nito sa akin na walang preno preno.
"So gusto mo na ako niyan?" I know it doesn't make sense. I just like to tease him.
"Hmmmm.. Let's see." May kung anong ngiti akong nakita sa kaniyang mukha. It was a familiar smile. I think I saw that hindi ko lang maalala.
"Choosy ka pa ah," naniningkit na ani ko sa kaniya.
"Just continue what you're telling earlier," His voice suddenly turned into a serious one.
"So yeah, I got bored wondering inside their office. Since hindi sinama ni mommy ang yaya ko noon walang nagbabantay sa akin.
Lumabas ako at napadpad ako sa labas ng Operating Room." Pagpapatuloy ko sa sinabi ko kanina. I looked at Reeve and I caught him looking at me deeply with his intense stares.
I looked away and continue what I am talking earlier.
"May naka bunggo ako na isang batang lalaki na umiiyak. Siyempre I am not rude to just left him there crying without doing anything. So I ask that child what was his problem why he is crying. He said that his nanny got sick. He told me everything that his mom and dad were busy with their business that they forgot to take care of their own child. Nanny niya daw ang nag-aalaga at nagpapalaki sa kaniya. Kaya no'ng nalaman niya may sakit 'yong nanny niya his world suddenly turned upside down. That child also said to me na sino na daw mag-aalaga kapag nawala 'yong nanny niya. Sino na daw magmamahal sa kaniya. Love that wasn't given by his own family.
I comforted him. I just told him to keep praying and trust the doctors because they can save lives. The literal way of a child comforting a friend," I chuckled at my last sentence.
"Continue," he said. So he really listens to me huh.
He is the first person who can hear this story of mine in the past. I never talked it to anyone nor to my friends. I just keep it to myself but when I save the life of aling Linda earlier a nostalgic feeling flashed in me. That when I was capable of saving someone at that time, I could at least save him.
"So he did. After my class, our driver would drove me to the hospital just to see him ask him if he's nanny is okay. Every time we see each other we will go to the chapel inside the hospital and pray together for the recovery of his beloved nanny. After that, we would play. Same routine for about a week.
He still worries about the recovery of his nanny so I would always tell him that the doctors can save her." A sad smile formed on my lips when I remembered something. Something that could change my perspective to those people who are born to save lives.
"A week after, his nanny died while the doctors are operating her. He cries on my shoulder silently. The agony of a child losing his so-called 'parents' because his parents were never there for him.
One time we accidentally overheard the doctors who operate to his nanny. Only to find out that it was table death. A patient dies during operation. You wanna know what is the most heartbreaking one that we heard?
Hayaan na lang daw 'yong nangyari kasi wala naman magagawa ang pamilya nito dahil wala naman silang pera pangbayad para isalba pa ang buhay ng pasyente na iyon."
That's when my perspective about doctors change. I thought doctors save lives. I think highly of them because above all they were professional. They are the one who is born to prolong the life of others. They are the hope of those people who lost hope to live.
But because of money their principles in life changed. Money is the root of evilness a human can do. Because of money they never save the life of his nanny. Funny how highly you think of them they are just like a corrupt politician.
After that, I never heard anything about him anymore.
I looked straight in the eyes of Reeve and directly said it to him.
"The reason why I want to be a doctor not just to save lives. I wanted to be a doctor to help others who are in need, with or without money. I promise to myself that even that 0.00001 percent chance of saving a life. I promise to do my best my very best to save that patient because that slightest chance can be your hope. You know to help others without getting any in return is fulfilment to me."
When the time comes I swear to myself I will never ever run for money just like what they do. One of my reason why I wanted to pursue my dream was because of them. I never wanted to be like them and I will never ever do it to my patients.
After I told him about it he looked away. Nakatingin siya sa mga taong naglalakad sa harapan namin at sa mga sasakyang dumadaan. I checked my watch it's eight pm exactly.
"You'll be a great doctor," he stated still not looking at me. He was avoiding my gaze.
"You know I never wanted to be great. I just want to be a good doctor someday. Those doctors in the past were great but they were never good. Great because of their accomplishment yet they were never good doctor because they didn't stick with their principles as a doctor."
I just want to be good, not great.
"Tara na," pang-aaya ko sa kaniya at nauna nang maglakad. I felt him following me. I stayed silent after what I said to him.
Imbis na papunta ako sa kung saan ang apartment ko nag lihis ako ng daan at tumungo sa Jollibee.
I saw a girl holding his brother looking at the glass wall of Jollibee. Nakatingin sila sa mga taong takam na takam sa sarap sa pagkain. Nakahawak ang batang babae sa kaniyang tiyan at halos maglaway na sa pagkain na nasa loob.
I walked towards them. "Hello!" I bent my knees so that magkapantay kami. Naramdaman ko rin si Reeve sa likod ko probably wondering what am I doing to this children.
Lumayo sila sa akin at nanginginig ang kanilang katawan sa bigla kong paglapit at pagtawag sa kanila I saw fear in their eyes. They are scared.
"Wag kayong matakot. Hindi ako nang-aano ng bata," I smiled at them to assure them that I am harmless. Nakita ko naman sa kanila ang sandaling kaginhawaan.
"Tara pasok tayo sa loob. Papakainin ko kayo." Hinawakan ko ang kamay ng batang lalaki na nakahawak sa kamay ng ate niya. Pinauna ko silang makapasok doon dahilan para pagbuksan kami ng pintuan ng guard.
When we enter everyone's eyes were on us. No not me nasa dalawang bata na kasama ko. Halata ang pagkabalisa nila at mas hinigpitan ang hawak sa kamay ko. They were bothered by the stares people giving at them.
I didn't bother I am here to feed the children who were starving. I didn't come here to entertain their judgemental look. Kung may puso sana kayo, sana pinakain niyo na ang mga batang kanina pa nag lalaway sa inyo.
Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Reeve. Saglit kong naka limutan na kasama ko pala siya. Tinaas niya ang kaniyang kamay at winagayway ito para mapansin ko siya.
He was seated at the corner of this jollibee. May mga nakahain na rin na pagkain doon. Tinuro ko sa mga bata kung saan naka upo si Reeve at agad na nagtungo doon.
"Nag order ka na pala," I said nang makalapit na ako sa kung saan siya naka pwesto.
Pinaupo ko ang mga bata sa upuan. Good thing at sofa style ang kinuha niya. I seated beside Reeve tapos ang dalawang bata ay kaharap namin.
He orders 4 pieces of chicken, 2 pieces of spaghetti and 2 pieces of sunday. Tinitingnan lang ito ng mga bata tila nahihiya pa itong kainin kahit na takam na takam na sila.
"Kain na kayo para sa inyo 'yan," ngiting sabi ko sa kanila.. Pagkatapos kong sabihin 'yon ay agad naman nilang nilantakan ang pagkain.
Halatang gutom na gutom talaga sila at ngayon lang nakaka-tikim ng masarap na pagkain. Naaawa ako sa kanila kasi imbis na nasa paaralan sila para mag-aral pero salungat sa dapat ginagawa nila ang kinahihinatnanan nila ngayon.
May mga batang maswerte dahil araw-araw may makakain, pumupunta sa paaralan para may matutunan. Pero ang mga batang ito ay nakuhanan ng prebiliheyo para gawin ang mga 'yon. They were not given the chance, what they get was the judgemental look of society about them. Imbis na tulungan mas pipiliin pa itong pandirian at hayaan.
The whole time they were eating I was just staring at them. Makita silang masaya sa kaunting tulong na ibinigay ko ay masaya na sa akin.
Binigyan pa sila ni Reeve ng take-out para sa kakainin nila bukas. I didn't know that Reeve has a soft heart for kids. He even gives them money.
Gusto sana namin sila ihatid kaso sabi nila kung saan-saan lang daw naman sila natutulog. They didn't even have a proper house to be called home. After hearing those words my heart hammered.
"I didn't know you have a soft heart for kids," I stated what's on my mind when we are heading home.
Hindi niya ako sinagot kaya nag-angat ako nang tingin sa kaniya. Agad na kumonot ang noo ko ng mapansin ko na panay ang titig niya sa akin.
I stopped walking and waved my hands on him. "Hey."
He blinks his eyes twice and looked away. Weird. "You have a good heart," his voice sent shivers to me upon hearing those words to him.
He's complimenting me!
I didn't utter a word we just continue walking hanggang maka-abot kami sa apartment ko.
"Thank you for this day," I sincerely said. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ako nagpapasalamat sa kaniya.
After saying those words tinalikuran ko na siya at papasok na sana sa loob when he grabbed my arm and suddenly I felt his lips touched my forehead.
It lasted for about five seconds when he let go. He is staring at me with his soft eyes. Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya dahil batid ko ang pamumula ang ng pisngi ko at lakas ng tibok ng puso ko.
It was an unexpected thing! Hindi ko inaasahan na gagawin niya 'yon.
"G-Goodnight," nauutal kong saad at agad na pumasok sa loob. I didn't wait for his response I quickly closed the door leaving him there.
Nilagay ko ang aking kamay sa puso ko at pinakiramdaman ito. Hindi pa rin tumitigil sa pagtibok ng malakas ang puso ko. I need a divertion.
Umakyat na ako sa kwarto ko at agad nagtungo sa banyo. Nahagilap ng mukha ko ang malaking salamin at kitang-kita kong paano namumula ang pisngi ko!
Oh my ghad! Nakakahiya... Nakita niya ba ito kanina? Did he saw how my cheeks blushing? Iniling-iling ko ang ulo ako at agad na ginawa ang dapat gawin.
Nahiga na ako sa kama at tiningnan ang cellphone ko. I saw a message from Christoph.
From: Christoph
Let me know if you are ready to hear everything.
I think I'm ready. I need to know the truth para maliwanagan ako. Kung hindi ko 'to haharapin kailan pa? Kahit saan kahit kailan hahabulin pa rin ako ng katotohanan. Kahit lalayuan ko pa ito, siya ang kusang lalapit sa akin.
All I need to do is to accept it.
To: Christoph
I'm ready. Let's talk on Saturday.