Mum drops me off at the venue. The car stops but I don’t get down immediately. We stay in that comfortable silence for a while till she pulls me in for a hug. She must know how much I need it because I’m still shaken by Ben’s presence.
“Are you sure you are okay?” she asks while pulling away from the hug.
I told her about Ben. “I’m fine.”
“Aren’t you curious?”
Now, she sounds like Maria. “Not really.” I just want to finish the rest of school without any drama. But my mind seems to think otherwise. It keeps pushing memories of me and Ben back to the surface. I hate my mind sometimes. “Do you think I was wrong to ignore him?”
“You did what you thought was best for you and that’s okay.”
Those words follow me inside the pub. On a regular day, Mum will never let me in a pub but she is worried about my nonexistent social life and excited at the possibility of me making new friends.
The pub is half-filled with strange faces. Some people are drinking at the bar, I am not allowed to drink, while others are waiting for them to finish setting up the stage.
Calum, Mira and some other boys are up on stage arranging their instruments. I hurry in their direction and almost crash into someone.
“Sorry.”
“Sorry.”
I look up to the person and forget everything about being over him. Ben scratches the back of his head and steps to the side. There’s a pink hue on his cheeks.
“Hey. I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”
Whatever.
I brush past him but he calls me. Calum has seen me, he’s waving frantically at me to come on stage and join them but my feet listen to Ben. I stop.
“What is it?” I ask without looking back. My gaze is rooted to the floor which is more interesting than his eyes. We are working together on this doesn’t mean we should be friends. My new friends are enough.
Ben stops in front of me. I notice for the first time he’s carrying a school bag. He retrieves a black shirt from inside it and hands it to me. I notice again the shirt is the same as the one he’s wearing and it has Mending hearts boldly written in front of it in white prints. I accept it from him with a tight smile and rush up the stage to join them before he speaks.
Calum smothers me in a hug. I get that feeling he’s doing it to scare Ben but I do nothing about it. I lean into him and allow him to kiss me on my cheek. He winks and I giggle. He’s honestly not bad at all. Mira hugs me next, Leah too. They introduce me to the remaining members of the band. Lucas and Sam.
Someone comes up to tell us to get ready. Mira shudders after he is gone and Leah pulls her to one corner of the stage. From my peripheral view, I catch Leah tucking Mira’s hair behind her ears. Leah places a kiss on her forehead and I blush as much as Mira. It’s crazy how love turns the metallic girl into mush. Mira catches my eyes and winks.
I like all of them.
In the midst of the chaos and preparations, I am left alone. Someone wraps a hand around my wrist and I jerk back. Tingles shoot up my arm and my wrist burns from the brief contact. I step another foot away from Ben. I don’t want to feel anything for him.
“Sorry.” He grimaces. “We should get off the stage.”
“Yeah.”
Everything is set by the time we are leaving the stage. Calum gives me a concerned look when he sees me and Ben together and I offer him a small smile. It was Leah’s great idea to pair us together anyway, so he should address his issues to her.
The manager of the pub directs us to a small room upstairs. The space is just enough for me and Ben to move a few inches. We find the best spot for us and our camera. I am trusting my phone camera to do a great job, Ben seems to be doing the same. He pulls out an iPhone 12 from his bag. It looks brand new.
I don’t realise I’ve been staring until he says, “Josef got me a new phone.”
We plop onto the sofa. This feels like another set up because there is only one couch. I try to sit far away from this heartbreaker but it’s impossible since the seat was designed for two people. “Your Josef?”
The Josef he’s convinced is the source of all his problems? What else is new with him? Is he still saving to pay them back? Why is he here?
“Yeah, my Josef.” The lights in the whole pub dim and the spotlight falls on our friends. Calum hits the microphone twice to be sure it’s working and some people in the crowd laugh. “We are cool now. He bought it last month. I was so confused on what to pick but Asher suggested this. We—he misses you.”
And I miss him too but do I need these details? No. Those are things you tell your girlfriend and I am not his girlfriend. We broke up the minute he let me walk out of the changing room without stopping me.
“I’m happy for you.” I am glad they are fixing their relationship. We might not be an item but I still wish him the best of life. He deserves to live like a normal teen even if only for a few moments. “Congratulations on your new phone, Ben.”
“Thanks.”
A whistle echoes in the whole place. I set my camera rolling, hoping Ben will take that as a hint to end this chitchat. I don’t like that we are alone. I don’t like how self-aware I am. He is so close. I can see the rise and fall of his chest, the slight parting of his lips each time he opens his mouth to speak.
“What are your birthday plans?” His voice is so low, maybe so it doesn’t get caught on camera. I shrug. I’ll be eighteen in a week but I don’t feel up for anything. My silence spurs him to say, “You should go wild and crazy.”
“Thanks but no thanks, I’ll pass.” His hand lowers to my leg, he gives it a small squeeze. I drag in a sharp breath, trying to convince myself he did that because he didn’t want to talk. He doesn’t want his voice recorded. But he curls a finger under my jaw and his lips inch closer to mine. Oh, God. “Benny.”
Nestling his head in my shoulder, he wraps an arm around me. I breathe properly only for a second. “I miss you, Gracie.” The hand holding my phone shakes so much I have to lower it to get a grip on myself. We are here to do a job and I won’t let him ruin the experience for my friends. “Please don’t be mad at your Benny again, okay? Forgive me.”
Like he did when I asked for his forgiveness? Even when I wasn’t wrong? He was so stuck in his justification for protecting Olivia that he forgot there was no one to protect me when he bullied me. They both bullied me. They deserve each other.
I wipe the treacherous tears falling down my cheeks. I’m over him. I want to be over him. I want to hate him but I find solace in this one-sided hug.
Mira beats the drums again, snapping us out of our moment. I inch away from Ben when Calum starts singing. He has a sweet voice. A sweet voice and a sweet soul. I let myself wonder what it would feel like if we were a couple. Will he sing me to sleep or sing his way into forgiveness? The thought is so funny I laugh out loud. Ben spares me a glance but says nothing. He’s also recording the whole event.
The first round ends and we stop recording. I am among the first ones on my feet, clapping and screaming at the top of my lungs. The performance was awesome. They will be famous in no time.
“What did you think?” I find myself asking Ben but he hugs me from behind. “Ben, what are you doing?”
The butterflies in my belly flutter. “Forgive me.”
I pry his arms from my waist. His touch is affecting me more than I thought possible.
The crowd goes silent when Calum clears his throat into the microphone. I sit down and press my knees together. Ben is quiet beside me.
What is he thinking? Did he think showing up here to mention my birthday will make everything go away? He must be insane.
“This one is for the new girl I fell in love with,” Calum says. “With brown eyes that remind me of the sweetest chocolates and tiny fists that can break noses.” My heart slams against my ribcage. No. I told him not to fall in love with me. His eyes search the crowd for me and I shrink in my seat. Mira walks up to him with a guitar. He strikes the first chord. “Listen. I’ll wait for as long as you want.”
Calum’s confession makes me sad. No matter how long he waits, my heart will always belong to Ben.
“Do you like him?” Ben’s voice interrupts my thoughts. When I don’t say anything, he grabs my shoulders and forces me to look at him. The lights are no longer as dim as before but it’s still difficult to decipher his facial expression. “Do you like him, Gracie?”
“Who I like is none of your business,” I blurt out.
He arches a brow and my heart dares to beat faster. Ben is a beautiful boy. “Really?”
“Yes. Really–”
I am still talking when he kisses me. His lips claim mine and everything I know evaporates. It’s like the first time we kissed all over again. I don’t know what to do with my hands. I don’t know what to do at all so I stay there as his lips move against mine.
Ben pulls away to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear. I think it’s over but he palms my face and kisses me properly. My hands move to his chest to push him away. He’s not allowed to come here and kiss me. Instead of pushing him away, my hands slip behind his neck and I draw him closer like the little distance between us isn’t enough. He moans my name and the little self-control I have snaps.
I kiss him back. I kiss him harder than I have ever done. He hoists me to his lap without breaking the kiss. My fingers run through his hair and his hands slide inside my shirt to caress my boobs.
Sparks dance under any part of my body he touches. My body is under his control. My lips are under his command. My heart is with him. He’s the first one to pull away. Touching his forehead to mine, he smiles. I run my thumb over my swollen lips. I have never been kissed this way before. I think I like it.
The triumphant grin on his lips puts a stop to my thoughts. “You don’t like him, Gracie.” He pecks me soundly on my lips to buttress his point and I don’t push him away. “You like me. So please forgive me and let’s talk.” I don’t want to talk to him but I don’t say that. He kisses me again but gentler. “I miss you, Gracie. Please don’t end us.”