Ben is quiet. If I was asked what superpower I wanted right now, I would pick mind reading.
The silence is enough to suffocate me. His knuckles turn white from gripping the steering too hard.
I battle with my thoughts for a few minutes, then touch his arm. “Benny.”
He holds a hand up. I swallow hard. I didn’t do anything wrong. Why is he mad at me?
The silence is interrupted by the call he puts through to Olivia. My fingernails dig into my palms and I try not to overthink it. The call connects and he puts it on speaker.
Ben doesn’t waste time on greetings. “Did Noah put up that video of Gracie?” Olivia replies in a quiet, ‘Yes’ and Ben runs the heel of his palm against his forehead. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He cuts the call before she can reply and his dark gaze flicks to my face. I open my mouth to say something. “You knew he was the one and you didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t know until she told me.”
“And you still didn’t tell me.”
“Sorry.” Clenching the steering, he releases his breath in slow, short pants. “Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad at you, Gracie but I’m definitely disappointed at you for keeping it away from me.” My heart breaks. If he’s angry, I can at least do something to appease him but he’s disappointed. He unclenches his fist and unlocks the car. Faking a smile, he opens the door. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right back.”
“Benny.”
“Just wait for me.” We stare at each other for a solid minute. He hasn’t raised his voice at me in such a long time. I expect him to apologise for shouting, instead, he murmurs, “I’ll be back. Wait here.”
The door of the car closes, his stiff figure marches to the eatery. I have an idea what will happen once he goes inside but I don’t think Noah is worth the fight. The door opens minutes later, Ben storms towards the car and wrenches the door open.
Shoulders tense, fingers rigid, he misses the keyhole twice and curses. I reach for the key to help but he sends me a glare that evokes a shiver from me. The engine groans to life, Ben pulls out of the eatery without speaking to me.
“Benny.”
“I need to cool off,” he answers.
I start counting. I’m at number two hundred and fifty and he still hasn’t said a word. We shouldn’t be having a fight over someone like that.
“I already said I’m sorry for not telling you.”
No reply. I lick my lips and focus on Josef’s house in the distance. The car slows in front of the house. Ben rushes over to my side to open the door and leaves before I can speak. He is taking this too far.
Maddie is in the living room watching a soap opera when I step in. She gestures towards the stairs and I offer her a grim smile. Ben is overreacting. I hug her briefly and follow the path my boyfriend went.
Ben is pacing inside. I lower my bag to the table and settle down on the bed. He stops pacing.
“I don’t understand why you’re comfortable with letting him get away with posting that video.” I adjust my weight on the bed without uttering a word to him. He slaps the back of his hand over his palm continuously. “You were so sure it was Olivia till you found out it wasn’t her and you didn’t even tell me.”
“Well...” I shrug. That must have annoyed him. He offers me a disappointed smile and I hug myself. “I didn’t think it was a big deal back then, Benny. Your trial was about to happen. There was so much going on at that point. And I didn’t want to bother you.”
“It wouldn’t have been a bother.” I nod. Maybe I should have said something earlier. “You should have told me, Gracie. You were protecting him.”
Something knots in my chest at the harshness of his voice. What the hell? Fine, I was wrong but I have been the best girlfriend to him these past weeks and he’s going to hold something as stupid and silly like this over me? Is he even really mad because I didn’t tell him or because Olivia got beaten up on Noah’s behalf? I march to the wardrobe to bring out my box. He can get mad all he wants while I pack.
“Well, I’m sorry, Benny,” I say when I feel his gaze on my back. “But it has happened. Deal with it.”
“I already did,” he snaps. An air of calm fury hangs over him. It has been too long since I witnessed his anger, much less being the recipient of it. “Noah belongs in the same category with my stepsister and you don’t protect people like that, Gracie. Someone like that will stab you in the back without remorse.”
Noah already did. I thought we were friends or maybe, cool with each other. But I have learnt and I don’t need a reminder from him. Ben needs to chill out.
“And it’s unfair that you hit Olivia for something you let him get away with. He bullied you too.”
Anger shimmers under the surface. I try to push down the irritation but it bubbles to the top. I shoot to my feet, hands clenched at my sides and scream, “Well, you bullied me too and here we are!”
Stunned, he whispers, “I already apologised. And I have been nothing but a good boyfriend to you.” I shouldn’t have said that but I will not apologise to him when he is being this way. We are fighting over something so stupid it’s not even worthy to be mentioned. “Are we really going back to that?”
“Apparently since you’re so hung up on the fact I didn’t punch Noah for posting the video.” My chest sags, I mutter, “It has happened. Move on already.”
“Gracie.” I ignore him and continue shoving clothes into my box without folding them properly. God. He’s so annoying. I need to cool off. I dump the clothes and start for the door but he blocks my path. “We are still talking, Gracie. You can’t just leave.”
“Watch me.” Ben arches a brow, daring me to move past him. I didn’t give him any problems when he needed to cool off. Why is he being like this? He is hurting my feelings. “Get out of my way, Benny.”
A moment passes between us, our eyes meet and Ben lowers his outstretched arms. “You are raising your voice at me, Gracie and I really don’t like it.”
“You started it first,” I say, voice much lower than it had been since our argument started. “You shouted at me when we were in the car and here at home.”
“Sorry.” I swat his hand reaching for my cheek and he pouts. He’s not winning my forgiveness that easily. “I’m just so pissed.” The vulnerability in his eyes makes my heart ache. My body sags. I let him hold me so he can at least smile. “I asked him then. He promised to help me find the culprit. I can’t believe I thought he was my friend. Fucking idiot.”
His arm circles my waist and I bury my face in the curve of his shoulder. The missing piece falls in. It takes a minute to understand why it hurt him more.
It’s not because I hit Olivia. It’s because Noah’s behaviour follows the same pattern as his stepsister. They both earned his trust first, then betrayed him. Noah betrayed him by hurting his girlfriend. And I protected Noah by keeping quiet about his role.
Remorse fleets through me. I pull him to the bed and sit on his leg so I can cup his face.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you as soon as she told me.” His lips curl in a smile that never forms. I tighten his arms around me. “I didn’t realise it was such a big deal but I know better now.” He nods. But I am not satisfied. “I’m sorry I raised my voice at you.”
“It’s okay,” he says. Ben brings my hands to his lips and scatters feather-like kisses over my knuckles. “I think I broke the idiot’s nose.” I snicker. He should have done more. “Don’t keep secrets from me, okay?”
It’s not okay because I’m hiding something from him. He cannot find out or we will fight again. I don’t want us to fight. I don’t like it when we fight.
“What if knowing will hurt your feelings?” I ask.
“Just tell me. It’s left for me to deal with it my way. It will hurt more if you don’t tell me and I’ll rather you hurt me with the truth than comfort me with a lie.” I sigh. Some things are best kept to yourself. “Gracie, I’m very serious. No more secrets again.”
“Okay.”
“Secrets ruin relationships, Gracie.” In some cases. There are good and bad secrets and if handled well, nothing will happen. “I don’t want anything to ruin us.” Ben’s finger traces the outline of my jaw. I part my lips and he chuckles. “My mum and Josef tell each other every single thing. It keeps them going.”
“But there are some secrets you shouldn’t tell your partner,” I add, well aware I’m losing this argument. I open up his palm and trace the lines. “It’s meant for only you. Like when you do something silly.”
“If it’s not worth telling your partner, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it. Don’t you think so, babe?”
My reply doesn’t come till we are seated at the foot of the wardrobe. My box is still open with clothes spilling out of it. “I guess so. No more secrets.”
Ben takes out the clothes I pushed in hurriedly and begins to fold them. “No more secrets. I will be mad if you keep a secret from me.” Maybe I should tell him. His smile fades at my lip biting. I play with the zip of my box. “Babe, don’t do that. What is it?”
“Well, there’s one teeny weeny thing I have to tell you.” He halts midway into folding my towel. I bark out a false laugh and he lowers the towel inside the box. “So, I kind of lied. My parents didn’t give their blessings for me to stay back. They are not happy with me being here.” Ben’s mouth opens in shock and I try to pass it off with a shrug. “Are you mad?”
“No. Not really.”
I take over the folding. “You are disappointed?”
“Nope. I think I know why you did it.” He bops my nose and I grin. “Do you want me to talk to them?”
I shake my head. They might hate Ben now. “No. I guess they would need to know why I insisted on staying back with you and I just need to know it’s okay for me to tell them...”
The unspoken words linger in the air between us. Ben cocks his head slightly, then nods. “Okay. You can give them a summarised version.” Drawing me in for a kiss, he whispers against my lips, “No more secrets, not even one or I will never kiss you again.”
Heaven forbids that. I need his kisses to function.
“Okay, Benny. No more secrets, for real.”