I am exhausted. We both are. We collapse on the bed the minute we enter his room in Josef’s house, panting heavily like we ran a marathon. Ben’s hand seeks mine; he bursts into laughter and I join him.
Staring at the ceiling, I lock my hands behind my head. He nudges me with his elbow. “Hey, baby.”
I blush. Ben has never called me baby. “Hey.”
With a grin, he bops my nose. I run my fingers through his hair, scattering it all over his forehead.
“Thank you for coming,” he says against my nose.
“Thank you for inviting me.”
Gently, he tugs me into a sitting position. Kissing me slowly as he undresses me, he lifts me to his lap to pepper more open-mouthed kisses on my lips. I help him out of his jacket and shirt so we are both almost naked. He shrugs out of his sweatpants and bolts to his feet, nearly throwing me off his lap.
“Sorry. We didn’t lock the door,” he whispers.
I spank his ass on his way to lock the door, he feigns anger but returns right to continue where he left off. He unhooks my bra with a swiftness that brings a sly smile to my lips. Where did he learn to do that?
Those thoughts escape my mind when he kneads my boobs. Moans slip from my lips, I spread my legs for him to kneel between them. He kisses me again, slower this time and I hiss when the tip of his dick pokes my entrance. Another inch slides in, my hips buck and he pulls out immediately.
For fuck sake. Come on.
“Condoms,” he explains. I don’t know why we are whispering. “We forgot the condoms.”
I appreciate his thoughtfulness but we were already getting into it. I smile at his firm backside. He is all mine. Ben bends over my box and winks when he pulls out a condom from the pack Maria gifted me. We came prepared. He straightens up, tall and proud of his nakedness while casually stroking his dick like it’s so normal.
“Benny,” I call out to him while rubbing my legs together. “You are keeping your girlfriend waiting.”
The bed dips with his weight, he rips the packet of condom open and holds the latex dick-glove above his head. “I have never used one of these before.”
Neither have I. I don’t get a chance to say that. His lips are on mine immediately to quiet me. His head lowers to the space between my breasts, he places a kiss there, then moves to the white patches on my stomach. The spots on my legs are next. He blesses me with a kiss on each spot, taking away my insecurities, filling me with love and satisfaction.
His mouth descends on mine, I breathe out his name when he slides into me. Our eyes meet, I don’t know what I see in them but it’s enough to propel me forward to kiss him harder. His thrusts grow faster, more intense but we don’t break eye contact.
Pure, undiluted bliss spreads through me. I feel him, I inhale him, I breathe him. He thrusts into me one last time and offers me a smile. A sob lodges in my throat, my heart is too full of joy and contentment.
I hold him because words are not enough to express how I feel. I love Ben. I love him with all my heart.
We take a nap after cleaning up. I don’t know if it’s the sex but a nagging need to be with him claws at my throat. I want to hide him away from the world so he is mine alone but Ben has other plans.
“Do we really have to go?” I ask for the second time. He rubs the residue sleep in his eyes. “Benny.”
“Yeah. We have been inside since we got back.”
Fair point but they will have to understand. I want him to myself. We step out of the room and I peck him. His brows furrow only slightly but he kisses me back. I hold his hand on our way downstairs to join his family. He claims a spot on the couch and I sit on his legs once he makes himself comfortable.
The television is on. Asher is sprawled on the couch closest to the television. An animation is playing, he raises his hand long enough to wave at us.
AJ. How did it miss it?
“What does the J in AJ stand for?”
“Jason. Asher Jason Carter,” Asher replies. He pokes his cheeks with his fingers and sticks out his tongue. Dragging himself to his feet, he stops in front of us. I rest my head on Ben’s shoulder while his palm runs up and down my arm. “Tessa, will you stay in my room?”
“No,” Ben answers on my behalf. I smack his chest and he only adds, “It’s a no from her. Leave her alone.”
“I was not talking to you, Benny.” Asher tries to drag me to my feet but Ben’s arms circle my waist. The Carter brothers are too cute. Asher pushes out his lower lip, eyes shimmering with tears that won’t fall. This manipulative cutie. “Tessa, will you come to my room? You spend all the time with Benny.”
“I’ll come to your room.” Ben groans. My big teddy bear. I kiss him to pacify him and his lips quirk in a half-smile. To a grinning Asher, I say, “But I’ll sleep in Benny’s room, okay?” His smile slacks, I stretch out my hand. “Do we have a deal? Yes or yes?”
“It’s yes or no.” My smile doesn’t waver. “Yes,” Asher grumbles out. “Do you want to sit with me?”
A moment passes without my reply. In truth, I want to only sit with Ben. I can’t bear to be apart from him even if for a second. “You can go,” Ben says.
Asher is still smiling when we hear it. Ben throws me a look. The voices grow louder, it’s undeniably Josef and Maddie. Ben mumbles something and rushes up the stairs. Fear shields Asher’s gaze, he loses interest in the animation and I pull him to my lap to distract him. It works for a few minutes, his eyes dart to the staircase and his lower lip trembles.
I hope I’m wrong. I hope they are not fighting. It has to be a simple misunderstanding that escalated. I pick up the remote and turn up the volume to drown their voices. Ben is not here yet. I run my fingers through Asher’s hair, he looks up to me with tears in his eyes. I try not to imagine how he feels. I never had to hear my parents argue, even if I did, I would be able to count the number of times on one hand.
“Do you think they are fighting?”
Most likely. It’s a screaming bout. “Probably having an argument. It happens with adults sometimes.” The letters said his parents used to argue a lot before the divorce happened. I stare into Asher’s eyes and see fear. It scares me but I manage to draw him in for a hug him. “It’s okay. They will be fine, okay?”
“Promise?”
It’s not my job to make such promises but I push out my pinky finger and link with his. “Promise.”
His attention returns to the television, there is a new cartoon playing but none of us are interested in it. I need to check up on Ben but I can’t leave Asher down here by himself.
“What’s your favourite thing about Benny?”
He smiles. “That he’s my brother and I love him.” My heart flutters in acknowledgement. Ben is the best person ever and I hope he knows it. Placing his hand on mine, Asher turns the question to me. “What’s your favourite thing about Benny?”
“That he’s my boyfriend and I love him.”
“You stole my answer,” Asher says half-heartedly. I might have stolen it but it also applies. His nails dig into my palms, he turns so his face is hidden in my chest. “I don’t want them to fight. I don’t want them to break up. When Daddy and Mummy started fighting, it didn’t end well. They broke up.” I don’t think that will happen with Josef and Maddie but I don’t say anything to him. My jaw rests on his head, I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. This will pass. “I really like Josef, Tessa. He’s good to all of us.”
“They will be okay.”
Footsteps approach us, we look up at the same time Ben stops behind us. He avoids my gaze and the bells in my head trip off. Asher jumps off me and launches himself on his brother. Ben carries him and whispers something in his ear, I don’t know what it is but it makes Asher grin so much I start grinning.
Maddie joins us soon after, Josef follows. The first thing I notice are her eyes. They are puffy. Even the makeup can’t hide the fact she has been crying. She hugs and thanks me again for coming like she was not the one who came to pick us from the airport.
The second thing I notice is the distance between Maddie and Josef. She is standing close to me while Josef is sticking to Asher. Ben is still avoiding my gaze. I take his hand and he offers me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
If anyone notices the awkwardness hanging over us, none of us says anything. Asher clears his throat, he releases Josef to stand in the middle of the misshaped circle we formed with our bodies.
“Mummy.” Asher takes her hands to place them on his shoulders. “Are you and Josef fighting?”
So direct, so blunt. I like it. Josef and Maddie share a frantic look. “No,” they blurt out in unison.
They were definitely fighting.
“We are not fighting,” Maddie says. “We just had a little argument but it’s over now. Right, Josef?”
His smile is forced. Maybe it’s my imagination. “Right. I’ll go get dinner.”
Dinner is awkward to say the least. Maddie sits on the left of Asher and Josef sits on the right. I’m not sure if that’s the usual setting but I doubt it is. Ben is deathly still beside me. We are both famished but our appetite has been ruined by the mood.
“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Maddie asks.
“I guess so,” Ben replies.
Uncertainty leaks into his voice, I squeeze his knee to remind him he’s not alone. We continue the rest of the meal in silence. The usual talkative Asher is silent. He’s the first one to finish his meal. Maddie goes after him and it’s just Josef, Ben and I.
Three of us share an anxious look. “It was nothing big,” Josef says, more to Ben. “It’s nothing.”
“It didn’t seem like that to me.”
We excuse ourselves without finishing the meal. After doing the dishes, we go up. Once I close the door to our room, I guide Ben to the bed.
He smiles sadly. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” I ask. He sighs and his whole body sags in defeat. “I think Josef is getting cold feet about tomorrow.” We are supposed to file a report tomorrow. The lawyer says the process is short, the rest of the proceeding will depend on Theresa’s response. The hurt in his eyes tears at my soul. I hate this. “Maybe I’m not doing the right thing.”
“You’re doing the right thing, Benny,” I tell him, my voice coming out harsher than I intended. I slide to his lap and straddle him. If the situation demands it, I’ll walk over to Josef and smack sense into his head. I don’t care if she’s his daughter, the only place she should be is in prison. “You are saving a lot of kids from a monster like her, okay?”
“I guess so.”
“Benny...”
There’s none of that initial excitement from when we boarded the plane. “It doesn’t feel like the right thing.” My throat closes up. I have no idea what to reply to that. I tilt his head to initiate eye contact. He tries to smile. “I don’t even know how I feel.”
“Sometimes I don’t know how I feel. And that’s okay too.” Grabbing his hand, I place it on my chest and he finally smiles. “As long as you have me and I have you, we will be okay. We will be fine.”
I swipe the pad of my thumbs on his cheeks, realising only now that he has been tearing up silently. It hurts me because I want to help but I don’t know how.
“Promise?”
A small laughter escapes me. At least I know who Asher got that attribute from. “I promise, Benny. We will always have each other. Always and forever.”
I am exhausted. We both are. We collapse on the bed the minute we enter his room in Josef’s house, panting heavily like we ran a marathon. Ben’s hand seeks mine; he bursts into laughter and I join him.
Staring at the ceiling, I lock my hands behind my head. He nudges me with his elbow. “Hey, baby.”
I blush. Ben has never called me baby. “Hey.”
With a grin, he bops my nose. I run my fingers through his hair, scattering it all over his forehead.
“Thank you for coming,” he says against my nose.
“Thank you for inviting me.”
Gently, he tugs me into a sitting position. Kissing me slowly as he undresses me, he lifts me to his lap to pepper more open-mouthed kisses on my lips. I help him out of his jacket and shirt so we are both almost naked. He shrugs out of his sweatpants and bolts to his feet, nearly throwing me off his lap.
“Sorry. We didn’t lock the door,” he whispers.
I spank his ass on his way to lock the door, he feigns anger but returns right to continue where he left off. He unhooks my bra with a swiftness that brings a sly smile to my lips. Where did he learn to do that?
Those thoughts escape my mind when he kneads my boobs. Moans slip from my lips, I spread my legs for him to kneel between them. He kisses me again, slower this time and I hiss when the tip of his dick pokes my entrance. Another inch slides in, my hips buck and he pulls out immediately.
For fuck sake. Come on.
“Condoms,” he explains. I don’t know why we are whispering. “We forgot the condoms.”
I appreciate his thoughtfulness but we were already getting into it. I smile at his firm backside. He is all mine. Ben bends over my box and winks when he pulls out a condom from the pack Maria gifted me. We came prepared. He straightens up, tall and proud of his nakedness while casually stroking his dick like it’s so normal.
“Benny,” I call out to him while rubbing my legs together. “You are keeping your girlfriend waiting.”
The bed dips with his weight, he rips the packet of condom open and holds the latex dick-glove above his head. “I have never used one of these before.”
Neither have I. I don’t get a chance to say that. His lips are on mine immediately to quiet me. His head lowers to the space between my breasts, he places a kiss there, then moves to the white patches on my stomach. The spots on my legs are next. He blesses me with a kiss on each spot, taking away my insecurities, filling me with love and satisfaction.
His mouth descends on mine, I breathe out his name when he slides into me. Our eyes meet, I don’t know what I see in them but it’s enough to propel me forward to kiss him harder. His thrusts grow faster, more intense but we don’t break eye contact.
Pure, undiluted bliss spreads through me. I feel him, I inhale him, I breathe him. He thrusts into me one last time and offers me a smile. A sob lodges in my throat, my heart is too full of joy and contentment.
I hold him because words are not enough to express how I feel. I love Ben. I love him with all my heart.
We take a nap after cleaning up. I don’t know if it’s the sex but a nagging need to be with him claws at my throat. I want to hide him away from the world so he is mine alone but Ben has other plans.
“Do we really have to go?” I ask for the second time. He rubs the residue sleep in his eyes. “Benny.”
“Yeah. We have been inside since we got back.”
Fair point but they will have to understand. I want him to myself. We step out of the room and I peck him. His brows furrow only slightly but he kisses me back. I hold his hand on our way downstairs to join his family. He claims a spot on the couch and I sit on his legs once he makes himself comfortable.
The television is on. Asher is sprawled on the couch closest to the television. An animation is playing, he raises his hand long enough to wave at us.
AJ. How did it miss it?
“What does the J in AJ stand for?”
“Jason. Asher Jason Carter,” Asher replies. He pokes his cheeks with his fingers and sticks out his tongue. Dragging himself to his feet, he stops in front of us. I rest my head on Ben’s shoulder while his palm runs up and down my arm. “Tessa, will you stay in my room?”
“No,” Ben answers on my behalf. I smack his chest and he only adds, “It’s a no from her. Leave her alone.”
“I was not talking to you, Benny.” Asher tries to drag me to my feet but Ben’s arms circle my waist. The Carter brothers are too cute. Asher pushes out his lower lip, eyes shimmering with tears that won’t fall. This manipulative cutie. “Tessa, will you come to my room? You spend all the time with Benny.”
“I’ll come to your room.” Ben groans. My big teddy bear. I kiss him to pacify him and his lips quirk in a half-smile. To a grinning Asher, I say, “But I’ll sleep in Benny’s room, okay?” His smile slacks, I stretch out my hand. “Do we have a deal? Yes or yes?”
“It’s yes or no.” My smile doesn’t waver. “Yes,” Asher grumbles out. “Do you want to sit with me?”
A moment passes without my reply. In truth, I want to only sit with Ben. I can’t bear to be apart from him even if for a second. “You can go,” Ben says.
Asher is still smiling when we hear it. Ben throws me a look. The voices grow louder, it’s undeniably Josef and Maddie. Ben mumbles something and rushes up the stairs. Fear shields Asher’s gaze, he loses interest in the animation and I pull him to my lap to distract him. It works for a few minutes, his eyes dart to the staircase and his lower lip trembles.
I hope I’m wrong. I hope they are not fighting. It has to be a simple misunderstanding that escalated. I pick up the remote and turn up the volume to drown their voices. Ben is not here yet. I run my fingers through Asher’s hair, he looks up to me with tears in his eyes. I try not to imagine how he feels. I never had to hear my parents argue, even if I did, I would be able to count the number of times on one hand.
“Do you think they are fighting?”
Most likely. It’s a screaming bout. “Probably having an argument. It happens with adults sometimes.” The letters said his parents used to argue a lot before the divorce happened. I stare into Asher’s eyes and see fear. It scares me but I manage to draw him in for a hug him. “It’s okay. They will be fine, okay?”
“Promise?”
It’s not my job to make such promises but I push out my pinky finger and link with his. “Promise.”
His attention returns to the television, there is a new cartoon playing but none of us are interested in it. I need to check up on Ben but I can’t leave Asher down here by himself.
“What’s your favourite thing about Benny?”
He smiles. “That he’s my brother and I love him.” My heart flutters in acknowledgement. Ben is the best person ever and I hope he knows it. Placing his hand on mine, Asher turns the question to me. “What’s your favourite thing about Benny?”
“That he’s my boyfriend and I love him.”
“You stole my answer,” Asher says half-heartedly. I might have stolen it but it also applies. His nails dig into my palms, he turns so his face is hidden in my chest. “I don’t want them to fight. I don’t want them to break up. When Daddy and Mummy started fighting, it didn’t end well. They broke up.” I don’t think that will happen with Josef and Maddie but I don’t say anything to him. My jaw rests on his head, I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. This will pass. “I really like Josef, Tessa. He’s good to all of us.”
“They will be okay.”
Footsteps approach us, we look up at the same time Ben stops behind us. He avoids my gaze and the bells in my head trip off. Asher jumps off me and launches himself on his brother. Ben carries him and whispers something in his ear, I don’t know what it is but it makes Asher grin so much I start grinning.
Maddie joins us soon after, Josef follows. The first thing I notice are her eyes. They are puffy. Even the makeup can’t hide the fact she has been crying. She hugs and thanks me again for coming like she was not the one who came to pick us from the airport.
The second thing I notice is the distance between Maddie and Josef. She is standing close to me while Josef is sticking to Asher. Ben is still avoiding my gaze. I take his hand and he offers me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
If anyone notices the awkwardness hanging over us, none of us says anything. Asher clears his throat, he releases Josef to stand in the middle of the misshaped circle we formed with our bodies.
“Mummy.” Asher takes her hands to place them on his shoulders. “Are you and Josef fighting?”
So direct, so blunt. I like it. Josef and Maddie share a frantic look. “No,” they blurt out in unison.
They were definitely fighting.
“We are not fighting,” Maddie says. “We just had a little argument but it’s over now. Right, Josef?”
His smile is forced. Maybe it’s my imagination. “Right. I’ll go get dinner.”
Dinner is awkward to say the least. Maddie sits on the left of Asher and Josef sits on the right. I’m not sure if that’s the usual setting but I doubt it is. Ben is deathly still beside me. We are both famished but our appetite has been ruined by the mood.
“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Maddie asks.
“I guess so,” Ben replies.
Uncertainty leaks into his voice, I squeeze his knee to remind him he’s not alone. We continue the rest of the meal in silence. The usual talkative Asher is silent. He’s the first one to finish his meal. Maddie goes after him and it’s just Josef, Ben and I.
Three of us share an anxious look. “It was nothing big,” Josef says, more to Ben. “It’s nothing.”
“It didn’t seem like that to me.”
We excuse ourselves without finishing the meal. After doing the dishes, we go up. Once I close the door to our room, I guide Ben to the bed.
He smiles sadly. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” I ask. He sighs and his whole body sags in defeat. “I think Josef is getting cold feet about tomorrow.” We are supposed to file a report tomorrow. The lawyer says the process is short, the rest of the proceeding will depend on Theresa’s response. The hurt in his eyes tears at my soul. I hate this. “Maybe I’m not doing the right thing.”
“You’re doing the right thing, Benny,” I tell him, my voice coming out harsher than I intended. I slide to his lap and straddle him. If the situation demands it, I’ll walk over to Josef and smack sense into his head. I don’t care if she’s his daughter, the only place she should be is in prison. “You are saving a lot of kids from a monster like her, okay?”
“I guess so.”
“Benny...”
There’s none of that initial excitement from when we boarded the plane. “It doesn’t feel like the right thing.” My throat closes up. I have no idea what to reply to that. I tilt his head to initiate eye contact. He tries to smile. “I don’t even know how I feel.”
“Sometimes I don’t know how I feel. And that’s okay too.” Grabbing his hand, I place it on my chest and he finally smiles. “As long as you have me and I have you, we will be okay. We will be fine.”
I swipe the pad of my thumbs on his cheeks, realising only now that he has been tearing up silently. It hurts me because I want to help but I don’t know how.
“Promise?”
A small laughter escapes me. At least I know who Asher got that attribute from. “I promise, Benny. We will always have each other. Always and forever.”