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The way he held his hand tightened to my hand I knew he was angry but why? did I do something bad? did I do anything ? last time I check i'm doing my job well! Kinagat ko ang labi ko ng huminto siya sa paglalakad. Ngayon ko lang napansin na he's wearing a plain white longsleeve and black slacks. Nandito kami kung saan ang locker area ng mga employee. Ang iilan ay nagulat pa dahil sa pagsulpot namin na agad rin na nagsilabasan.
My heart is pounding so fast. I played my fingers because of the nervous that I felt. I swallowed hard and hoping to swallow all the nervous that I have inside my chest.
Nakatalikod siya sa'kin but I still can felt the fire of madness. Kulang na lang ay umusok siya dahil sa sobrang galit at inis.
Tinupi niya pa ng maayos ang longsleeve niya hanggang siko bago tuluyan na humarap sa'kin. Halos mapaatras ako ng makita ang mata niya. He staring at me darkly. He licked his lower lip and combed his hair using his hand.
He sighed "W-why? I mean what the hell? Ba't gan'yan ang suot mo? my employee wasn't wearing that. It's informal, you're a waitress here in my cafeteria not a women at the club." he pointed my uniform and massaged his temple.
"Ang pangit naman kasi ng style. It's old fashion and I just want to--"
He cut me off using his glare "It's not about the style! Paano kung may mambastos sa'yo dito sa cafeteria? It's my problem too! Can you please think properly? You're my employee so you are under my policy! If you think you can act like this because you're a spoiled in your family then you're wrong. I wont tolerate this kind of behaviour." he said with a horror.
Napayuko na lang ako dahil pakiramdam ko tinutusok ang puso ko. He's not concern about me.. he's concerned about himself. Magiging problema niya rin kung sakaling mabastos ako? I wanted to appeal to what he was saying but couldn't because I felt weak. Parang wala akong karapatan na sumagot pa.
"Ang akala ko kasi hindi ka strict sa mga gan'to.." mahina kong sabi bago yumuko.
He chuckled "Yes, I'm not. If you wear a decent one.." may diin ang pagkakasabi niya.
Kumunot ang noo ko "This is still a clothes." I pointed my uniform.
Nanliit ang mata niya "Oo alam ko, Damit na halos kita na ang kaluluwa mo. That's clothes is too exposed!"
I pouted, Binalik ko ang tingin sa suot ko. He's angry.. mad.
"Change..." he command and looked away. "Go inside that fucking restroom and change your stupid uniform.." he pointed the rest room and sat on the mini couch.
I frozed, I don't have any uniform! I looked at him. He still massaging his temple and close his angry eyes. I'm nervous... Baka tanggalin niya na ako sa trabaho. Anica said hindi naman siya strikto sa uniform ng employee!
"I said change!" he shouted, Gritted his teeth.
Halos mapatalon ako sa sigaw niya. May umamba pang isang waiter na papasok sana pero napaatras at hindi na tumuloy ng marinig ang parang isang kulog na sigaw ni Magen. Nataranta akong lumapit sa locker ko. Nasa gilid ko lang siya kaya nag-alangan pa ako.
He's mad.
He's angry.
I'm nervous.
I'm scared.
My hand was shaking when I opened my locker even though I knew I didn't have any other clothes. My heart is beating so fast. My chest feels so heavy.
I about to turned around but he stopped me. He still sitting on the couch when he held again my hand.
"What's that?" Nanliit ang mata niya na tiningnan ang hawak kong uniform, I'm dead.
Sa sobrang kaba ko ay umatras na lang ako at tinago sa likuran ko ang uniform na hawak ko.
"U-Uniform..." nanginginig ang boses kong sagot.
I tried again to walk away but the way he's holding me tightly, I can't escape.
His brows furrowed "Let me check it..." he said and stood up.
I did my best but---- the madness in his eyes appealed again.
"Oh! Sorry! Okay?! Napagawa ko na ng ganitong style 'yung lahat ng uniform. I just did it because I'm not comfortable wearing those kind of old fashion! Tsaka mainit siya kapag sinuot. I didn't intend to broke the policy that you have. I'm not aware you have that. So please, forgive me! Don't fired me, This is my first job. I'm proud of it. So please, give me a second chance to be a good employee!" I said with my heart.
Nagtiim-bagang siya, I crossed my fingers.
He sighed "Let's go home..." he calmly said and nodded. "Yeah.. let's just go home,"
My lips parted, Maingat niyang kinuha sa'kin ang hawak kong uniform. I can smelled his manly perfume. So manly.
"Umuwi na lang tayo kung wala kang pamalit na damit. I can allowed you wearing that when you are not literally in public. Club? Bar? Party? Wearing that is fine but here? No, a big no. I know dress is not the basis when someone is pervert. Waitress ka, Heart. Sa bawat pagserve mo ng pagkain nila ay pinagpapantasyahan na nila 'yang magandang katawan mo. So please.." he stopped and locked my locker. "Let's go home..." he softly said and looked at me with his unique gaze, Pleasing gaze.
My ears is now filled with the way my heart fluttered and my chest pounding so loud. I can't breath normally he's making me breathless. I can't move, he made me frozed.
"A-ah.. H-hindi pa tapos 'yung working hours ko," naiilang kong sagot bago umiwas ng tingin.
Tumikhim siya bago umayos ng upo "Don't mind it, Let's just go home," he said.
Me being marupok. I nodded.
"Uuwi muna kami, Anica. As I said Wafer will be here before 9 am." He said at Anica.
Anica raised her brows "Bakit uuwi rin si Heart?! Siya 'yung hinahanap nung ibang customers na magserve!"
I bit my lower lips, I examined the cafeteria. Some of the groups of man wave their hands at me.
"Then tell them to not expect Heart today. It's her off," he said and looked at me.
Nagtatanong na tumingin sa'kin. I just shrugged and pouted.
"Day off agad? First day niya palang. Wala pa nga siyang 2hrs dito." Anica confused said.
Magen sniffed "Just do your work, Anica. Iuuwi ko muna 'to si Heart. The way she dress... It's making me so damn mad."
He held my hand again. Hinila niya ako palabas. May iilan pa na napapalingon sa'min. Mabilis niya kasi akong hinila. Naririnig ko pa ang mahina niyang pagmumura habang tinutulak ang glass door.
"May pupuntahan ka pa ba mamaya?" He asked when I about to open the door of his car.
Napaisip ako saglit, Wala akong pasok bukas dahil MWF lang ako. Alam kong aayain ako mamaya ni Chave magparty. You know, Chave.
Kaso ayaw ni Magen nung mga babaeng panay ang inom ng alak. Baka mas lalo siyang maturn ofd sa'kin if I answered yes.
He chuckled "Having a second thought huh?" He shook his head and entered the driving seat.
I close my eyes and took a deep breath.
"W-wala naman akong pupuntahan mamaya.." I said.
Yes, siguro it's not bad naman no? Na hindi muna ako pumunta kung saan saan. Yes! Mag-iistay na muna ako sa unit ko.
I smiled like an idiot when I saw him smiling because of my answer.
He nodded "Just wear plain brown tshirt at wednesday. Ichecheck ko pa kung mayro'ng stock ng uniform for you.." he seriously said.
"Okay..."
He looked at me for a seconds, binalik rin sa daan.
"I sniffed "A-are you ahmmm m-mad at me?" I bravely asked.
I saw how his perfect jawline highlighted "Yeah.." He honestly answered.
"Oh.." binasa ko ang labi ko gamit ang dila.
Piling ko natutuyuan na ako ng laway at parang nauubusan na ako ng dugo.
"You hate it right?" I raised my brows.
His brows furrowed "Hate what?" Nanliit ang mata niya na bumaling saglit sa'kin.
Lumunok ako "T-the way I dress. Kaya ka naiinis sa'kin."
He chuckled "Magkaiba ang I don't like sa I hate. I don't like the way you dress. Hindi naman sa pagdidisregard ng wants mo pero I just don't like it. I prefer formal dress hindi 'yung parang laging pupunta ng party. I don't like girls drowning their self in alcohol. Ayaw ko ng alcoholic na babae. I don't want to settle to the women like that..." he looked at me "You're a women, Para sa'kin it's better if you let a man na ipakita ang nararamdaman niya towards you. That's why I hate you because I prefer a women who can mind their own biz than other. I prefer women who can stand with their own." he proudly said.
His words is like a sharp knife that suddenly stabbed my heart. I can't say anywords because... it's hurt.
I really like him with his whole. Kahit na laging gan'yang ang ugali niya sa'kin. I know he's a nice person.
I can't call him asshole because of those words. Isa lang ang ibig sabihin no'n. He doesn't want me to wait for his love that surely he can't give to me.
The love that I want the most.
A silence gathered at us. I didn't want to talk because I didn't want him to get more angry with me. I don't want it. Nakakahiyang magsalita.
I just looked around, I forced myself to not compliment the smell of his car, Napakabango.
"Heart..." he said huskily.
My brows furrowed, Just like that! He already made my heart beats so fast.
Alanganin akong tumingin sa kaniya "W-why?" I asked nervously.
I saw him swallowed hard and clenched his jaw.
It was as if he wanted to say something while there's something that stopping him.
He sighed "Do you have money?" he asked, having a second thought.
My eyes widened, Did he need money? Why? Marami namang benta ang cafeteria ha?
I looked at him, he can't look at me. "Oh.. Yes! Why? You need ba? Papahiramin kita if kailangan mo. You can pay me kapag may pambayad ka na.." I willingly said.
He shook his head "No, I just about to ahmm.." he stopped the car and combed his hair. "Go somewhere.." he softly said.
My lips parted, So? He want me to commute? I mean I know how but.. I sighed and nodded.
"S-so?"
He bit his lower lips "Can you take a taxi?" he can't look at me.
"W-what?" Did I heard it clearly? Gusto niyang pababain ako?
He nodded and looked at his watch "Yeah.. I need to go somewhere." he huskily said.
"Oh!" I can heard the disappointment in my voice "O-okay.." My voice cracked.
He looked at me, worried because of my voice suddenly cracked. It feels like there's a big barrier between us that I can't ask more questions and explanation.
"Baba na ako.." I inform him, he didn't nodded. "Thank you.." I force to smile.
Binagalan ko ang pagkilos at baka sakaling maguilty siya at pigilan ako. He wants me to go home dahil sa suot ko but he didn't realize ba na baka mabastos ako habang pauwi?
The hell? Ba't ngayon pa ako nag-aalala sa sarili samantalang mas revealing pa ang suot ko dito dati pero hindi naman ako nabastos ng taxi driver. Am I just lucky?
My heartache when I got out of his car.
He didn't stopped me.
My knees were weak as I watched his car far away. I bit my lower lips, I've never been left like this before. Yung isasama ako tapos iiwan rin? It's hurt.
To leave me alone was one of my most unwanted ones. In any ways.. any process.
Agad akong sumakay sa taxi na huminto sa harapan ko. The driver asked me where I want to go and I just gave him the address of Diamond Hotel. He just nodded.
Sinandal ko sa bintana ang ulo ko. I looked at the buildings, people holding a umbrella and those students that looks like giggling.
Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa aking bag ng makita ang pamilyar na sasakyan. He stopped in bus stop. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko ng tuluyan na siyang makita. He smiled as if he hadn't left me. Parang bumigat na ang dibdib ko at bumilis na ang paghinga ko. It's hurt really damn hard. It's breaking my heart seeing him smiling like he reach the skies while opening the door of his car for the women in front of him.
Huminto ang sasakyan dahil sa traffic. I examined the looked of the women that smiling at him. She looks professional with his white longsleeve and mini skirt. She looks beautiful too but there's something strange feeling that I don't know what.
He left me.
He left me alone.
He left me alone just for her.
He left me alone to be with her.
Ako dapat ang kasama niya ngayon but it turns na ako ang naiwan. I mean, No hard feelings naman self diba? Kasi in the first it's not his obligation to stay beside me. He have his own life and own decision. If he wants to stay away from me to just with her then it's his will and I can't do anything about it.
Alam ko 'yon and I get it.
It's really hurt because that simple thing is matter. It's hurt but It's fine, I'm used to it. I used to be hurt like this and I know that when I'm with him I need to use to be left alone again. Again and again.
Does he know that I'm hurt? If yes then he think I can handle this? Does he think that I deserve this?
If he think that I deserve this then I don't think I deserve this.
My heart deserves a warm hug.
I don't deserve this kind of pain but I need to deserve it because I loved him and with the name of love I will accept all the pains.