We are fucked. Really fucked. It’s a few hours to the deadline of Mrs Miller’s project and we aren’t halfway done with it. Ben is behind my chair massaging my shoulders instead of trying to do the actual work. I pass him a scowl through the mirror and he flashes me a grin. Silly boy.
I am letting it slide because of the outcome of yesterday’s hearing. Theresa will be spending ten years behind bars. I wish she got twenty or even thirty years but Ben seems satisfied with that.
Energy floods me as I resume typing in the numbers required to complete the table. The room is silent except for the clack made by my fingers hitting the keyboard. Ben continues his massage, caressing my boobs a few times. I shoot him a glare and he bats his lashes at me. He’s lucky he’s very handsome.
And calmer. He has been acting differently since yesterday, happier, more relaxed. I don’t want to burst his bubble. I finish typing and go over our final results once more. Everything seems okay and I hit send. I’ve barely done that when he lifts me off the chair and walks across the room to the bed.
His back rests against the headboard, he positions me on his lap and runs his fingers under my lips.
“Do you want to go out?”
I’m not sure.
We leave tomorrow morning. The thought excites and scares me. I extended my one week stay here by an extra three weeks without my parent’s blessings.
They are upset. Our conversation has grown short and awkward. “Do you?” I ask instead.
Ben chuckles. “I don’t know.” He traces my lips with his thumb, I flick my tongue over his fingertip and he blushes. Such a cutie. “I think we should go out. Take a walk. I don’t know. Let’s do something before we leave, babe. Anything to celebrate.”
We can celebrate here but we are both in desperate need of a change of environment. On a nod, I get off his lap and turn my back to him. Without notice, I pull off my clothes, leaving me naked. Ben whistles.
Because we spend so much time indoors, there is no need for underwear. Plus, it gives him easier entry to the promiseland. Through the mirror, I see him coming right behind me but I stay put, pretending to be busy. When he’s a few metres away from me, I dash into the bathroom and lock the door.
Laughter bubbles in my throat and spills out of my lips. Ben knocks for a few seconds, then it is followed by, “Gracie. Open up. Open the door.”
Ben is still knocking when I enter the shower. If we bath together, we’ll have sex. If we have sex, we’ll cuddle. If we cuddle, we’ll sleep. I’m not against doing all that but we really need to get out of this room for a change. We haven’t been on a date since we got here. At least I went out once, Ben hasn’t been anywhere beside the courtroom.
Water jets down on me. I scrub my eyes hard like it will erase the memory of everything I witnessed here. It will be good to forget Theresa. Sadly, she’s a part of our lives we cannot ignore. A stain on our perfect lives.
Mum would have scolded me for hitting her, Daddy would have given me a pat on my back when Mum wasn’t looking. I lather my hair, prickling my scalp harder than I intended. Thoughts of my parents sadden me and a dull throbbing starts in my chest.
You’ve changed, Mum said on our last call. It should have been a good thing but I have never heard anyone that sad about their daughter’s change. It’s not in my place to tell them about Ben or his experience but I’m not sure I can keep it away from them for long if I want to return to their good side.
A simple bath turns into something more. Tears mix with the water running down my face and the little control I have over my emotions snaps. I cry silently. My shoulders vibrate with each quiet sob that escapes me.
Everything that has happened in the last few weeks rolls over me like a movie on fast forward. The trials. Ben’s breakdown. The arguments with my parents. The final hearing. It feels like I have been holding it in for too long, pretending to be strong for Ben without having a support system for myself.
I miss home. I want to go home. Ben has gotten justice, he’s at peace with his family. I need to go home and fix the mess I created.
Forcing myself to hurry, I try to comfort myself with tomorrow’s trip. They don’t know I’m on my way back. I hope to surprise them into forgiving me.
After what feels like ages, I step into the room. Ben is sulking. He breezes past me into the bathroom without a word. The door slams shut, I try the door handle but it doesn’t budge. My gaze alternates between the door and the wardrobe. I shuffle to the wardrobe and take out some clothes, pulling out a matching shirt for both of us. I am too exhausted to fight or argue with him. We need to get out of here.
Minutes later, he’s out of the bathroom. He ignores the clothes I spread out on the bed for him and removes a hanger holding a different set of outfit.
Tension rolls off him in big, angry waves. I chew on my lip and take tentative steps towards him. My arms wrap around him from behind but he shrugs me off. My hands tremble. My chest seems to be closing in on me. “Benny, it’s your Gracie.”
Ben squats to put on his sneakers. The tiredness hits me harder. I am emotionally exhausted. I crouch to his level and pull his cheeks. He doesn’t swat my hand neither does he say a word to me.
“I love you,” I tell him.
He stops fiddling with the lace of his sneakers. “I love you too but I’m not happy with you.” If it is because of the bathroom incident, I have nothing to say in my defence. He cups my jaw, searching my face for what I don’t know. “Why did you lock the door?” I shrug. Now that I think of it, I should have let him in with me. If we had bathed together, I wouldn’t have broken down. “Babe, are you crying?”
“You’re not happy with me,” I murmur through the foolish tears and swipe at my running nose. The next second I’m lifted off the ground and into his arms. He lowers himself to the bed and rubs my back. I bury my face in his shoulder and inhale him. His scent relaxes me and I manage to tell him, “I’m sorry. I didn’t want us to get distracted because you know what happens when we are both naked.”
Sex and lots of kisses. In other cases, cuddles.
Ben catches the tears on my cheeks. His eyes well with concern, he allows me a few more seconds to myself before asking, “Is that why you were crying? Because of what I said?” It also sounds stupid to me. “I know it’s more than that.” He knows me too well and I hate it sometimes. “Talk to me, babe.”
“I want to go home.”
“We will go tomorrow.”
He still thinks my parents are cool with me staying back. I’m a bit surprised Mum hasn’t called him to chew his ears off. His lips meet mine in a brief kiss as if kissing away my troubles. I press my lips to his and kiss him hard enough to muffle my sad thoughts.
“You didn’t wear the clothes I picked out for you.”
Ben sets me down on the bed, shrugs out of his shirt and puts on the set I selected. My lips curl in a small smile, he grabs my hand and we head out of the room. There is no one in the living room, Ben calls out to his mum to let her know we will be going out.
There’s another car in the garage. He opens the passenger door for me and gets right in. I turn on the radio and he reduces it to the lowest, we drive around for a bit without any particular destination. At intervals, he casts worried glances at me and I try to maintain the smile.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks.
“I’m homesick, that’s all.” His knuckles brush my cheeks in quiet reassurance and he stops darting worried glances in my direction. The car stops in front of a familiar eatery. I giggle and soon, we are both shrieking with laughter. “You’re an idiot.”
“Your idiot.”
The first and last time we visited this place, I complained about everything including their coke. It was watered down. The meals were bland but we made out after, heavily. And Ben promised to bring me back so we could make out in their restroom.
He grins and unfastens his seatbelt. I don’t wait for him before I do the same and slide to his lap. I kiss him hungrily, taking all he has to offer. His warmth, his presence, his reassurances.
“You’ll be home by tomorrow,” he says. “I’m sorry for keeping you away from them for this long.” In truth, this is my first time being away from both of them for this long but none of it is his fault. I squeeze him in a hug and his jaw connects with my shoulder. “Thanks for coming with me, Gracie. This will never have happened without you.”
Frowning at him, I say, “Don’t give me all the credit. You played your own part.” I place a finger over his mouth to keep him quiet. “And I am proud of you.” I spare one cautious look at the eatery. People are going out and coming in. “Are we really going to eat there?”
“We could make out in their bathroom.”
His suggestion is strangely pleasing but we need real food. “They might have changed. It’s been six months?” I say and he shrugs. “Alright, let’s go.”
I kiss him again before sliding out of the car, he spanks my ass and winks. An old couple passing by throws us a scowl but I don’t give a shit. I have my Benny back.