“Where were you?” a voice asks as soon as I open the door to my room.
A yelp escapes me and I slap a hand over my mouth to muffle my scream. My back presses into the door and the figure on the bed slowly rises.
She scared me.
“Theresa Grace Mower.” Mum stops a few feet from me, one hand on her hip. “Where were you?” Being the baby I am, I bridge the gap and hug her. “This won’t cut it, Tessa.” But I feel her soften. Her hand lowers to my back. “You didn’t tell anyone where you were.”
Because I wasn’t thinking straight. “I’m sorry.”
“Your dad and I were worried.” She is totally relaxed now but I give her another squeeze.
I step back, wringing my hands. “I’m sorry.”
A minute or two later, she sighs and drags me to sit on the bed. “Did you two talk?”
“Not yet.”
She wants to ask why not but she doesn’t. In a way, I am scared of what Ben has to say. If Olivia is still calling, then they are still close.
“Be careful, okay?” She gives me a side hug and my head lowers to her arm. Can one really be careful when in love? I hope I can. “Ben is a good guy.”
He is. But good guys also make mistakes. My eyes shut for a few minutes and she nudges me. I look up to her.
“Get ready.”
“Ready?” She nods. “For what?”
Pushing herself up, she heads straight to my wardrobe and starts taking out my clothes. I haven’t worn most of the clothes in there since my style has revolved around the same simple outfits. I snatch a hanger from her before she shoves it into my bag.
“Mum, what’s going on?”
“We are leaving.” Her excitement makes it hard to pick out her words as she resumes packing. “The house is ready. We were supposed to leave this morning but you were nowhere to be found.” I join her in getting my stuff out of the wardrobe. My shoes. My bags. Everything. Her lips are moving but there is only one thought in my head. I have to tell Ben. “By the way, your dad is really pissed.”
I scratch my chin and shrug. I think Daddy will forgive me, mostly because I haven’t been myself since we came here.
We finish packing in silence, she leaves me to get some of her things with a promise to call Daddy. Someone knocks. I open the door to see a boy with a luggage trolley. He takes out my things, leaving me with a duffel bag and my purse. As soon as he leaves, another knock sounds. This time, it’s Ben.
He stands at the door, hands tucked into his pockets as if this morning didn’t happen between both of us. Finally, when we are both tired of staring at each other, I step away from the door for him to come in.
“Hey,” I say with a little wave.
“Hey.”
Looking around at this place that has been my cave for a month and few days, I try to see it through his eyes. It’s bereft now of all the things that made it personal but the big bed, soft pillows will always be my favourite.
“We are leaving,” I tell him.
“Oh.” Ben sits on the bed and I sink into the space beside him. There is a not-so-awkward silence between us. I clear my throat and he tilts his head. “Were you going to tell me?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
His lips turn upward in a smile. I kiss him. I don’t know if it’s considered a kiss since it’s just the slight brushing of our lips. I look down when he tries to claim my lips again, swinging my feet to keep busy. We should talk before we do anything.
The afternoon sun casts a pallor on the tiles, my legs stop swinging and I tuck my hands between them.
“Did you call Olivia?” As I ask this, I focus on the shadow cast by the sun. The shadow of his legs blending into mine. The silence that follows makes me murmur, “You don’t have to lie to me about it.”
“I wasn’t going to lie.”
I look up for the first time but his eyes are downcast. If you can tell a person’s mood from their side profile, then I think Ben is sad.
“Are you two still friends?”
He looks up. “Gracie.”
“Just answer me.”
“Gracie. Don’t be like this.” My gaze hardens. I will be however I want. If he wants us to work this time, he needs to start talking. “It’s complicated.” As complicated as his sudden presence in New York. I try and fail to smile. I don’t know. I guess I expected his presence here to signify the end of their weird friendship. “We don’t talk as much.”
It’s the way he says it. Like it’s consolation or an excuse. I stand. “It’s alright. I should finish packing.” There’s nothing to pack but I head to the wardrobe, then do a swipe of the bathroom to be sure I’m not forgetting anything. Ben is at the door of the bathroom waiting for me. He doesn’t let me pass. “Benny.”
“Gracie.” Ben sighs softly and I can almost hear all the words he didn’t say. “I don’t want us to fight.”
“I don’t want us to fight too,” I reply. I splay my fingers on his chest and he covers my hand. “I really love you. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t.” A painful look flashes across his face. I just had to say it. I hate their friendship. “Maybe then, your relationship with Olivia wouldn’t bother me so much. I can’t do this anymore. It can’t be me, you and Olivia.”
He grabs my wrists so I don’t leave. “It won’t be.”
“Because it already is, Benny.” He tries to speak but I stop him. My eyes are wet with tears. I am hurting all over again. “I don’t want to share you. But she has you in this hold and I can’t break you from it.”
Ben shakes his head. “You’re not getting it. This time, it’s just me and you. I swear with my life, Gracie. She won’t be a problem for us.” He holds my hands behind me and places a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. I melt in his arm. “We have a lot to talk about and I don’t know where to start.” A lot I hope has to do with how he will end his friendship with Olivia. “Will you call me when you get home?”
“Maybe.”
His lips quirk in a half-smile. He is lucky he is cute and I am madly in love with him. “Do you still have my number?” No. I shrug. “Am I still blocked?”
“And deleted.”
Ben carries me and my legs instinctively wrap around his waist. He drops me gently on the centre of the bed and climbs in beside me. Another kiss lands on my forehead and trails down to my nose, my lips and my jaw. His eyes are burning with something fiercely sad, like he is scared.
I palm his face with one hand. “I might have deleted it but I never forgot it. I can’t.” I cross my hands on my chest. “It is in here. I’m not going anywhere.”
His forehead meets mine. For a second, all we hear is his ragged breathing. He rolls away from me to lie on his back. Our hands are linked in the space between us. “That’s what you said but you left me.”
Because he broke my heart and refused to listen to me. “You deserved it. But I’m sorry.”
“I deserved it.” There is a momentary pause. “I’m sorry too, Gracie.” He places a kiss on my knuckles and rolls on his side. His head hovers over mine. “When we get married and have kids, I’m going to tell them you broke your promise.” His confidence assures me we will be fine. “I will also tell them I fucked up so they will know not to fuck up like me.” Yep, we will be perfectly fine. “I love you.”
“Hmm.” His eyes narrow. “I love you more.”
“You can’t love me more.” His lips move into a pout and I tug on his lower lip. “I’m the one who loves you more.” Whatever my Benny says. I don’t want to argue. “Mrs Beckham’s boyfriend was arrested.” My back stiffens. I don’t have time to completely process his words because he licks my lips. “They need witnesses when the case goes to court.”
“Oh.”
Ben’s hand slips inside my shirt. It’s warm against my skin and I welcome the warmth. I guide his hand to cup my breasts and he flashes his teeth. Naughty boy. My naughty boy. He kneads my nipple and a small moan escapes me. My back arches, I rub the bulge pushing against his shorts.
“So what now?” I ask him.
“I don’t know.” He takes one nipple in his mouth, suckles on it so gently I feel all the stress of the last few weeks evaporate. My fingers sink into his scalp, I spread my legs for him to kneel between them. “Mum and Josef thinks it’s up to me. They will pay for a flight back if I agree to appear as a witness.”
Wrinkles appear on his forehead, he seems to have aged within minutes of talking about this. I trace random patterns on his chest to comfort him.
“What do you want to do?”
Ben does that half-shrug thing like he has not fully decided on his next move. “I was thinking you could help me make a decision.”
The weight of his words hang heavy in the air. It is too much pressure for me. I roll away from him and he comes right after me. I don’t adjust my robe so my puckered nipples remain in plain sight.
Brows knit together, I ask, “What if I say no? What if I ask you not to do it? What then?”
“I’ll stay here and be with you, Gracie.”
His sincerity makes me smile so hard my cheeks hurt. I just need to be sure that he will always be mine. That even after his trip to San Francisco, he won’t return to the Olivia trap. She might have had a bad life but she is not exactly a good person either.
“Why?” I ask. I pluck out a strand of hair from his brow and he winces. I miss shaping his brows for him. “You fought so hard for her.”
Eyes locked on mine, he replies, “If she finds her soulmate, she will pick him over us.” I am not sure what he means by that. His gaze returns to my face. “She will pick him over me. So I’m choosing you over her. What you want is what I’ll do. Promise.”
“Even if it’s something awful?”
“I’ll try to convince you,” he replies with a grin. “And if I can’t change your mind, then maybe.”
“Benjamin!” Mum thunders. Ben jumps out of the bed. I hurry to adjust my robe. Her eyes are heavy with disappointment as she takes in our position. The tent in Ben’s shorts doesn’t help matters. She points to the door. “Get out.” Ben opens his mouth to speak but she cuts him off. “The next time I see you around my daughter, I will call the police.”
“Mum.” I throw Mum a pleading look to take back her words but her finger is still pointed to the door. Ben passes me a sad look and starts for the door. “Benny, wait. Please.” But he leaves. Fists clenched at my side, I yell, “We were just talking, Mum.”
“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me, young lady.” I think I fucked up this time. Her hand sweeps over my outfit, her annoyance isn’t masked when she says, “You were talking dressed like this?”
My nipples are beady large dots poking my singlet but I still say, “We were not doing anything, Mum. I swear to you.” She snorts. “Even if we were, he wasn’t doing anything I didn’t want him to do.”
Everything I say falls on deaf ears, she stops at the door to my room. “We are leaving.”