Boyfriends are annoying. I push Ben’s money back to him and the idiot wraps one hand around my waist and lifts me off the ground to take over.
Ben slides some bills to the cashier while I’m still trying to recover from the shock of being carried like I weigh nothing. The cashier sends us off with a smile and a wave. We must look crazy. I punch his chest when we are outside and he pinches my nose.
“Annoying. You’re so annoying,” I tell him. He kisses me. Because I’m such a sucker for him, I lean into the kiss but he pulls back before I deepen it. I tuck my hair behind my ear as a gentle breeze blows it into my face. “You should have let me pay.”
“Why?” Ben offers me the bag containing the pills and a can of soda. Tugging me in the direction of his car, he continues, “I’m the reason you need to use the pill anyway.”
“You’re not the reason. We are the reason. In fact, I am the reason.” His lips quirk in a seductive smile and I blush from thinking about the incident. I lost my virginity to him. So unplanned. So unexpected. Do I regret it? Hell no. Will I do it again with him? Hell yeah. “I just wanted to pay for it, that’s all.”
For most part of our relationship, he has been the one doing the gifting. He seems content with my presence but I want to give him stuff too. Throwing his arm around my shoulder, he draws me in for a kiss on my temple and I melt into a puddle of love.
“Next time, you will pay.”
Yeah, right. Like he will ever let that happen. We locate his car in the sea of cars and he opens the passenger door for me. Under his watchful gaze, I take the pills according to the instructions given by the cashier and banish the after taste with the soda.
“What if you get pregnant?” Ben asks.
I reduce the volume of the radio to catch his words but he doesn’t repeat them. I take another sip from the can and another until it’s empty. “I won’t.”
The naughty boy pushes one leg over his seat and shrugs. “What if?” Creases appear on his forehead, he is taking this seriously. “What happens then?”
“Shut up.”
If he says it too much it might happen. I don’t want it to happen now. We can have kids when we both have jobs and enough money to raise a family.
We fall into a comfortable silence, occupied by our various thoughts. I push my hand out the window and the wind caresses my fingers. Spring break starts today and will last for a week. We have talked about our plans for it but I am yet to fulfil my side of the bargain. I haven’t spent the break away from home before, this will be the first time. It should be exciting but the real reason for the trip has ruined it.
I trace circles on my knee until he pries my hand to lace our fingers. He’s not smiling, he’s not frowning either. “Have you told your mum? Your dad?”
“No?”
“Why not? I want us to leave on Sunday.”
Today is Friday. Per my advice, Ben wants to file a report against Theresa. He has to do it in person and that means a trip down to San Francisco. I promised to be there. But I haven’t told my parents. I don’t know how to tell them I want to spend spring break with him. We will stay in the same room. Ben’s parents are cool with it. My parents might not be.
I twirl a strand of my hair around my finger and the lines between his brows deepen. “I’ll tell her today.” So she can tell Daddy. “I’ll tell both of them today.”
“Promise?” I nod.
Ben starts the car. I know he’s taking me home but I don’t feel like going home anymore. Knowing him, he will call hours later to check in. If I must tell them, I have to do it today so we will get our tickets tomorrow. We are paying from the money won at the All-Rounder. I wanted Ben to have it all but he doesn’t have a need for it anymore so we are both stuck with a huge sum of money we have no idea what to do about. A lot has changed in a few weeks.
The silence of our neighbourhood is ruined by the sound coming from the house a few feet from us. They must be having a party. I spare Ben a glance and he winks. My house comes into view, he slows down and finds himself the perfect parking spot.
Mum might be home. Daddy returns much later. I unfasten my seatbelt and cross my legs on the seat. Ben’s fingers drum the steering absentmindedly. He looks to our porch and back at me. This porch is simpler than the one back in San Francisco. We only have a single rocking chair out front and a bench.
“I was thinking we could create a joint account for the money,” he says. It’s not an awful idea but I wait for him to continue. “We will both have access to it.”
“Okay.” I lean forward to capture his lips but his phone’s ringtone cuts the air. I roll my eyes at the name of the caller. Best award for worst timing should be given to her. I pick before Ben does. At first, she’s silent so I have to speak. “Hey, Olivia.”
Ben chuckles. I flip him the bird sign and he retaliates by plugging my nose. I try to warn him with my eyes to stay put but he proves why I think boyfriends are annoying by running his finger over my lips. So frustratingly cute and annoying.
“Tessa.” Her voice is flat. If she was here, I would have stuck out my tongue. Benny is mine. “Hi.”
Five seconds pass. I press the phone to my ear and make kissing sounds. Ben snickers but plays along, letting out a muffled moan that almost causes me to choke on my laughter. “Hi. Ben is quite busy, call him later.” Or preferably never. “Take care. Bye.”
“I’m sorry for interrupting.”
Olivia sounds defeated. Like the Olivia before her breakup with Hayden. Ben raises a brow in question and I offer him a smile.
“It’s cool.” I have Ben and she doesn’t. He loves me and she’s just a pesky friend he is stuck with. This was never a game but I won. “Take care, Olivia.”
I end the call before she replies and Ben presses a kiss to my lips. “Babe, I have to go. I’ll miss you.”
We see each other everyday but it never seems to be enough. Hugging me, he replies, “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
I feel his reply coming before he says, “No, you don’t. I love you more.” This argument will not end so I concede defeat with a nod. I open my door to avoid him stepping out of the car. He holds my hand to stop me from leaving. “Don’t forget to ask them, okay?”
There’s a vulnerability I’m not used to seeing in his eyes. I love how open he is with me but I worry that I might not be able to handle it so well. His mum promised to explain the whole process to us on our arrival. I hope it will be easy and fast because the last time I remember, he froze at the sight of her.
Will she be there? I don’t want her to be there but I also want a face to the name. To see the witch who ruined my Benny’s childhood. Maybe I can introduce her to my fist or hire thugs to beat her.
Emotions surge through me, instead of exiting the car, I throw myself at Ben and hug him tight. The thump of his heart calms me. He has been through so much and he’s still standing strong and happy. He is a hero and he needs to give himself more credit.
I cup his face, baring my heart on my sleeves and my emotions in my eyes. “I really, really, really love you, Benny.” His lips quirk and he winks. Jesus. He is too full of himself. But there’s no other person I’ll rather be with than him. “Thank you for coming all the way here for me. Everything will be fine.”
“As long as you’re there, everything will be fine.”
A weight settles on my shoulders. His words take form, nearly threatening to suffocate me. What if my presence is not enough for him? Sometimes, we have to do more for the people we love because our love for them might not be enough to save them.
I have been reading books about repressed trauma, rape, pedophila and the long term effects on the survivors but I don’t think those will be enough for me when we get to San Francisco. I kiss my Benny again and forcefully tear myself away from him.
Stopping in front of the house to wave at him, he honks before I lift my hand. Me and him, we are connected. I wave at his retreating car till it’s a dot in the distance. My anxieties sweep back in, I take a deep breath and knock once before opening the door.
Daddy is home. Mum is too. Perfect timing. They are seeing a movie. Mum is curled against Daddy like the couch isn’t big enough to accommodate both of them. I hope me and Ben will still be sickly sweet in love like they are even after two kids.
“Hey. Welcome,” they both chorus and return to their movie. I take tentative steps towards them and grab the remote. Their confusion is evident but they keep mute till I pause the movie. “Hey, we were watching that, Tessa.”
Again, they spoke in unison like they had planned it. They must have realised what they did because they grin at each other. Ben and I have to do it better at their age. I drop the remote on the coffee table and their curious gazes lower to me.
It’s now or never.
“I want to go to San Francisco,” I blurt out.
Mum moves away from Daddy. No, she has to stay that way to keep Daddy in a great mood. As an eighteen-year-old, now officially an adult, I can make some decisions without consulting them but I like keeping them in the loop. Plus, it’s their house, their rules. I’ll have to obey them for as long as I’m staying here.
“What’s happening in San Francisco?” Daddy asks.
“Ben is going home to see Asher, his baby brother,” I explain to Mum because I know the decision lies on her. If she says yes, then she can get Daddy to agree. “I want to go with him. Spring break will be lonely without Ben.”
“But you have been seeing him everyday for the past weeks,” Daddy replies. Mum nudges him in the ribs, he pretends not to notice and continues, “You will be fine without seeing your boyfriend for a week, Tessa.” I will not be fine. I’ll be a total mess and that can be avoided by saying yes to this. “And distance makes the heart grow fonder, so they say.”
Putting on my best good girl look, I bat my lashes. “Daddy, please.” I jut my lower lip and sniff. Mum gives me a thumbs up and my facade almost cracks. “I never ask you for anything. I have been good all year. Please don’t say no to your favourite daughter.”
Mum laughs. Daddy frowns at her but she steals a kiss from him. He shakes his head in disapproval but we all know he loves her kisses. He loves her too much, maybe more than he loves his kids.
“You’re my only daughter, Tessa.”
It’s working. Daddy is fighting a losing battle. I seal the deal by kneeling between his legs. My eyes water. “And your absolute favourite, Daddy.”
“Where will you stay?”
I place my hands on his knees. “At Josef’s place. Josef is Ben’s stepfather.” I give a quick rundown of Ben’s family history in case he has forgotten. “They don’t mind.”
Daddy sighs. “You’re lucky you’re my absolute favourite daughter, Theresa Grace Mower.” I have the best parents ever. “Be careful, okay? I know you love him but you also have to protect your heart.”
“Is that a yes?”
Another sigh. “Yeah.”
In my excitement, I jump on him, nearly hitting Mum in the face. I tuck my head into the curve of his shoulder. “Thank you, Daddy. I’ll call you everyday, I promise. I love you.”
He plants a kiss on my hair. “Love you too.”